Weight...What?

You like winter, right?

2012-02-02T07:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Groundhog's Day! Sorry anti-winter folks, but Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning - 6 more weeks of winter! But isn't winter supposed to be around 6 more weeks anyway? At least, that's what my calendar says.

While I love winter, I know a lot of you out there don't. Some people, not to mention any names (my mom), threaten to head south at the site of the first snowflake. So for those of you who are anti-winterites, I give you the following post...

Groundhog Revenge

Oh sure, Mr. Groundhog. You look all cute poking your head out of your little hole in the ground. You harbinger of evil!!! Uh, I mean, come here little guy... No, we're not gonna hurt you...

Yup. Groundhogs make lovely slippers.

And hats.

Running low on food for your pet snake?

Or maybe you just need a good home-cooked meal to help get over the winter blues. So, from the ushotstuff.com website, may I suggest a gastronomic delight?

Waco Groundhog in Sour Cream

Recipe By: "Indian Cookin'", compiled by Herb Walker, 1977

1 Groundhog, skinned & cleaned
1/2 cup Vinegar
1 tablespoon Salt
2 quarts Water
2 teaspoons Soda
1/2 cup Flour
1 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Allspice
1/2 cup Bacon fat
3 small Wild onions
1/2 cup Water
1 cup Sour cream

Skin and clean the groundhog. Wash and dry and put in an earthen crock. Cover with water and a half cup of vinegar and 1 T. of salt. Let stand in a cool place overnight. In the morning, remove from
brine, wash and pat dry with a damp cloth. In a large soup kettle combine 2 qt. of water and 2 T. of soda. Bring to a boil, lower the heat and simmer for 15 minutes, removing the scum as it rises to the
surface. Drain and rinse the groundhog meat and cut into serving pieces. Combine the flour, salt and allspice and dredge the pieces of meat in the mixture. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Melt the bacon
fat in a heavy iron frying pan until smoking. Brown meat on all sides. Transfer the browned meat into a greased 4 qt. casserole. Arrange sliced onions on top, add water, cover and bake in a
preheated oven for 2 hours or until the meat is tender. Transfer the meat to a heated platter to keep warm. Put the casserole on top of the stove over medium heat and spoon in the sour cream stirring
constantly. Do not let the sauce come to a boil. Put the meat back into the casserole and simmer for about 15 minutes. Delicious served with creamed dandelion leaves.

Now didn't that just brighten your day? As always, I'm a giver. You're welcome.

Resolutions? Me?!

2012-01-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

Well, it's the new year. Now what? Oh, yeah. Make resolutions. I'll get right on that.

I've made it a point over the years to not make resolutions. But is resolving not to make resolutions a contradiction in itself? It makes my brain hurt just thinking about it.

Still, there are some things that I should quit doing. So after much pondering, and 14 boxes of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, I've come up with the following list of resolutions for 2012.

1. Stop wearing clown shoes in public. I'm coming close to an age that a trip and fall could cause a broken hip.

2. Make my tin foil hats more fashionable. Function has its place, but we all want to look good, right?

3. Stop starting tickle fights with badgers. They're not that cute and cuddly when you get up close.

4. I will no longer create artwork with my belly button lint. There's just no more room left on my walls.

~~5. I'll stop blaming it on the dog.~~ Who am I kidding? That'll never happen.

5. I'll no longer cause jackalope stampedes. Easy to start, not so easy to stop.

6. I won't try to order Snuggies from other companies anymore. Those Time-Life operators just have no sense of humor.

7. I will no longer try to get people to look at the end of their noses just to see if their eyes will stay like that forever. Apparently, my grandma was a big ol' liar.

8. I will stop carrying around my own personal laugh track. Turns out that stunned silence is pretty entertaining. For me.

9. I will continue to be a moral compass for all those around me. Now if I could just figure out why that compass keeps getting stuck...

10. I will constantly endeavor to take over the world with my friend, Helenatrandom. Oh yes, it will be ours.

So there you have it. I hope I'm not putting too much pressure on myself by making these resolutions. I guess time will tell. Oh, it looks like you've got something on the end of your nose...

Looks like I've got a tweet or two left in me

2011-12-30T06:21:00.000-08:00

I know. It's been a while. And no, I'm not dead. Only mostly dead. If I was all dead, you'd be going through my clothes looking for loose change. But true love brought me back. That, and a nice mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich. So enjoy!

The one-liners

weightwhat @duane_scott You will get nothing and like it.

I'm all out of half & half for my coffee. Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth begin.

"Lay down the boogie and play that funky music 'til you die." Words to live by. #WildCherry

mychiapet Okay @weightwhat, sneezing on me is not the same thing as watering me. #stupidallergies

#klout sent me a year's supply of Secret Waterproof Deodorant. Are they trying to tell me something?

Where are the chocolate fairies when you really need them?

DeathStarPR If he says, "I know" when you say you love him, or he's always "encased in Carbonite" when you want to talk, #BreakUp.

jonacuff To be honest, it's been too long since I last participated in a canoe race to save a summer camp from a rich land developer

aMikeFox If asked "Who do you think you are!?" just say "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am Darkwing Duck." there's no comeback to that.

MnLs Ladies, Christmas is coming “@robmcguire: Since I no longer deny that I let myself go, only seems fitting to buy this:

badbanana According to this heraldry website, my family crest is red and gold with a winged lion eating Spaghetti-Os in his underwear.

I never lie. Ok, I do, but not to you. Well maybe to you, but not about this. Trust me. RT @juicymorsel

Sugar cookie creamer? I thought we could have something special together, but I was wrong. It's not me, it's you.

I just ate a gingerbread man that I brought home for my daughter. She knew it was there. She shouldn't have left it unguarded.

The_BMG Totally:

Just checked the keyword activity for my blog. " HoHoHo and I am not talking about you" will land you on my blog. *snort*

I put off doing more things by 9 AM than most people do all day. RT @oinkflap

badbanana Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?

My To Do list: 1. Quit my soul-sucking job. 2. Take over the world with @Helenatrandom. Not necessarily in that order.

I was just thinking it was time for me to take out my leotard again... (@Helenatrandom)

TheRustedChain Haha!! RT @zachbraff: Dear Atheist friends, Happy Nothing.

They say you are what you eat. So I'm gonna start eatin skinny people. RT @SaraESpivey

badbanana My New Year's Resolution, like always, will be to avoid an elk herd attack. I have a good feeling 2012 will be the year.

When I read a really stupid tweet I think “What an idiot. Why did I write that?”RT @BDGarp

badbanana I've already failed miserably today. Anything more is just fail gravy.

The_BMG How Peanut Butter is made... I'm STILL laughing!

The ones that prove I should not be left to my own devices

Should I tell you all about my belly button lint collection? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Nope. Still can't lick my own elbow. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Asked @CrazyGidgetDog to teach me the scooting my butt on the carpet trick. She's holding out on me. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

We are now the Knights who say... "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm." #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Thinking about giving @mychiapet a mohawk. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Bingo! #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Wendy, Wendy bo-bendy, banana fana fo fendy, me my mo mendy, Wendy!#whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Chuck, Chuck bo-buck, banana fana fo... Uh, nevermind. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Plucking the hair off your toes hurts. I'm just guessing, of course. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

It wasn't me. It was the dog. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

The ones that are a little bit longer

SarahBeeC @weightwhat here ya are!

weightwhat @SarahBeeC Not for long! I need to get a move on. Don't ask which move.

SarahBeeC @weightwhat *tsk tsk* You haven't blogged since JULY!? You may need to change your bio, too, young lady.

weightwhat @SarahBeeC I have a blog?!

katdish The government may attempt to force auto manufacturers to build tiny clown cars that plug into a wall, but they won't force me to buy one.

weightwhat @katdish But you'd make a fine clown!

dlrayburn Woot. My car washing brush has shipped.... <--Wow I live an exciting life don't I?

weightwhat @dlrayburn You are a wild man.

WinLiannefield I love my FB friends. I do. But one more picture of a friend or their kids standing next to a dead deer and I'm gonna lose it. #Gross

weightwhat @WinLiannefield What about the one of me with the dead Jackalope? Does that bother you?

katdish Just dropped my son off at band camp. They used his middle name instead of his first on his name tag. So today, my son is Paul.

weightwhat @katdish Is there a "one time at band camp" joke in there somewhere?

TheRustedChain I have one dog that rolls around in cow patties and one dog that eats them. Remind me again why I have dogs??

weightwhat @TheRustedChain Because you're a glutton for punishment?

muchl8r Driving to work....Naked and Famous #Joy

weightwhat @muchl8r You should at least put some shoes on in case you have car trouble.

duane_scott Two nerds discussing world of Warcraft in the hotel lobby. They're bragging how popular they are.. online. Lol

weightwhat @duane_scott Are you nerd one or nerd two?

duane_scott Have you read my latest post? Hopeful for Grace http://www.dscott.me/ALSo

weightwhat @duane_scott No, but have you read my latest post? Oh yeah, I don't have a latest post.

beckfromfrogandtoad Ho hum.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Why is the ho humming?

beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat I'm not sure I should answer that question.

br8kthru Had a great family dinner with cracker chicken. And no, for those wondering, that doesn't mean 'chicken for white people.' :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Wait. So does that mean you shouldn't have been eating it?

TheRustedChain So me! RT@TheNextMartha: It's not xmas until you're running around looking for that gift you know exists and hid.....somewhere.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain This is the first year that I haven't lost a gift! Clearly it's the end of the world.

WinLiannefield Best part of Christmas being over? Stinking elf is GONE. #SoMuchWork

weightwhat @WinLiannefield What about grumpy elf? Is he gone? Or publicly inappropriate elf? I miss it when he's gone.

saphyreplatypus Truth. ;-) RT @ahockley Merry Christmas. Twitter friends are gifts. Weird gifts at times, but gifts nonetheless.

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus What are you trying to say?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat *innocent whistling* 0:-)

weightwhat FAIR WARNING: The following statement could cause shock and awe: I might just do a twitter ho-down post on Friday. Hey, you were warned.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat *faints from shock and anticipation*

katdish I know I've said this before, but it bears repeating: I love caller ID. Who knew there were so many people I didn't want to talk to?

weightwhat @katdish Stop avoiding my calls!

katdish @weightwhat BUSTED!

weightwhat I love pumpkin spice coffee creamer. And yes, if I wasn't married, I'd marry it. If only it would ask me.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Funny, I was just sipping some & thinking how much I loved it. But you can't marry it. I saw it first.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries I will cut you.

The ones that are even longer

SarahBeeC Seems the (still)drunk drivers of this morning are hangover and cranky on their drive home now.

weightwhat @SarahBeeC You should honk at them. They'd like that.

SarahBeeC @weightwhat Oooh, wish I'd thought of that.

weightwhat @SarahBeeC Perhaps you should constantly be asking yourself, "What would Wendy do?" I am a moral compass, you know.

okiewife @weightwhat And good morning to you too. I've been busier than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs this a.m. as usual for Mon.

weightwhat @okiewife What's up with that? You should sit down and drink some coffee. And maybe have a doughnut.

okiewife weightwhat I'd darn sure eat a Twinkie if there was one in the house. See why I don't buy things like that?

weightwhat @okiewife But sometimes you just need a Twinkie. Or a Ding Dong. Or an entire package of Ho-Ho's.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Well, I'm okay, but my jammies are not happy with me. Something about missing out on quality time. And you?

WritingJoy @weightwhat spending quality time with swimsuit and wishing for more time with a book and less bickery time with kids. Bleck.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Sounds like you need a velcro wall and duct tape.

WritingJoy @weightwhat to think I was content to settle for ear plugs and a Coke. I was dreaming too small.

katdish Advice to my dog on our morning walk: You can't pee on everything.

kelybreez @katdish I heard your dog say, "Oh, yeah? Watch this!"

katdish @kelybreez He certainly tries to pee on everything.

weightwhat @katdish @kelybreez Some things just really need peeing on.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat How is your end of taking over the world coming along?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom It's slow going over here. Why are people resisting me when clearly I'm right?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I've asked myself the same question MANY times....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom If people would just follow us blindly, like they should, things would go much more smoothly.

WritingJoy It's whine o'clock. Which means it's wine o'clock.

weightwhat @WritingJoy I can bring the cheese. Boy, can I.

WritingJoy @weightwhat but do you cut the cheese?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Often. And with gusto.

TheRustedChain There is some really good Christmas music out there. So WHY do radio stations insist on playing the terrible stuff??

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I know! I haven't heard "I Farted on Santa's Lap" once this year! *snort*

TheRustedChain @weightwhat You... I... Ummm.. You deserve an award for always leaving me speechless.

RobinMArnold Confession: This morning I prayed the scale in my doctor's office goes on the fritz.

weightwhat @RobinMArnold Let us know how that works out for you. ;o)

RobinMArnold @weightwhat I'm pretty sure a lecture is in order but not looking forward to it at all!

weightwhat @RobinMArnold The scale is going to lecture you?! I'd be praying for it to be on the fritz, too.

saphyreplatypus ETA +3 days. This kid must really want to be fashionably late. #wheneveryouareready

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Because you'll be induced in 3 days?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat currently 3 days past due, but doc does want to induce new years day if kid hasn't made own arrangements by then

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Just need to make sure you keep your legs crossed until Friday. You wouldn't want to miss the ho-down. #priorities

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Thanks Wendy! And now is an excellent tine to take over the world~!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I thought it might be.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Do you have time though, what with your new job and all?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm very busy and important now, but I will always make time to take over the world with you.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You are such a good friend!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes. Yes I am.

saphyreplatypus Woohoo! Down 20lbs, now only *hmrhr* left to go! ;-)

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Congrats!!!

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat it is amazing what walking around with squirrels in my pants has done for my weight loss!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus You should write a book about it. You'd make millions.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat ooh, totally! "Squirrels In My Pants: a platypus' guide to weight loss"

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus You will send me a signed copy, right?

@WritingJoy @weightwhat I think of you every time I wear pajamas to the bus stop. #EmbarrassinglyFrequent

weightwhat @WritingJoy How else can one show off their new snowman jammie bottoms?

WritingJoy @weightwhat holy-heck-have-you-been-spying-on-me?!?! #NotBadAtAll #GotTheNeighborsToDoItToo

weightwhat @WritingJoy I admit to nothing.

WritingJoy @weightwhat you should be proud of spreading your pjs-to-the-bus-stop ways all the way to Ohio.

weightwhat @WritingJoy It's a good start. I plan on going worldwide with it. Everybody's gotta have a dream.

katdish Writing a post about less than winning Christmas presents & wondering if the offending parties read my blog...

weightwhat @katdish Are you saying you don't like the stuffed clown I sent you?

katdish @weightwhat check this out

weightwhat @katdish GAAAAAAA!!!!!

weightwhat @katdish Wow. Your family must really hate you.

And now, for an added bonus...

First, head over to @kelybreez's blog to read his lovely post about Christmas lights. Go on. Read it and then come back. Trust me.

Done? If you took the time to read the comments, too, you'd see that @Helenatrandom and I cannot be contained on twitter alone...

weightwhat - Christmas Icicle Lights - "Now you, too, can learn to talk like a drunken sailor!" Same holds true for me for putting decorations on the Christmas tree. Every year it causes huge arguments and elevated blood pressure. Which is why my tree has been up for a week and hasn't got an ornament on it yet. I think it might look better that way.

Helenatrandom - Our only lights are on the Christmas tree and Christmas wreath. My husband's sanity is precious to me. :-) We do strategically place both in the window so they can be enjoyed from outside as well, though.

weightwhat - I have a leg lamp strategically placed in my front window. But I never take it down. It's a valuable prize.

kelybreez - A major award. When it arrived, was it marked with a French word... "Fragile"?

weightwhat - How did you know? Have you been spying on me again?

Helenatrandom - We're too poor for a leg lamp. Bob and I take turns with our leg help up to the window with a pant leg pulled up high.

weightwhat - And a flashlight in your hand?

Helenatrandom - OOOO! That WOULD add a touch of class, now wouldn't it? Thanks Wendy!

weightwhat - I do what I can.

kelybreez - You ladies have definitely lost control, taken over my comment stream, and effused.

I'm honored.

Congratulations! You made it through! Maybe you should go take a nap now. You're not looking so good...

He did what?!

2011-12-05T14:23:00.000-08:00

What could possible bring me out of hiding to post something on my blog? I'm sure that anyone who knows me would know that it must be something really important. Okay, who are we kidding?

The following article from the Corvallis Gazette Times was brought to my attention by my Twitter friend saphyreplatypus. Being that I'm a giver, I just had to pass it along. You're welcome.

MONROE, Ore. -- The thing to do if a squirrel runs up your leg is probably not to aim a .22-caliber rifle at it and pull the trigger.

A Benton County, Ore., sheriff's officer says a 36-year-old Monroe man told deputies he was startled by a squirrel that ran up his left leg so he fired at it but hit his foot instead.

Sheriff's Capt. Greg Ridler tells the Corvallis Gazette-Times that deputies contacted Ethan Bennett at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center and learned the story of the gunshot wound.

Bennett was treated and released. He declined to comment about the Nov. 23 incident.

He missed the squirrel.

Still in mourning - RIP little Taco Bell Chihuahua

2011-07-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the death of one beloved by all of us - the Taco Bell Chihuahua. So today, I'm doing a repost of the memorial post I wrote for him/her at the time of his/her death. So drop your chalupa and read on... And could someone please pass the hot sauce?

