Monday, August 30, 2010

Going to live "on the farm"


Welcome to the Life is Funny blog carnival! Got your blog post ready? Sign up below!

You may or may not remember me doing a blog post about our chickens. We got them just after they were hatched and paid extra to "make sure" they were all females. Yup, we just wanted laying chickens. So we had our chicks and they grew quickly. One in particular, Nugget, grew more than the others. And was meaner. Then one day "she" started to crow...

Yes, there was a rooster in our midst.

After exhausting all ideas of places that Nugget could go to live out a nice, long life and coming up empty, we decided that he would have to "go live on the farm." Yes, that's what you say when you have an 8 year old daughter who loves her chickens. We'd tried explaining, as lovingly as possible, to our little darling why Nugget would have to go away and how he'd be much happier on a farm somewhere.

Then one day, my daughter and I were over at my folks house and the subject of the chickens came up. I told them that Nugget was going to go live on the farm, to which my dad asked, "Does that mean we aren't having a chicken dinner?"

GAAAAAA!!! With my sweet little girl right there! She then looked at me with her big blue eyes and asked, "Yeah! Can we eat Nugget?"


So much for protecting her.

Anyway, this weekend Nugget did go to "live on the farm." The farm is the woods behind our house. My husband dug a hole and buried him out there. When he told me about it, he said that he sure hoped that our dog didn't go outside and come back with a dead chicken in her mouth...

Which reminded me of a story. A couple's neighbors were going out of town and asked them if they could watch their pet rabbits while they were gone. They agreed and the next day, the wife went outside to go to the neighbor's house to check on the rabbits. She was stopped short by her dog, standing on the porch with a dead rabbit in its mouth. Mortified, she took the dirty and bloody rabbit away from the dog. She didn't know what to do, but she didn't want her neighbors to know that their dog had killed their pet. She finally decided to take the rabbit inside, wash it up then put it back in the neighbor's rabbit hutch as if nothing had happened.

The neighbors returned from their trip and the couple held their breath. They heard screaming and ran out to see what was going on and try to act innocent. When they got to the neighbor's house, the neighbors told them that they just didn't understand what had happened...

That rabbit had died before they left and they'd buried it in the yard...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

It's back to school time!

Happy Saturday, people! It's back to school time (my daughter goes back on Wednesday), so it's time for me to pull out one of my favorite commercials again. Enjoy!

Now why don't you head over to Kathy's blog and see what's going on over there? I hear she has invisible monkeys...

Friday, August 27, 2010

This week's twitter ho-down. Now your life can go on.


*insert witty introduction here* Now that that's out of the way...

The one-liners

My doctor thinks I'm paranoid. He didn't say it, but I knew that's what he was thinking. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Going to go shower now. You're welcome.

It really is all about the cheese, isn't it?

No, that's not a 3rd eyeball sprouting in the middle of my forehead. #auntfloscallingcard

Alright, who ate the last of the %#$^! chocolate?! #auntfloscallingcard

No, Costco DIDN'T have a bigger bag of chocolate bars than this one. #auntfloscallingcard

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "CALM DOWN!"? #auntfloscallingcard

A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat If it's wrong, I don't want to be right.

rntammyp @sarahmsalter @weightwhat Eww!! Bad country song lyrics!! :p

weightwhat @rntammyp You say that as if there are good country song lyrics.

sarahmsalter @markeze I've never heard of it, never had it, & it looks really disgusting. #justbeinghonest

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS

CandySteele Just sent a text to a female colleague & told her I loved her. It was supposed to go to my traveling hubs. #oops #womance

weightwhat @CandySteele Just how long HAS your husband been gone?

The ones that are even longer

Schnik @weightwhat Well, it's about time you showed up.

weightwhat @Schnik I'm an incredibly busy and important person.

Schnik @weightwhat That underwater basket-weaving class takes up lots of time, does it?

weightwhat @Schnik It really does.

weightwhat @katdish Were you looking for a Halloween costume for Buddy Love?


katdish @weightwhat I must have that costume.

weightwhat @katdish I thought you might like that.

CandySteele Sweet Abby, best DIL ever, feeds @RonSteele7 gummi bears & lemonade.

weightwhat @CandySteele Is she sugaring him up before sending him home?

CandySteele @weightwhat Yup. #stuffhedoesntgetathome

weightwhat @CandySteele Oh, Candy. That looks like another unfortunate hashtag...

CandySteele @weightwhat Dang. Don't tell Nick

SBeeCreations Hungry, but all I want is junk food.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I just popped a piece of Hershey Bar in my mouth as I read your tweet.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat snack tease

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Mmmmm... Melty...

