Friday, April 29, 2011

Yea! It's a Ho-down!

Hooray! It's a twitter ho-down! Feel free to do your happy dance.


Okay, maybe you should keep your happy dance to yourself...

The one-liners

I'm convinced that people change their avatars just to confuse me. And yes, it IS all about me.

Does this "but" make my excuse look big? (RT @MrBigFists)

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help. (RT @TrolleyCat) It's National Napping Day! I could learn to love this holiday.

Can you guys keep it down? I can barely hear myself suffering in silence. (RT @evrythingmustgo)

Wow. It's my 24,000th tweet. You'd think by now I'd come up with something interesting to say. Well, you'd be wrong.

Tweet. That is all.

Somewhere out there is a racehorse saying that they have to pee like me. Gotta go!

Life Tip: It's always a good idea to get a second set of fingerprints on your weapon of choice. RT @LIFECOACHERS

The people who invented the Internet never would have got around to doing it if they'd had the Internet. RT @mattkirshen

Just found out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck: Two pounds. Consider it settled. RT @StephenAtHome

When you flirt with someone in real life, how long are you supposed to hold the sideways wink face? RT @badbanana

I may or may not be eating a giant spoonful of peanut butter right now. Okay, I totally am.

I've got Poker Face playing right now. So my daughter came in and started poking my face. Nice.

Fair warning: I'm planning on doing a twitter ho-down post this week. Who wants to be (in)famous?

weightwhat @duane_scott @SBeeCreations You should always listen to me. I'm the voice of reason.

The ones I may or may not have said in a DM

And do you have rings on your fingers and bells on your toes?

I'll be sure to bedazzle the peg leg, of course.

I also enjoy not having gaping and oozing wounds.

Cerebral fornicator?

Going for the shock and awe, huh?

With a lop lop here and a lop lop there...

The ones that are a little bit longer

okiewife I bought a mini bamboo plant for myself today. Go ahead.. say I'm weird. Everyone else has.

weightwhat @okiewife I could tell you that you are weird, but I really don't think we can blame the bamboo for that.

weightwhat @okiewife Then again, I have a mini bamboo plant. If that causes weirdness, it would explain a lot.

five_monkies Okay tweeps. I am seriously missing my nightly forays with @weightwhat (or @WendyDarlingLtd depending on her mood that night).

weightwhat @five_monkies We're like ships that pass in the night. Or some other Barry Manilow song.

TheRustedChain It's hammer time.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I'll get my gold parachute pants!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat How is it that you, @duane_scott, and so many others have more alter egos than me? When did I become the sane one?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Probably around the same time that I became the voice of reason.

MPdaCNA Lovely discussion about farts and poop. Gotta love life w boys.

weightwhat @MPdaCNA Um... Yeah... Only boys would talk about things like that... *whistling innocently*

br8kthru @weightwhat are you actually here? I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Feel free to faint dead away. I am here.

RedClayDiaries My nose itches. On the inside. #ihateallergies

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Sure. You're "scratching." We believe you.

WritingJoy wow. This would indeed be an epic story. "guy poops and throws up epic story" #searcheslandingonmyblog #searchbomb?

weightwhat @WritingJoy What? Isn't that how all the good writers do it?

weightwhat Okay, I may be a little disturbed.

marni71 @weightwhat only a LITTLE?

weightwhat @marni71 What are you trying to say?

mommytweetsalot Why won't my kids go to bed and STAY there? Bedtime is the most stressful part of my day.....ugh

weightwhat @mommytweetsalot Clearly you're not using enough duct tape.

katdish Flower stems or creepy green hands?

weightwhat @katdish I think the Grinch is trying to steal Easter.

katdish @weightwhat HA! Awesome.


weightwhat Free wi-fi? I may sit drinking sweet tea at McD's all day. #wwf

weightwhat Wow. That sweet tea is kickin' in... #pottydance

weightwhat So much for the free wi-fi... #iPadsarenotpottyfriendly

RobinMArnold I just called someone a whippersnapper. Don't be one. Not good.

weightwhat @RobinMArnold If only your warning had come earlier. I'm afraid it's too late for the likes of me.

weightwhat My daughter was sitting in the bathtub the other night singing "Video Killed the Radio Star." It was a very proud moment for me.

elizabethesther @weightwhat my twins sing in the bathtub, too. Except their favorite song is: Old McDonald Had A Poo-Poo Farm. #notsoproud

weightwhat @elizabethesther With a poo-poo here and a poo-poo there?

melissa_rae I think I'm getting a fever... #fb

mychiapet @melissa_rae And the only cure is more cowbell?

mychiapet @dlrayburn You know, we looked a lot alike before I got my seeds all grown in. Except I don't have thumbs. Showoff.

dlrayburn @mychiapet Actually I am a chia in remission... I started out with hair...

mychiapet @dlrayburn Do you need more seeds?