Strange things happen when I can't come up with a blog topic. This evening I decided to put out a request for topics to my Twitter friends. Yeah, it came down to the Taco Bell Chihuahua. In case you were wondering, I'll be making this up as I go along. I don't know that there's any real way to prepare for something like this...

This just in: The original Taco Bell Chihuahua died today. Looks like this post will be turning into an obituary. Lovely.

Oh Taco Bell Chihuahua, we hardly knew ye. Who knew that you were really a female dog named Gidget? It's an odd coincidence that my dog is named Gidget... Anyway, back to you, you cross-dressing doggie spokesperson. Your presence in television commercials back in the day made us want to run out and buy burritos, tacos and anything else you were pushing at us. Who could resist lines like, "¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!" and "Hey! Drop the chalupa!" Okay, truth be told, I was more likely to hit up Del Taco because I just like them better. But I was totally there for you when Taco Bell put out the talking Chihuahua replicas of you! Try as I might, I was only able to collect 2 of the 4 talking dogs. My life has never been fully complete since then. Sure, I could go on ebay and try to purchase the missing toys, but your sudden and untimely death is sure to put those out of my price range now. I may need to make a shrine out of the 2 dogs I have and the collection of hot sauce packets I've stolen over the years. I'll wipe my tears with the stack of Taco Bell napkins in the glove compartment of my car. I might even make a midnight run for the border. And it's all for you, you taquito-sized mascot of the late night munchies. I'll miss you!

Sources close to me (my 7 year old daughter who is standing right here) tell me that the following was the Taco Bell Chihuahua's favorite joke:

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver and cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?" "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle,"I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says.... "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Short but sweet. Ish.

2011-06-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

The one-liners

Playing my first game of Hanging With Friends. I will not become addicted. I will not become addicted. I will not become addicted. Yeah.

For the love of Gumby! Someone play Hanging With Friends with me! (I don't have a problem. I can stop at any time. I just don't wanna.)

'emo' is not acceptable on #wwf. No wonder they're so sad.

RT @funnyoneliners If you're talking about a creature that just wants to gulp down a huge meal and then sleep all day, then yes, I would call myself a cougar.

If hot wheels designed the tracks I'd watch NASCAR. RT @GoferDad

It's a good thing my mirror can't point and laugh. RT @minealone6

RT @DeathStarPR Is turning to the Dark Side easy? YES. Seductive? YES. Fun? YES. Will people get hurt? NO. Okay, probably. But only bad people

Love this video. I mean, who doesn't love to torment their dog?

The ones that are a little longer

weightwhat Good morning! Who wants to entertain me?

kelybreez @weightwhat Don't you generally entertain yourself?

weightwhat @kelybreez Usually. But I've heard all of my jokes now. Darnitall.

SarahBeeC @weightwhat here ya are!

weightwhat @SarahBeeC Not for long! I need to get a move on. Don't ask which move.

The ones that are even longer

kelybreez My favorite are

kelybreez Bluebirds. Those are my favorite.

weightwhat @kelybreez Smiling is my favorite.

kelybreez @weightwhat Singing and smiling.

weightwhat @kelybreez And syrup.

katdish And in the category of Scary things found under my daughter's sink, I present: http://twitpic.com/5f8uu6

weightwhat @katdish Is it alive?

katdish @weightwhat I think it's dead. But only mostly dead.

weightwhat @katdish You should go through its pockets and look for loose change.

RT @br8kthru DO NOT FEAR THE BEARDS! Check out great posts from this week in the Light Friday Hit List: http://su.pr/9WwOIN

weightwhat @br8kthru How did you know that I secretly fear beards?

SarahBeeC @weightwhat @br8kthru what about bearded clowns?

weightwhat @SarahBeeC AAAAAAAA!!!!!

melissa_rae My Princess Pootie Pants turns 5yo today! It will be a day full of pink & sparkles! #fb

weightwhat @melissa_rae But what will SHE be wearing?

melissa_rae How'd you know I was talking about my hubs?

weightwhat @melissa_rae I had an inkling.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Knock knock

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Who's there?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat the

weightwhat @Helenatrandom The who?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twitter Ho-down anyone?

2011-05-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

Let's just get right to it, shall we?

The one-liners

I'm not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are. #funnyoneliners

We are all connected and we are all the same. Except for you. RT @evrythingmustgo

This is awesome. Stolen from a friend's facebook. #Rapture http://twitpic.com/517bru @Schnik

Cool Whip container in the fridge. Could contain Cool Whip. Could contain five week old taco meat. Life is an adventure. @badbanana

Oprah said viewer tweeted to her, "I never knew I had a light in me, until you told me." If you have a light in you, go to the hospital. @MattTCoNP

Scared Cat Playing with Terrifying Tennis Ball http://t.co/1dagtpr via @drkarenbecker How about a laugh to start the day? @okiewife

No one ever answers my questions, but they always question my answers. RT @clarkekant

Only the good die young. Therefore, Darth Vader was good, Obi Wan was bad and Yoda was a hobgoblin of pure evil. #Logic #StarWars @DeathStarPR

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. And clowns. And spiders. And clown spiders. Okay, so lots of stuff actually. @DeathStarPR

The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish Moral dilemma: I can score a triple word score on #WWF, but I'll have to drop the F bomb to do so.

weightwhat @katdish Drop it like it's hot, drop it like it's hot...

katdish @weightwhat You are my moral center, Wendy.

weightwhat @duane_scott I suddenly feel the urge to slap you silly.

duane_scott @weightwhat refer to previous tweets. I'm not responsible for what I write this evening :)

weightwhat @duane_scott It has nothing to do with your tweets. I often feel the urge to slap you silly. I'm just announcing it this time.

duane_scott I wrote a poem about Fruit-Loops. I'm considering sharing it if you all promise not to laugh.

weightwhat @duane_scott Will the Cheetos be jealous?

The ones that are even longer

Yeah, I've got nothing for this section. Instead, feel free to watch the following video.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat @billycoffey Yea for your summer vacation! Are you sitting on the porch with sweet tea as we speak?

billycoffey @weightwhat Actually I'm still at work.

weightwhat @billycoffey Why?! Did they chain you to a desk or lock you in? Do we need to plan a prison break?

billycoffey @weightwhat No, I have to work all year. But it's nice and quiet.

weightwhat @billycoffey Does that mean you can wear your pajama jeans to work?

HeatherSunseri @billycoffey @weightwhat I'm sorry... Pajama jeans? Surely, you meant to DM that...

weightwhat @HeatherSunseri Nope. ;o)

billycoffey @weightwhat @HeatherSunseri I'm proud to say I do not have one pair of pajama jeans.

weightwhat @billycoffey You have three?

Silly Parents

2011-05-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

I love this commercial. LOVE! There's actually a series of them, but I can only find one on youtube. Darnitall. At least I can share this one with you! Enjoy!

Yea! It's a Ho-down!

2011-04-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

Hooray! It's a twitter ho-down! Feel free to do your happy dance.

Okay, maybe you should keep your happy dance to yourself...

The one-liners

I'm convinced that people change their avatars just to confuse me. And yes, it IS all about me.

Does this "but" make my excuse look big? (RT @MrBigFists)

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help. (RT @TrolleyCat) It's National Napping Day! I could learn to love this holiday.

Can you guys keep it down? I can barely hear myself suffering in silence. (RT @evrythingmustgo)

Wow. It's my 24,000th tweet. You'd think by now I'd come up with something interesting to say. Well, you'd be wrong.

Tweet. That is all.

Somewhere out there is a racehorse saying that they have to pee like me. Gotta go!

Life Tip: It's always a good idea to get a second set of fingerprints on your weapon of choice. RT @LIFECOACHERS

The people who invented the Internet never would have got around to doing it if they'd had the Internet. RT @mattkirshen

Just found out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck: Two pounds. Consider it settled. RT @StephenAtHome

When you flirt with someone in real life, how long are you supposed to hold the sideways wink face? RT @badbanana

I may or may not be eating a giant spoonful of peanut butter right now. Okay, I totally am.

I've got Poker Face playing right now. So my daughter came in and started poking my face. Nice.

Fair warning: I'm planning on doing a twitter ho-down post this week. Who wants to be (in)famous?

weightwhat @duane_scott @SBeeCreations You should always listen to me. I'm the voice of reason.

The ones I may or may not have said in a DM

And do you have rings on your fingers and bells on your toes?

I'll be sure to bedazzle the peg leg, of course.

I also enjoy not having gaping and oozing wounds.

Cerebral fornicator?

Going for the shock and awe, huh?

With a lop lop here and a lop lop there...

The ones that are a little bit longer

okiewife I bought a mini bamboo plant for myself today. Go ahead.. say I'm weird. Everyone else has.

weightwhat @okiewife I could tell you that you are weird, but I really don't think we can blame the bamboo for that.

weightwhat @okiewife Then again, I have a mini bamboo plant. If that causes weirdness, it would explain a lot.

five_monkies Okay tweeps. I am seriously missing my nightly forays with @weightwhat (or @WendyDarlingLtd depending on her mood that night).

weightwhat @five_monkies We're like ships that pass in the night. Or some other Barry Manilow song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgnHEyeMECc

TheRustedChain It's hammer time.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I'll get my gold parachute pants!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat How is it that you, @duane_scott, and so many others have more alter egos than me? When did I become the sane one?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Probably around the same time that I became the voice of reason.

MPdaCNA Lovely discussion about farts and poop. Gotta love life w boys.

weightwhat @MPdaCNA Um... Yeah... Only boys would talk about things like that... *whistling innocently*

br8kthru @weightwhat are you actually here? I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Feel free to faint dead away. I am here.

RedClayDiaries My nose itches. On the inside. #ihateallergies

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Sure. You're "scratching." We believe you.

WritingJoy wow. This would indeed be an epic story. "guy poops and throws up epic story" #searcheslandingonmyblog #searchbomb?

weightwhat @WritingJoy What? Isn't that how all the good writers do it?

weightwhat Okay, I may be a little disturbed. http://tinyurl.com/3wufur9

marni71 @weightwhat only a LITTLE?

weightwhat @marni71 What are you trying to say?

mommytweetsalot Why won't my kids go to bed and STAY there? Bedtime is the most stressful part of my day.....ugh

weightwhat @mommytweetsalot Clearly you're not using enough duct tape.

katdish Flower stems or creepy green hands? http://plixi.com/p/94816286

weightwhat @katdish I think the Grinch is trying to steal Easter.

katdish @weightwhat HA! Awesome.

weightwhat Free wi-fi? I may sit drinking sweet tea at McD's all day. #wwf

weightwhat Wow. That sweet tea is kickin' in... #pottydance

weightwhat So much for the free wi-fi... #iPadsarenotpottyfriendly

RobinMArnold I just called someone a whippersnapper. Don't be one. Not good.

weightwhat @RobinMArnold If only your warning had come earlier. I'm afraid it's too late for the likes of me.

weightwhat My daughter was sitting in the bathtub the other night singing "Video Killed the Radio Star." It was a very proud moment for me.

elizabethesther @weightwhat my twins sing in the bathtub, too. Except their favorite song is: Old McDonald Had A Poo-Poo Farm. #notsoproud

weightwhat @elizabethesther With a poo-poo here and a poo-poo there?

melissa_rae I think I'm getting a fever... #fb

mychiapet @melissa_rae And the only cure is more cowbell?

mychiapet @dlrayburn You know, we looked a lot alike before I got my seeds all grown in. Except I don't have thumbs. Showoff.

dlrayburn @mychiapet Actually I am a chia in remission... I started out with hair...

mychiapet @dlrayburn Do you need more seeds?

The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations Saw a guy Wearing Crocs while riding a motorcycle *blink* *blink*

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I know he's saying something, I just don't know what that something is.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I think it's some like "Chicks dig mangled extremities"

weightwhat @SBeeCreations That could be it!

weightwhat Thinking of doing a dot-to-dot using the freckles on my arms. This could take a while. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

SBeeCreations @weightwhat you aren't alone

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I was. And now it's too late.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat What did you do?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I look kind of like this now:

elizabethesther I get to go to the dentist today! YIPEEEEE! not.

weightwhat @elizabethesther You're a wild woman! Maybe next you can go to the podiatrist to have an ingrown toenail removed!

WritingJoy @weightwhat Wow, Wendy -- forget about living on the edge -- just bungee-jump off the side why doncha?

weightwhat @WritingJoy @elizabethesther Hey, I'm all about the edge. As long as it can be done in jammies.

weightwhat You really should go read and comment on @mychiapet's guest blog post on @SBeeCreations new blog. You wouldn't want to see @mychiapet angry.

weightwhat What are you still doing here? Go read @mychiapet's guest post at @SBeeCreations blog already. http://t.co/HCEeMlb

katdish @weightwhat You're so bossy when you're.....awake.

weightwhat @katdish And?

marni71 Sometimes, I need people to have a mute button. In absence of that technology, I'm having extra coffee today. #tc

weightwhat @marni71 Are you talking about me again?

marni71 @weightwhat Uhhhhh, sorry Wendy. Didn't see you there. #awkward

weightwhat @marni71 Yeah.

muchl8r Today's one of those days where you start realizing how much you love & appreciate people then kick yourself for being so sappy. #Gross

weightwhat @muchl8r Can I kick you, too?

muchl8r @weightwhat please do

weightwhat @muchl8r So happy to help! :o)

weightwhat Am I disturbed? You decide. http://tinyurl.com/3wufur9

jewda4 @weightwhat I think I know the answer, and I haven't even read the post yet.

weightwhat @jewda4 What are you trying to say?

jewda4 @weightwhat um, to protect the safety of the innocent and myself...I was just saying that I can tell you are not disturbed in the slightest.

katdish My son is on the local news. Students protesting teacher layoffs.

weightwhat @katdish Is he carrying a pitchfork and a torch? Please say yes...

katdish @weightwhat Not that I can see. The HS is next to the JH. They interviewed some teens who are protesting by going to Starbucks across street

katdish @weightwhat Because nothing says Save our school like purchasing an iced frappachino

weightwhat @katdish Throw in a scone and you could start a war.

dlrayburn @weightwhat Been missing you round here!

weightwhat @dlrayburn But is your aim getting better?

dlrayburn @weightwhat wow ur snarky is out of practice

weightwhat @dlrayburn I suppose I should dust it off once in a while.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

RedClayDiaries Big storm on its way. Hoping it arrives AFTER we're home from evening activities.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Is everything black and white where you live?

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Um, what?

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries You know, like the beginning of The Wizard of Oz.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Ohhhhhh. I had no clue what you meant. But no, we do still have technicolor. However, a witch just rode by on a bicycle.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Better hide the dogs.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat I'm putting on my red shoes just in case.

Nick_theGeek @RedClayDiaries u want a house to land on you?

RedClayDiaries @Nick_theGeek Oh yeah. OK scratch that. I'll go put on my blue gingham.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Don't forget to braid your hair. And sing.

Do they tweet in Heaven? Remembering Kristi

2011-04-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, my twitter friend, Kristi (@pagan43), passed away. I can only imagine the party in Heaven when she arrived. I'm guessing there were lampshade hats involved, but I just can't be sure. While it breaks my heart that I won't be able to catch up with her on twitter anymore, I'm so happy that her joy in now complete. To celebrate the short period of her life when I got to know her, I put together some of her tweets from my past twitter ho-downs. I hope you enjoy this little glimpse of Kristi...

pagan43 @weightwhat Hmmm , seems as tho i have single handedly eradicated several huge roadside attraction giant coffee cups. #ohthepower

weightwhat @pagan43 You know, you really should use your power for good instead of evil.

pagan43 A universal remote does not in actuality control the whole universe.

weightwhat @pagan43 Drats. There goes that plan.

pagan43 Still waiting for Z to bring up rest of the decorations . 'specially the Lady Leg Lamp. Should I shoot his eye out or just nag ?

weightwhat @pagan43 I just keep my leg lamp up all year to avoid this kind of situation. And yes, it's in my front window.

pagan43 Family tradition is to hang the raw turkey neck on the front door knob...Please do not ask.

weightwhat @pagan43 How can you put a statement like that out there and then say, "Don't ask"? Well, I'm askin'.

pagan43 @weightwhat Kids were out one Thsgv. Eve.We tied raw neck on door knob unscrewed light bulb and hid. Kid touched neck and screamed.

weightwhat @pagan43 Aahhhh... Good times.

duane_scott I just learned that titilating is a word. I just became titilated.

pagan43 @duane_scott We are to presume you know the meaning of your new word . Hint...it has nothing to do with udders. #titilating

weightwhat @duane_scott In public?!

duane_scott @weightwhat @marni71 it's not a bad word!

weightwhat @duane_scott *snort*

pagan43 @duane_scott You keep confusing me with @marni71. I am Kristi, The one with the Water Shack getaway place.

weightwhat @pagan43 That's what happens when one over titilates. (@duane_scott)

weightwhat Okay, somebody entertain me, quick! You don't want me left to my own devices.

pagan43 @weightwhat Dancing as fast as I can... Your devices scare me.

weightwhat @pagan43 You've got some serious moves! And yes, my devices scare most people.

pagan43 @weightwhat I am going to put on my tin foil hat & pajamas and go to bed. will work the same as "I have a headache?" #nottonite

weightwhat @pagan43 My guess is yes. Maybe even better than a headache. And for a longer period of time.

pagan43 Pancakes and bacon for dinner. Snowed in.

weightwhat @pagan43 Pancakes and bacon? I wanna be snowed in.

pagan43 More than 8 additional inches to come.

weightwhat @pagan43 TWSS

weightwhat @pagan43 No one is safe around me.

