Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Parenting 101 - Potty training

For years, one topic has struck fear in the hearts of parents everywhere: Potty training. It's just not fun. And it's a major source of frustration. Why, oh why, can Jr. not just sit and go? I'll tell you why. Lack of motivation. Oh sure, you've tried bribery. You've tried the sticker chart. You've even tried threats. But they didn't work, did they? No, they did not. Doctors will tell you that you just have to wait for little Tommy or Susie to be ready on their own. Well forget that malarky! I'm about to share the solution with you.


Yes, you heard me correctly. Fear will bring about the desired potty use. It's simple really. You just use your child's natural fear of heights to work against them. Something like this:


You tell your precious little darling that since they have not been using the potty, you're now out of diapers. Then take your non-potty using child with you to the store to shop. Once there, tell them that since they're the ones using the diapers that they'll have to be the one to get the diapers. From the top shelf. Which they can't get to unless they are hoisted up there and left for a bit. Just long enough for the panic to set in. "Oooo! It sure is high up! I hope I can get you back down again!" Yes, the fear of diaper shopping will get your potty-avoiding tot sitting on the throne in no time.

"But Wendy," one might ask, "what if my child isn't afraid of heights?" Being the fount of wisdom and all things parenting, I have an answer for that, too. Two words for you: Krazy Glue. You're welcome.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Life is Funny - It's water, I swear!


This week I had to go in for some medical testing. For the tests being done, I had to be put into twilight sleep. No, not Twilight sleep - everyone knows vampires don't sleep. But back to my story. So I was in twilight sleep for the procedure and when it was done, I was brought into the recovery room. As I started to wake up, a nurse came in and asked if I wanted anything to drink. She was then kind enough to bring me a bottle of water and prop the bed up a bit for me so I'd be able to drink my water easily. So I took the lid off my bottle and started drinking my water. It was all good.

Until I started dozing off again.

That probably wouldn't have been a problem if I had put the lid back on my water bottle. But no. I was holding the water bottle on my stomach as I slipped back into sleep. And the water bottle tipped over. In the most unfortunate way. Yes, the bottle tipped crotchward and spilled all over my pants. But the bottle was still pretty full, so it continued to spill through my legs and then into a puddle under my rear end. I was still out of it enough that I couldn't seem to move out of the puddle and just got a nice butt-soaking. I let out a yelp then started laughing and the nurse rushed in to see what had happened. I loved my nurse. She started laughing, too. But then she got me some sheets to help me dry myself off. I really enjoyed walking out of there with suspiciously wet pants. Ah, good times.

And now, for a video clip that nearly made me wet my pants spill water on myself...

So, how was your life funny this week? How about sharing with us? Make sure to sign up below with Mr. Linky. He likes a good laugh, too.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Better late than never?


Wondering what crazy things I've talked about on Twitter this week? I'll bet you are! Lucky for you, you've come to the right place. There's tweeting all over the place around here. As always: May cause choking, gasping, wheezing, uncontrollable slobbering, bleeding eyeballs and disembowelment. If you are pregnant, or may become pregnant, I'm totally jealous of you. Oh, and you shouldn't read this out loud as the damage may be permanent to your unborn child, even if he/she is, as of now, just a twinkle in the eye. This blog post does not cause a twinkling of the eye and takes no responsibility for such. Other than that, it's perfectly safe.

The one-liners

Just as I cut my finger, I heard that a shark can smell blood for over a mile. So DO NOT answer the doorbell. (RT @linajk)

Good morning! Am I being overly optimistic?

I think that Panera ad just said, "It's amazing how complex this sandwich is." Can you give me a conflicted soup to go with it? (RT@MattTCoNP)

Okay, time for me to scoot off to bed. And by scoot, I mean drag my butt around on the carpet. Hey, I've got an itch, okay?!

Tomorrow, I'd ask that you celebrate a low key Earth Day so as not to make Wind and Fire feel bad.

And now, an homage one of the great movies of the 80's (Better Off Dead)

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

It's got raisins in it... you like raisins.

I want my two dollars!

Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.

Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.