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat YO MAMA!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yo-yo.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Wuttup, G?!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Hangin' with my posse, yo.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I thought your peeps had flown the crib.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Nah, dog! We're just chillin' and listening to ABBA. Uh, I mean DJ Homey Z. Yeah. Like that.

redclaydiaries Of 2 sick kids, 1 got MUCH better during day, & 1 got much worse. Abby slept thru dinner & had a fever of 101. AND I think I'm getting sick.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I told you that you shouldn't lick your kids, but did you listen to me? NoooOOOoooo...

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Don't lick the children. #thingsyouneverexpecttosayasaparent

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Once again, I'm forced to be the voice of reason.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Clearly, that is the mantle you are destined to carry. Being so reasonable & all.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries It's tough being so gifted. And humble.

weightwhat It's a Classic Twitter Ho-down post! (yeah, it's a repost) The return of @sarahmsalter's underwear!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat GAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter What? *looking innocent*

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I see that @br8kthru is also prominently featured. Why didn't you throw him under the bus in your tweet?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Fine, I'll do another tweet and throw @br8kthru under the bus, just for you.

weightwhat Does @br8kthru REALLY wear Superman underpants? You decide.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Oh, man. Now I'm going to have to apologize to @br8kthru... (Sorry, dude.)

br8kthru @weightwhat @sarahmsalter wow, when you guys throw someone under the bus, you mean business. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru It could have been worse. I could have brought back br8kdish.


sarahmsalter @br8kthru Dude, I so apologize. But then, I am thankful to not be recovering from @weightwhat's special version of road rash by myself.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter @br8kthru I'm a giver!

WritingJoy @weightwhat Good afternoon! I've sent 2 kids to school, washed/dried 1 1/2 loads of laundry, and been to Costco. How 'bout you? :D

weightwhat @WritingJoy Still in my jammies, watched some DVR'd tv, gave my daughter a PopTart. It's been a busy morning.

WritingJoy @weightwhat You're a role model for stay-at-home moms everywhere.

weightwhat @WritingJoy I really am! And it's not even 9:30 yet!

WritingJoy @weightwhat I'm scribbling notes madly as I strive to imitate your SAHM excellence.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Hey, motherly perfection isn't all glitz and glam. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pose for my monument.

katdish Snort! I just deleted a spam comment from "naked gymnast". Now there's a niche market.

weightwhat @katdish Wow, that brings up a lot of unpleasant mental pictures.

katdish @weightwhat Yes. The balance beam event alone makes me shudder.

weightwhat @katdish And don't even get me started on the uneven bars.

Helenatrandom @katdish pommel horse.

katdish @weightwhat Ewh! Or the pommel horse! Gaaa!

katdish @Helenatrandom Great minds...

weightwhat @katdish @Helenatrandom Great minds/sick minds. Potato/potahto.

katdish @Helenatrandom And the person using the pommel horse next.

weightwhat @katdish GAAAAAA!!!!

katdish @duane_scott @billycoffey says I'm a bad mom for not putting school stickers on my car, but he's just being disagreeable.

weightwhat @katdish I think you should put school stickers on @billycoffey's car. He's clearly not supportive enough of your kids.

katdish @weightwhat Cyber fist bump

billycoffey @weightwhat There's no room on mine. It's covered with Wendy stickers.

weightwhat @billycoffey If that's really the case, then you'll just have to change your car horn over so it'll play @katdish's kid's school fight song.

katdish @billycoffey Oh, stop trying to flatter your way into @weightwhat taking your side.

billycoffey @katdish I don't have to. I know @weightwhat likes me best.

Blah, blah, blah. *insert seemingly heartfelt but actually snarky message here* See you next week.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Childhood 101: School survival

Yesterday I read a post over at Michael Perkins' blog 'Untitled' in which he gave his son advice about starting kindergarten. If you haven't read it yet, why not head over and give it a read and a chuckle? Of course, while I was there I had to give his son some advice of my own. I'm a giver, you know. Then last night, I saw that Bridget's One Word at a Time Carnival topic for today is 'children.' Putting two and two together and getting five, I decided to broaden my advice to children going back to school. No, it's not idea stealing. It's creative borrowing.

Parents, why don't you head over to Bridget's blog and read some of the lovely posts about children you'll find there. No really. Just leave the kids with me. I've got this covered. Skeedaddle.

Are they gone?

Okay kids, let's get started. I'm sure your parents have given you all kinds of advice about school and what you should and shouldn't do. Well, I'm sure that's all well and good, but I'm here to give you the advice you'll want. The kind that will actually help you survive and thrive in elementary school. Why? Because I care.