Please keep Kristi's husband, Bill, and her family in your prayers. She was a wonderful woman and having a Kristi-sized hole in your life has got to be horrible. I miss you, Kristi!

Cones of eccentricity

2011-04-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

I had a birthday this week. It was lovely, thanks. But it got me to wondering... At what age, exactly, can one be called "eccentric"? 'Cause that's what I'm going for. I'm 44 now. How much longer do I need to wait? You can get away with so much more when people think you're eccentric.

The other day, I went to Costco with my family. As we were walking in from the parking lot, I spotted an elderly woman pushing her full cart out to her car. But wait, there's more. When she left the store, she ran into one of those giant orange cones that they have in the front to try to keep people from driving into the store. And yes, the cone led they way out to her car. No, she didn't seem to realize that she was pushing an orange cone with her cart. At least, not until she got to her car. Of course, she left the cone out there in the parking lot. In back of someone else's car. Probably made that person wonder when they got to their car... But do you see? That can be chalked up to eccentricity.

I want to push a giant orange cone around in front of my shopping cart.

Maybe even carry a cone around with me as a warning to others. "Caution: You don't know what this person will do next."

It's not like I'm asking to be able to shuffle around with my knee high hose bunched up around my ankles. Not unless they're paired with slippers, anyway.

So really? How long do I have to wait? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller...? Bueller...?

Life is Funny - Ben & Jerry's loves me

2011-04-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

I love a good bargain. I really do. But nothing thrills me to the core like free stuff. And free ice cream?! What, have I died and gone to Heaven? Oh yeah. And tomorrow is Ben & Jerry's annual Free Cone Day. They're doing it for my birthday because they love me. They don't actually know me, but they love me. And they show their love with free ice cream.

Anyway.

So I'll be having my free scoop in the afternoon. And again in the evening. Possibly a few times in between. Don't judge me. It's ice cream. If there was more than one Ben & Jerry's around here I'd make the rounds and have more free ice cream. Like that one time...

Back in the day, I used to live in Southern California. My best friend "R" lived nearby and she's all about the free stuff, just like me. Baskin Robbins usually does some kind of free thing once a year, too, and one year they were doing free Cappuccino Blasts. Mmmm... Coffee and ice cream... And the best part? There were Baskin Robbins all over the place down there!

So R and I hatched a plan.

We mapped out all the Baskin Robbins parlors in the area. There was a 3 hour time window in which they were giving out the free Blasts. We hit those parlors and hit 'em hard! Then we went and made the rounds again. Oh yeah, we were good.

But did you know that they put real coffee in the Cappuccino Blasts? Strong coffee. With lots of caffeine.

I think it was a few days later before I was able to sleep again. There's something to be said for bouncing off the walls, you know. And yes, I'd do it again. Because cheap is good and free is even better.

So go on out and get your free scoop. Maybe even make the rounds. Who could ask for a better birthday celebration? Mmmmm... Ice cream...

In which the Big Bad Wolf makes a life change

2011-03-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

Brace yourself. This is actually a Life is Funny post. Will miracles never cease? Okay, before you go thinking I've given up on my slacking ways, this post is pretty much from my 8 year old nephew. He wrote a story for his class that made me laugh so much that I just had to share it. I'm sure I don't know how he comes by his humor...

"Once apon a time ther was three pigs. 1 pig had a straw house. The 2 pig had a stick house. The 3 pig had a brick house. And a wolf blow the 1 house in. The wolf blow the 2 house in. The wolf tryed blowing the 3 house in but the wolf cod not. So the wolf said I will eat cow from now on. The end."

*snort*

What does Yiayia have to say?

2011-03-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm posting this Saturday Silliness post a little early. Or very late since I haven't done one in, oh, forever. But I just thought these commercials were so funny, I couldn't wait! C'mon, laugh with me!

Have a good weekend!

How to speak Irish

2011-03-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

Top o' the mornin' to ya! As you can clearly see, I speak a little Irish. Would you like to speak Irish, too? What better day than St. Patrick's Day to start! Just follow the simple steps illustrated in the video below, and you'll be speaking Irish in no time.

And may I say, those are fine lookin' potatoes you've got there.

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on your computer...

2011-03-04T10:34:00.000-08:00

Okay, yes. It's been a long time since I've done a Twitter Ho-down post. Or any post for that matter. But hey, some of these tweets are so old that you've probably forgotten about them by now. See? It's all good. Yeah. I meant to do that.

The one-liners

TheGarfoose Hey @michael_schlact love your new Tatoo, way more masculine than your other one http://yfrog.com/h080ptj

NikkiKearney Coffee is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Or at least busy.

tellingdad My poor wife. She's been counting Box Tops for our son's school for 3 hours. She didn't see the humor in me singing, "867-5309" to her.

mychiapet @SBeeCreations Still avoiding me, I see. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

If your man doesn't want to talk about his feelings, it's because you haven't told him what they are yet. RT @shariv67

badbanana Carried outside by a group of men wearing top hats. That's also how Elton John predicts the weather.

badbanana An optimist sees a zombie as half alive. A pessimist sees a zombie and says "yep, I knew this would happen."

badbanana Ladies, upgrade to a digital biological clock. It's completely silent.

PeterGriffinn No, you're wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong.

mychiapet I'm thinking of having a little work done. I wonder if extra chia seeds are a tax deduction.

My daughter is watching The Three Stooges. Not sure what that says about my parenting skills.

Doin' the Single Ladies dance over here. May or may not be wearing a leotard.

The ones that are a little bit longer

Helenatrandom Hot Earl Grey Tea and ring bologna #lunchtime

Weightwhat @Helenatrandom You have a special knack for making me not hungry.

The_BMG I was just informed by DG that she can't sleep b/c she's busy pooping. #okthen

weightwhat @The_BMG Well, it is tough to do both at the same time. Don't ask how I know that.

SBeeCreations @mychiapet You are looking a little poofy. I think you need a trim.

mychiapet @SBeeCreations Gettin' a bit personal there now, aren'tcha?

connectedgeek If your job is your hobby and your hobby is your job (ie computer related), other than your family and friends, how to you occupy your time?

weightwhat @connectedgeek I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. Call me Roger.

duane_scott Okay, I was going to post on my blog for the first time this week, but it'll be tomorrow. I've been catching up on "me" today.

weightwhat @duane_scott Giving yourself a facial and painting your toenails?

TheRustedChain I'm no Superman.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain You just like wearing the cape and tights?

okiewife will not take a drug that advertises one of the side effects is possible death. I perfer to wait for natural causes. Like falling icicles...

WendyDarlingLtd @okiewife Where's your sense of adventure? I personally look for the meds that say that an exploding colon is a possibility.

mychiapet Pssst! @weightwhat is working on a post. Don't tell her I told you.

CrazyGidgetDog @mychiapet I'm totally tellin'. And @weightwhat likes me best.

The ones that are even longer

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hi Wendy! How's the Chia? ;-)

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Oddly quiet. I think it must be scheming.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That sounds like something we should be doing. You think the Chia is trying to take over the world before we do?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom It's entirely possible. We should probably try to harness that energy for our own purposes.

weightwhat Aw, man! I forgot to get my Groundhog's Day cards in the mail! If only I could relive the day over and over so I could get it right.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat And I was at the store, and forgot ground pork. I would've LOVED to see Bob's face when telling him he's eating ground hog!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Bob may never let you do the grocery shopping again!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat It's just as well. Most of my recipes for ground pork get mixed with ground beef anyway, so he really wouldn't be eating hog...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Pigs and cows mixing? Isn't that a Biblical sin or something?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Running around like a headless chicken. Chili sounds good. D has a mancold. Test tomorrow. Bogged in work today.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations A mancold, huh? Lots of whining and hardly any symptoms?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat That would be the one!

LaurelsZoo @SBeeCreations Did you rub his head and chant "poor little bunny?"

SBeeCreations @LaurelsZoo Bwahahahaha! Yes!! I did forget the Poor little Bunny part. I'll have to rectify that.

marklamberti If I had to guess, I'd say that 30% of my Twitter followers are real people.

weightwhat @marklamberti Am I real?

marklamberti @weightwhat I think you're in a better position than I am to answer that?

weightwhat @marklamberti Not necessarily. I could be a figment of my own imagination. Wouldn't be the first time.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat What would I do without you?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm not sure, but there would probably be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat at the very least and don't forget flailing

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I always consider flailing to be a given.

duane_scott What's another word for "unflinchingly". As in the man stared into the darkness unflinchingly. #duaneiswritinganovel

weightwhat @duane_scott You know, there's this great new thing called a Thesaurus...

duane_scott @weightwhat I am too scared to use a thesauras. I don't want to come off as sounding smarter than I am.

weightwhat @duane_scott Should we try to find very small words for you then?

jennybekrocks This seizure brought to you by Arcade Fire #grammys

WendyDarlingLtd @jennybekrocks Weren't you just saying you could use a good seizure right about now?

jennybekrocks @WendyDarlingLtd I was. And they delivered, just in time. Whew.

WendyDarlingLtd @jennybekrocks See? It's a good weekend afterall.

TheRustedChain Awww, I just received my first hate mail in a long time! I've hit the big time now! Thanks "John Smith" for making me feel special. :)

WendyDarlingLtd @TheRustedChain If that's all you were waiting for to make the big time, you should have told me before! I'd have sent you some hate mail.

WendyDarlingLtd @TheRustedChain Have I mentioned that I'm a giver?

TheRustedChain @WendyDarlingLtd I'd take hate mail from you any day! I'm sure it would make me smile. :) You are such a giver.

katdish Waiting on a phone call from @peterpollock. Which I think I may have missed...

WendyDarlingLtd @katdish Is he calling to read the phone book to you? Gotta get that daily accent fix.

katdish @WendyDarlingLtd I've asked him to read the menu from Jack in the Box. He can make anything sound classy.

WendyDarlingLtd @katdish Maybe Walmart should hire him to do their in-store announcements.

WritingJoy First manicure ever. Nice. I could get used to this.

WendyDarlingLtd @WritingJoy What color are you fingernails?

WritingJoy @WendyDarlingLtd well, the bottle said "Exhale." What color you suppose that is?

WendyDarlingLtd @WritingJoy Depends on whether or not you've brushed your teeth lately.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

katdish I need a chicken soup fairy

CandySteele @katdish Ha! I read that as "chicken poop." Wish you lived closer - I'm on a cooking binge today.

katdish @CandySteele I definitely do not need a chicken poop fairy. I hate being sick.

weightwhat @katdish Are you sure? Because I could totally be your chicken poop fairy. We've got plenty here and I'm a giver.

katdish @weightwhat If I ever need a chicken poop fairy, your number's on speed dial.

weightwhat @katdish I'm here for ya.

beckfromfrogandtoad My husband just announced that he's crafting me a new gallbladder for Valentine's Day. I am a lucky woman.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Nothing says love like a new gallbladder. Except maybe a new spleen.

beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat He is a unique fellow.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Not everyone gives body parts as gifts. You've got yourself a keeper there.

beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat I could never, EVER replace him.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Well technically, if he gave you enough body parts, you could.

The_BMG Wearing pajamas at 7:45 on a Saturday night = I'm a loser.

weightwhat @The_BMG @SBeeCreations I felt a disturbance in the force like I was being insulted somehow...

SBeeCreations @The_BMG @weightwhat Is that all it takes?

The_BMG @SBeeCreations @weightwhat I'll just have to call her out more often...

weightwhat @The_BMG Hey man, don't insult the jammies.

The_BMG @weightwhat I would never insult the jammies. They rock my socks.

weightwhat @The_BMG My jammies will be eyeing you suspiciously now.

The_BMG @weightwhat If your jammies eye anything, I'm a little concerned.

weightwhat @The_BMG If that's the only thing about me that concerns you, you might have a problem.

Aren't you glad you waited for this? And yes, standing next to me makes you look normal. You're welcome.

Pleasant? No. Disturbed? Yes.

2011-02-17T09:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm finally doing a blog post on this blog. Why? Because my friend, Helen, is hosting the Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays blog carnival! She's much cuter than Duane, the normal host. Have you seen her pink hat? Hubba hubba. Okay, it might also have something to do with me having a topic to write on...

Fair Warning: Guys, you should probably just walk away now. I wouldn't want your delicate sensibilities to be damaged.

Are they gone?

Okay.

I had to go to the doctor's office yesterday. No biggie, just a re-check on my meds. So after getting my blood pressure and weight, the nurse showed me into a room. As soon as we got into the room, the nurse told me, "Don't worry, the salad tongs of death on the counter aren't for you." Okay, she might have actually called it a speculum, but I know what she really meant. Of course I eyed her suspiciously. I've been the victim of the sneak attack of the salad tongs of death before. But she was very reassuring. I may have smiled at her, but I was keeping an eye on the instrument of torture.

My doc came in and we talked about my meds, how I've been feeling, etc. The problem was, I'd recently taken antibiotics. Since just saying the word "antibiotics" is enough to cause a problem with me, I knew I'd be needing a prescription. So I asked for one. You know, because I've gone through this enough times to have it figured out. But since this doc is new to me...

Yup. She insisted on the salad tongs of death. GAAAAAAAAAAA!!! No one expects the salad tongs of death! Oh wait. That's the Spanish Inquisition.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Hmmm... I wonder who I have to talk to in order to get the soft cushions and the comfy chair next time instead.

It's all about the commercials

2011-02-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I didn't watch the Super Bowl yesterday. Couldn't even tell you who was playing other than the Steelers, and that's only because it's my husband's favorite team. I never watch the Super Bowl. But I still want to see what's important: The commercials. What would I do without the internet? So without further ado, I present my favorite commercial from the Super Bowl this year...

I don't know why anyone would be suspicious of me

2011-01-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

The one-liners

I'm feeling very unfollowy today. Silence is not always golden, people.

I may or may not have taken on another alter ego last night.

mychiapet @CandySteele I can't believe you'd rather have chia poop than me.

RT @FatherKelly I like to drink hot chocolate at my window and constantly motion to the people shoveling my driveway that they "missed a spot."

The ones that are a little longer

okiewife Sick people need their rest, so goodnight y'all.

weightwhat @okiewife You're not that sick. Oh! You mean ill! Okay, off to bed with you then.

five_monkies I really should go to bed. But talking to SIL has been "informative". Never knew hubs liked parachute pants! LMAO And Jerry Curl.

weightwhat @five_monkies Who DOESN'T like parachute pants and Jheri curl?

weightwhat Why yes, there IS a twitter ho-down today! Are YOU in it? http://tinyurl.com/4qangmb

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat why yes, I am, and for flatulence none-the-less! ;-)

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Hey, everybody has to have a claim to fame.

The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Happy Monday?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Oxymoron?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Who are you calling a moron? Bit early, don't you think?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's never too early for morons.

SBeeCreations I didn't know there was a BoSa donuts in Tempe!

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Is that good or bad?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Both!!

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Mmmm... Doughnuts... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3ZcZ2h4Ths

And the 'why don't you post the whole conversation' ones

SBeeCreations I have no idea how many ounces BabyBee drinks in a 24 hour period. Need to know how much of a stash I have to have for next Wednesday-Thurs

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Do you keep formula on hand for emergencies?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat nope - I have none

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Any chance you could get some? I used to mix formula and breast milk together when I didn't have enough breast milk on hand.

kelybreez @weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm so glad I get to follow this conversation. Pity those who don't follow you both.

duane_scott @kelybreez Me too, dude. @weightwhat and @sbeecreations know no limits.

weightwhat @duane_scott You have no idea.

duane_scott @weightwhat You have educated me on so many things... I'm not sure if I owe you or if you owe me... my innocence.

weightwhat @duane_scott Just givin' ya what ya need, whether you like it or not.

SBeeCreations @duane_scott @kelybreez @weightwhat for heaven's sake, it's just breastmilk. You'd have no problems talking about cow milk. That's weirder

dlrayburn @SBeeCreations @duane_scott did someone mention udders? @kelybreez @weightwhat

weightwhat @dlrayburn Remember Dusty, don't call them udders.

kelybreez @SBeeCreations @dlrayburn @duane_scott @weightwhat / Goodness, I go to LifeGroup and look what I miss! And I'm glad I missed it!

weightwhat @kelybreez Oh, c'mon Kely! With all those kids you've never had a breastmilk discussion? Really?

kelybreez @weightwhat Far too many. Never having another one would be fine by me.

weightwhat @kelybreez Do you suffer from lactation envy? Is that it?

kelybreez @weightwhat You take that back. I am lactation intolerant.

weightwhat @kelybreez Surely there must be a pill you can take for that. And yes, I called you Shirley.

kelybreez @weightwhat I refuse the pill. And don't call me Shirley.

SBeeCreations Wait, what? “@mychiapet: What? You don't like my chia pet? I see how you are.”

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How could you not like a chia pet?

okiewife @weightwhat Chia pets are too modern for me. I still have my pet rocks because they are so easy to care for.

weightwhat @okiewife You'd think so, but I managed to kill my pet rock. Such a sad story.

okiewife @weightwhat Are you sure it wasn't deliberate? You could have just given it to a poor homeless person.

weightwhat @okiewife Well, my mom told me that it went to live on a farm. Now that I'm a grown up, I know what that means...

WritingJoy Pajamas to the bus stop this morning. @weightwhat will be proud.

weightwhat @WritingJoy You know I am!

WritingJoy @weightwhat I'm basking in the glow of your approval right now. Almost brightens this gray gloomy day.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Well, I am Sweetness and Light™, so I spread sunshine wherever I go.

