Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Octopuses? Octopii? Whatever.

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Ready or not, it's time for more What I Learned This Week over at Musings of a Housewife!

This week I'm changing it up a bit. I'll be doing What I Learned This Week Twenty-two Years Ago. Why? Because once again, I've got nothing. But I did find a really cute video clip that will fit in with my revised theme. See? It all works out in the end.

So, twenty-two years ago this week, I was taking summer term classes at my college. Yes, I was in college that long ago. I was a, uh, a child genius. Yes, that's it. Anyway, I was taking the Best Class Ever - Marine Biology. Who knew that science could be so fun? Anyway, the professor loved to tell stories of things that had happened at places she'd worked in the past. My favorite were the octopus stories. Did you know that they are wicked smart? It's true.

Once she was working at an aquarium and the aquarium had been having a lot of thefts of expensive exotic fish. Every morning, they'd come in and check the tanks and more of the fish would be missing. That was getting really expensive, so they put up security cameras to try to catch whoever was breaking into the aquarium at night and stealing fish. They caught the thieves, too. It was the octopuses. The octopuses that were in tanks on the next floor up. They were climbing out of their tanks, down the stairs and up to the fish tanks to have themselves an expensive little feast every night. They'd then go back up the stairs and climb back into their tanks. Ooo! They were so sneaky! And yes, they put lids over the octopus tank after that.

She also worked at a lab that was studying octopuses. The octopuses got pretty hungry there, too. The Marine Biologists would come in to the lab in the morning and find octopuses on top of the refridgerator, in the refridgerator and around the refridgerator, all of them very well fed. Yup, they'd manage to open it up and help themselves. So yeah, lids went on those tanks, too.


So I hope you've enjoyed this little walk down memory lane with me. It was fun! And it was one of the few things I've retained from what I learned in college. Go figure.

Now how about a little Life is Funny blog carnival? No octopuses were harmed in the writing of that post.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Life is Funny - Especially in Walmart

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Is your life funny? How about sharing it with us? We promise to point and laugh laugh with you, not at you. Sign up below!

My good friend "R" was up from California for a visit to her folk's house last week, so on Friday we met up at an IHOP at the midway point between us so we could see each other, eat yummy pancakes and try to ignore our children who were bouncing off the walls. We ordered and ate our grown up meals and then maybe 1 or 9 bites of our kid's chocolate chip pancakes. We had sparkling, yet often interrupted, conversation. Being the lovely person she is, she bought breakfast for us. Yes, it started off being a good morning.

As we went our separate ways after breakfast, I made the decision to stop at *gasp!* Walmart before making the 45 minute drive home.

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Perhaps I should explain. I hate Walmart. It seems that every Walmart I've been to has been, at that moment, the site of the National Screaming Kids and Oblivious Parents Convention (NatSKOPCon for short). So even though Target's done me wrong, I'm still loyal to them.

But back to my story. This Walmart was one of those supercenter ones. And since I was wanting some items that the store held, I decided to venture in. Upon entering the store, I was taken aback. The store was clean! There were no screaming kids! Adults were walking around with a purpose! Had I walked into the wrong store? Or maybe a parallel dimension? But I bravely went forth, pushing my shopping cart and taking no prisoners.

I started off in the garden section and worked my way across the entire store until I'd hit the grocery section, filling my cart along the way. Plants, buttons for a project, spray paint, cereal. A special stop to pick up a little item that comes in handy after a woman's been taking antibiotics. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Gentlemen, don't ask. Ignorance is bliss on this one. So with a full cart, I made my way up to the checkout stands. It was a new day and life was good.

Until I reached into my purse and found that my wallet was not in it. Of course, this little discovery was not made until I'd loaded everything up on to the counter and the cashier had started ringing it all up. Yes, I had had my wallet out the night before at home, and when I was done with it, I'd asked my daughter to put it back into my purse for me. And while she did, indeed, follow my directions, it was a different purse that now held my wallet.

And I stood in Walmart, mortified.

So Walmart, I just don't think it was meant to be for you and me. We gave it a go, but it's just not going to work. Perhaps someday I'll change my mind. But it will probably be a while. How much longer do you think that angry cashier will be working there?

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.


1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!


2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.


3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.


4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...


5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!



Saturday, June 27, 2009

I've got to get out of here!

