Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 - The Year in Tweets


Happy last day of 2010! Because of this momentous occassion (and because I'm lacking new material), I'll be presenting a "best of 2010" Ho-down today! Can you feel the excitement? Well stop it. Didn't your mother tell you to keep your hands to yourself? Now prepare yourself. This could take a while...

The one-liners

I couldn't find a gift that conveys my general dislike for you, so I got you this fruitcake instead. (RT @thedayhascome)

My daughter asked if she could have a popsicle for breakfast. Requires no effort on my part, so yes, have a popsicle. I'm mom of the year.

When a kid who's crying because he's so sick asks for a hug, you should hug him instead of shouting "UNCLEAN!" Apparently. (RT @superfantastic )

I'm sorry... Did I just roll my eyes out loud? (RT @razorwitted )

When did I eat corn? #thoughtsonthetoilet

I'm following you. Not in a creepy, behind-you-in-the-parking-lot way, but in an excited-to-read-your-random-thoughts way.

Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind. RT @jaysingh

I have no idea what you're trying to say to me, so I'll just smile and nod.

I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers. (RT @marni71)

I have been blessed with the gift of inappropriateness. It's only right that I share it.

It's so quiet that I can actually hear myself think. No good can come of this. RT @gilesmarie

The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish You'd better watch out, he's coming to town!


katdish And frankly, he's not amused.


weightwhat @katdish I think Buddy Love's plot to kill you has only been foiled due to his lack of opposable thumbs.

CandySteele Finishing up Sunday morning oceanfront run/walk/sweat. #goshitshotbutimnotcomplaining

weightwhat @CandySteele Had to re-read your hash tag numerous times before I realized you weren't swearing at us. I was almost scandalized.

Nick_theGeek @CandySteele needs Orbit gum to clean up her dirty mouth. Kumquat

duane_scott @weightwhat well, whatever you prefer. You can look at me however you want. :)

weightwhat @duane_scott I would, but my mom says if I do that, my eyes will stay that way forever.

weightwhat @gabbysherri AAAAAAA!!!! *crash*

weightwhat @gabbysherri Sorry about that. Just saw that you were on the twitter and fainted dead away.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Just read your blog. I now have to clean my laptop screen. You need warning labels. *Do not drink while reading this blog*

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher You're welcome.

pagan43 A universal remote does not in actuality control the whole universe.

weightwhat @pagan43 Drats. There goes that plan.

duane_scott I'm pooped.

weightwhat @duane_scott Nobody wants to hear about your poop. Well, except maybe @redclaydiaries. She's weird that way.

br8kthru I smile @ EVERYONE- really- but I'm thinking I should stop smiling @ them in the bathroom. It's weird. PS guess where I just came from

weightwhat @br8kthru It wouldn't be so weird if you didn't follow up the smiling by telling everyone that you're wearing new Superman underpants.

kelybreez Isn't it amazing how the simplest statements can start the most interesting conversations on here?

weightwhat @kelybreez That never happens when I'm around. Oh, wait...

SBeeCreations I'm trying to smile at people more this week.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations A friendly smile? Or an "I could kill you in your sleep" smile?

The ones that are even longer

Brian_Russell Sometimes... I'm an idiot.

weightwhat @Brian_Russell Aw, you're being too hard on yourself. Sometimes? I think you're much more consistent than that.

Brian_Russell @weightwhat thanks?

weightwhat @Brian_Russell Glad I could be here for you, man.

stretchmarkmama Breaking new records of unproductivity today.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Really? Are you dressed?

stretchmarkmama @weightwhat If by "dressed" you mean, "wearing something appropriate for a trip to Wal-Mart," then "yes."

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Well, that certainly does expand the definition of "dressed" now, doesn't it?

weightwhat "You don't need to walk around naked when we have company here." #thingsitellmy8yearoldthatmakesherrollhereyesatme

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat are you sure it isn't the other way around? #thingsyour8yroldtellsyouthatmakeyourollyoureyes

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus I admit to nothing.

WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Right. Perfectly sane. Or perhaps you are like @weightwhat in that Twitter helps you feel normal?

redclaydiaries @WritingJoy If by "normal" you mean "not alone in my abnormality," then yes.

WritingJoy @redclaydiaries I'm thinking the law of averages figures in somewhere. After all, Wendy is here. #shescewsthebellcurve (cc @weightwhat)

redclaydiaries @WritingJoy Yes, actually knowing WENDY on the Twitter is what makes me feel normal. @weightwhat

weightwhat @WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Joy, what are you trying to say? Steph, thanks. I think.

br8kthru @Helenatrandom you do know if U disagree or think I'm unclear, U can always put that in the comments! I welcome it, especially from friends

weightwhat @br8kthru I think you're unclear. And fuzzy. Could you please fix that?

br8kthru @weightwhat did you try adjusting the screen resolution?

weightwhat @br8kthru My screen is fine. Can you adjust your resolution?

br8kthru @weightwhat My resolution is to dismiss your shenanigans... and to eat more cheese.

weightwhat @br8kthru My shenanigans are offended by your careless dismissal of them.

dlrayburn @weightwhat just favorited your tweet: @duane_scott

weightwhat @dlrayburn Stalking my favorites now, are we?

dlrayburn @weightwhat Don't get TOO excited. It's a new feature of Tweetdeck. It shows who favorites your tweets.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Oh Dusty, you don't need to make up some silly story like that to hide the fact that you're stalking me.

WritingJoy Any veteran parents out there have suggestions for teaching my defiant toddler to respect authority?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Shock collar?

WritingJoy @weightwhat Let me rephrase that. Any veteran parents who haven't been visited by Child Protective Services...

weightwhat @WritingJoy Oh sure, now you put up parameters.

weightwhat My powers of invisibility are very impressive.

The_BMG @weightwhat Wow! I hear this voice, but I don't see annoying speaking...

weightwhat @The_BMG You don't see annoying speaking?!

SBeeCreations @The_BMG You are SO going to be in the Ho-down for that typo, hee hee cc: @weightwhat

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's like you know me.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

Helenatrandom @redclaydiaries Do you think I need a new bra?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom How about a coconut one? I hear they're all the rage.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I have one of those, but it's a little too small and gives me splinters...

br8kthru @Helenatrandom 'I have one of those, but it's a little too small and gives me splinters' -disturbing TWSS

weightwhat @br8kthru You're disturbed by splinter-ridden frontsets? Really?

redclaydiaries @br8kthru @Helenatrandom What the French Toast are we TALKING about????

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Okay, since they aren't answering... @helenatrandom in a coconut bra and getting splinters. 'Nuff said.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Ohhhh.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Don't forget that I get splinters because coconuts are too small...THAT is very important to the equation...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Your coconuts overfloweth.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That sounds so poetic, Wendy. Thank you...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes, I make everything sound pretty.

Helenatrandom @br8kthru Oh, and I flubbed Cookie Monster's twitter handle. It's @stcookie (which I keep reading as "Saint Cookie")

br8kthru @Helenatrandom then what does the 'st' stand for?

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom The 'st' stands for Steve Tucker, the guy whose hand is cleverly hidden inside Cookie Monster. #totallymakingitup

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It's really amazing that Steve Tucker can even control Cookie Monster, what with him missing 3 fingers. #stilllying

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It was a horrible accident at the Oreo bakery that took his fingers. Poor fingerless Steve. #areyoubuyingthis

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom His therapist said it would be good for him to do Cookie Monster as a way to work through it all. #thatstheticket

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom Although he's done well being around other cookies, Oreos still give him the sweats. #pilingitonthick

Helenatrandom @weightwhat And yet, he constantly says, and I quote "Me eat cookies. Awwn Nom nom nom."