WritingJoy @weightwhat ::snort:: I just choked on my throat lozenge.

weightwhat @WritingJoy What are you trying to say?

WritingJoy @weightwhat that I need the Heimlich.

mychiapet @SBeeCreations What? You don't like my chia pet? I see how you are.

SBeeCreations Wait, what? “@mychiapet: What? You don't like my chia pet? I see how you are.”

mychiapet @SBeeCreations What did @mychiapet ever do to you?

SBeeCreations Nothing! Why are you picking on me? “@mychiapet: What did @mychiapet ever do to you?”

mychiapet @SBeeCreations You don't like to be picked? How about poked then? *poke poke poke*

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Did you see that I'm being harassed by a chia pet bot? Still?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations That bot sure is personal. Are you sure it's a bot?

mychiapet @SBeeCreations Who are you callin' a bot?!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Nope! Not anymore!

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Are you the reason "Ch Ch Ch Cha Chia" is now following me? HAHAHAHAHA

SBeeCreations @Helenatrandom Probably! I don't know why it started up with me, but now it won't stop! Guess I'll have to stop watering it

mychiapet @SBeeCreations No need to get all violent...

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations If you check out its followers, you'll see they are few. Also check out who Chia is following... JUST US!!! HAHAHAHAHa!

SBeeCreations @Helenatrandom HA! That is mighty suspicious! Must be one of us.... a mole!

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations A chia pet mole!

saphyreplatypus @SBeeCreations me thinks a certain person in WA may know a thing or two about said Chia. I'm looking at you @weightwhat! Lol!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Wha...?

SBeeCreations @saphyreplatypus @weightwhat Cha cha cha chia!

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Leave it to me to investigate who follows the Chia!!!

SBeeCreations @Helenatrandom I have to say, you are looking a little suspect!

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Well, I know it's not me, and so does Wendy, er... I mean Chia!

ImAPennyPincher @Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations I think it's Wendy. She said she created a new profile the other day.

Helenatrandom @ImAPennyPincher @SBeeCreations I'm thinking the same thing, since Chia started following all her aliases (alii?) first!

ImAPennyPincher @Helenatrandom Yup.

SBeeCreations @ImAPennyPincher @Helenatrandom Ah ha! It must be Casey! Trying to throw me off the scent. Naturally, one would suspect @weightwhat - Tricky

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Naturally!!!!

ImAPennyPincher @Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations I got a message from @mychiapet last night. I immediately thought it was Wendy. She's crazy enough to do it.

saphyreplatypus @ImAPennyPincher I do remember hearing Wendy speak of another "alter ego"

ImAPennyPincher @saphyreplatypus YES! I remember too. Glad someone else does.

Helenatrandom @ImAPennyPincher @SBeeCreations @mychiapet Yes, but then, so are any of us! But yes, I agree from the list of people Chia follows it is her

ImAPennyPincher @Helenatrandom 100% her.

ImAPennyPincher Good grief how many alter egos does @weightwhat have? Like 10??

SBeeCreations @Helenatrandom @ImAPennyPincher Yes, @mychiapet only seems to appear when @weightwhat is online

SBeeCreations @ImAPennyPincher No wonder she needs Tweetdeck to keep up with them! @weightwhat

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat oh do not even try to claim innocence, we have seen the mischief within.

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations @Helenatrandom @ImAPennyPincher @saphyreplatypus Wow, I go to lay down for a bit and you all gang up on me?! Shocking!!!

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat You know it!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat @helenatrandom @imapennypincher @saphyreplatypus Feeling chia petty? ;P

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Wow... Y'all just have too much time on your hands, don't you? *snort* (@helenatrandom @imapennypincher @saphyreplatypus)

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat "the force is strong in this one" #mischief

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus *waving hand* This is not the chia pet you're looking for.

Why does my husband keep handing me milk?

2011-01-22T05:00:00.000-08:00

If you read my Twitter Ho-down post yesterday (And why wouldn't you?), you'd have seen a Got Milk? commercial. When I went searching on youtube for that one, I came across this commercial as well:

Now can someone please explain to me why there's so much milk in my refrigerator?

Gone with the Tweet

2011-01-21T04:10:00.000-08:00

The one-liners

Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends. (RT@GeneralGrevious)

I've developed positive feelings towards my captors. Love you, couch and Cheetos. (RT @badbanana)

Did you know that friskie originally meant "to fart silently?" I didn't until Sarah's mom learned it while reading a book. Read to achieve! (RT @jewda4)

What's the purpose of cookie jars? Who has cookies that stick around that long? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Hey! When did I grow hair on my big toes? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

I was thinking I'd like to be eccentric in my old age. Look who's an overachiever. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

My new diet is heavy on local, seasonal foods. Mostly Valentine's Day candy from the Walgreens down the street. (RT @badbanana)

I asked my daughter to bring her books upstairs. This just in: It's the end of the world.

I'm craving a bowl of cereal, but I'm out of milk. Yup, my life's become one of those commercials.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I know something you don't know -- I am not left-handed.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?

Just once I'd like the chip on someone's shoulder to be a Pringle. (RT @juicymorsel)

The ones from my dog

CrazyGidgetDog @ImAPennyPincher I've shed on pretty much everything here at this house. Want me to come do your house next? Like @weightwhat, I'm a giver.

I just realized that I haven't been dragging my hiney on the carpet enough lately. It IS the gift that keeps on giving, you know.

I've heard there's been a complaint (@Helenatrandom) that I never tweet. Hello? Do you know how hard it is to type w/o opposable thumbs?

Shedding - it's what I do. Thinkin' of turning pro next year.

The ones that are a little bit longer

stretchmarkmama Who *did* steal the cookie from the cookie jar?

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.

duane_scott RT @livitluvit: I have a zit *in* my eyebrow. #owwwwwwwwwwww / thanks for the update

weightwhat @duane_scott Hey, it's important. Let's try to be a bit more supportive here, huh? And by the way - I've got a zit on the side of my nose.

duane_scott @livitluvit @weightwhat I'll be supportive. Please keep me updated.

br8kthru Bowling! A special brand of sexy. :) http://ow.ly/i/7grl

weightwhat @br8kthru The bowling shoes or the bowed legs? 'Cause I'm thinkin' both.

kelybreez Tonight, for added spice, I'm wearing the leopard print Snuggie. Watching football. Manly.

weightwhat @kelybreez I thought you might be a wild man.

duane_scott I'm home from work. I'm just exhausted and borderline grumpy. Cheer me up? Do not send clowns.

weightwhat @duane_scott Too late. They're on their way. http://tinyurl.com/4fphtlh

weightwhat @makeadiff21 How's your morning so far?

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Very good. No whining yet!!!! The kids are doing well, too. Haha! And you?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 I'm waiting for my family to wake up so I can start whining. Yes, my whining needs an audience.

SBeeCreations Sadly, I have just realized that I've been wearing my DH's dress pants all day. At work. Yeah.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's okay. It's National Wear Your Husband's Pants Day.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Phew!

The ones that are even longer

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Talking to the hubster.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Tell him hi for me. But don't explain who I am. Keeps 'em guessing.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat He knows of you. lol

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher You mean I'm not that crazy friend you don't mention in mixed company? I need to up my game.

SBeeCreations Not cool. Pretty sure I've got a fever now. I can haz break? Going to have to decline football at the uncle's. Was looking forward to food.

SBeeCreations And I'm done whining now. I'm sorry.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Really? That's all the whining you've got? Frankly, I expected more from you.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat What? You saying I'm a whiner?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm saying your whining lacks zest and vigor.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Good evening!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm not sure why, but when I read your tweet in my head, you had a Dracula voice.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That's good, because I was typing it in my Dracula voice. You are very perceptive!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom It must be that twins separated at birth thing we've got going.

WritingJoy I started a discussion forum on my blog. Will you stop by & contribute to the conversation? http://ow.ly/3FQP7

weightwhat @WritingJoy Would I do that to you?

WritingJoy @weightwhat Oooooo.... Why don't you just show me?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Okay, I'm sitting here staring at it and have no idea what to do with it.

weightwhat @WritingJoy And doesn't that sound like something that should be TWSS'd?

ImAPennyPincher Ever sit on the floor so long that you can't get up? Yeah me either.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher For me that only takes about a tenth of a second. Yeah. Can't get up.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat My rear end is killing me! Oh geez... just let me do it. TWSS

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher *snort*

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

duane_scott Come to "Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays Vol. 15" Thursday, January 20 from 12:00 am to 3:00 am. EVERYONE IS INVITED!

weightwhat @duane_scott Why is it from 12 - 3 AM?

duane_scott @weightwhat Pleasantly Disturbed? Does it say that? It's that whole day!

weightwhat @duane_scott That's what it says. It appears our disturbance must be limited to those hours only. Not sure how I'm gonna work that one...

duane_scott @weightwhat LOL. It is now updated to 12:30 AM to 11:30 PM. Can you maintain all your disturbdness in that time frame or should I extend it?

weightwhat @duane_scott My disturbedness knows no bounds.

duane_scott I know. Hold me.

kelybreez @duane_scott @weightwhat Oh come on. Her disturbitude is full time. She was saying there's no way to crowd it into just 3 hours.

CandySteele Oats with flax & chia, sunflower butter, dollop of raspberry jam, toasted almonds & agave. #starving

weightwhat @CandySteele You're having a chia pet for breakfast? Is it the chia sheep? Or the chia clown?

CandySteele @weightwhat It's seeds, before they grow into clowns or sheep. When life was less... chia petty.

weightwhat @CandySteele Such humble beginnings. And now they'll never live out their dream of becoming a chia turtle, will they?

CandySteele @weightwhat Never. Never will become garage sale fodder. That's a good thing, Wendy.

weightwhat @CandySteele Yes, but now you could have chia poop. Which is worse?

CandySteele @weightwhat The chia pet. Definitely.

weightwhat @CandySteele Not really feelin' the chia pet love here, Candy.

SBeeCreations @diam0ndhead94 ((jugs))

SBeeCreations @diam0ndhead94 crap. I meant ((hugs)). I'm so sorry

makeadiff21 @SBeeCreations Ok. I'm rolling on the floor now. My hubby is like, what is going on...

SBeeCreations @makeadiff21 I don't know. That was quite a typo. Dare I say it was worthy of @candysteele?

makeadiff21 @SBeeCreations I don't know, but obviously Wendy and Kathy and other snarky lurkers are not around to see it.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Oh, I saw @SBeeCreations trying to hoist her jugs upon unsuspecting victims.

five_monkies Military School suggestions anyone?

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies No, but have you considered a velcro wall? ;o)

five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd LMAO! Okay, now I need to know where to buy bulk velcro!

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies If there's no one selling it already, we should go into business! And the moms of the world would rejoice...

five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd Definitely. That and bulk duct tape.

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies I find that a rubber mallet is good to have, too. A good whack to your forehead and you won't care what the kids are doing.

five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd ROFLMAO! At first I thought you were going to say to whack the kids with it.

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies Oddly, child protective services frowns upon that. They clearly don't have kids if that thought never crossed their minds.

SBeeCreations The Sarah Bee Daily is out! http://bit.ly/gsKH57

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Hi Sarah!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm pretty sure that was an auto tweet. :o(

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Her car is tweeting?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yup. She has one of those future cars, I think.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I used to love watching Knightrider when I was a kid...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I was thinkin' more Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

weightwhat Ever have a fart that keeps going and going? Uh, yeah. Me neither.

ImAPennyPincher #Didyoureallyjusttweetthat

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher #itslikeyoudontevenknowme

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat no, but my dog does #that'smystoryandI'mstickintoit

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Oh, I totally believe you. #iwouldbelieveyoumoreifyouhadadog

fart_robot RT @weightwhat Ever have a fart that keeps going and going? Uh, yeah. Me neither. FART ROBOT APPROVES.

weightwhat Good morning folks!

kelybreez @weightwhat I don't know how "folk" I am, but good morning anyway.

weightwhat @kelybreez Someone's being difficult and it's you.

kelybreez @weightwhat I'm not listening to you whine, young lady.

weightwhat @kelybreez Are you going to put your fingers in your ears and say, "LALALALA! I'm not listening!"?

kelybreez @weightwhat ... No actually I can't hear you b/c I've got my fingers in my eyes so I can't hear your tweets.

weightwhat @kelybreez Like I said, difficult.

kelybreez @weightwhat Ppppppttttttttt!

weightwhat @kelybreez Troublemaker.

kelybreez @weightwhat Pppppppttttttttt even more vociferously!

weightwhat @kelybreez Oh yeah?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl8H-rm6kt4

kelybreez @weightwhat Ok. You win. I have nothing with which to defeat a defender on the castle wall, spouting such effective vituperations.

weightwhat @kelybreez You should never test me, never get involved in a land war in Asia and never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

weightwhat I just woke up from a nap. You needed to know that.

kelybreez @weightwhat Why did I need to know that? So you could start in with the land wars and the castle wall storming and stuff again?

weightwhat @kelybreez I'm just trying to give you a fighting chance, Kely.

kelybreez @weightwhat How so? U defeated me soundly, & threw a holocaust cloak over me.

weightwhat @kelybreez I just want you to feel like you're doing well.

kelybreez @weightwhat Ooh... Extremely nice. That's the first time ever -- EVER -- I've heard someone quote that line. I've got to alert @katdish.

kelybreez @weightwhat @katdish Have you EVER heard anyone quote this one? That's going deep into the insides of Princess Bride, right there. Well played, Wendy!!!

weightwhat @kelybreez Why thank you. I love me some Fezzik.

I'm perfectly normal

2011-01-20T12:54:00.000-08:00

So Duane Scott has decided to bring back Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays. Last night on the Twitter, he was pestering me to write something for it. Like I'm the poster child for Disturbed. Frankly, I think he's crazy. I'm perfectly normal. Perfectly. Normal. What could I possibly write about? Yeah, I've got nothin'. But I suppose I could humor him and wing it.

I've been sick for almost two weeks now with an evil virus. EVIL! Let me tell ya, it's been kickin' my butt. And really? One person should never have to contend with so much phlegm. Yes, I'm phlegmish.

I wonder if the Flemish are especially phlegmish. And do they appreciate being compared to phlegm?

Phlegm. It's one of those words that sounds exactly like what it is. Phlegm. Yeah, that's pretty disgusting. Know what else sounds like what it is? Bounce. Go on, say it. Bounce! Ooo! And boing! Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!

Aw man! That makes me think of Animaniacs. I loved that show. Especially Pinky and the Brain. Why did they have to go and cancel it?

I'll tell you why they cancelled it: Because the networks are out to get me. It's true. If there's a show that I love and I happen to mention it out loud, it's the kiss of death for the show. Clearly, the networks have spies tracking me closely. Wonderful shows get taken off after a season or two, yet shows like Alf go on forever? Really people? Alf?!

I think Costco is in cahoots with the networks, too. Probably splitting the bill for the spies. Hey, times are tough now. Costco lures you in with all those wonderful free samples. Gets you hooked on something completely yummy. Makes you dependent on it. Craving it. And when you go back to get more? BAM! It's gone. They've stopped selling it. Why Costco, why?! Oh yeah, I know why. They're out to get me.

Anyway, I'm sorry that I couldn't come up with anything for your little carnival, Duane. Maybe given time, I can come up with something. It'll be tough though, since I'm perfectly normal. And content. We all have our burdens to bear.

So chic!

2011-01-15T10:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Saturday, folks! Ready for some silliness? I know you are! Wait for it...

You're welcome.

Make yourself comfy - it's the Twitter Ho-down

2011-01-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

The one-liners

I quit following my dreams. They weren't following me back. (RT @GeneralGrevious)

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific. - Mitch Hedberg

Chariots of Embers #LessAmbitiousFilms

Texas Chainsaw Woodcarving #LessAmbitiousFilms

Cowardheart #LessAmbitiousFilms

The Good, the Not-So-Good and the Slightly Unattractive #LessAmbitiousFilms

The Bride of Frankenstein's Second Cousin Bernie #LessAmbitiousFilms

To Slightly Injure a Mockingbird #LessAmbitiousFilms

Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV and Rocky V #LessAmbitiousFilms

I'm tellin' ya, the rubber mallet can solve most of the world's problems.

RT @badbanana It's that time of year in Nebraska when the ground is too frozen for shallow graves and your irritating neighbor knows it.

Just read a blog post about how to clean your bedroom in only 28 steps. I have a better solution - shut the door.

Just for grins, I think I'll switch over to one of my alter egos now. Yes, I have more than one. And?

RT @stretchmarkmama Josh Groban sings Kanye West's tweets:

The ones that are a little bit longer

kelybreez @weightwhat Wendy, you better behave.

weightwhat @kelybreez Why should I try something new now?

jewda4 The woman in front of us at Target almost fell down when she turned to look at the candy bars. She seemed to have otherwise perfect balance.

weightwhat @jewda4 Candy bars seem to have that effect on me, too. Got whiplash from a Twix once.

SBeeCreations @dlrayburn @duane_scott Can't say I've ever used a Snuggie for nefarious purposes @weightwhat

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Why are you looking at me like that? (@dlrayburn @duane_scott)

pagan43 @weightwhat Hmmm , seems as tho i have single handedly eradicated several huge roadside attraction giant coffee cups. #ohthepower

weightwhat @pagan43 You know, you really should use your power for good instead of evil.

LaurelsZoo I shall rise, but I refuse to shine.

weightwhat @LaurelsZoo So there.