Don't strain your brain - it's Saturday! And with Saturday comes much silliness. Now how about watching a bit of classic silliness?



Oh Saturday, you just slay me!


C'mon back tomorrow for the Life is Funny blog carnival! Why should Saturday have all the fun?

Friday, June 26, 2009

You'll be needing your sunglasses for this one.

Okay, there's a blog on my blog list that I frequent because I'm all about seeing a trainwreck. Metaphorically, of course. Anyway, on It's Lovely, I'll Take It there's a house listing posted that is just beyond words. No, for this, you'll need to see the pictures. All the pictures. But be warned: This is not for the faint of heart.

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And to think that all of this could be yours for only $795,ooo... And good news! It comes furnished! Reaching for your checkbook yet?

Have you checked out the Life is Funny blog carnival and the new entries? You should. And you won't even need your sunglasses for it.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The misadventures of No No Bad Dog

Gidget has been complaining that I've been neglecting her on my blog. Okay, not really. She's just the only one left that I don't hear "Don't put that on your blog!" from. Of course, with her being on Twitter, I can never be too certain of the reaction I'll get from her...

I've mentioned before that I got Gidget back when she was a puppy and how she was just so darn cute. How could I resist this face?


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But did I mention that I got her right after we had new carpet put into the house? Yeah, I know. Smart move on my part. But look at that face and tell me how I could have resisted.

I'm sure you know what puppies do to carpet. She looked at the living room as her own personal poo-space. For some reason she really liked going under the baby grand piano to do her business. Why? Probably because it was the most difficult place for me to get at to clean it up. She's a stinker that way.

But one day, she really topped herself in the No No Bad Dog department.

I went by the living room and saw a throw pillow in the middle of the floor. So of course, I had to go check it out... Yup, Gidget had pooped in the middle of the room, then went and pulled a pillow down off the couch, dragged it across the floor and covered her poo with it. No, no, nothing to see here! Now doesn't that just sound like something a dog of mine would do? Crazy dog.

There are some new entries to the Life is Funny blog carnival. How about checking it out and leaving an entry of your own? Don't make me send Gidget to your living room...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Why I should get Bryan's Man Card.

Okay folks, you're in for a bit of a bumpy ride with today's post. Yup, you're going to have some extra reading to do on other blogs in order to be up to speed. You'll need back story. But stay with me, because I'm in hot pursuit of an Honorary Man Card (from here on to be called HMC).

It all started with Katdish's constant bragging about having her own HMC. Oh yeah, she just waves it around and taunts people with it. It's just not right. Which is exactly why I want an HMC, too. I need to be able to taunt and lord over people.

Did you know that I also write on another blog? If not, where have you been? Anyway, over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants I wrote a blog post about my longing for an HMC. You'll want to read that post here.

And now, Bryan Allain has written a guest post over at Hey Look, a Chicken! about the revoking of his Man Card. Yes, you'll want to read that link, too. With him clearly giving up his rights to a Man Card, I think I should be the one who gets to step in and take it, even if it is temporarily.

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Although I feel that I gave good enough reasons in my post over at Traveling Smarty Pants for deserving an HMC, some of you may not be convinced. So for your further consideration, I submit the following:

Back in the day, I went to a junior high that consisted of 7th through 9th grades. I was in 9th grade at the time of the incident. That year at school, there were two guys, "B" and "C", that were the class tough guys. They were big. They were mean. One time, the two of them got into a fight in the quad and to this day, I still have no idea how they were able to clean up all the blood. No one messed with these guys. Well, almost no one. "B" decided that it would be fun to start picking on my boyfriend. I'd hear stories about it and it did not make me happy. Then one day, "B" decided to pick on my boyfriend right in front of me.

Bad. Choice.

I got between the two of them and started yelling up at "B", who had a good 6" on me. I pushed him. I dared him to hit me. I warned him that if he did hit me, he'd better be ready because I'd be hitting him back.

I didn't get hit that day, in case you're wondering.

But I did successfully freak "B" out enough that he never bothered my boyfriend again. And "B" was never able to look me in the eye after that day...

So there you have it. My latest submission in my quest for an HMC. Oh yes, it will be mine...

Now how about checking out the Life is Funny blog carnival? I promise not to punch you if you do.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Let's Make a Deal! Or not.