The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations Saw a guy Wearing Crocs while riding a motorcycle *blink* *blink*

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I know he's saying something, I just don't know what that something is.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I think it's some like "Chicks dig mangled extremities"

weightwhat @SBeeCreations That could be it!

weightwhat Thinking of doing a dot-to-dot using the freckles on my arms. This could take a while. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

SBeeCreations @weightwhat you aren't alone

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I was. And now it's too late.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat What did you do?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I look kind of like this now:


elizabethesther I get to go to the dentist today! YIPEEEEE! not.

weightwhat @elizabethesther You're a wild woman! Maybe next you can go to the podiatrist to have an ingrown toenail removed!

WritingJoy @weightwhat Wow, Wendy -- forget about living on the edge -- just bungee-jump off the side why doncha?

weightwhat @WritingJoy @elizabethesther Hey, I'm all about the edge. As long as it can be done in jammies.

weightwhat You really should go read and comment on @mychiapet's guest blog post on @SBeeCreations new blog. You wouldn't want to see @mychiapet angry.

weightwhat What are you still doing here? Go read @mychiapet's guest post at @SBeeCreations blog already.

katdish @weightwhat You're so bossy when you're.....awake.

weightwhat @katdish And?

marni71 Sometimes, I need people to have a mute button. In absence of that technology, I'm having extra coffee today. #tc

weightwhat @marni71 Are you talking about me again?

marni71 @weightwhat Uhhhhh, sorry Wendy. Didn't see you there. #awkward

weightwhat @marni71 Yeah.

muchl8r Today's one of those days where you start realizing how much you love & appreciate people then kick yourself for being so sappy. #Gross

weightwhat @muchl8r Can I kick you, too?

muchl8r @weightwhat please do

weightwhat @muchl8r So happy to help! :o)

weightwhat Am I disturbed? You decide.

jewda4 @weightwhat I think I know the answer, and I haven't even read the post yet.

weightwhat @jewda4 What are you trying to say?

jewda4 @weightwhat um, to protect the safety of the innocent and myself...I was just saying that I can tell you are not disturbed in the slightest.

katdish My son is on the local news. Students protesting teacher layoffs.

weightwhat @katdish Is he carrying a pitchfork and a torch? Please say yes...

katdish @weightwhat Not that I can see. The HS is next to the JH. They interviewed some teens who are protesting by going to Starbucks across street

katdish @weightwhat Because nothing says Save our school like purchasing an iced frappachino

weightwhat @katdish Throw in a scone and you could start a war.

dlrayburn @weightwhat Been missing you round here!

weightwhat @dlrayburn But is your aim getting better?

dlrayburn @weightwhat wow ur snarky is out of practice

weightwhat @dlrayburn I suppose I should dust it off once in a while.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

RedClayDiaries Big storm on its way. Hoping it arrives AFTER we're home from evening activities.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Is everything black and white where you live?

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Um, what?

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries You know, like the beginning of The Wizard of Oz.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Ohhhhhh. I had no clue what you meant. But no, we do still have technicolor. However, a witch just rode by on a bicycle.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Better hide the dogs.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat I'm putting on my red shoes just in case.

Nick_theGeek @RedClayDiaries u want a house to land on you?

RedClayDiaries @Nick_theGeek Oh yeah. OK scratch that. I'll go put on my blue gingham.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Don't forget to braid your hair. And sing.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Do they tweet in Heaven? Remembering Kristi


Earlier this week, my twitter friend, Kristi (@pagan43), passed away. I can only imagine the party in Heaven when she arrived. I'm guessing there were lampshade hats involved, but I just can't be sure. While it breaks my heart that I won't be able to catch up with her on twitter anymore, I'm so happy that her joy in now complete. To celebrate the short period of her life when I got to know her, I put together some of her tweets from my past twitter ho-downs. I hope you enjoy this little glimpse of Kristi...

pagan43 @weightwhat Hmmm , seems as tho i have single handedly eradicated several huge roadside attraction giant coffee cups. #ohthepower

weightwhat @pagan43 You know, you really should use your power for good instead of evil.

pagan43 A universal remote does not in actuality control the whole universe.

weightwhat @pagan43 Drats. There goes that plan.

pagan43 Still waiting for Z to bring up rest of the decorations . 'specially the Lady Leg Lamp. Should I shoot his eye out or just nag ?

weightwhat @pagan43 I just keep my leg lamp up all year to avoid this kind of situation. And yes, it's in my front window.