WritingJoy I am going to attempt sanding all the marker, crusted food, & boogers off our dining table today. #bewarewomanwithpowertools #coffeeclub

weightwhat @WritingJoy And I suppose you'll be blaming the kids for putting those things on the table? Hmmm...?

weightwhat Good morning all.

LostInPortland @weightwhat Morning! (not sure what's good about it! lol)

weightwhat @LostInPortland I was momentarily blinded by my giant cup of coffee. That's my only explanation.

The ones that are even longer

weightwhat Okay, who wants to entertain me?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Dadadaddada....dadadadadada...da da da da da da da daa YEAH!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Should I applaud? Or just throw money?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Whatever floats your boat!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom My boat stopped floating a long time ago...

SBeeCreations Texted this pic to MIL. She thought it was scan of one of DH, lol. So much for the milkman!

The_BMG @SBeeCreations Unless your DH has an identical twin who is a milkman!

weightwhat @The_BMG @SBeeCreations Ooo! The plot thickens!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat @the_bmg da da dunh!!

dlrayburn @SBeeCreations After @br8kthru 's post on being Fearless maybe he will join us in the Speedo Challenge Video

br8kthru @dlrayburn @SBeeCreations say what now?

weightwhat @br8kthru I think it all started with @dlrayburn in a Speedo... Can't confirm or deny that it was a crochet Speedo...

br8kthru @weightwhat that's a double yikes. No offense, @dlrayburn

kelybreez You follow me, and you're in a swimsuit in your profile pic, you're outta here so fast ya gonna bust ya speedometer...

weightwhat @kelybreez So @dlrayburn shouldn't change his avatar to his Speedo pic?

kelybreez @weightwhat Let's see... How can I best answer that question?... No.

weightwhat @kelybreez Because what has been seen cannot be unseen?

LaurelsZoo Okay, the next person to track mud in my house dies. I'm not being mean, just purely practical. Others will then remember to wipe their feet

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo What about dog poop? Can they track in dog poop?

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd *cocking shotgun*

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Wow. Most people only prepare for the zombie apocalypse with that kind of vigor.

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd I will survive the zombie apocalypse. I run faster than my husband. And I'm willing to trip him.

CandySteele @Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Well you guys are going to have to think of a funky name for me cuz I'm not going w "Granny"

katdish @weightwhat @CandySteele My kids call my mom Ga Ga. And no, she doesn't wear meat as clothing.

CandySteele @katdish @weightwhat What do you call one who wears veggies?

weightwhat @CandySteele Salad?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

CandySteele Drinking warm ginger ale in front of the fire, ushering in the New Year in yoga pants and a snuggie. #lifeisgood

weightwhat @CandySteele Why is your ginger ale warm?

CandySteele @weightwhat Because it's been sitting here for an hour and the fire is hot.

weightwhat @CandySteele Ah, I see. Think you'll make it a regular thing?

CandySteele @weightwhat Nah. It's flat, too. Trying something different next year. #2buckchuck

weightwhat @CandySteele You don't like flat things, huh? *snort*

CandySteele @weightwhat You trying to bait me? I see you resurrected the infamous hashtag in your post. That seems like years ago.

weightwhat @CandySteele Would I do a thing like that? #goshitshot

katdish We ordered pizza. It was delivered. We paid for it and then we ate pizza.

Helenatrandom @katdish Can't you jazz that story up with an alien or a sparkly vampire or something?

katdish @Helenatrandom All of the ingredients had slid off the pizza.

Helenatrandom @katdish Where's the sparkly alien vampire in all this?

katdish @Helenatrandom Maybe the driver swerved to avoid hitting the shiny alien vampire.

weightwhat @katdish @katdish Actually, he swerved to hit some passing clowns. Clearly @katdish didn't tip him enough.

kelybreez @Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations @weightwhat Can you tweet in tongues?

SBeeCreations @kelybreez @Helenatrandom @weightwhat Sure! :Þ

weightwhat @kelybreez Slielwpspa!

kelybreez That's not tongues. That Finnish. Can't pull that one on me.

weightwhat @kelybreez Drats.

kelybreez @weightwhat When'd you learn Finnish anyway? Was it that time your were in the Fins' Ski Corps & got captured when Germany invaded?

weightwhat @kelybreez Who told you about that?!

LaurelsZoo hmmm...take a shower, freeze, and be socially acceptable...or stay warm and alone for the rest of the day. Decisions decisions.....

LaurelsZoo I decided to go with cold and socially acceptable. You're welcome.

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo You make me sad.

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd Because I caved in to social norm?

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Because you had the chance to stay in jammies and you just threw it away. Have I taught you nothing?!

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd who said I didn't just put on clean jammies?

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Now you're just throwing me a bone, aren't you?

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd At top speed. Overhand.

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo I see how you are.

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Wow. Most people only prepare for the zombie apocalypse with that kind of vigor.

WritingJoy @WendyDarlingLtd Rub it in. :P I was dressed up and out the door at 6am. Counting down the minutes til son's nap. Which means mine too.

WendyDarlingLtd @WritingJoy Why would you do something like that?! It's just wrong!

WritingJoy @WendyDarlingLtd I got paid and fed breakfast. I'm easy.

WendyDarlingLtd @WritingJoy I've heard that about you.

WritingJoy @WendyDarlingLtd From who? Er, I mean, you have?

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd Your alter ego isn't on any of my lists.... I had to add it now!

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom GAAAAA!!!! What about @crazygidgetdog? Did she make your list? You wouldn't want to hurt her feelings now, would you?

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd @crazygidgetdog She hardly ever tweets..

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom Yeah, because she's not on your lists.

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd She is now. That has been rectified!

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom I think she's cancelling her plan to piddle in your shoes now.

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd That's good. usually don't follow tweeters who piddle in my shoes....

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom I'll have to make a note of that.

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd Why, were you planning on peeing in my shoes, too?

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom Ummmm...

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom Look! Something shiny!

katdish @WendyDarlingLtd Thanks, Wendy. Will you be tweeting under this identity today?

Helenatrandom @katdish @WendyDarlingLtd Not only that, but she is planning to piddle in people's shoes. Be warned...

WendyDarlingLtd @katdish Depends on which way the wind is blowing. I've tweeted under all 3 of my personalities today. Stupid wind can't make up it's mind.

katdish @Helenatrandom Different twitter handle, same Wendy.

WendyDarlingLtd @katdish It appears that all of my alter egos are a bubble off.

2010 - The Year in Tweets

2010-12-31T08:15:00.000-08:00

Happy last day of 2010! Because of this momentous occassion (and because I'm lacking new material), I'll be presenting a "best of 2010" Ho-down today! Can you feel the excitement? Well stop it. Didn't your mother tell you to keep your hands to yourself? Now prepare yourself. This could take a while...

The one-liners

I couldn't find a gift that conveys my general dislike for you, so I got you this fruitcake instead. (RT @thedayhascome)

My daughter asked if she could have a popsicle for breakfast. Requires no effort on my part, so yes, have a popsicle. I'm mom of the year.

When a kid who's crying because he's so sick asks for a hug, you should hug him instead of shouting "UNCLEAN!" Apparently. (RT @superfantastic )

I'm sorry... Did I just roll my eyes out loud? (RT @razorwitted )

When did I eat corn? #thoughtsonthetoilet

I'm following you. Not in a creepy, behind-you-in-the-parking-lot way, but in an excited-to-read-your-random-thoughts way.

Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind. RT @jaysingh

I have no idea what you're trying to say to me, so I'll just smile and nod.

I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers. (RT @marni71)

I have been blessed with the gift of inappropriateness. It's only right that I share it.

It's so quiet that I can actually hear myself think. No good can come of this. RT @gilesmarie

The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish You'd better watch out, he's coming to town! http://twitpic.com/uvzek

katdish And frankly, he's not amused. http://twitpic.com/uvzo9

weightwhat @katdish I think Buddy Love's plot to kill you has only been foiled due to his lack of opposable thumbs.

CandySteele Finishing up Sunday morning oceanfront run/walk/sweat. #goshitshotbutimnotcomplaining

weightwhat @CandySteele Had to re-read your hash tag numerous times before I realized you weren't swearing at us. I was almost scandalized.

Nick_theGeek @CandySteele needs Orbit gum to clean up her dirty mouth. Kumquat

duane_scott @weightwhat well, whatever you prefer. You can look at me however you want. :)

weightwhat @duane_scott I would, but my mom says if I do that, my eyes will stay that way forever.

weightwhat @gabbysherri AAAAAAA!!!! *crash*

weightwhat @gabbysherri Sorry about that. Just saw that you were on the twitter and fainted dead away.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Just read your blog. I now have to clean my laptop screen. You need warning labels. *Do not drink while reading this blog*

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher You're welcome.

pagan43 A universal remote does not in actuality control the whole universe.

weightwhat @pagan43 Drats. There goes that plan.

duane_scott I'm pooped.

weightwhat @duane_scott Nobody wants to hear about your poop. Well, except maybe @redclaydiaries. She's weird that way.

br8kthru I smile @ EVERYONE- really- but I'm thinking I should stop smiling @ them in the bathroom. It's weird. PS guess where I just came from

weightwhat @br8kthru It wouldn't be so weird if you didn't follow up the smiling by telling everyone that you're wearing new Superman underpants.

kelybreez Isn't it amazing how the simplest statements can start the most interesting conversations on here?

weightwhat @kelybreez That never happens when I'm around. Oh, wait...

SBeeCreations I'm trying to smile at people more this week.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations A friendly smile? Or an "I could kill you in your sleep" smile?

The ones that are even longer

Brian_Russell Sometimes... I'm an idiot.

weightwhat @Brian_Russell Aw, you're being too hard on yourself. Sometimes? I think you're much more consistent than that.

Brian_Russell @weightwhat thanks?

weightwhat @Brian_Russell Glad I could be here for you, man.

stretchmarkmama Breaking new records of unproductivity today.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Really? Are you dressed?

stretchmarkmama @weightwhat If by "dressed" you mean, "wearing something appropriate for a trip to Wal-Mart," then "yes."

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Well, that certainly does expand the definition of "dressed" now, doesn't it?

weightwhat "You don't need to walk around naked when we have company here." #thingsitellmy8yearoldthatmakesherrollhereyesatme

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat are you sure it isn't the other way around? #thingsyour8yroldtellsyouthatmakeyourollyoureyes

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus I admit to nothing.

WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Right. Perfectly sane. Or perhaps you are like @weightwhat in that Twitter helps you feel normal?

redclaydiaries @WritingJoy If by "normal" you mean "not alone in my abnormality," then yes.

WritingJoy @redclaydiaries I'm thinking the law of averages figures in somewhere. After all, Wendy is here. #shescewsthebellcurve (cc @weightwhat)

redclaydiaries @WritingJoy Yes, actually knowing WENDY on the Twitter is what makes me feel normal. @weightwhat

weightwhat @WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Joy, what are you trying to say? Steph, thanks. I think.

br8kthru @Helenatrandom you do know if U disagree or think I'm unclear, U can always put that in the comments! I welcome it, especially from friends

weightwhat @br8kthru I think you're unclear. And fuzzy. Could you please fix that?

br8kthru @weightwhat did you try adjusting the screen resolution?

weightwhat @br8kthru My screen is fine. Can you adjust your resolution?

br8kthru @weightwhat My resolution is to dismiss your shenanigans... and to eat more cheese.

weightwhat @br8kthru My shenanigans are offended by your careless dismissal of them.

dlrayburn @weightwhat just favorited your tweet: @duane_scott

weightwhat @dlrayburn Stalking my favorites now, are we?

dlrayburn @weightwhat Don't get TOO excited. It's a new feature of Tweetdeck. It shows who favorites your tweets.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Oh Dusty, you don't need to make up some silly story like that to hide the fact that you're stalking me.

WritingJoy Any veteran parents out there have suggestions for teaching my defiant toddler to respect authority? http://goo.gl/fb/fxPOX

weightwhat @WritingJoy Shock collar?

WritingJoy @weightwhat Let me rephrase that. Any veteran parents who haven't been visited by Child Protective Services...

weightwhat @WritingJoy Oh sure, now you put up parameters.

weightwhat My powers of invisibility are very impressive.

The_BMG @weightwhat Wow! I hear this voice, but I don't see annoying speaking...

weightwhat @The_BMG You don't see annoying speaking?!

SBeeCreations @The_BMG You are SO going to be in the Ho-down for that typo, hee hee cc: @weightwhat

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's like you know me.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

Helenatrandom @redclaydiaries Do you think I need a new bra?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom How about a coconut one? I hear they're all the rage.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I have one of those, but it's a little too small and gives me splinters...

br8kthru @Helenatrandom 'I have one of those, but it's a little too small and gives me splinters' -disturbing TWSS

weightwhat @br8kthru You're disturbed by splinter-ridden frontsets? Really?

redclaydiaries @br8kthru @Helenatrandom What the French Toast are we TALKING about????

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Okay, since they aren't answering... @helenatrandom in a coconut bra and getting splinters. 'Nuff said.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Ohhhh.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Don't forget that I get splinters because coconuts are too small...THAT is very important to the equation...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Your coconuts overfloweth.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That sounds so poetic, Wendy. Thank you...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes, I make everything sound pretty.

Helenatrandom @br8kthru Oh, and I flubbed Cookie Monster's twitter handle. It's @stcookie (which I keep reading as "Saint Cookie")

br8kthru @Helenatrandom then what does the 'st' stand for?

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom The 'st' stands for Steve Tucker, the guy whose hand is cleverly hidden inside Cookie Monster. #totallymakingitup

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It's really amazing that Steve Tucker can even control Cookie Monster, what with him missing 3 fingers. #stilllying

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It was a horrible accident at the Oreo bakery that took his fingers. Poor fingerless Steve. #areyoubuyingthis

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom His therapist said it would be good for him to do Cookie Monster as a way to work through it all. #thatstheticket

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom Although he's done well being around other cookies, Oreos still give him the sweats. #pilingitonthick

Helenatrandom @weightwhat And yet, he constantly says, and I quote "Me eat cookies. Awwn Nom nom nom."

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I know! He's so strong! *sniff* Truly in inspiration to all of us! #ifitgetsanydeeperiwillneedasnorkel

Helenatrandom #failedwesterns Little Big Boy

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I can't believe you'd bring up Big Boy in front of me again like that...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You have The Colonel now....You need to move on and make a life with him.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - For the most part, I have. It's just that every time I see a double-decker hamburger or picnic print overalls...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat At least the Colonel is a sharp dresser.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom- Yes he is. I just wish he'd stop dripping mashed potatoes and gravy on his white suits. Do you know how hard it is to clean?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I can only imagine.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - And how many times do I have to tell him that the little black bow around his neck is NOT a napkin?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I never imagined being with a guy who wears more makeup than me--I only wear a little lipstick and nail polish

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - He does wear it a bit on the heavy side, but I wasn't going to say anything...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Also...Ronald behaves like a clown...IN PUBLIC!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - So what first attracted you to him? Was it his abnormally large feet?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You know what they say about clowns with big shoes...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Big feet?

br8kthru @weightwhat she's right- no ganging up. I gave her my cell # last night & I don't want any prank calls at 3 AM...

weightwhat @br8kthru Why not? You usually like those.

br8kthru @weightwhat THAT WAS YOU!?!

weightwhat @br8kthru I admit to nothing.

br8kthru @weightwhat I couldn't sleep for a week after that last one. It was just heavy breathing, but I could tell it was clown breath.

weightwhat @br8kthru Yes, I specialize in the terrifying, yet oddly inticing, middle of the night phone calls.

br8kthru @weightwhat So true- I was scared to death, but kept listening for at least 8 minutes... well done!

katdish Did I mention I have a mild phobia of frogs?

weightwhat @katdish What about frog zombies dressed as clowns? Does that bother you, too?

katdish @weightwhat Thanks. I'll be calling you in about 4 hours for you to talk me thru my nightmares.

weightwhat @katdish Go ahead. You can reach me at 867-5309. I'll be waiting for your call.

katdish @weightwhat You forget I have your REAL PHONE NUMBER Missy!

weightwhat @katdish I'm counting on you not being able to find it in your being chased by frog/zombie/clown state.

katdish @weightwhat I'm putting it on speed dial before I go to bed. And SHUT UP!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat but you aren't Jenny

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How do you know that?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Last I checked, you were Wendy, but I suppose you could be Jenny, the strange Internet stalker chick

katdish @SBeeCreations As opposed to Wendy, the strange internet stalker chick...

weightwhat @katdish @SBeeCreations Exactly.

redclaydiaries Of 2 sick kids, 1 got MUCH better during day, & 1 got much worse. Abby slept thru dinner & had a fever of 101. AND I think I'm getting sick.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I told you that you shouldn't lick your kids, but did you listen to me? NoooOOOoooo...

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Don't lick the children. #thingsyouneverexpecttosayasaparent

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Once again, I'm forced to be the voice of reason.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Clearly, that is the mantle you are destined to carry. Being so reasonable & all.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries It's tough being so gifted. And humble.

kelybreez @katdish Twitter peeps. I love words. What's your favorite word in the English language that's starts w/ 3rd letter of your first name?

kelybreez @kelybreez Mine is "lepidoptera." Or maybe "loquacious." Wait, maybe it's "lettuce."

weightwhat @kelybreez Why are you talking to yourself?

weightwhat @kelybreez Nincompoop.

kelybreez @weightwhat I'm talking to myself to keep my tweet from also going to facebook. @s don't forward to fb. I could always @ you, if you'd like.

kelybreez @weightwhat Favorite word starting w/ the 3rd letter of your first name? Or are u calling me that?

weightwhat @kelybreez Wouldn't you like to know?