If you do a project in class that uses glitter, make sure to bring some glitter home for Mommy. Moms love glitter. Feel free to spread it around so she can keep finding it.

Make sure you work on your drawing skills so that when back-to-school night comes around, everyone will know that that's a picture of your Daddy in his tighty whities watering the front lawn. Remember, neatness counts!

Boys, chicks dig guys with cool hair. Paste can be used if you've forgotten to put gel in your hair in the morning.

Girls, cooties ARE real. Don't believe anyone who tells you differently. And yes, boys are the ones who have them. The only way to avoid getting them is to yell "COOTIES!" as loud as you can while pointing at the offending boy. If you do get infected, Cootie Spray is very effective in getting rid of them. Go for the Bubble Gum scented and you can't go wrong.

Don't let this get around, but smooshed Twinkies and Ding Dongs are actually yummy. So while everyone around you is getting grossed out by them, you should simply collect the offending snack cakes and put them away for yourself for later. Total snack cake score there!

Girls, if your mom tells you that you don't need to wear shorts under your skirt or dress, smile politely then secretly go put some on anyway. Trust me when I tell you that you don't want to go through your day hearing, "I see London, I see France..."

Boys, it's never too early to start getting ready for your future career as an entomologist. Feel free to start collecting as many bug specimens as you can and bring them in to class. Of course, your teacher will want to see them, so leave them on her desk for her. And no, don't put them in a box. Bugs like to run free.

If you ride the bus home, try to sit in the bus driver's blind spot. Open up your window, then pull out the bubble liquid you snuck into your backpack. Load up the wand and then hang it out the window while the bus is moving. Yup, you'll get all the bubbles and none of the headaches from all the blowing.

Okay, that's going to be all for now. Wouldn't want to overload any young minds. Now kids, your parents are probably going to ask you what I taught you today. Just tell them that I said, "Stay in school and don't do drugs." The rest can just be our little secret. *wink and nod*

Monday, August 23, 2010

What's the problem officer?


Yes, I know I missed last week's Life is Funny post. I could tell you why, but frankly, I'm running out of plausible excuses. But I'm back this week, and aren't you thrilled? If you did a Life is Funny post last week, feel free to link it up (along with this week's, of course) below. Don't want to miss out on these things!

We used to live in Southern California before moving here to beautiful Washington. We actually had our house here for about 3 months before we moved, and my daughter and I made the move up before my husband did. My husband stayed down there and worked a bit longer before he came up, then he made the drive up here on his own.

When it was time for my husband to come up, he loaded up his car with the last of the things that were too precious for the moving van, then began his drive up. Along the way, he made a stop in lovely Weed, CA. Yes, there's a city called Weed, and let me tell ya, they named it well. Anyway, he pulled off the freeway to get some gas and use the facilities. At the gas station, there were some unmarked police cars with unmarked police officers in them. So he pumped his gas and went and did his business.

*insert intermission music here*

Done with his business, he walked back toward his car and locked eyes with one of the cops as he did. As he came around the back of his car, he tapped his car's trunk a couple of times as he rounded it. Clearly this is deviant behavior, because the officer was out of his car, lickity-split, asking my husband if he'd mind opening the trunk of his car. So, my husband opened the trunk. And what did the officer see?


Yup, it was a fra-gee-lay leg lamp. Unfortunately for the officer, it was a bit dark out... The officer jumped back and my husband had to explain to him that no, it wasn't a dismembered body part, it was a leg lamp. I'm thinkin' someone doesn't watch enough Christmas Story. And that someone might have needed a change of underwear after that. Anyway, my husband got to go on his merry way. The leg lamp is now safe in my front window, for all to see. And an officer in Weed has an interesting story to tell his friends. Good times.

Now it's your turn to share. How is your life funny? Link up below! And hey, don't forget to link back here, okay? You wouldn't want to find anything suspicious in your trunk now, would you?

Friday, August 20, 2010

Classic Twitter Ho-down - The Return of Sarah's Underwear


It's Friday, and that usually means a new Twitter Ho-down post. Ha! Not so fast! Since I seem to have been a little Twitter-lacking this week, I'm doing a repost. A classic Ho-down, if you will. Hey, work with me, huh?

The one liners

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh, we'll make a wild woman out of you yet Sarah!

weightwhat @billycoffey Better mind the Prince lyrics, Billy. I'd hate to see your beef jerky supply line cut.

weightwhat RT @stretchmarkmama Does anal retentive have a hyphen? (via @forces2)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Besides, I never promised not to judge. What fun would life be if I couldn't judge people mercilessly?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Nagging is one of my spiritual gifts, you know.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Imbrace your inner Twitter Ho, Sarah!

weightwhat @PuriChristos Over 30 AND gray hair? Whoa, isn't that the angel of death following you?