A little bit longer ones

redclaydiaries I just wrote a post. The creativity dam is broken. Look out.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Should we run around in circles, screaming and panicking, now?

sarahmsalter @Nick_theGeek Fine. Go ahead. Give it to me again.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I mean, really? You just make it way too easy. TWSS.

weightwhat Potato chips count as a vegetable, right? I just finished off a can of vegetables.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat For an extra healthy serving of veggies, I like to dip potato chips in ketchup.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You always were an overachiever.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat It's good that we have these talks... I usually just fly by the seat of my pants...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You've got butt wings?!

duane_scott @weightwhat well, whatever you prefer. You can look at me however you want. :)

weightwhat @duane_scott I would, but my mom says if I do that, my eyes will stay that way forever.

br8kthru RT @weightwhat: The Life is Funny post that left @br8kthru speechless. http://tinyurl.com/y7h5btp

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm just helping the baby polar bears, Jason. You want to help baby polar bears, don't you?

The ones that are even longer

katdish @sarahmsalter It's all a conspiracy. Where's my tin foil hat?

weightwhat @katdish Better watch out - someone might be offended by the use of 'tin foil hat.'

katdish @weightwhat I'll just send them in your direction. You seem to have a larger audience of tin foil wearing readers.

weightwhat @katdish Try not to be too jealous, okay?

PeterPollock The Hoover dam has the best urinals in the world. Ever.

Helenatrandom @PeterPollock OK. Thank you for letting us know... I'll, uh, be sure to, uh, tell Bob if we ever go there...

weightwhat @PeterPollock You should cross stitch that onto a pillow.

Helenatrandom @PeterPollock "Bob, be sure to use the urinal at the Hoover Dam... Peter Pollock says they are the best EVER!" Yes. That'll seem normal.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Apparently. But in good news, I'm the MAYOR of this Starbucks in @foursquare.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries What does that mean?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I'm not sure. I think I've checked in here on @foursquare more than anyone else. Who is playing @foursquare.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat It's like being the geekiest geek.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Wow. Do I bow to your geekiness? Or just point and laugh?

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

BabySpeedyBee Here he is! http://twitpic.com/1gryea


weightwhat @BabySpeedyBee Sarah, he's beautiful!!!

weightwhat Oh great. Now I've got a uterusache.

billycoffey @weightwhat That's not catchy, is it?

sarahmsalter @billycoffey Billy, it IS catching, but you must first HAVE a uterus.

billycoffey @sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 Whew.

weightwhat @billycoffey If you do catch it, make sure to contact the media.

katdish I think what went wrong w/Christianity is exactly what happens when you try to get a dog to look at something on television...

katdish Jesus pointed to God, and everyone just stares at his finger ~ Frank Miles

redclaydiaries @katdish Whiplash warning. Kathy just got deep.

katdish @redclaydiaries It goes in waves.

katdish @redclaydiaries I think I'm over it now.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries You know, @katdish should really come with a warning tag.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat She did. @helenatrandom cut it off.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries DOH! What was @helenatrandom thinking?!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat She flouted federal regulations. She's a flouter, that @helenatrandom.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I've always had my suspicions. I think it's the pink hat.

duane_scott I almost feel guilty, bimut youre hawt! RT @CandySteele: @duane_scott Here it is! I found it!

weightwhat @duane_scott What's a bimut? And why does it just sound wrong?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat BIMUT: My fixed male dog who likes to - um - fellowship with a male neighbor dog whenever he enters our yard.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Yeah, that's what I thought it meant.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I think I need to scrub my brain now to get out that mental picture.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Imagine what's like to try to erase the ACTUAL mental picture.

billycoffey @katdish He's a big 'un, that's for sure.

sarahmsalter @billycoffey TWSS, Billy. :o)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'm so proud! *sniff*

billycoffey @sarahmsalter Hey, I'm TIRED.

billycoffey @weightwhat @Helenatrandom @katdish @sarahmsalter I'm glad I could bring a smile to your faces this afternoon, ladies.

sarahmsalter @billycoffey TWSS again, Billy. :o)

katdish @billycoffey TWHS

billycoffey @sarahmsalter @katdish @diam0ndhead94 I should shut up now.

WritingJoy Can any good come of letting three four-year-old boys wield plastic shovels at a playground? I didn't think so. #waitingtoseeblood

weightwhat @WritingJoy It's all in fun until someone ruptures a spleen.