TchrEric @kelybreez From some of the conversations around here I'd say that @weightwhat was doing both...

weightwhat @TchrEric It's like you know me...

Did you survive the year in tweets? Don't you feel better? You're now prepared to start the new year. Mostly. Happy New Year!

I can tell you what Christmas is all about

2010-12-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

That about says it all.

Merry Christmas to you!

The Twitter Ho-down - it's not my fault

2010-12-24T07:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, I WAS on the Twitter this week. I really was. The problem is, everyone else seemed to have better things to do. Just 'cause it's almost Christmas or something. Sheesh. On the upside, we have some new characters to add to the motley crew. Sorry/ you're welcome, new inductees.

The one-liners

People are like snowflakes. I hate shoveling them off my driveway. (RT @badbanana)

"This place (mailroom) reminds me of Santa's workshop, except it smells like mushrooms & everyone looks like they want to hurt me." - Elf (RT @katdish)

*ring ring* Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?

ImAPennyPincher I want to win this ring ( http://tinyurl.com/2a773ug ) from @wendydarlingltd because it's better than a Red Rider BB gun. And leg lamp.

If anyone sees the cleaning fairies, can you please tell them that they're about 20 years late getting to my house? Thanks.

The ones that are a little bit longer

melissa_rae My children are currently being introduced to Animaniacs, thanks to Uncle Logan...I'm not sure how I feel about this...

weightwhat @melissa_rae I LOVE the Animaniacs! I wouldn't say that I've forced my daughter to watch it... Just ignore the rope on that chair by the tv.

katdish I love a good all occasion card http://plixi.com/p/63791461

weightwhat @katdish Nothing good can come from too much animal print and blue eye shadow.

katdish @weightwhat Except maybe a good b*tch slapping.

weightwhat Listening to the Barenaked Ladies version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - LOVE!!! Isn't Christmas music wonderful?

WinLiannefield @weightwhat You could hear me singing all the way from my shower?!? *Blushes*

weightwhat @WinLiannefield Uh, yeah. I'm sure that's what I heard...

The ones that are even longer

buzzbyannies @katdish It's 34 here. Everytime someone mentions global warming I want to punch Al Iinventedtheinternet Gore in the teeth.

weightwhat @buzzbyannies Global warming!

weightwhat @buzzbyannies Did you punch him again?

buzzbyannies @weightwhat Twice.

okiewife The sun is shining, on my 2nd cup of coffee, Bible study done, hmmm...ready for the twitterverse. Bring it on.

weightwhat @okiewife GAAAA!!! I'm still on my first cup of coffee. Of course, it's more of a bucket than a cup...

okiewife @weightwhat Now on my 3rd cup, but not bucket sized! More like pint jar sized. Gettin' a twitch in left eye-lid. Should I quit after this?

weightwhat @okiewife You don't want to be known as a quitter, do you?

weightwhat Good morning!

fishythoughts @weightwhat - Good evening

weightwhat @fishythoughts You're just so ahead of your time!

fishythoughts @weightwhat - Would you like to know what the lottery numbers were?

weightwhat @fishythoughts Of course I do, but then again, I wouldn't want you to use your powers for evil.

SBeeCreations Newest list I've been added to: Vajazzle (heeheeheeeee)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Is it just me, or does that sound naughty?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat totally naughty, lol

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Has someone been busy bedazzling?

The ones about the eclipse

weightwhat Anyone staying up to watch the eclipse tonight?

weightwhat I can't believe the clouds cleared enough to see the moon! The kiddo's report: It's getting towards half!

weightwhat And the clouds are back. Lovely.

weightwhat 5 minutes until the eclipse is total!

weightwhat And now it's raining. So glad I stayed up to not see the eclipse.

vvdenman Lunar eclipse last night anyone? Ain't God cool?

weightwhat @vvdenman Why don't you just give me a papercut and throw some lemon juice on it?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat Is everyone hiding this morning?

kelybreez @weightwhat I haven't figured out how to hide a morning yet. Sometimes I hide my kids' toothbrushes & underwear, just to be so funny.

weightwhat @kelybreez Do you sometimes freeze your kids socks, too?

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Oooo. That sounds fun...

weightwhat @makeadiff21 It confuses them greatly. So I hear.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Ya. I'm sure you wouldn't know anything about it...

And now, for the "Top Ten Politically Correct Christmas Carols" (stolen from MSN greetings)...

10. O Holiday Tree

9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter

8. Frosty the Snowperson

7. Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-friendly, Non-toxic Outdoor Fire (For Which I Have a Permit)

6. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

5. Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-human Perpetrator

4. Deck the Halls With Boughs of Unendangered Foliage (If Office Policy Permits)

3. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings

2. I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection

1. I'll Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful day surrounded by the ones you love!

Life is Funny - the Christmas Edition

2010-12-20T08:11:00.000-08:00

Last year, our neighbors decorated a tiny little tree in their yard that's right at the entrance to our street. I wrote about it here and again here. Why not go back and read those posts so you're up to speed? No really. Go on. I'll still be here waiting for you.

We never really knew what the neighbors thought of the mysterious adding of Christmas ornaments to their tree. I'm guessing they never knew who even did it. So my daughter and I were pretty happy this year when we saw that they had put all the decorations back on the tree that we had added on last year. Of course, we took this as an open invitation to add more this year...

By the time we were done with it, I think I heard that poor little tree begging for mercy under the weight of the ornaments... Good thing the tree is still growing - it'll give us a chance to keep up this sneaky little tradition of ours! I wonder if the neighbors will ever figure out that it's us...

Did I ever tell you that I know Santa? Yup, I do. He comes to my sister's annual gingerbread house party and he's wonderful!

What's not common knowledge about Santa is that he's a church pastor. True. And every year at the party, he tells all the kids about St. Nicholas and then tells them about Jesus being the real reason we celebrate Christmas. Don't you just love Santa?

Not all of you know that I've started another blog called Wendy Darling Ltd. I've done a post over there today about how "Christmas" has become a bad word. Why not hop on over and take a read?

What NOT to give

2010-12-18T08:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Saturday! I've done a couple of posts this season about gift giving, you know, 'cause I'm a giver. Now, especially for the gentlemen out there, I'd like to present a little video about what not to give. Choose wisely, gentlemen. Choose wisely.

Now for more silliness, why not see what's happening over at Kathy's blog?

Is that all there is?

2010-12-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, there's not a whole lot to the Twitter Ho-down today because I just haven't been on the Twitter all that much. But since someone, not mentioning any names (@SBeeCreations), is being pushy, I'm posting it anyway.

The one-liners

I'm one of those people who gain weight if I just eat the whole cake. (RT @WendyLiebman)

LO says: You can't ever count on clowns. (RT @SBeeCreations)

WARNING: I'm writing a blog post. In other news, the sky is falling.

They should make vegetables out of something people want to eat. (RT @badbanana)

The ones that are a little bit longer

SBeeCreations About to do a very silly dance in the office, just to get the blood circulating. Anyone want to join me?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I know this may come as a shock to you, but my whole life is a silly dance.

LostInPortland @ the Tacoma mall. Someone save me!!!!!

weightwhat @LostInPortland Just walk towards Cinnabon and everything will be okay!

SBeeCreations I was thinking this might be a good card for @katdish http://www.etsy.com/listing/51149016/if-youre-creepy-and-you-know-it-clap @goodgosh

SBeeCreations Or maybe this one... http://www.etsy.com/listing/61686257/wherever-you-go-ill-be-watching-creepy @Katdish @weightwhat

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Who would buy a clown that looked like that? You're just askin' for nightmares.

The ones that are even longer

weightwhat My powers of invisibility are very impressive.

The_BMG @weightwhat Wow! I hear this voice, but I don't see annoying speaking...

weightwhat @The_BMG You don't see annoying speaking?!

SBeeCreations @The_BMG You are SO going to be in the Ho-down for that typo, hee hee cc: @weightwhat

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's like you know me.

weightwhat @kelybreez "Next year I'll be good, just wait. I'd start now, but it's too late..." It's like this carol was written about you! ;o)

kelybreez @weightwhat I am NOT on the naughty list with Walter Hobbs.

weightwhat @kelybreez Are you sure? Because I don't hear you singing.

kelybreez @weightwhat I'm singing! You're my dad! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

SBeeCreations @dlrayburn I really love your avatar :)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Are you gonna marry it?

The_BMG @weightwhat What? Who is @SBeeCreations gonna marry? I miss all the fun stuff.

weightwhat @The_BMG She's going to marry @dlrayburn's avatar because she loves it.

dlrayburn @The_BMG Ok @weightwhat dragged me into this,... but just for the record I am Not an it...and I am already married! :)

weightwhat @dlrayburn We weren't talking about you, silly. @SBeeCreations wants to marry your avatar. Sheesh.

dlrayburn @weightwhat I realize that, but where is the fun in leaving it at that?

dlrayburn @weightwhat oh queen of misdirection and unintended entendre's! :)

weightwhat @dlrayburn Yes?

SBeeCreations Featuring sweater-shorts RT “@weightwhat: Why yes, I DID do a Twitter Ho-down post today! http://tinyurl.com/2aryenu”

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Everyone will be wearing them in the future.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat what happens if it rains...and they shrink? (I'll let that visual set in)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Crochet Speedo?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Gaaaa!

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You didn't need that mental picture?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Wasn't quite ready for that one right as I was getting the hot dogs & buns

weightwhat Things are not looking good for the Twitter Ho-down this week. Looks like someone hasn't been on the twitter enough and it's me.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat and who's fault is that you're trying to ruin our week?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I blame @katdish.

katdish @weightwhat what'd I do now?

weightwhat @katdish Somehow kept me from the twitter this week. The ways of @katdish are mysterious.

kelybreez @weightwhat Always blame @katdish. The buck stops there.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat you're a Twitter shirker

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Look! Something shiny!

Have a good weekend everyone! And hey, let's talk more next week, huh?

What your kids REALLY need under the tree

2010-12-16T09:51:00.000-08:00

Okay parents, it's time to step up your Christmas gift buying game here. Enough of the easy gifts like Barbies and Legos. You need to go for something different. Something unique. Something that will earn the envy of all of your kid's classmates when they get back to school after the Christmas break. Yeah, I'm talkin' special gifts. "But Wendy," one may ask, "where do I find such gifts?" As you all know by now, I'm a giver, so I've done the difficult part for you. I've found the perfect gifts. It wasn't easy, because if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. So all the way from Germany, I present to you... the gifts that every child needs to find under the tree this year.

Snotty Snotter - because kids don't have enough snot as it is. And really? Aren't you always looking for new and exciting ways to play with the things that come out of your nose?

Schweine Schwarte - a good way to teach your kids about healthy eating habits by showing them that their stomachs may indeed explode if they eat too many hamburgers. Another benefit? Getting to explain that hamburgers are, in fact, not made of ham at all and therefore, our piggy friend here is not really a cannibal. Good thing the pig isn't eating hot dogs. No one needs to have that conversation.

Kackel Dackel - because your kids keep asking for a puppy for Christmas, but all you keep thinking is, "Who's gonna clean up the poop?" With this toy, your kids will! Then they'll re-feed it back to the toy dog, which of course, will be just like having real live puppies with they're penchant for eating poop. Now don't tell Katdish this, but I'm thinking of sending her one of these for Christmas. Buddy Love just isn't supplying her with enough poop on his own.

So there you go. You can now successfully finish your Christmas shopping. Merry and bright people. Merry and bright.

Wanna play patty-cake?

2010-12-11T05:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Saturday to you! I saw the following clip on my friend Ginny's blog the other day, so I just had to steal it. Makes me giggle every time I see it...

Want to have even more laughs? Why not see what's going on over at Kathy's blog?

Visions of Twitter Ho-downs Danced in Their Heads

2010-12-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

Who's ready for a Twitter Ho-down? Well, just for fun, I'm throwing in a video clip first. Why? Because I love Elf. And it's my blog. And you're not the boss of me. So there.

The one-liners

Sorry to hear about the whole "losing your mind thing." But I know you pretty well and I don't think you'll miss it. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has obviously never seen me doing nothing. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Me, snuggling The Baby:"Today is special. It's your last day to be 3. Tomorrow you'll turn 4! Are you excited?" Baby:"I need to pee, mom." (RT @TheRustedChain)

You might be a Redneck if all your matching salad bowls have "Cool Whip" written on the side. (RT @MidnightViews)

Okay, I'm here and waiting for someone to entertain me. Aaaaaaand go.

7 y/o daughter's joke 'o the day: "Why was the snowman in the vegetable garden? ... Because he was picking his nose!" (RT @KimMance)

I'm sinngggging! I'm in a store and I'm siiiiinngggging! (RT @beckfromfrogandtoad)

The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish Yikes! http://plixi.com/p/60932668

weightwhat @katdish Merry Christmas. I AM WATCHING YOU!

pagan43 Still waiting for Z to bring up rest of the decorations . 'specially the Lady Leg Lamp. Should I shoot his eye out or just nag ?

weightwhat @pagan43 I just keep my leg lamp up all year to avoid this kind of situation. And yes, it's in my front window.

kelybreez @weightwhat Crossing Death Valley as we speak. Exactly where am I headed?

weightwhat @kelybreez Wait, why did you get off the yellow brick road? Weren't the instructions clear enough? Follow the yellow brick road.

makeadiff21 So. Any advice on how to keep kids from whining and arguing with each other on Christmas morning?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Duct tape.

The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations @weightwhat How are you doing today, munchkin?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm a munchkin?! When did that happen?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Tuesday. You really should pay closer attention.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Come to think of it, I did notice my voice getting a little squeakier...

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat busy day here, I'll be running around like I've got squirrels in my pants today. How about you m'lady?

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus What I really want to know is, DO you have squirrels in your pants?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat S to the I to the M to the P, squirrels in my pants!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Wow. She had actual squirrels in her pants. We just got served.

SBeeCreations Sick to death of excuses #vaugetweet

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How do you really feel?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat purely sweetness and light! (can't you tell?)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You're not trying to infringe on my trademark now, are you?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Does someone need a Snuggie?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat YES. My daughter STOLE my Snuggie, if you can believe that. I might have to punish her with a dead squirrel in her bed.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Do you keep dead squirrels on hand for just such an occassion?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat As a matter of fact I do. Did u read Hannah's guest post on my blog yesterday? http://tinyurl.com/2ckk37b

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

dlrayburn @duane_scott A Speedos for Christ campaign? money raised to go towards Pure Water. If a certain amount is donated, we post Speedo pics.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Are you trying to not raise money?

dlrayburn @weightwhat No that's why they change to if not enough donations we post pics.

dlrayburn @weightwhat My wife will be first in line to write the check to keep the pics from going live.

weightwhat @dlrayburn I'm going to go rifle through my sofa cushions looking for loose change now.

kelybreez @weightwhat I was rifling thru my sofa cushions one time & found a rifle I had lost.

weightwhat @kelybreez Those things just turn up in the strangest places, don't they? I found mine in the refrigerator once. No idea how that happened.

br8kthru At my wife's work party. About to start the ugly Christmas sweater contest. This should be fun. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Did you wear a Christmas sweater vest?

CandySteele @weightwhat @br8kthru Silly girl, Wendy. He wore his sweater shorts. With a bow. http://bit.ly/i0LsXC

br8kthru @weightwhat nope, I'm not, but my wife is http://ow.ly/i/64oi it's more disturbing in person.

weightwhat @br8kthru Ummm... Is that, uh, flourish thing actually attached?

br8kthru @weightwhat yes, her nickname is Harry Boob. It's Santa's beard. Santa's a perv.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat How are ya today?

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Doing okay. You?

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Not too shabby. Tired. Headed to the walmarts in a bit. Attempting to build a new light box.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Good luck with that. The walmarts part, I mean.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Oh yes. I'm hoping everyone will be at work when I go and it will not be busy. HA! Wishful thinking right?

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher What color is the sky in your world?

Your weekend may now begin. You're welcome.

My Lite-Brite doesn't do that

2010-12-04T08:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Saturday all! Okay, today's Saturday Silliness video isn't so much silly as it is totally cool! I've put it below, but you can't actually watch it on my site (legal stuff, I guess), but if you click the YouTube logo in the bottom right corner, you can watch it on YouTube. And you want to watch it on YouTube. When you're done, you can even watch the videos about the making of this video, which are also really worth watching. You'll find those links to the right when you're at the YouTube site. I should warn you first that the video has an "Up" kind of moment in it. So go ahead. I'll wait here for ya.

Don't you just love the David Crowder Band now? You're welcome.

Now for even more excitement to add to your Saturday, why not see what's going on over at Kathy's blog?

The Twitter Ho Ho Ho-down

2010-12-03T05:22:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Twitter Ho-down! Why not wrap up in your Snuggie and sit a spell?

The one-liners

I have only one more Christmas gift to purchase. Go ahead, be jealous. Now, if I can just remember where I hid everything...

I'm not mooning you. I'm turning the other cheek. (RT @funnyoneliners)

It isn't that I'm not a people person. It's just that I'm not a stupid people person. (RT @funnyoneliners)

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen - "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

Guess what? It's talk like a ninja day! So just....shut up. (RT @apodixis)

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. (RT @vvdenman)

I keep dropping tiny little seed beads on the floor. It'll be fun finding those over the next couple of weeks with my bare feet. Yeah.