pagan43 Family tradition is to hang the raw turkey neck on the front door knob...Please do not ask.

weightwhat @pagan43 How can you put a statement like that out there and then say, "Don't ask"? Well, I'm askin'.

pagan43 @weightwhat Kids were out one Thsgv. Eve.We tied raw neck on door knob unscrewed light bulb and hid. Kid touched neck and screamed.

weightwhat @pagan43 Aahhhh... Good times.

duane_scott I just learned that titilating is a word. I just became titilated.

pagan43 @duane_scott We are to presume you know the meaning of your new word . has nothing to do with udders. #titilating

weightwhat @duane_scott In public?!

duane_scott @weightwhat @marni71 it's not a bad word!

weightwhat @duane_scott *snort*

pagan43 @duane_scott You keep confusing me with @marni71. I am Kristi, The one with the Water Shack getaway place.

weightwhat @pagan43 That's what happens when one over titilates. (@duane_scott)

weightwhat Okay, somebody entertain me, quick! You don't want me left to my own devices.

pagan43 @weightwhat Dancing as fast as I can... Your devices scare me.

weightwhat @pagan43 You've got some serious moves! And yes, my devices scare most people.

pagan43 @weightwhat I am going to put on my tin foil hat & pajamas and go to bed. will work the same as "I have a headache?" #nottonite

weightwhat @pagan43 My guess is yes. Maybe even better than a headache. And for a longer period of time.

pagan43 Pancakes and bacon for dinner. Snowed in.

weightwhat @pagan43 Pancakes and bacon? I wanna be snowed in.

pagan43 More than 8 additional inches to come.

weightwhat @pagan43 TWSS

weightwhat @pagan43 No one is safe around me.

Please keep Kristi's husband, Bill, and her family in your prayers. She was a wonderful woman and having a Kristi-sized hole in your life has got to be horrible. I miss you, Kristi!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Cones of eccentricity


I had a birthday this week. It was lovely, thanks. But it got me to wondering... At what age, exactly, can one be called "eccentric"? 'Cause that's what I'm going for. I'm 44 now. How much longer do I need to wait? You can get away with so much more when people think you're eccentric.

The other day, I went to Costco with my family. As we were walking in from the parking lot, I spotted an elderly woman pushing her full cart out to her car. But wait, there's more. When she left the store, she ran into one of those giant orange cones that they have in the front to try to keep people from driving into the store. And yes, the cone led they way out to her car. No, she didn't seem to realize that she was pushing an orange cone with her cart. At least, not until she got to her car. Of course, she left the cone out there in the parking lot. In back of someone else's car. Probably made that person wonder when they got to their car... But do you see? That can be chalked up to eccentricity.

I want to push a giant orange cone around in front of my shopping cart.

Maybe even carry a cone around with me as a warning to others. "Caution: You don't know what this person will do next."

It's not like I'm asking to be able to shuffle around with my knee high hose bunched up around my ankles. Not unless they're paired with slippers, anyway.

So really? How long do I have to wait? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller...? Bueller...?

Monday, April 11, 2011

Life is Funny - Ben & Jerry's loves me


I love a good bargain. I really do. But nothing thrills me to the core like free stuff. And free ice cream?! What, have I died and gone to Heaven? Oh yeah. And tomorrow is Ben & Jerry's annual Free Cone Day. They're doing it for my birthday because they love me. They don't actually know me, but they love me. And they show their love with free ice cream.


So I'll be having my free scoop in the afternoon. And again in the evening. Possibly a few times in between. Don't judge me. It's ice cream. If there was more than one Ben & Jerry's around here I'd make the rounds and have more free ice cream. Like that one time...

Back in the day, I used to live in Southern California. My best friend "R" lived nearby and she's all about the free stuff, just like me. Baskin Robbins usually does some kind of free thing once a year, too, and one year they were doing free Cappuccino Blasts. Mmmm... Coffee and ice cream... And the best part? There were Baskin Robbins all over the place down there!

So R and I hatched a plan.

We mapped out all the Baskin Robbins parlors in the area. There was a 3 hour time window in which they were giving out the free Blasts. We hit those parlors and hit 'em hard! Then we went and made the rounds again. Oh yeah, we were good.

But did you know that they put real coffee in the Cappuccino Blasts? Strong coffee. With lots of caffeine.


I think it was a few days later before I was able to sleep again. There's something to be said for bouncing off the walls, you know. And yes, I'd do it again. Because cheap is good and free is even better.

So go on out and get your free scoop. Maybe even make the rounds. Who could ask for a better birthday celebration? Mmmmm... Ice cream...