WritingJoy @weightwhat Or a cranium. Ok, plastic shovel... maybe not a cranium. Eyeball?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Nah. The eyeball is overdone. That's why I always go for the spleen. No one ever expects the spleen.

WritingJoy Note to self: don protective spleenwear when engaging @weightwhat in battle.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Better safe than spleenless!

Well, we've reached the end of the post now. Feel free to move about the cabin. And while you're at it, why don't you see what others tweeted about this week over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants? I'm sure it's safe over there. *crossing my fingers*

What really killed the dinosaurs

Happy Saturday, folks! I'm sure you're all wondering what really happened to the dinosaurs. Well, after extensive research (and a good search on youtube), I've found the answer for you. Please, no applause. Just throw money.

Just can't get enough silliness? Then head on over to Kathy's blog for more. Go ahead. Shoo.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Life is Funny - Recycle, Reduce, Reuse


If you follow me on Twitter (And why wouldn't you?), you may have noticed me mentioning that I'm considering doing yet another blog. Why? Because Weight...What? and Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants just aren't enough to contain me and my multiple personalities my creativity. What kind of blog would it be, one might ask. Well, I'll tell one. A blog about making stuff. Whatever kind of stuff that pops into my head. 'Cuz I'm a rebel and can't be limited to just crafts.

But here's the thing: I'm thinking this new blog will be more normal mainstream than this one. So what do I do with my crazy ideas? Post 'em here, of course! Sorry/you're welcome.

So, you know how everyone is all up in the green lately? Yeah, yeah. Recycle, reduce, reuse. Well hey, I can be environmentally friendly. And what better way to go green than with Mother Nature, a.k.a. Aunt Flo? Because besides making me want to dance, that time of the month makes me want to do crafts. Recycled crafts.

Ladies, if you're like me, and I know you are, that time of the month makes me feel musical. And joyful. So what better way to express that than by making a pan flute?


Then you'll want to give a performance, right?

Now I've heard tell, though I can hardly believe it, that there are some gals who aren't excited about the arrival of Aunt Flo. While I may not understand it, I've got you ladies covered, too. How about a nice tampon shooter with matching bandolier?


Just notice the fine craftmanship! It's amazing what you can do with recycled objects and a glue gun, isn't it? And although I make no guarantees, you might just want to have one of these babies available in case of a zombie attack.

Now go get that glue gun and get to crafting! It's good for the planet.

Got something to share here at the Life is Funny blog carnival? I'll bet you do! Link up below with Mr. Linky. He loves a good linking.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Oh, now I understand

Happy Saturday, folks! This week I decided to find something deep and meaningful to share with you. Hey, I can be deep! Okay, maybe not. But this was originally sent to me by Candy a while back, and she's deep. That is when she's not sticking her foot in her mouth. That girl is just a TWSS waiting to happen. Anyway... On to the video!

So, wasn't that something? It was just so deep drug enduced emotional. Wow.

Looking for more silliness? Head on over to Kathy's blog and see what's going on. I hear she's got a Brownie Husband over there... Oh, and tell her Joe Cocker sent you.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Saying it on Twitter


I could do some kind of intro here, but I don't wanna.

The one-liners

RT @AnnaLefler Hmm, with the right clogs and cravat, I *could* wear this bathrobe to the drugstore... // A woman after my own heart!

RT @AuntMarvel "Wo unto the mother who draws a mustache on her child during church, for she shall be thrust down to hell."


Thinking about starting yet another blog that I can totally neglect.

So many TWSS's, so little time.

RT @WinLiannefield I just saw a squirrel poop. That was a first for me. Am I the only one? #SoRandomItHurts // Some people have all the fun.

A little bit longer ones

br8kthru @weightwhat It might, but I don't it. I told you before, Jesus took away my shame.

weightwhat @br8kthru Really? Then how do you explain the sweater vest?

marni71 @weightwhat Happy birthday!!!! How does being 21 feel?

weightwhat @marni71 As soon as I find a hot 21 year old who will let me feel him, I'll let you know. ;o)

BridgetChumbley @weightwhat Happy Birthday, Wendy. http://bit.ly/iXgAa

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Thanks! And I love that song! I just tortured my daughter with it. My day is now complete.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Did you have an intestinally satisfying day? Create any memories w ur kid?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Workin' on some memories as we speak.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Sorry, Wendy, I'm not dressed and you just don't want to see me like this... (In my workout clothes with stringy hair.)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh Sarah, you know I love you no matter how stinky and disgusting you are.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Fertilizer!

weightwhat Okay, I'm thinking that last tweet may seem a little odd.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat And that would be different from normal.... how?