Me: Since you snuck one tonight you can't have a cookie tomorrow. Toddler: Can I have one yesterday? (RT @WritingJoy)

My daughter just woke up and came to sit on my lap for our morning snuggle time. Best time of the day.

Haiku for Swagbucks? / Would I jump through hoops for that? / Hand over that hoop. #ttptp

RT @vvdenman RT @susanisaacs: Thomas Kinkade toilet paper: Stick the painter of light where the sun never shines. http://bit.ly/giN4Qi

Someone googled "gagging fart" to get to my blog. What did they find? http://tinyurl.com/y6kqsjb

Did everyone hear my exciting announcement earlier today? I ordered a Veggie Tales Nativity set. And there was much rejoicing.

The ones that are a little bit longer

weightwhat @katdish Are you feeling all rested after your long trip back?

katdish @weightwhat Yesh. Now if I could get motivated to decorate for Christmas. Bah, humbug.

weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should just have the kids do it this year? If they're not there for slave labor, then why would we have kids?

The_BMG I wish places other than pizza and Chinese delivered.

SBeeCreations @The_BMG We have a burrito place that delivers but only very recently (it's also located in a gas station)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How very appropriate... *snort*

The_BMG Our Barney that plays songs has a glitch so he gets stuck at the same spot in the same song. It's weird. And creepy.

weightwhat @The_BMG It's Barney. What did you expect?

katdish And as my mother would say, "This traffic is THE SUCKS!"

weightwhat @katdish Your mother has a way of putting things into perspective, doesn't she?

heartcures First dose of steroids done. In a few hours I'll feel like lifting houses & operating heavy machinery. Praying they resolve this back pain.

weightwhat @heartcures Will you start talking like Hans and Franz?

katdish Technical question: What are those floaty things called on fishing nets and crab pots?

weightwhat @katdish You mean they're not called 'floaty things'? Huh.

katdish Weather stripping needs to be replaced on the back door. The wind is blowing thru it. Sounds like a giant kazoo.

weightwhat @katdish On the upside, you have a musical house! On the downside? It's kazoo music.

katdish Tomorrow, I'll be posting a story of 2 blue herons & the political ramifications of said birds. Yeah, perhaps I need to get back on my meds

weightwhat @katdish Please don't. It's much better entertainment for us this way.

duane_scott I simply don't have the energy to explain myself and my weird antics sometimes. Am I the only one?

weightwhat @duane_scott Have you met me?

katdish I wonder if this involves mirrors and large binder clips. http://plixi.com/p/60324085

weightwhat @katdish Or the suggestion of hanging out with more blind people.

katdish @weightwhat that works too.

weightwhat @kelybreez Kely Kely bo bely, banana fana fo fely, fe fi mo mely - Kely!

kelybreez @weightwhat Wendy Wendy bo bendy, tialigo tendy, tie legged, toe legged, bow legged Wendy!

weightwhat @kelybreez Hey! I'm not bow legged! Mostly.

The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Listed my butt

SBeeCreations @weightwhat dang it, BabyBee hit the computer. Listed my butters. BUTTERS! sigh

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You might have gotten more business the other way... *snort*

SBeeCreations @weightwhat *snort* maybe, especially at those prices

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You may be cheap, but you're not free.

katdish Is there any lower form of reality television than televising small claims court?

weightwhat @katdish Have I mentioned that I was on People's Court? Yeah.

katdish @weightwhat NOOOOO! Really?

weightwhat @katdish Yup. With Judge Wapner. No autographs, please.

WritingJoy Any veteran parents out there have suggestions for teaching my defiant toddler to respect authority? http://goo.gl/fb/fxPOX

weightwhat @WritingJoy Shock collar?

WritingJoy @weightwhat Let me rephrase that. Any veteran parents who haven't been visited by Child Protective Services...

weightwhat @WritingJoy Oh sure, now you put up parameters.

redclaydiaries Charlie just got home from picking up CSA meat. He's making headcheese again. GAAA.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I thought he loved you. What's up with that?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Clearly I was mistaken.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Should we all pray for a power outage out your way?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

WinLiannefield @weightwhat I got leftover turkey, yes I do, I got leftover turkey, how 'bout you?!?

weightwhat @WinLiannefield I do! But not enough. Next year, I'm lookin' for a 50 lb. bird.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Would that fit in your oven?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Where there's a will, there's a way.

WinLiannefield @weightwhat Ours was 22 lbs. It is/was obscene. I imagine it tootling around its barnyard on a power scooter before its demise.

weightwhat @WinLiannefield With flags on the back?

WinLiannefield @weightwhat No, more like Yosemite Sam "Back Off" mud flaps.

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm suffering from serious Twinkletoes withdrawls. You should be on the twitter more so you can fix that.

br8kthru @weightwhat I'm so limited w/ my phone. I miss you too! So sad. We should throw a pity party.

weightwhat @br8kthru I'll bring the black balloons of mourning.

br8kthru @weightwhat we need a poster of eeyore & some sad movies too.

weightwhat @br8kthru And I'm thinkin' we should drop some ice cream cones on the floor, just for good measure.

br8kthru @weightwhat totally. This pity party is really cheering me up. That almost never happens!

weightwhat @br8kthru Are we supposed to be cheering you up? I'm confused now...

br8kthru @weightwhat I'm a whirling tornado of emotions. I don't know what's going on.

weightwhat @br8kthru Welcome to my world.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat are you planning a Ho-down this week?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Yes, there will be a ho-down this week. You're even in it. Happy?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Yes, yes I am

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Why do you ask?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Wanted to know if I should look forward to it this week or if my hopes were going to be dashed against the cliffs of despair

weightwhat @SBeeCreations No, just the Cliffs of Insanity.

There ya go. Your weekend can start now that you've read the Ho-down. Doesn't that make you feel better?

And now, for some shameless self (and others) promotion

2010-12-01T13:02:00.000-08:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post to bring you some shameless self, and others, promotion. Okay, okay. There wasn't a regularly scheduled blog post. If there was, you'd probably faint dead away from shock. So let's just get straight to the commercial, shall we?

Some of my lovely bloggy friends and I have very fabulous shops online. That's right, we make things that you just shouldn't try to live without, then we sell them online. And since most people are at a loss when it comes to gift ideas, I thought I'd help you out. 'Cause I'm a giver. Ready?

From Sarah Bee Creations

Sarah makes the most wonderful smelling soaps, body butters and candles ever! Not too long ago, I got the Arizona Orange Blossom candle from her, and it's bliss!

She also made up some Sweet Pea scented soaps in fun animal shapes for my daughter - the kiddo was thrilled! I've just ordered a Gingerbread candle from her (Ha-ha! I got the last one!), but there are some other great scents that would bring a nice Christmas-y scent into your home, like Cranberry Citrus or Fireside.

And look at this homemade soap! Isn't it gorgeous? Mmm... Oatmeal, Milk and Honey...

Sarah's just added shaving soap to her shop. Gotta pamper the guys, too, right? How about a little Blackberry Sage?

From The Rusted Chain

Beki is known for her wonderful hand stamped jewelry. I've bought some of her necklaces for friends, but recently I got her Angels Sang necklace just for me. LOVE!

My daughter is so jealous! Every time she sees my necklace, she asks if she can have one, too. Don't tell her, but I'll be ordering this one for her when her birthday comes around.

And how about this necklace for the holiday season? It gives me Joy just looking at it!

She even has a Christmas ornament that you can have personalized!

From Caliso Boutique

Do you have a little girly-girl at home? Or at least one that you can still pin down and put stuff in her hair? Then Casey's shop is for you! While it looks a bit bare at the time of this writing, she has promised that she'll have more things listed by the end of the day. Let's all harrass her if she doesn't, okay? Take a look at the Christmas Bling bows! I'm all about the sparkly, you know. Hmmm... I wonder if I could get away with wearing them...

And how about this adorable Snowman headband? Yes, those are snowmen peeking out of that flower!

From Wendy Darling Ltd.

Yes, that would be my store! I've put a few new things in my shop, just in time for the holidays. Why? Because Christmas ornaments don't sell as well in July. Go figure. Although, it would be hard to resist my new Santa Belly ornaments...

I've done a new hand embroidered item, too - it's the Let It Snow brooch. You get all the fun of a snowflake without having to get out the snow shovel. Who could ask for anything more? And since it's my blog, I'm putting in an extra picture so I can show off my wonderful daughter modeling the brooch for me. Yup, that's how I am.

The next item isn't new to my shop, but I thought it would make a good stocking stuffer or small gift for someone. Someone on your list. I'm sure you know someone who needs the Refrigerator Life Organizer, don't you?

And now, I'm going to give you a sneak peek at something that's going to be in my shop very soon...

No, not disembodied hands. The ring! So, what do you think?

Feel free to shop like crazy in these shops - you wouldn't want to miss out on the perfect gift now, would you?

Life is Funny - The mind of Wendy

2010-11-29T06:21:00.000-08:00

There have been things floating around in my brain lately. Unrelated things. Things that may or may not be understood by seemingly normal folk. Why? Because it's my brain. 'Nuff said. So, without further ado...

Hi, my name is Wendy and I'm 43½ years old. That ½ is very important. Just ask my now 8½ year old. Yup, she just had her ½ birthday. She even had a countdown to it on her whiteboard. Do you remember they days when you'd add on ½ to your age? When did we stop doing that? I'm thinking I might start adding it back on again. Keeps people wondering.

We had a nice little snowfall last week. Where we live, we don't always get snow that actually sticks, so it's a treat. For me and my daughter, anyway. My husband? Not so much. He's very Grinchy that way. It doesn't stop him from going out and playing in the snow with the kiddo and dog though. And by "playing," I mean "pelting each other with as much snow as possible."

The kiddo after getting pelted

Crazy Gidget Dog after getting pelted

And my husband after getting pelted.

You know who didn't get pelted? The one holding the expensive camera. Until I put it down, of course. Then it was open season on Wendy. This just in: Snow is cold. You know, in case you were wondering.

Have you seen these commercials?

Is it just me, or would anyone else get a complex if an air freshener went off whenever you walked past it? Do I offend?! Okay, maybe a bit...

So, what's been on your mind this week?

The latest thing

2010-11-27T07:06:00.000-08:00

Now I know that you're all going to be out doing your shopping this weekend, so I didn't want you to miss out on something really special. And it's made from the latest thing! I just know that you'll love these as much as I do!

Even though it's been a while, I'm willing to bet that these pants are still $13. We should stock up!

When you're done with your shopping, why not head over to Kathy's blog and see what's going on? I'll give you a hint: She's got a clip from my favorite Carole Burnett skit ever! Yeah, you'll want to see it.

Twitter Ho-down - The Thanksgiving Edition

2010-11-26T18:58:00.000-08:00

Hello, and welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of the Twitter Ho-down! I'm not saying that a turkey coma would help you through this Ho-down, but...

The one-liners

Don't you just love talking to customer service reps? And hey, how about those root canals? Don'tcha just love those, too?

I just went from "old enough to know better" to "old enough not to remember what I know". (RT @duhism)

Chaos: What erupts when he-who-lives-in-a-glass-house invites he-who-is-without-sin for dinner. (RT @Daffynitions)

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. (RT @LostInPortland)

To get energized for the day I did 300 Crunches. The Nestle kind. (RT @beersuds)

"Don't trust the sweet potatoes. They'll take over the kitchen. You've got to keep an eye on them. Let them out. Don't!" #stm

"You can tell that turkey when it comes back here that it's not welcome. You tell it good." #stm

"Put it down! Step away from the yam. Step away!" #stm

"Butter... nut... squash. I like those words." #stm

"I can't believe you went to pick up a turkey without introducing yourself first. How rude of you. How presumptuous." #stm

"Of course I'm wearing my thunder underpants. It's Thursday. Friday is frilly underpants day. Don't forget!" #stm

Those sweet potatoes really are sneaky...

I'm not getting up at 3 a.m. to trample people at a store. I'll trample people when the time is right for me. (RT @badbanana)

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong. (RT @funnyhumour)

TheRustedChain This made me cry happy. Love it! Flash Mob - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

The ones that are a little bit longer

dlrayburn @weightwhat I left you a comment on the ho-down today. I think u ought to research the answer while I go ahead & preemptively call my wife.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Does your wife ever get tired of all the phone calls?

dlrayburn @weightwhat For some reason when I see you on Twitter, I have a mixture of Barnum & Bailey theme songs and square dancing music feel my head

weightwhat @dlrayburn Huh. What does one say to something like that?

katdish So now Twitter is telling me to switch to the new twitter or else...

weightwhat @katdish Did you tell twitter that it's not the boss of you?

katdish @weightwhat You would think Twitter would know that by now.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm stitching monster teeth right now. And yes, I'm wearing granny glasses while stitching. In my jammies. #iamasighttobehold

kelybreez @weightwhat You're a wonderful creation!

weightwhat @kelybreez I am proof that God has a silly sense of humor. :o)

katdish Okay, this made me laugh. http://bit.ly/fLFMk0

weightwhat @katdish *facepalm*

marni71 Chicken Soup for the Soul, Lower Back Pain. Wow, what's next--a Chicken Soup book for the hemmorhoid sufferer?

weightwhat @marni71 I hope so! I've already got it on my Christmas wish list.

The ones that are even longer

redclaydiaries Dear Pandora Radio, the only person allowed to sing The Hanukkah Song is Adam Sandler. #neildiamondFAIL #gonnahavenightmares

weightwhat @redclaydiaries GAAAA!!! There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. #idonotlikehim

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Me neither. Then hear him speak-sing "what a fine lookin' Jew" & you'll want to stick a skewer in ur ear. #idonotlikehim

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Just the thought of possibly hearing it some day makes me consider sticking a skewer in my ear.

duane_scott Has anyone ever invented something to warm your toes in bed besides your spouse?

weightwhat @duane_scott Yes, they're called "socks."

duane_scott @weightwhat I want something like an electric blanket

weightwhat @duane_scott You will get nothing and like it.

weightwhat @kelybreez So did you eat the possum and ferret then?

kelybreez @weightwhat Shoot, can't you wait for the stories? (I eat 'em if they're presented well.)

weightwhat @kelybreez I don't wait well. I thought that was common knowledge.

kelybreez @weightwhat It is. But I like you anyway. Just ministering to your needs.

weightwhat @kelybreez Hey, I never prayed for patience. I know how that turns out...

weightwhat Good morning! Do I smell turkey?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat oh, sorry, that was me #excuseme

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Wow. You should really do something about that.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat I know. Is it too late to blame the dog?

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Yup. That train has left the station.

pagan43 Family tradition is to hang the raw turkey neck on the front door knob...Please do not ask.

weightwhat @pagan43 How can you put a statement like that out there and then say, "Don't ask"? Well, I'm askin'.

pagan43 @weightwhat Kids were out one Thsgv. Eve.We tied raw neck on door knob unscrewed light bulb and hid. Kid touched neck and screamed.

weightwhat @pagan43 Aahhhh... Good times.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat @billycoffey Mornin'! How's your little corner of the world today?

billycoffey @weightwhat Quiet. Too quiet...

weightwhat @billycoffey Isn't that about the time that the zombies come out?

billycoffey @weightwhat Stop it!

weightwhat @billycoffey At least I didn't say zombie clowns...

billycoffey @weightwhat You just did!

weightwhat @billycoffey Oops. Sunshine and rainbows! There, did that fix it?

dlrayburn @makeadiff21 Me? Start trouble? Never!

weightwhat @dlrayburn You know, those horns on your head are a dead giveaway...

dlrayburn @weightwhat You ought to see me with a goatee... my wife has forbade me from every growing one again.

weightwhat @dlrayburn How do you keep your pointy tail hidden?

dlrayburn @weightwhat duck tape

weightwhat @dlrayburn Well there's a visual I didn't need...

Well there you have it. You've made it through another Ho-down. Don't you feel like you can tackle anything now? Doesn't it just make you want to go to Walmart and do some Black Friday shopping? Yeah, me neither.

Don't open that refrigerator!

2010-11-25T07:54:00.000-08:00

Around this time every year, I start to get a craving. This is not just your regular have it once and you're satisfied cravings, but the kind where you aren't happy until you've consumed every bit of the item within a 5 mile radius. Yes, I start to crave turkey.

I've never understood the people who get tired of having turkey leftovers. And leftovers are a problem because...? Feel free to ship 'em my way!

I think my biggest problem is that I must rely on others for turkey. In all my years, I've never cooked a turkey. Thanksgiving is never at my house, so there's never been a need for me to give it a try. Ham, I've got down. Come over for Christmas or Easter and you're in for some pretty good ham. But don't expect an invite for Thanksgiving.

So for now, I'm stuck begging for leftovers. Thanksgiving this year will be at my house (due to a power outage at my folks house), but my mom will be coming over to make the turkey. But I already have a scheme to enable my turkey hoarding. Of course, I want to keep as much turkey as possible, so I have devised a plan to cause a distraction so that no one will see me whisking away the turkey leftovers to be hidden in my own refrigerator. That, and my folks don't have power, so there's no use in them taking home leftovers...

For anyone else who might be cooking turkey for the first time, I found the following helpful video. Enjoy!

Mahna Mahna

2010-11-20T20:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's a little late, but it's still Saturday! Ready for some silliness? This week, it's Muppet silliness! Who doesn't love the Muppets? No, really. Who? So here's some Muppet fun for you - enjoy!

What, that isn't enough for you? Then why not head over to Kathy's blog and see what else you can find? Go on. It builds character.

Enough seriousness - back to the Ho-down!

2010-11-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

Hello, and welcome to the return of the Twitter Ho-down. Feel free to make yourself comfy and sit a spell. No really, have a seat. This could take a while.