I'm here! Entertain me.

My daughter just responded to something I said to her with, "Awkward!" Yup, it was a proud moment.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Being a grown up isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 My grandma always said nice girls don't color their hair, paint their nails, or wear colored underwear. Times have changed...

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Except the colored underwear part. Only a hussy would wear colored underwear.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Oh, yeah. I forgot that you're sweetness and light. (TM)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yes. Yes I am.

CandySteele @weightwhat @redclaydiaries @katdish send daughter @kates513 some love 4 finishing 20 mi run today.Fueled by cookies.Yes, she's a dietitian.

weightwhat @CandySteele Those must have been some good cookies...

PamperingBeki Mid-day check in. Everyone here good? Good. If you need anything let me know. *fist bump to all of you* Back to work I go.

weightwhat @PamperingBeki I need a giant chocolate bar, a massage and a pony. When can you get back to me with that?

br8kthru I smile @ EVERYONE- really- but I'm thinking I should stop smiling @ them in the bathroom. It's weird. PS guess where I just came from

weightwhat @br8kthru It wouldn't be so weird if you didn't follow up the smiling by telling everyone that you're wearing new Superman underpants.

sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 Yeah, I'm feisty on any/every day that strangers are going to invade my "personal space" with needles & other "pokey" objects.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS!

weightwhat @br8kthru I don't know that you want to hear 'undies' and 'snappy comebacks' used together in a sentence. Just sayin'.

br8kthru @weightwhat well, I don't want to see 'juicy' on the butt of sweatpants, but that ship has sailed...

The ones that are even longer

CandySteele @redclaydiaries promise me you'll still get a flu shot? K? Thanks.

redclaydiaries @CandySteele I will, Mom. Have I mentioned my needle phobia?

CandySteele @redclaydiaries I'm a lot kinder in person. What's there to be scared of? It's a skinny little prick.

weightwhat @CandySteele TWSS!!!

makeadiff21 @br8kthru I agree. It's Monday. We need happy thoughts today!

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Is underwear happy? Or should we talk about what we've found in our bellybuttons lately?

makeadiff21 @weightwhat LOL! Oh, please, no.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 You hate fun. Why do you hate fun?

br8kthru @weightwhat did I stun you into silence? The world is turned upside down- I'm a little frightened right now.

weightwhat @br8kthru Calm down, I'm back. I was writing my blog post. All is right in the world again.

br8kthru @weightwhat thanks another 30 seconds & I would have had a full-blown panic attack.

weightwhat @br8kthru Just look at my avatar and take deep breaths. You'll be okay, Jason.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

weightwhat @br8kthru Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help. Jive turkey.

br8kthru@weightwhat have you been drinking again?

weightwhat @br8kthru Nope. But you started it with 'cut me some slack.' Airplane!? Oh stewardess, I speak jive... Must I explain everything to you?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat This is why I love you: You are actually MORE random than I am.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries It's one of my spiritual gifts.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat RANDOM is a spiritual gift?! I've finally found my place in this world! My top 2 must be RANDOMNESS & SARCASM.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Yes, it is. Now go out and make disciples of all men.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Go ye and do likewise.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Did you shock the bus driver again?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter No, she's used to it now.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat You're probably not the only parent that does that.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Are you saying I need to step up my game? Maybe go for some curlers or a nice mud mask?

br8kthru @weightwhat how about some panty hose sliding to your ankles causing you to shuffle?

weightwhat @br8kthru I was thinking about saving that until the end of the year. You know, like a grand finale.

br8kthru @weightwhat Just make sure there's some toilet paper hanging from your slipper...

br8kthru @weightwhat and by 'slipper' I do mean your shoes. :)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'm not a hater. How could you think such a thing?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Well, in my experience, only haters call other people hussies. Just sayin'.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You say 'hussy' like it's a bad thing. Perhaps you're the hater.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I don't think I've ever heard anyone called that out of love. But I suppose I could be wrong...

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yes, you would be wrong. The only thing better would be getting called a 'shameless hussy.' Then you know you're really cool.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Of course, the be-all-end-all would be getting called a 'cheesy tart.' But that is reserved for extra special occassions.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat then you think I'm a hussy? I know, I know...If the underwear fits...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom 'Hussy' is good, 'shameless hussy' is even better, and 'cheesy tart' is the be-all-end-all in my world.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom And Helen, you'll always be a cheesy tart in my book!

makeadiff21 It's never a good thing when a friend of your child runs up 2 U after school and whispers to you that your daughter got sent to the office.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 I smell a blog post...

makeadiff21 @weightwhat whyyyyy?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Are you kidding me? Any time your child's friend comes running up to whisper a gem like that, there's gotta be a good story!