The ones that are even longer

br8kthru @weightwhat top o' the morning to ya...

weightwhat @br8kthru Have you been kissing the Blarney Stone again?

br8kthru @weightwhat No, but you'll never get your hands on me lucky charms.

weightwhat @br8kthru TWSS. And you really shouldn't underestimate me like that.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I bought bunny peeps for CCD, but didn't notice that they are malformed. They look like they have....equipment....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom AAAAA!!! Did you take pictures? And that's totally a blog post waiting to happen!



(I snagged these pictures off of Helen's blog. You should really go read her post.)

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I still will be doing a LIF post this week... can't let the p*rn* peeps go unnoticed by the cyber world...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Good to know! Gotta see that peep show... ;o)

Helenatrandom @weightwhat It is so frickin' odd... I even noticed it on ONE package before I bought it, and kept the line waiting to exchange...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Didn't realize the other three packages had the same problem until I got home... And I thought I checked...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I guess the other 3 packages just weren't quite as endowed as the 1st...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat And yet they jumped out at me right before packing them for my class... TWSS...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom They were happy to see you? TWSS.

Well, here we are at the end of the post. Still wanting more? Then head on over to the Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants and see if anyone else did a Twitter Ho-down post. Can't guarantee what you'll find there, but that just adds to the entertainment value, doesn't it?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Life is Funny - Giving my daughter childhood memories


Welcome to another edition of the Life is Funny blog carnival! Once again, this post comes with a warning. This should not be read by the faint of heart or easily offended. As a matter of fact, you should only read this if you're a 12 year old boy, or have leanings that way. There. You've been warned.

I wasn't going to write about the event that happened this week, but it's been a slow week around here. Let this be a lesson to all of you: Keep me entertained! It's for your own good! What could be so bad that I wouldn't write about it?


I was putting my daughter to bed the other night, and for some reason, there seemed to be a large accumulation of, um, natural gas building up. As I waited in her room, it grew into a gas giant, so to speak. Since she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, I seized the moment and let the flatulence fly.



Don't judge me.

When my daughter returned to her room, she made a horrible face and started making gagging noises. Which, of course, brought out the 12 year old boy in me. And there was more breaking of wind, to which my daughter yelled, "GAAAA!!! Mommy!" Unfortunately for her, the tank was not yet empty.


Yes, the vapors continued the entire time I was putting her to bed. And so did my daughter's shrieks. I don't think she appreciated the musical serenade I was giving her... But I was laughing so hard I was crying. I just couldn't stop myself! Of course, I had to leave her with more right before I closed her bedroom door. It's the gift that keeps on giving!

As I walked back downstairs, laughing hysterically and listening to the sounds of my daughter gagging for breath, I thought to myself, "Yup, givin' the kiddo some fine childhood memories here." Good times.

Okay, now it's your turn to share. C'mon, you know you've got a Life is Funny post in you somewhere. Let it out! And don't forget to sign up with Mr. Linky below. Just don't pull his finger. Trust me on this one.


Saturday, April 10, 2010

That's the ticket!

I'm finally getting my Saturday Silliness post up. I've had a really busy day so far. You see, I was on my way to Costco when I was attacked by a tribe of pygmy cannibals. Yeah, it was awful. But luckily, I had my Swiss army knife with the special flame thrower attachment that our government has been secretly working on and wanted me to try out for them. Had me a regular pygmy cookout. With the queen of England. Yeah, 'cause Liz and I are like this. *crossing fingers* So I'm back now and here with a video for you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go finish working on my top secret project for NASA. Then I'll be off to get my Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, that's it. Peace Prize.

Why don't you head over to Kathy's blog now for some more silliness? But be careful when you're over there. Her site is full of ninjas. Tickling ninjas. Yeah, they're the worst kind.