The one-liners

Mmmm... Diet Cherry Limeade... #guesswhowenttoSonic

I'm thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then. (RT @funnyoneliners)

I'm the opposite of psychic. I don't even know what I'm thinking. (RT @WendyLiebman)

The salad I had for lunch just didn't do it for me. But I'm sure this chocolate chip cookie will make it all better.

I have no idea what game my boys are playing, but it includes the phrase, "follow the trail of farts." (RT @stretchmarkmama)

Shouldn't proper grammar be used when belittling someone's intelligence? It seems like using poor grammar would diminish one's credibility. (RT @jewda4)

The ones that are a little bit longer

SBeeCreations For the love of all things holy, stop pinching me!

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.

TheRustedChain *finally* carving pumpkins with my kids. #MomOfTheYear

weightwhat @TheRustedChain Because you finally found all the hidden Easter eggs?

The_BMG I thought when Twitter went to the New Twitter that there was going to be no more fail whales?

weightwhat @The_BMG And lollipops for everyone?

The_BMG @weightwhat Definitely lollipops for everyone. They should get on that.

weightwhat I made tin can phones for my daughter last night. They're the best thing since sliced bread. Yup, I totally rock!

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat I wrestled a coconut bra away from my daughter last night, and then my son.

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Um... Can I borrow that?

WritingJoy 3yo boy. shirtless. outside. 51 degrees. purse left in front yard. poop in backyard eaten by dog. Mom needs a vacation.

weightwhat @WritingJoy There's just not enough Calgon in the world to take you away from this one, is there?

katdish "That's weird. Never seen an urinal in the Ladies Room before. Wait! I'm in the MENS room!" - Me

weightwhat @katdish You take all the best field trips.

katdish @weightwhat I do, don't I?

weightwhat @pagan43 What's the word?

pagan43 @weightwhat Bird Bird Bird is the word.

weightwhat @pagan43 You know that song is going to be stuck in my brain now, don't you? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sMB6dye29Q

weightwhat Is it just me, or does anyone else think that if we panned down on @kelybreez's avatar we'd see that he's on a skateboard?

kelybreez @weightwhat Am not. I've got it under my arm, & sitting on a great dane...

weightwhat @kelybreez Silly me for not realizing that.

duane_scott The past week has been amazing! There were times when I had to ask SG to pinch me so I knew it was real.. :)

makeadiff21 @duane_scott TWSS :-)

weightwhat @duane_scott Okay, there are some things you just don't need to share with the rest of us...

billycoffey @CandySteele I don't think there's such a thing as the billy coffey fan club.

weightwhat @billycoffey Then why am I wearing the t-shirt?

weightwhat Why yes, I am listening to Christmas music. And?

kelybreez @weightwhat That's illegal until 8pm on Thanksgiving night. I thought everyone knew this.

weightwhat @kelybreez I'm a rebel, Kely. A loner.

kelybreez @katdish @Helenatrandom @weightwhat @billycoffey Ok. There's my flurry of tweets for a while. Now back to the false world.

weightwhat @kelybreez I'll miss you terribly and think of you often. Or is it miss you often and think of you terribly? Yeah, whatever.

duane_scott @dlrayburn what?! There is nothing wrong with kissing, Dusty... #reallyweirdtweet
dlrayburn @duane_scott I'm so glad you put the comma in that last tweet.

weightwhat @dlrayburn *snort* (@duane_scott)

duane_scott @weightwhat you favorited my tweet? You little twert!!

weightwhat @duane_scott Twert? Do I need to slap you for that?

katdish I love the twitter, but sometimes I read people's tweets and think, "Why would you tweet something like that? You can't take it back."

weightwhat @katdish Are you talking about my tweets again?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Hey! I want my two dollars.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Didn't ask for a dime. Two dollars. Plus tip.

The ones that are even longer

dlrayburn @weightwhat just favorited your tweet: @duane_scott

weightwhat @dlrayburn Stalking my favorites now, are we?

dlrayburn @weightwhat Don't get TOO excited. It's a new feature of Tweetdeck. It shows who favorites your tweets.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Oh Dusty, you don't need to make up some silly story like that to hide the fact that you're stalking me.

weightwhat A serious post from me?! What's this world coming to? http://tinyurl.com/2bcmzqz

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Don't faint - I commented

weightwhat @SBeeCreations GAAAAA!!!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I know, it's shocking. Then again, you're the one that wrote the serious post on a Friday...

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Clearly it is the end of days.

SBeeCreations Yes! RT“@AmberStrocel: Dear family: it is not necessary to engage me in conversation when I'm in the bathroom. Really.”

weightwhat @SBeeCreations My rear end hitting the toilet seat seems to be a memory trigger for my daughter and she MUST show/tell me things right away.

WritingJoy @weightwhat @SBeeCreations You too? The world always comes to a screeching halt if I head to the jon or to the basement.

weightwhat @WritingJoy @SBeeCreations Yup. I'm to the point that I don't know if I can make a decision or fully inspect anything unless I'm pottying.

saphyreplatypus Another one bites the dust... r.i.p. "Princess George Monster Truck" fish. (yes the kiddos named him)

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Burial at sea/toilet?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat all drains lead to the ocean!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... Oh, wait. Nevermind.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

WritingJoy @weightwhat Good morning! What are you up to today? I'm supervising a shirtless underwearless 3yo. I know you're jealous.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Yea! Naked day at your house! My daughter never understood why she had to put clothes on if we had company coming over.

WritingJoy @weightwhat Yes, my kids love nudity. Also, ignoring closed bathroom doors. They are invitations to barge on in. #whatisprivacy?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Remember what it was like before kids when the bathroom was really a restroom? Yeah, me neither.

WritingJoy @weightwhat Bathrooms are restrooms? I thought they were cheerleader training. "Poop goes in the potty! Poop goes in the potty! Hip hip...

weightwhat @WritingJoy My daughter never truly appreciated my potty song and dance I'd do for her. She's 8 now, so maybe I should try it again.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Just for the record, she still doesn't appreciate it. Artists are never truly appreciated during their lifetime.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom What did you do to yourself?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Last week Saturday I dropped a 300 pound man on my right foot. It didn't swell, but it took a few days to turn blueish purple..

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Are you going to have a doctor take a look at it?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I might. I hate to go in for nothing though... You know what I mean? If it's just bruised toes, there is nothing he can do

Helenatrandom @CandySteele If it swells any more or gets any more colorful, I may just give the doctor the privilege of seeing my nekkid foot

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Doctors would line up for that privilege!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I KNOW! My feet are the hotttest part of my body. Really. There is a reason I must use three "t"s in "hottt"...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Because 2 't's just wouldn't do your feet justice.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat But then, that was before the pretty colors and the swollen toe... I haven't figured out whether that adds or decreases value...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Not really sure either. I mean, what happens when you mess with perfection?

Helenatrandom @candysteele @weightwhat 4 fractures, 3 toes

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Will this curb your 'dropping men on your feet' habit then?

kelybreez @Helenatrandom Put that man down right now! It's always funny until someone gets hurt!

Helenatrandom @kelybreez I know.... But at least HE didn't get hurt....

CandySteele @Helenatrandom Is it ok for you to walk on it?

Helenatrandom @CandySteele I'm supposed to stay off of it. And use my Momma's walker, though I think the cane would be better....

CandySteele @Helenatrandom either one would work - what ever makes it hurt the least

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I think you should just put your throne on a litter and get carried around everywhere by you man slaves.

br8kthru Pray for me please. I'm going soon to sing the national anthem & Alaska state song at a banquet. Never done either in public before! Ahhh!

weightwhat @br8kthru Will you be wearing your lucky sweater vest?

br8kthru @weightwhat no sweater vest today. Dang! I knew I forgot something! :)

weightwhat @br8kthru This is not looking good for you then. ;o)

br8kthru I made it! They may have been able to see my pit stains from the back row, but it went well! Thanks for the prayers!

weightwhat @br8kthru Was there ever really any doubt? About your singing, I mean. Not about whether or not they'd see your pit stains.

Hey, thanks for coming! Hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to tip your waitresses! Or me. Yeah, forget the waitresses. Just send money directly to me.

What Amazon doesn't understand

2010-11-12T06:40:00.000-08:00

If you've been on the internet in the last couple of days, I'm sure you've come across the news about Amazon selling a book that's a guide for pedophiles. After a huge outcry (and I'm guessing a fear of losing business at Christmastime), Amazon pulled said book from its site. They didn't pull the other items on their site that promote this vile practice though. Why would Amazon keep other items on their site that are so abhorrent? That seek to steal and maim the innocence of young children and forever taint their view of themselves and the world around them? Although my guess is that it all comes down to the almighty buck, they drum it up to one thing: Censorship.

Amazon claims that if they don't sell these items, that it's censorship. They seem to view themselves as the bastion of free speech and liberty.

But I think they've got it all wrong.

In this country, we have the right to say/write/think pretty much anything that tickles our fancy. If someone tries to stop us from doing these things, then we are being censored. That's pretty straightforward.

Here's where Amazon gets it wrong. Choosing not to sell an item is not censorship, it's using discernment. Every day we have to make choices. To differentiate between right and wrong. To take the high road or the low road. The choices we make say a lot about who we are and the character we embrace. This is true not just for individuals, but for companies, too. Just because you're a large corporation doesn't mean that you're free from having to make a distinction between that which is acceptable and that which is repugnant. Deciding not to sell a book does not keep the author from writing it, it keeps you from being a used as a megaphone to promote activities that are illegal and deplorable.

What are your choices saying about you?

He's only mostly dead

2010-11-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday all! My all-time favorite movie is The Princess Bride. Love. It. So today, I'm sharing a clip from it for you all to enjoy. I'm a giver!

Now doesn't that make you want to go watch the entire movie? Yup, that's what I'll be doing later!

Ready for some more fun? Why not head over to Kathy's blog and see what's going on over there?

Can one Hokey Pokey in a Snuggie?

2010-11-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Twitter Ho-down! Grab your popcorn, sit back and enjoy! Or rock back and forth, slapping your forehead, trying to find your happy place. Whatever.

The one-liners

I have a whole lot of nothing to say today. If it weren't for Twitter, I might not have an outlet for that. (RT @FlyoverJoel)

It's raining here in Washington. Go ahead. Be shocked.

I'm playing Cribbage against the computer. The computer totally cheats.

weightwhat @katdish I went to Tuesday Morning today. Saw lots of crap. Be expecting a large package soon.

I hit the control key but I'm still not in control. (RT @funnyoneliners)

CANDY CORN!!!

The ones that are a little bit longer

duane_scott I just scared up a whole village of dust bunnies while moving my bedroom furniture for the first time in 12 years. Some of them were BIG!

weightwhat @duane_scott With big sharp pointy teeth? Did they jump?

Brian_Russell Be honest, who's got a candy-coma?

weightwhat @Brian_Russell Not me. But if I find candy corn later today at half price? You betcha!

weightwhat Okay, time for me to make like a tree and get out of here. #ilovebacktothefuture

JeffHolton @weightwhat Is there something wrong with the Earth's gravitational pull in the future?

weightwhat @JeffHolton That's heavy.

br8kthru Juneau is wet, cold & rainy today. In other shocking news, my gym bag smells terribly of stale sweat. Just keeping you informed. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Thank you for the information. I'm waiting with bated breath for your toenail clipping update.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Just read your blog. I now have to clean my laptop screen. You need warning labels. *Do not drink while reading this blog*

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher You're welcome.

WritingJoy @weightwhat I'm about to take a shower. #YesThisIsNoteworthy #SadCommentaryOnMyLife

weightwhat @WritingJoy Good luck. We're all counting on you.

katdish HA! Awesome //RT @BryanEdHill: Going trick or treating...I'm a ceiling fan http://plixi.com/p/53914550

weightwhat @katdish Now that's funny!

kelybreez @weightwhat Dreams with barking chickens always go south soon after.

weightwhat @kelybreez Are you speaking in code again? The duck flies at midnight. The chandelier is tilted.

kelybreez @weightwhat Are u serious? Duck AND chandelier?! It's upon us then. Tell @katdish & @Helenatrandom and load up the decomfobulinemoncer!

saphyreplatypus Almost party time, daughter is so excited she gets to hit her pinata today. :-)

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Won't it be nice to see the thing you spent so many hours making being beaten to a pulp in mere minutes?

The ones that are even longer

dlrayburn RT @weightwhat: Happy Blogaversary to me! A special Twitter Ho-down post. http://tinyurl.com/2emjrhw //I'm Ho-Down Fodder.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Would you really have it any other way?

dlrayburn Not really...the ho-down is like the tabloids at the checkout line. You can't help but look.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Really? I always thought of it more like a train wreck. You just can't look away...

redclaydiaries Reporting from the skating rink, den of tween hormones, 4 a bday party. Stay tuned for people-watching

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Please tell me you're wearing sequins...

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I didn't have any sequins that matched my skating skirt. In other news, IT'S TIME FOR THE HOKEY POKEY!!

weightwhat @redclaydiaries It really IS what it's all about!

duane_scott What did everyone dress up as tonight?

WritingJoy @duane_scott I am going to be @weightwhat for Halloween - she wears pajamas all day.

weightwhat @WritingJoy I think that's a fabulous idea!

WritingJoy @weightwhat What can I say? You're my hero!

weightwhat @WritingJoy No autographs, please.

weightwhat Morning all!

fishythoughts @weightwhat No thanks, already had one.

weightwhat @fishythoughts Crazy future person! Why do you taunt me so?!

fishythoughts @weightwhat Those who live only in the past will have no future #mysteriouscrapsaidbyafish

weightwhat @fishythoughts Someone should be glad I don't eat seafood and it's you.

weightwhat Okay, what's the word?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Good word.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat I was feeling a little precocious.;-)

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus You know, there's a cure for that. You even get to take it with a spoonful of sugar.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

kelybreez @katdish Twitter peeps. I love words. What's your favorite word in the English language that's starts w/ 3rd letter of your first name?

kelybreez @kelybreez Mine is "lepidoptera." Or maybe "loquacious." Wait, maybe it's "lettuce."

weightwhat @kelybreez Why are you talking to yourself?

weightwhat @kelybreez Nincompoop.

kelybreez @weightwhat I'm talking to myself to keep my tweet from also going to facebook. @s don't forward to fb. I could always @ you, if you'd like.

kelybreez @weightwhat Favorite word starting w/ the 3rd letter of your first name? Or are u calling me that?

weightwhat @kelybreez Wouldn't you like to know?

TchrEric @kelybreez From some of the conversations around here I'd say that @weightwhat was doing both...

weightwhat @TchrEric It's like you know me...

duane_scott I just learned that titilating is a word. I just became titilated.

pagan43 @duane_scott We are to presume you know the meaning of your new word . Hint...it has nothing to do with udders. #titilating

weightwhat @duane_scott In public?!

duane_scott @weightwhat @marni71 it's not a bad word!

weightwhat @duane_scott *snort*

pagan43 @duane_scott You keep confusing me with @marni71. I am Kristi, The one with the Water Shack getaway place.

weightwhat @pagan43 That's what happens when one over titilates. (@duane_scott)

weightwhat @katdish Someone needs a Snuggie...

katdish @weightwhat No snuggie for me, but I think I found one for @Helenatrandom http://plixi.com/p/53813451

weightwhat @katdish That totally looks like @Helenatrandom! She's a wild woman, she is.

Helenatrandom @katdish Perfect! A snuggie to match my undies!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom On the days you're not going commando anyway.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Shhhh..... Not everyone here knows about that...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Oops...

Taa-daa! No applause, just throw money. Now get on out there and get to tweeting! I'll be watching...

Is it tomorrow yet?

2010-11-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

One more day. Just one more day. Then we can start watching tv and answering our phones again. You know what I'm talking about. Political ads. Just one more day until the blissful return of commercials for toys and denture cream...

As for today, did you vote? If not, why? You really should get out there and vote. Unless, of course, your political views differ from mine. Then feel free to stay home. It's the right thing to do.

Life is Funny - Number 3's

2010-11-01T06:36:00.000-07:00

Before we go any further...

Moms totally get this. Poop explosions. How does such a tiny little body hold so much poop?! When I was a baby, my parents couldn't leave the house without at least two changes of clothes for me. And I'm not just talking about tops and bottoms, they had to bring extra shoes and socks, too. Because without fail, as soon as we'd leave the house, there would be a number 3 that would fill every nook and cranny within 5 yards of my little butt. The stories are legendary and many. And although I can't prove it, I believe that my mom wished upon me a child who would do the same thing.

She got her wish.

My daughter was a butt explosion waiting to happen, preferably at the most inopportune time. Waiting in line for a picture with Santa? Check. Mommy just used the last diaper while out running errands? Check. In the middle of a diaper change when her legs were pulled up in the air? Check. Don't think that I didn't pass along a mother's wish to my daughter. Yeah.

So, what number 3 stories do you have to tell? Feel free to put them in the comment section. Or better yet, blog about it and link it up to my blog carnival below! And don't forget to link back here, huh? Don't make me wish number 3's on you.

Happy Halloween! Give me candy.

2010-10-30T05:26:00.000-07:00

Happy day before Halloween! For today's Saturday Silliness, I've found a video that I think is really cool. I've seen fun Christmas light shows before, but a Halloween light show? Nope, this is the first. Enjoy!

Someone has a lot of time on their hands! I wonder what the neighbors think of all this...

Now if you're ready for more silliness, why not check out Kathy's blog? You like silly, right?