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Can you believe it's been a week already? Where does the time go? Did you learn anything this week? If not, maybe you should check out What I Learned This Week over at Musings of a Housewife. Couldn't hurt...

For this week's post, I'll be reposting one of my early blog posts. Why? Because it's fitting for what I learned this week.


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It's time to play... Let's Make A Deal!

Monty Hall: Okay, Wendy, do you want what's behind door number one, door number two or door number three?

Me: Oh! It's so hard to choose! I think I'll go with door number two, Monty!

Monty: Jay, tell her what she's won!

Jay Stewart: She's won a new case of pneumonia! It comes with weeks worth of incredible chest pain, a hacking cough, and burning lungs! But wait, she's also won complete and total exhaustion!

Monty: Uh... What a great prize... But doesn't Carol Merrill look lovely modeling it?

Jay: Wow, that's a Zonk if I ever saw one...

Me: And to think... I never win anything.

Yes, I went to the doctor yesterday and I've got pneumonia. Again. I really need to stop wishing that I had something to post about for this blog carnival. I guess that would be two lessons learned this week...

Now how about checking out my Life is Funny blog carnival? It's completely pneumonia-free!


Monday, June 22, 2009

Life is Funny - Here fishy, fishy, fishy!

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So, how has your week been? Anything funny to share with the rest of us? Sign up below!

There's a little pet store not far from here that my daughter loves to go in to. She loves to see the puppies and kittens, but she has a great time in the back of the store looking at the fish. I know, you're probably wondering how fish could compare to puppies and kittens. She's just always liked the fish.

She liked them even more after I taught her a little trick...

You see, fish like to get fed. And when they're hungry and they see your hand moving up toward the tank, they'll follow your hand. Back and forth, back and forth. Yup, they'll keep following. My daughter thinks that that is the most hysterical thing ever. Yes, I taught my daughter how to taunt fish. It's what I do.

So on Saturday, we went to our local zoo/aquarium. We went right when it opened and headed over to the aquarium part first because my husband likes to see the sharks. Yeah, he's a guy. Anyway, you have to pass through the tropical fish tank area to get to the sharks. My daughter loves that area, because there's a big tank with some huge, gorgeous fish in there. The tank has a glass wall, of course, but it only goes to about the height of an adult's chest. Anyway, we were the only ones in there at the time.

And it was early.

Before the fish had been fed.

And my daughter walked up to the tank and put her hand up, and all those giant fish came swimming over to her. They even followed her back and forth. She had a very good laugh over that one, and I kept thinking that the fish would gladly take her for breakfast if someone didn't hand over some food soon. Perhaps teaching her that little trick wasn't the best of ideas...

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.


1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!


2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.


3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.


4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...


5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Was that a mushroom cloud?

Gather 'round kiddies! It's time for some Saturday Silliness! Today's silliness is brought to you straight from the heart. Or maybe a little bit south of the heart... Enjoy!

C'mon back tomorrow for the Life is Funny blog carnival. It'll be a blast!

Friday, June 19, 2009

A snack for later

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Have you ever been eating something and had it drop down your shirt only to get stuck in your bra? And then you reach down and dig it out and go on with your day? But at the end of the night when you're getting ready for bed and you take your bra off, you find that you've had a snack for later stuck under your boob all day and you didn't even realize it?

No?

Uh, yeah. Me neither.

There's still time to join in this week's Life is Funny blog carnival! You don't even need to be wearing a bra for it.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

There are some things you just don't mix with chocolate

I was reading a post on Stuff Christians Like yesterday, and it brought back a memory of an outing a while back with a friend of mine...

One of my best friends, "R", and I share a lot of interests. We love bargain shopping, funny movies and all things chocolate. There were many snack runs in our day, because if one of us had a craving for something, the other would get sympathy cravings. Now that's friendship. We would never remind each other of diets that we were supposed to be on. Yes, we supported each other in our pursuit of all things chocolatey.

So one day, an ice cream craving hit. Never ones to let a craving like that go by unnoticed, we headed off to the grocery store to purchased our frozen treats. While we were at the store, "R" decided that she wanted to pick up a bottle of beer so she could make beer bread later that night. So we got our items and walked toward the checkout stands. "R" got in line, but somehow another woman managed to get in line between us. Okay, no biggie. "R" bought her bottle of beer and her carton of chocolate ice cream and went toward the door to wait for me.