Friday, April 9, 2010

It all comes from very little effort


Wow. I have not been putting in the quality time with the Twitter this week. Shame on me! Now who's gonna make your eyes bleed? Well, I'm sure there will be someone. Just head on over to the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants for your weekly dose of torture reading pleasure.

The one-liners

Sometimes you just need to know when to get out the cattleprod.

"If I'm gonna be in charge, I need a cape. You can't do the job without a cape. Take me to the cape tailor." #sleeptalkingman

Okay, this is just all kinds o' wrong. http://verydemotivational.com/2010/04/02/demotivational-posters-doritos/


The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. (RT @VariantVal)

Chickens are rarely amused by disco. (RT @BlazingLily)

I'm out of half and half for my coffee. And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Coffee...cup...empty... Fading... Gaaaaaaaa.....

I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on Pepperidge Farm. And raise Milanos. (RT @funnyoneliners)

With a few dabs of a paper towel on top, I just made this pepperoni pizza healthy & good for me. Time to eat the whole thing. (RT @MattTCoNP)

A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat It's the championship. Duke needs my mojo.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Because you aren't using it?

The ones that are even longer

CandySteele @Brian_Russell Your stream is slow and backwards. I can't follow it on your blog. #ppwv2

weightwhat @CandySteele Okay, really? "Your stream is slow and backwards" and no one TWSS'd you? Well, better late than never. TWSS.

redclaydiaries @CandySteele A fine way for me to enter this conversation: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Oh, thank goodness. All is right with the world again.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

br8kthru @billycoffey Did I forget to tell you? I'm coming to stay at your house for about a week. Hope that's all right. :)

billycoffey @br8kthru Sweet! I'll get the guest bedroom ready.

billycoffey @br8kthru We could do some fishing. I'll even buy you a cowboy hat so you'll fit in.

weightwhat @billycoffey Would it match his sweater vest?

billycoffey @weightwhat Of course it would. Because I'm a fancy redneck.

weightwhat @billycoffey And the king of accessorizing.

billycoffey @weightwhat Well, I'm not one to go around bragging, but yes. You're right.

br8kthru @duane_scott I've often thought about that. Wouldn't be ironic if we got together & no one knew what to say? Nah, don't see that happening.

makeadiff21 @br8kthru Ya. I thought that, too. But I seriously doubt there would be a shortage of words.

duane_scott @br8kthru haha. It would be hilarious! I think it could be quiet with @weightwhat and @katdish around. Trust me on that one.

weightwhat @duane_scott What are you trying to say?

duane_scott @weightwhat that if we had a twitter reunion it wouldn't be very quiet

weightwhat @duane_scott Well I'm quiet. I'm also shy and deep.

And some classic tweets (because I don't want Helen to feel left out)

Helenatrandom#failedwesterns Little Big Boy

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I can't believe you'd bring up Big Boy in front of me again like that...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You have The Colonel now....You need to move on and make a life with him.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - For the most part, I have. It's just that every time I see a double-decker hamburger or picnic print overalls...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat At least the Colonel is a sharp dresser.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom- Yes he is. I just wish he'd stop dripping mashed potatoes and gravy on his white suits. Do you know how hard it is to clean?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I can only imagine.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - And how many times do I have to tell him that the little black bow around his neck is NOT a napkin?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I never imagined being with a guy who wears more makeup than me--I only wear a little lipstick and nail polish

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - He does wear it a bit on the heavy side, but I wasn't going to say anything...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Also...Ronald behaves like a clown...IN PUBLIC!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - So what first attracted you to him? Was it his abnormally large feet?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You know what they say about clowns with big shoes...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Big feet?

Okay, nothing more to see here. Move along.

Don't make me turn the hose on you.


Stop reading already!


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Life is Funny - Happy Easter!


Happy Easter! Or Happy Day After Easter (and so on) depending on when you read this. See how accommodating I am?

I kept seeing things online this year about making Resurrection Rolls to teach your kids about Easter. Have you seen them? It was pretty neat. You take a large marshmallow, which represents Christ, then roll it in melted butter and cinnamon sugar to represent His body being prepared for burial with oil and spices. Then you wrap the marshmallow (Jesus) in a crescent roll (linen) and put it in the oven (tomb) to bake. When you take it out of the oven and open up the roll, it's empty (the resurrection).