BridgetChumbley Son just text me: Need to get deodorant after school. Odd... ;-)

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Wow, sounds like a story there, too!

weightwhat I sure hope my daughter does something odd today so I'll have something to blog about.

Well, thanks for stopping by! And remember to mind your underwear, huh? You never know when you may be in an accident and you don't want to be an embarrassment to your mother.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Medical tests make me disturbed


Am I disturbed? You betcha! Is it pleasant? Meh, I'm used to it.

I had to go in and get a medical test done yesterday. Yes, yes. My life is very exciting. Anyway, I had to eat an egg salad sandwich (blech.) that contained a radioactive liquid so that they could watch it move through my system. I got to watch it on the MRI screen and boy was it glow-y! And radioactive-y. Yeah.

Did you know that many police officers now carry Gieger counters to measure for radioactivity out there? Yep, apparently they do. So the hospitals around here are now required to give you a note explaining that you've had a medical test that includes radioactive material and that's why you're setting off their Gieger counters. People actually get pulled over for setting off Gieger counters. So I had my note to prove that no, I'm not a terrorist, just a person with a strange stomach disorder.

Of course, the story doesn't end here. My mind wanders...

So this radioactivity is still running through me. And what goes in, must come out. See where I'm heading with this? Anyway, I'm not sure what exactly caused the gaseousness, but visions of mushroom cloud flatulence came to me with every eruption.


And I began to wonder if radioactive poop would glow. Would my toilet now be considered a toxic waste dump? These are the things that make me think...

So if you hear any weird news stories about terrorists digging up septic tanks, now you'll know why. You're welcome.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I felt it!

Anyone up for some Saturday Silliness? Well have I got some silly for you! Okay, yes, I have hit on a lot of bodily functions lately. And you know what? I'm doin' it again! Sorry/you're welcome.

And if that wasn't enough for you, why not head over to Kathy's blog and see what kind of silliness is going on there?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Why yes, I do twitter


Time for more twitter action! Go ahead. Be thrilled.

The one-liners

RT @katdish "I asked my mother if I was adopted. She said, Not yet, but we placed an ad." ~ Dana Snow

My daughter just put tiny braids all over my head. I think I need to run down a beach in slow motion now.

Been fighting off my daughter. She doesn't want me to tweet that she just tooted, so I won't.

One of our "chickens" just started crowing this morning. Yup, he's singing his death song.

Okay, the kitchen is clean. No one is allowed to go in there ever again.

I wonder if horses want to eat us when they're hungry. RT @blobert

A little bit longer ones

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I'm waiting with baited breath for your twitter post. #tunaforlunch

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Sorry to hear about your bait breath. I'm working on the post, but keep getting interrupted.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru Can you explain why the word "nipples" is prominently displayed in my twitter feed this morning?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You should stop prominently displaying your nipples all over the twitter. It just ain't right.

saphyreplatypus I really should watch TWSS-ing my 3yr old, he's going to figure it out sooner or later! Lol!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus What? And take away a topic for him and his future therapist?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Helen, are you talking about sex AGAIN?!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Don't you mean "still"? The word "again" implies that I stopped at some point...

Schnik I forgot how much fun this commercial is. #Chipotoplay

weightwhat @Schnik I love that one. Every once in a while I just have to say Chipoodle! really loud. Not sure why I get the odd looks.

SBeeCreations I'm bound in red tape. Anyone have industrial scissors?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations No, but I've got some napalm.

lainiegallagher How is it that I'm getting new followers when I haven't been around in ages? Now I feel all this pressure to say something awesome.

weightwhat @lainiegallagher Maybe they like that you haven't been around? Yup, you've attracted the 'silence is golden' set.

weightwhat I'm melting! Melting!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Here, I'll throw a bucket of water on you! Shoot- just making it worse

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Don't make me send out my flying monkeys.

The ones that are even longer

Schnik Dear Guy in the Bathroom. If you insist on speaking on your phone in the restroom, I insist on repeatedly flushing the urinal.

weightwhat @Schnik Perhaps you should make some constipation grunts just for good measure.