Customer-in-the-middle must have been paying attention to "R's" purchase because when she got up to the cashier, she just shook her head and said, "Aww, she must be depressed."

I almost dropped my ice cream. I must have let out a little snort or something because the gal gave me a funny look. "R" and I had a really good laugh over that one while we sat and ate our ice cream. But not with beer. That would be disgusting. Just how depressed would one have to be to think that that would be a good combination?

Anyway, on the post over at SCL, Katdish left a comment with a link to a video that would fit nicely into this post. Since I'm all about stealing stuff from people the sharing of ideas, I'm going to post the video here. Enjoy!

Don't settle for beer and chocolate ice cream to treat your bad mood. Head on over to the Life is Funny blog carnival instead. It's much more tasty.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

She can't be taught

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Ready or not, it's time for What I Learned This Week over at Musings of a Housewife. Did you learn anything?

It started yesterday. The wondering. The pondering. The smacking of my head with my hand. Why, oh why, did I not pay attention this week? Yeah, I couldn't come up with anything I learned this week. This morning, I told of my failings over on Twitter. If you put it out there, you just may get an answer on Twitter:

"PuriChristos @weightwhat maybe you learned that some weeks you don't learn big quantifiable lessons"

Yeah, let's go with that one. It sounds much better than saying I flunked this week's lesson. But in my own defense, it has been a crazy week. We're trying to refinance our house (Do you have any idea how hard that is to do now? Sheesh!) so it's been a whirlwind of home improvement projects. Remember the shutter incident? I'm still recovering from that one. But the shutters are now all up and they're lovely. The trim on the first floor of our house is all freshly painted. The house is, dare I say it? Clean! Okay, if not clean, the mess is well hidden in every cupboard and closet I could find. Like the shutters, it all looks great as long as you don't look too hard.

One might suggest that I take from all this the lesson that if I would just keep up with these things, I wouldn't have to rush to do them at the last minute. Meh. I won't be learning that lesson. But I did learn that I'm in serious need of a chiropractor right about now. My back has learned all new ways to hurt. Wish I didn't learn that one...

Ready for some funny? Then jump on over to the Life is Funny blog carnival. It's (mostly) pain-free!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Life is Funny - Your mother's revenge

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It's time to bring out the funny! Wait. Where did I put it? It was here a minute ago...

Ten years ago, I got an email that I thought was pretty darn funny. And since I tend to hold on to funny emails, it's still in my funny folder. It was one of those emails that look like they've been passed around a bit, but the original story was written by Rob Suggs. Being a picky eater myself, I could totally relate to his story. Having a picky daughter made it even more so. So without further ado...

"I Yam What I Yam"

The finicky eater is widely misunderstood--reviled and persecuted for the crime of dining in the courage of his convictions; punished for being a five-year-old with discriminating taste.

My own dietary selections, for example, were made manifestly clear to those around me by the time I'd hit nursery school. I had chosen hamburgers and fried chicken--a simple enough menu that should have made life easy for those who fed me. With the world of vegetables I had no quarrel; I'd examined them closely and concluded they were not for me. If the rest of the family wanted to gorge themselves on stewed carrots and asparagus, they had my blessing. I'd made my lifestyle choice and wished people to respect it.

But Mom would not rest until I tasted her reptilian-slimy beans or reeking cabbage. Early on I saw how it was going to be--broccoli; okra; turnip greens. Each night brought some new, outrageous demand upon my diet.

Like most armed conflict, it always began with smiling rounds of diplomacy. "Spinach is good for you! Don't you want to grow up to be big and strong?"

"Not really."

"Popeye eats his spinach. Do you want the Brutuses of the world to beat you up?"

(This was a sneaky move, because Popeye was my greatest hero. He had the voice. The walk. The laugh. How dare my parents invoke his name, especially since the cartoon seemed filled with eating disorders. Brutus was obese; Olive Oyl was anorexic. Wimpy? He was a compulsive burger-binger, and no one had a problem with it. Why couldn't I be like Wimpy? As for Popeye . . .)

"Popeye has a tattoo," I said. "If you'll let me have a tattoo, I'll eat your spinach."

This was where the smiles ended. "Millions of starving children across the world would love to have your dinner," Mom would say with cold international sweep.