That is, if it all works out the way it should.

Let me rewind a bit. This week has been the spring break for my daughter's school. Being the supermom (choke, gasp, wheeze) that I am, I'd been storing up supplies to make homemade Shrinky Dinks for such an occassion. So my daughter thinks it's cool to stand in front of the oven to watch the stuff inside. Who could blame her with Shrinky Dinks?

Now back to the Resurrection Rolls. My daughter really wanted to put the rolls together herself, and I let her do quite a bit of it. But she didn't exactly get the crescent rolls completely sealed around some of the marshmallows. Of course, we didn't realize it until the rolls were in the oven.

And she stood in front of the oven to watch them bake.

And watched as Jesus melted out of the rolls. GAAAAA!!!

So it was on to distraction while I took the rolls out of the oven and tried to hide the melted marshmallows. Is it wrong to tell you that melted cinnamon sugar marshmallow Jesus tasted yummy? Anyway, I gave her the unbroken rolls for her to open up and find empty. I think I might have mentioned somewhere in there that Jesus didn't really melt. I can't really be sure. I just kept picturing my Mom of the Year award being taken away...


Now it's your turn! Do you have something to share in the Life is Funny blog carnival? I'm guessing the answer is yes. I mean, look at you. You've got funny written all over ya. Sign up below, huh?

The Peeps

Okay, so I'm a little late for Saturday Silliness. And? Just watch yer video and be happy.

Now why don't you just head on over to Kathy's blog for some more silliness? Just don't make any sudden moves...

Friday, April 2, 2010

Twitter. Now even more sparkly than before.


Hey kids! Guess what time it is? It's Twitter Ho-down time! Yea! So grab your coffee, maybe a nice bacon doughnut, and make yourself comfy. And away we go!

The one-liners

Nike needs to come out with a chocolate bunny that's easy to eat while jogging. (RT @badbanana)

RT @TheRustedChain Bacon flavored coffee exsists! http://bit.ly/a1Pedm // Yet more proof that God is good!


It's Easter break. Why am I awake so early?! I blame @katdish. Why? Because I can.

RT @JimGaffigan 4 those that can't read Hebrew it says Coma, Seven, .1 taking a dump, crying pi, .1 on turd


RT @loswhit 150 times I have probably watched this.150 times I've laughed.

Did you guys hear about Ricky Martin? Can you believe he's 38?

GAAAAAAA!!!!! That is all.

Saw a man wearing capris pants today. Capris pants. I laughed so hard my Easter bonnet fell off. (RT @badbanana )

Goodnight everybody! - Grandpa Walton

A little bit longer ones

SBeeCreations @weightwhat You're right. (and yes, you print and frame this)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Actually, I was thinking of having it bronzed.

The ones that are even longer

Nick_theGeek YAY I just checked with geeksquad and my computer and it is being shipped

weightwhat Nick_theGeek You are the geeksquad.

Nick_theGeek @weightwhat please tell me that was an intentional Princess Bride reference because I'm crying from the laughter right now

weightwhat @Nick_theGeek Yes. Yes it was.

katdish Okay weird...

katdish Okay..nevermind. Not weird...

weightwhat @katdish Well that was completely normal.

katdish @weightwhat Well, yes. For me anyway.

Helenatrandom @katdish So are you able to view your own blog?

katdish @Helenatrandom Yes. But it takes forever. I think I'm going to have to de-frag it. Which sucks, b/c I don't even know what that means

Helenatrandom @katdish Me neither. It sounds like something I'd have to TWSS, but am afraid to...

weightwhat @katdish TWSS?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Well, there ya go.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I saw the possibilities, but didn't know how to get around them. Bob has diverticulosis.

SBeeCreations @Helenatrandom So he can't have strawberries then either? Poor man.