Schnik @weightwhat I was only in there to pee so it would be super weird if I grunted. #justsayin

weightwhat @Schnik Since when do you have a problem with weird?

marni71 Some math person is now following me on Twitter. Boy, aren't they gonna be disappointed about that choice.

weightwhat @marni71 Is that going to give you nightmares? *shudder*

marni71 @weightwhat Maybe...but it sure is gonna freak out Taxidermy Lady ;-)

weightwhat @marni71 AAAAAA!!! Math!!!

duane_scott Hangin with @justalooser I picked his twitter handle.

weightwhat @duane_scott TWSS

duane_scott What? Where?

weightwhat @duane_scott You picked his twitter handle? While kinda disgusting, it's still TWSS-worthy.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat @katdish I know it's late, but really? Is it ever too late for birthday cake?



Helenatrandom @weightwhat Oh Wendy... poor @katdish...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Hey, @katdish loves me. And by 'loves,' I mean 'tolerates.'

katdish @weightwhat And how do you say "un-thank you" for the clown cakes? I think I just did.

weightwhat @katdish I'm a giver!

katdish @weightwhat That you are, Wendy. That you are.

billycoffey @weightwhat I'm officially out of jerky now, Wendy. And Skittles.

weightwhat @billycoffey I'm sending in an air drop. Watch the skies.

billycoffey @weightwhat Just don't let it hit me in the head, okay? Skittles probably hurt from a few thousand feet.

weightwhat @billycoffey Don't worry, I've wrapped the whole crate in bubble wrap. Yup, all this and you get bubble wrap. Who's your favorite?

billycoffey @weightwhat YOU!

Helenatrandom @billycoffey So, no it comes out.. @weightwhat is your favorite. I'm so hurt I'm going to go snitch to @katdish right now!!

billycoffey @Helenatrandom I said she was my favorite, but not necessarily my number one. There's a difference. Subtle, but there.

weightwhat @billycoffey I might have to pick out the red Skittles now.

redclaydiaries RT @GbrilliantQ: Eye Lashes Made From Flies' Legs (VIDEO) - //GAAAAAAAAA!!!!

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I just threw up in my mouth.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Sorry/you're welcome.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat EWW!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Hey, @redclaydiaries made me do it!

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter Sorry/you're welcome. I keep finding freaky stuff that BEGS to be retweeted. @weightwhat

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Did you just call @redclaydiaries "the devil"? Cuz isn't that how it goes? "The devil made me do it!"

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I admit to nothing. But if the horns fit...

redclaydiaries RT @mental_floss: Male Acarophenax tribolii mite hatches while still inside its mother, then impregnates its sisters & dies before birth.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Okay, you've gotta find different people to follow on the twitter...

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter @weightwhat Strangely, I'm okay with being called the devil. But what does horniness have to do with it?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Nice girls don't talk about horniness on the twitter. But ask @sarahmsalter. She wears colored underwear.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @redclaydiaries I can't deny that.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat So you're saying that @sarahmsalter isn't a nice girl? Wouldn't that be pantyism?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Actually, it's @sarahmsalter's grandma who would say that, because nice girls don't wear colored undies.

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries @weightwhat Okay, I dare say that I'm not the only female among our group that is colorful. So, why am I being singled out?

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter Okay, I'll fly the freaky panty flag too. I'm colorful & not afraid to admit it! Feel better?

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Thank you! I don't feel so much like the lone ranger now. Take THAT @weightwhat! :-P

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You shouldn't feel like the Lone Ranger - he wore white.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat GAAAAA!

weightwhat @rntammyp Yeah.

rntammyp @weightwhat yeah??

weightwhat @rntammyp I have no idea.

rntammyp @weightwhat You sent me a tweet saying "yeah" & you have no idea why?!?! Ha!

weightwhat @rntammyp Pretty much.

weightwhat @rntammyp Welcome to my world.

rntammyp @weightwhat Part of your charm, m'dear. Part of your charm...

weightwhat @rntammyp I'm entirely too charming.

weightwhat My twitter post is looking pretty sad for tomorrow. And do you know that @br8kthru isn't even in it yet? I can hear the whining already.

br8kthru @weightwhat You have barely been here! I can't be held responsible for that! It's like you were 'busy' or something. #idontwhine :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Well other people have made it in... And yes, you whine.

br8kthru @weightwhat I just state facts... in a high-pitched, slightly childish tone. If that means I whine then so be it! :)

WritingJoy @weightwhat have you been offline this week? I haven't seen you to harrass you!

weightwhat @WritingJoy I've got a house-full of company this week so my computer time has been sadly hurt by it.