"I realize that, and it fills me with sadness," I'd say. "I find I can't eat for thinking about it."

Eventually Dad would be sent to the front lines. The mind games were over. "You're going to eat your vegetables because we say so!" he bellowed. "Come on now, open wide!" I can remember that awful fork, dripping with rank, odious juices, being cruelly thrust at my mouth. I deftly dodged, turning the other cheek.

"Well, then, you'll just sit here until you decide to eat what we serve you."

This strategy was tried only once. The vegetable in dispute was yams, the most aesthetically troubling dish I'd laid eyes on in all my five years. No way that brown lump of vegetation was passing my lips. If my parents wanted a standoff, I'd give them a standoff. Everyone left the table. Mom did the dishes and finally, sadly, turned out the kitchen light. "It sure is going to be lonely in here," she said pleadingly. I sniffed pathetically.

Here's a secret: kids embrace martyrdom. It holds a kind of power that seldom falls into their hands. Suppertime battles are among the few conflicts a child can win. They know they can wear their parents down sooner or later. I might eat your peas today, if things get nasty; I might even give in to the squash tomorrow, if you've got an hour to spare for psychological combat. But are you committed to a long-range war?

It was Mom and Dad's own personal Vietnam: an unwinnable conflict that could take years.

That's why I did my time at the big, empty table, just the yams and me. Parole had to come sooner or later. I could hear the shooting in "Gunsmoke" in the next room. Mom snuck in for a glass of water or some sad excuse. I could feel her worrying that she was scarring me for life somehow. Yes! Her lower lip was quivering. I'd been prepared to hold out at least 'til breakfast--but now I could see the allied coalition was falling apart. There were argumentative whispers in the next room.

I was pretending I was just about to faint into the cold yams when the terms of surrender came down. I was exiled, of course, to my room, where I could gloat among my books and toys.

Now, of course, I'm blessed with not one but two finicky children. What they won't eat appalls me--tacos; lasagna; barbecued pork. "You kids don't know how good you've got it," I tell them with disgust. "When I was a kid,we fought battles over important foods: brussels sprouts, stewed carrots. Dishes that would make you scream in terror. You don't know the prices we paid to create the fast food society you take for granted."

They just roll their eyes and trot out the old can-I-leave-the-table excuses. "Yeah, yeah, I know the routine," I interrupt. "Don't forget, I wrote the book. Once I was the best. Now hush and eat your microwave burrito."

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.


1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!


2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.


3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.


4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...


5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Short but sweet

Hi kids! Can you believe it's already time for more Saturday Silliness? Well, it is. But since it's a big work day around here (I'm almost done with the shutters!), I'm going to make this a short one. It's from one of my all-time favorite movies, "Top Secret". Enjoy!

Don't forget to come back tomorrow for the Life is Funny blog carnival! And bring some funny to share, huh?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Why was 6 afraid?

Okay, no need to send out a search party. I have returned! I've been sick for the last couple of days and just couldn't make my brain function enough to do a blog post. I'm still not 100%, but I just can't stay away any longer. I'm not addicted or anything...

So last week, I got tagged twice in the same day with the same meme. Why do they call it a meme anyway? But back to what I was saying, both
Darcie and Tiffany wanted me to answer the following questions. Why are they all in 8's? I have no idea. I may not even give 8 answers to each question. They're not the boss of me. Yes, that's the way I'm going to be. So there.

My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)



8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Not being sick anymore.
2. Summer break so I don't have to set my alarm.
3. Any event in which I get to each chocolate.
4. The big switch from analog to digital. Okay, not really.
5. All the remaining Harry Potter movies.
6. The day we can be beamed around like on Star Trek.
7. Getting a children's book published. Hey, a girl can dream.
8. Getting those %$#* shutters finished.