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Nope. Too seedy. And no sesame seeds. I have to eat his seedy buns. Yes @weightwhat. Now you may TWSS.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Okay. TWSS.

duane_scott I'm teaching my brother @unruhharley about twitter and #hashtags. Follow him guys!

weightwhat @duane_scott Contributing to the delinquency of a minor, huh?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yeah, but then so are we, aren't we?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom No, he's over 18. Under 18 is a minor. We're just corrupting a young adult.

duane_scott @weightwhat nah.... it's my parent's house. my mother will never be satisfied until the house looks like Country Living or some weird catalo

weightwhat @duane_scott Yeah, that's what I was saying. Silly boy. And you really need to watch out for those weird catalos. Cataloes? Catali?

duane_scott @weightwhat CATALOGS! I ran out of 140 characters. i figured you'd be smart enough to fill in the blank.

weightwhat @duane_scott No, I'm smart arse enough not to.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

CandySteele @Nick_theGeek You just might want to forget your email for the weekend. What started as a simple prayer request went south fast.

Nick_theGeek @CandySteele dang, I really wish I had that account setup on this computer

sarahmsalter @Nick_theGeek Nick, it was a CLASSIC conversation. You really missed it.

Nick_theGeek @sarahmsalter what did @CandySteele say? it couldn't have been worse than the BJ comment

CandySteele @Nick_theGeek It wasn't me this time. It was none other than @(Name withheld to protect the guilty)

Helenatrandom @CandySteele And @weightwhat and her bedazzler!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Pink rhinestones for everyone!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Good! I'm giggling about pink rhinestone gems.

katbrak @Helenatrandom @weightwhat jumps up and down! I want pink rhinestone gems too!!

weightwhat @katbrak Don't be too hasty...

Helenatrandom @Nick_theGeek You think you're cryin' now! Wait until you read the email thread and find out what @weightwhat is bedazzling...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom *snort*

katbrak @weightwhat rut roh why not? just exactly what kind of rhinestones are we talking about?

weightwhat @katbrak It's not the what, it's the where.

katbrak @weightwhat for some reason I'm nervous now...images of things from your blog are going through my head..

CandySteele @weightwhat What was your plan to get the bedazzlers to stick, anyway?

weightwhat @CandySteele I guess the kind that punch through wouldn't be a good choice, huh? Just have to use the ol' hot glue gun I guess.

CandySteele @weightwhat Oh OUCH. I think there's a certain temperature that is considered unsafe in that area.

weightwhat @CandySteele Couldn't be worse than waxing, right? Hmmm... Waxing first may be a good idea.

CandySteele @weightwhat True. Wouldn't want to lose any pink bedazzles. And duct tape would ruin the effect.

weightwhat I just can't figure out why, but I can't get the song "Rhinestone Cowboy" out of my head...

katdish @weightwhat I'm reviewing Easter candy on Thursday. Any requests?

weightwhat @katdish Well, of course I'm going to say Cadbury Eggs. And someone to videotape you eating them.

weightwhat @katdish Do you have chocolate bunny ears? You know, just the ears?

weightwhat @katdish And just for scientific purposes, maybe you should see how many Peeps you can fit in your mouth at one time.

katdish @weightwhat Me and Cadbury eggs? That will never happen. The bunny hears? I can make that happen.

weightwhat @katdish C'mon katdish, it's for the children.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Psst! Tell @katdish you want her to try Cadbury Eggs!

katdish @Helenatrandom Don't listen to @weightwhat. She's not the boss of you.

weightwhat @katdish Then who am I the boss of?

katdish @weightwhat Well I don't know...How about @brk8thru?

weightwhat @katdish Okay, I'll boss @br8kthru around. He needs to be bossed around.

katdish @weightwhat Yes, and I think he likes it.

katdish @weightwhat TWSS

weightwhat @katdish YESH!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @Helenatrandom Okay, why is it that when you talk to a man, they either hear what they want to hear or nothing at all? GAA!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Very small brains. They can only process so much.

Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter Seriously? In the womb, testosterone kills and disconnects a communication connector in their brain. They NEVER know what

Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter anyone is saying, and live in hope that they guess right. They usually guess optimistically, as well. Bless their hearts.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @Helenatrandom How many times should I have to repeat myself?

Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter With a 4 yo, the answer is three times. With men, it is until they understand what you are telling them.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Don't repeat yourself, it will only confuse them more. Just use a 2x4.

What? That's not enough for you? Really? Well then, head on over to Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants and see who else has joined in the Twitter H0-down. It's for the children.