WritingJoy @weightwhat well then. Why are you complaining again?

weightwhat @WritingJoy I'm not complaining. That would be @br8kthru.

br8kthru @weightwhat Complaining? now you've really lost it. I've never complained in my life! Next you'll be calling me a liar!

weightwhat @br8kthru Well, if the pants on fire fit...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hi Wendy! I just reread a post about the diabolical nature of the book "Green Eggs and Ham"

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Are you going to have nightmares again?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Well... now that I know the MEANING of the story, I'm disturbed. Not pleasantly, either...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Weren't you always a bit disturbed anyway?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yes. But I used to be PLEASANT! Don't you remember?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Was that before or after our plans for world domination?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I was planning on dominating pleasantly! Weren't you?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Well, I was hoping for some torture... At least the soft cushions. You know how I love to torture.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat So I guess we were planning on playing good dictator / bad dictator? Or did you prefer benevolent dictator / evil dictator?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Eh, whatever works for you. As long as I get to torture.

Okay, you're done for now. You can go on for another week now. You're welcome.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Having a moment


Okay, who's got something funny to share? C'mon, you know you do! How about blogging about it and linking up the the carnival below? Don't keep the funny to yourself!

Okay, so I found this article the other day and just had to share it. I laughed, then I laughed some more. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!


Okay, now I'll be needing some Kleenex. *snort*

Well, it's your turn now. Don't forget to link up back to my blog because I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Hey, what are you doing with that box?

So I was leaving a snarky loving comment over at my friend Jason's blog the other day, when I noticed that someone else had left a link to the following video. I'd seen this video before, and had laughed heartily, but I haven't shared it here yet. Now, I will correct that little oversight. You're welcome.

Looking for even more silliness? Then you should probably head over to Kathy's blog and see what else is going on.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Bruised melons and man tarts and offended shenanigans, oh my!


Yes boys and girls, it's the post you've been waiting for/worrying about! It's the Twitter Ho-down post! Feel free to applaud/cower.

The one-liners

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'll have you know that my horizons are secure and I'm listening to ABBA.

The only thing that separates the twitter user and the crazy homeless guy shouting random things on the corner is an internet connection. (RT @breathe_in)

True & Shocking Tales: She poured her coffee then went to get the cream, only to find it empty. Desperation lead her to the powdered stuff.

I was just talking to @sarahmsalter on the phone. She said something then told me not to tweet it. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Tip of the Day: Don't try to dig something out of your eye after touching pepperoni. Trust me on this one.

Play that funky music white boy! No, really. Play it. We're all waiting.

The roof collapsed at our local community theater. Damn fiddlers. (RT @badbanana)

Okay people, this is your 2 day warning! If you want to be in my ho-down post you'd better start workin' it. I'll have no complaining later!

weightwhat @br8kthru - Warning! There are warming cockles in my comment section now! By the way, how are your cockles doing?

A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Also, have you told @Schnik about the obscene number of times you took his name in vain in today's post? #scandalous

weightwhat @sarahmsalter No, I did not. But I figured @Schnik would feel a disturbance in the force and would know it came from me.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I know when I feel a disturbance in the force, I generally know that it came from you... @Schnik, you've been warned.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Ok. How is it you even considered NOT writing that post? Hilarious.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 I've just been in a bodily functions phase lately and thought it might be too much. Clearly, I'm a 12 year old boy.

br8kthru My eyebrows are apparently in love. All they want is to be together, but I cruelly stop them at every turn...

weightwhat @br8kthru Do you wield the Tweezers of Love Denied?

Lindatweetsalot Another RANDOM for ya : Turtles can breathe through their butts.

weightwhat @Lindatweetsalot Getting quite the visual on that one...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat When you become available, let me know. I have a burning question.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I think they make an ointment for that...

sarahmsalter @duane_scott The 70's were a good decade for me. :)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Because someone else carried you around all the time and you didn't have to wipe your own rear end?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Yeah. And your point?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I have a point?

katdish testing

weightwhat @katdish Did you study first?

weightwhat Some of the people who will be in my ho-down post tomorrow: @muchl8r, @lindatweetsalot, @Helenatrandom... Will you make the cut? Talk to me.

Lindatweetsalot @weightwhat Should I be scared?

weightwhat @Lindatweetsalot Usually. :o)

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @Helenatrandom @br8kthru You know, when you three get together on the twitter, you're a bit frightening. #justsayin'

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You have no idea.