8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Whined
2. Complained
3. Went to the doctor
4. Whined
5. Filled my prescriptions
6. Complained
7. Slept
8. Whined even more

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:


1. Milk a cow
2. Lick my own elbow
3. The splits
4. Wake up tomorrow morning a size 8
5. Read minds
6. Always have excellent blog fodder
7. Triple Lutz
8. Cure all diseases


8 Shows I Watch:

1. The Muppet Show
2. Love Boat
3. Fantasy Island
4. The Gong Show
5. The Partridge Family
6. Quantum Leap
7. Fairly Odd Parents
8. Let's Make A Deal

8 Favorite Fruits:

1. Richard Simmons
2. Strawberries

3. Pineapple
4. Plums
5. Froot Loops
6. Cherries
7. Peaches
8. Strawberry PopTarts


8 Places I'd Like To Travel:

1. Oompa Loompa Land
2. Narnia
3. Bedrock
4. Anywhere on the Love Boat
5. Mayberry
6. Sesame Street
7. Whoville
8. The M&M factory


8 Places I've Lived:

1. California
2. California
3. California
4. California
5. California
6. California
7. California
8. Washington


8 People I'm Tagging:

I'm not going to name any names here. But if you think it's you, it probably is.

So there you have it. Now how about jumping in over at the Life is Funny blog carnival? Helen's getting lonely over there and she really shouldn't be left without supervision.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

You know, mossy green is not a bad color.

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People are just learning stuff all over the place. Don't believe me? Just check out What I Learned This Week over at Musings of a Housewife. You'll see.

But what about me? Did I learn anything this week? Oh yeah. I did. I learned that paint sprayers are evil. EVIL!

Oh sure, the paint sprayer may look like an unassuming little tool. And what's not to love about a tool that can save you so much time and energy? I used to think that way. But don't be fooled! Hear my tale of woe, people.

Now I've done a lot of painting in my day. White walls are not to be tolerated around here. I can handle a brush and roller like the best of 'em. But I started on a project that was driving me a bit batty. Shutters. You see, I live in the Pacific Northwest and things around here get mossy. My one time white shutters were all looking a bit green. Not exactly the statement I wanted them to be making. So my husband took down all the shutters on our house (28 to be exact) and I started to paint them black.

Using a paint brush.

Do you have any idea how long it takes to paint shutters with a paintbrush when you have all those nooks and crannies to deal with? It takes a long time! And with so many shutters to do, I thought it might be nice to have the project finished before the end of the year. My brilliant idea was to go rent a paint sprayer. Always using my head, this one. So off I went to the rental yard to secure my sprayer. Hindsight being 20/20, I should have seen the problems to come. But no. I forged ahead. Here's where the learning comes in...

I learned that if they send out Tweedle Dumb to come out and explain the sprayer to you, the information you receive may not be accurate. No, he tells me, the spray is not adjustable.

I learned that if you go with that notion, indubitably the sprayer will be pre-set to come out in a needle thin spray. Said spray will puddle all over whatever you're trying to paint. This is extra special when you're dealing with all the crevices on shutters.

I learned that you will have to go back with a paint brush and try to fix the damage done by the paint sprayer that you rented to save yourself some time.

I learned that if you fiddle around with the paint sprayer long enough, you will figure out that the spray is, indeed, adjustable. Of course, you will not find this out until you've blown through the only gallon of paint that you purchased for this project. And you've only done 4 shutters. Poorly.

I learned that once you return home with more paint, you will realize that there is another problem with the sprayer. The motor will start giving out and the sprayer will go between spraying nicely and sputtering out. You will need the paintbrush again at this point.

I learned that my language can become very colorful. In a drunken sailor kind of way.

I learned that the second gallon of paint you bought for the project that should have only taken one gallon will still not be enough. But if you could just scrape off all the excess that's puddling up on the shutters you've been trying to paint, you may just be able to finish the job. By hand. Someday. When you're able to look at your shutters again.

Now how about checking out my blog carnival, Life is Funny? It's much more fun than renting a paint sprayer. Trust me on this one.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Life is Funny - You'll shoot your eye out!

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It's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival! Okay, I know I'm posting this a bit late. But I have a good excuse reason. I've been having one of those weekends that would make a good blog post, but not now. Sometime in the future. Sometime when I can find the funny in it. And now is not that time. So I called my sister for ideas, and Mom - you can blame this post on her.

When I was growing up, my dad had a bb pistol. I made a vague reference to it in this post. Go ahead and read the post. Go on. Read it. Okay, moving on. He had this bb pistol and it wasn't exactly easy to use. There was a slide thingy (I have no idea what the part is actually called. My husband will be so ashamed of me.) that had to be pulled back before you could shoot the gun. That thing was really hard to pull back. I know this because I tried doing a little target practice with it when I was a teenager.

My mom knew how hard it was to pull back, too. At one time, she decided that she wanted to learn to shoot it and needed some practice. But she just could not get that part to pull back. So...

She bent over and put the slide part between her knees to hold it and pulled the pistol toward her to try to get it ready. And...

She shot herself in the stomach.

I don't know how much help my dad was to her at that point since he couldn't stop laughing. Her stomach was bruised for a good, long time after that one. And you know, she didn't want to use the bb gun again after that.

So mom, it's been years since that happened. Has enough time passed that it's now funny to you? And if not, remember - Andrea made me write this.

Ready to play? Here's what you do.


1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!

2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.

3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.

4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...

5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!


Saturday, June 6, 2009

Man I hate the Theater District.

Gather 'round the computer boys and girls - it time for Saturday Silliness! Today's episode is brought to you by the letter L and the number 7. I showed this one to Helen before, but thought you all deserved a chance to see it. Enjoy!

C'mon back tomorrow for the next round of the Life is Funny blog carnival. Don't worry, it'll be at the malt shop and that's neutral territory.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Why is my dog clucking?

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My dog, Gidget, is awfully smart for a big ol' chicken. She's got things pretty well figured out, especially when it comes to avoiding getting wet. Her strategy? Use me as a shield. Yeah.

My husband was outside using a pressure washer today. I walked out to talk to him and Gidget followed behind me. She'd been following me all afternoon and it was starting to drive me a bit nuts. Anyway, Gidget saw that my husband was doing something with water, so she stopped a little way off. I complained explained to my husband about being followed, so he decided to shoot some water her way. Not to worry, the water from the pressure washer came nowhere near her. But it did go toward her. So she started bobbing and weaving to avoid the water. Yeah, the water that was nowhere near her. After a couple of those moves, Gidget decided on the best course of action: Stand right behind me. If I moved, she moved with me. I tried to flip around so I'd be behind her, but she's a bit quicker than I am. Yes, if my husband wanted to get the dog wet, he'd have to go through me first. So much for my guard dog. Oh well, at least she stopped following me after that.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Don't drink the Kool Aid

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The other day, my bloggy friend Darcy wrote a post and talked about church shopping. She's going to be doing some looking around for a new church home, but isn't too thrilled about the prospect. Have you done any church shopping? It's just not fun. I've been there and I know.

Back when we lived in California, we were trying to find a new church home. We went to a few different churches, but none of them seemed to be a fit for us. But we kept on trying.

Until one Sunday anyway.

That particular Sunday we went to a church that one of our neighbor families went to. They seemed pretty normal, so what could go wrong?

Plenty.

The service started out in a normal fashion. There was worship music, announcements and such. But then the pastor came out to give the sermon... The topic? "Prepare to die well."

Um, what?

Yeah. We sat there and wondered what we had gotten ourselves into.

But it didn't end there.

After the sermon, the pastor announced that they would be having communion. My husband and I looked at each other wide-eyed and I said, "Don't drink the Kool Aid!" Let me tell ya, we high-tailed it out of there right away.

After that, we decided that our old church wasn't so bad...

Now how about joining in over at my blog carnival, Life is Funny? It's completely Kool Aid-free.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Parenting 101 - Life lessons

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It's time for What I Learned This Week over at Musings of a Housewife. And what I learned this week is that a lot of parents out there need my help.

It seems that parents today are lost when it comes to how to raise their kids. Just how do you raise little Johnny correctly? Oh sure, you could turn to the old standards like Dr. Spock, but didn't our parents go down that road? And look how we turned out... So I'm here to give parents a little knowledge. A little hope. You can raise a child with my help.

I've decided to do a randomly placed series called "Parenting 101" on my blog. You never know when it will pop up, so you should make sure to check my blog daily so you don't miss it. But since I'm feeling kind, for those who missed my earlier posts on it, you can find them here, here and here. Go ahead and read them so you'll be up to speed. The rest of the class will wait here for you.

Ready?

On to today's lesson...

Teaching Life Lessons


Sometimes children don't listen to their parents advice and do things they shouldn't do. That's when a good parent will step in with a life lesson that will make a lasting impression. Remember, go bold. We don't want little Susie making the same mistake again. Don't be afraid to resort to using chainsaws, flame throwers and such. You've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Now how about checking out my blog carnival, Life is Funny? Good teachable moment there involving a barbeque grill...