The ones that are even longer

br8kthru OOH! I just remembered I bought some Chips Ahoy for my desk yesterday. This is probably not going to end well...

sarahmsalter @br8kthru How can Chips Ahoy NOT end well?

br8kthru @sarahmsalter If I eat too many... they go straight to my eyebrows. Odd, I know...

weightwhat @br8kthru Maybe you should eat more of them and use your eyebrows for a comb-over.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You do remember it is Cookie Tuesday, don't you? I eat a cookie once a week. Today is the day! #canttakethatawayfromme

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Only one cookie a week? You know that you're making all the other cookies sad, don't you? They feel so left out...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Okay. You talked me into a second cookie.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom It's the right thing to do.

br8kthru @Helenatrandom you do know if U disagree or think I'm unclear, U can always put that in the comments! I welcome it, especially from friends

weightwhat @br8kthru I think you're unclear. And fuzzy. Could you please fix that?

br8kthru @weightwhat did you try adjusting the screen resolution?

weightwhat @br8kthru My screen is fine. Can you adjust your resolution?

br8kthru @weightwhat My resolution is to dismiss your shenanigans... and to eat more cheese.

weightwhat @br8kthru My shenanigans are offended by your careless dismissal of them.

weightwhat Oh, lunch! How I love thee...

br8kthru @weightwhat sounds kind of like that little-known hymn, "my cold cuts, I love thee. I know thou art mine."

weightwhat @br8kthru I love that hymn! Especially the second verse when it talks of everlasting cheese.

br8kthru @weightwhat it shall never mold nor smelleth...

weightwhat @br8kthru And it covereth a multitude of meats...

muchl8r So I ran... and ran.. and continued to run. And it was good. Then I was hot and sweaty and it was very good. #Joy

weightwhat @muchl8r I think you have good and horrific confused again.

muchl8r @weightwhat happens all the time. ;)

weightwhat @muchl8r I'm going to have to eye you suspiciously now.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

sarahmsalter Dear @weightwhat your blog won't let me comment. I'm rejected. Also I don't think there's nearly enough @br8kthru in today's post. Love, Me.

br8kthru @sarahmsalter Amen- you hearing this @weightwhat?

weightwhat @br8kthru If there's not enough of you, then it's your own darn fault. Yeah, that's right. You need to up your game. Man tart.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru I've got your back, Sugar Pie! @weightwhat's ho-down just lacks style, class, and vitality when there's not enough "Jason" in it.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter So, where will you be staying when you come out here in October?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter @br8kthru Oh, and I responded to your 'comments.'

br8kthru @weightwhat Uh yeah, saw that- 'man tart'? Also how can it be a 'comment' -either it is or it isn't... You need to up YOUR game (TWSS)

sarahmsalter @br8kthru Don't feel bad, Jason. She calls me a "cheesy tart." So, you're in good company. (cc: @weightwhat)

weightwhat @br8kthru It was a pathetic excuse for a comment that was more pandering than anything else. And you're still a man tart.

br8kthru @weightwhat I thought the comment was heartfelt & very sincere. Right, @sarahmsalter ? & I guess I should add 'man tart' to my business card

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm wondering why it doesn't already have 'man tart' as your title.

weightwhat RT @muchl8r New post of FOTTSP!!! "Get up, Stand up and Dance, OR How to Start a Cult!" answer the question at the end!

muchl8r @Helenatrandom @weightwhat THANKS!! which were you???

Helenatrandom @muchl8r I'm Helen and @weightwhat is Wendy... (I think that is what you are asking...)

muchl8r @Helenatrandom I know who you two are!!! ;) answer the question at the end of the post :D

weightwhat @muchl8r Do you really have to ask? (@Helenatrandom)

muchl8r @weightwhat I figured you'd start a cult, but @Helenatrandom is too sweet to do that :D

weightwhat @muchl8r Don't let the pink hat fool you! (@Helenatrandom)

Helenatrandom @muchl8r What kind of leader am I? Hmmm... Believe it or not, I don't like to draw attention to myself. The salsa dancing in supermarket

Helenatrandom @muchl8r just can't be helped. Expecting me not to move when music is played is like expecting me to breathe under water. Not likely...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom But how do you explain the fruit hat?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Produce aisle...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You know, most people just use a shopping cart.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat So you want me to ask my dance partner to hold the fruit?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Are you afraid of your dance partner handling your fruit?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I wouldn't want my melons to get bruised...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Oh Helen, none of us wants to see you bruise your melons.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I know... or crack my coconuts...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You could put out an eye if that happened!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I've just not been snarky enough this week, sigh

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You should really work on that.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I had a few moments but woefully, you were absent

weightwhat @SBeeCreations That's just wrong.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat you're telling me! You should get on that.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations TWHS

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Why yes, yes he did.

Well folks, that's it for today. Make sure to tune in next week for more fun/horror. And remember: You won't see if here if you don't talk to me there. I'm just demanding that way.