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I know! He's so strong! *sniff* Truly in inspiration to all of us! #ifitgetsanydeeperiwillneedasnorkel

Helenatrandom#failedwesterns Little Big Boy

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I can't believe you'd bring up Big Boy in front of me again like that...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You have The Colonel now....You need to move on and make a life with him.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - For the most part, I have. It's just that every time I see a double-decker hamburger or picnic print overalls...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat At least the Colonel is a sharp dresser.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom- Yes he is. I just wish he'd stop dripping mashed potatoes and gravy on his white suits. Do you know how hard it is to clean?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I can only imagine.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - And how many times do I have to tell him that the little black bow around his neck is NOT a napkin?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I never imagined being with a guy who wears more makeup than me--I only wear a little lipstick and nail polish

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - He does wear it a bit on the heavy side, but I wasn't going to say anything...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Also...Ronald behaves like a clown...IN PUBLIC!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - So what first attracted you to him? Was it his abnormally large feet?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You know what they say about clowns with big shoes...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Big feet?

br8kthru @weightwhat she's right- no ganging up. I gave her my cell # last night & I don't want any prank calls at 3 AM...

weightwhat @br8kthru Why not? You usually like those.

br8kthru @weightwhat THAT WAS YOU!?!

weightwhat @br8kthru I admit to nothing.

br8kthru @weightwhat I couldn't sleep for a week after that last one. It was just heavy breathing, but I could tell it was clown breath.

weightwhat @br8kthru Yes, I specialize in the terrifying, yet oddly inticing, middle of the night phone calls.

br8kthru @weightwhat So true- I was scared to death, but kept listening for at least 8 minutes... well done!

katdish Did I mention I have a mild phobia of frogs?

weightwhat @katdish What about frog zombies dressed as clowns? Does that bother you, too?

katdish @weightwhat Thanks. I'll be calling you in about 4 hours for you to talk me thru my nightmares.

weightwhat @katdish Go ahead. You can reach me at 867-5309. I'll be waiting for your call.

katdish @weightwhat You forget I have your REAL PHONE NUMBER Missy!

weightwhat @katdish I'm counting on you not being able to find it in your being chased by frog/zombie/clown state.

katdish @weightwhat I'm putting it on speed dial before I go to bed. And SHUT UP!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat but you aren't Jenny

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How do you know that?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Last I checked, you were Wendy, but I suppose you could be Jenny, the strange Internet stalker chick

katdish @SBeeCreations As opposed to Wendy, the strange internet stalker chick...

weightwhat @katdish @SBeeCreations Exactly.

redclaydiaries Of 2 sick kids, 1 got MUCH better during day, & 1 got much worse. Abby slept thru dinner & had a fever of 101. AND I think I'm getting sick.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I told you that you shouldn't lick your kids, but did you listen to me? NoooOOOoooo...

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Don't lick the children. #thingsyouneverexpecttosayasaparent

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Once again, I'm forced to be the voice of reason.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Clearly, that is the mantle you are destined to carry. Being so reasonable & all.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries It's tough being so gifted. And humble.

kelybreez @katdish Twitter peeps. I love words. What's your favorite word in the English language that's starts w/ 3rd letter of your first name?

kelybreez @kelybreez Mine is "lepidoptera." Or maybe "loquacious." Wait, maybe it's "lettuce."

weightwhat @kelybreez Why are you talking to yourself?

weightwhat @kelybreez Nincompoop.

kelybreez @weightwhat I'm talking to myself to keep my tweet from also going to facebook. @s don't forward to fb. I could always @ you, if you'd like.

kelybreez @weightwhat Favorite word starting w/ the 3rd letter of your first name? Or are u calling me that?

weightwhat @kelybreez Wouldn't you like to know?

TchrEric @kelybreez From some of the conversations around here I'd say that @weightwhat was doing both...

weightwhat @TchrEric It's like you know me...

Did you survive the year in tweets? Don't you feel better? You're now prepared to start the new year. Mostly. Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

I can tell you what Christmas is all about

That about says it all.

Merry Christmas to you!

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Twitter Ho-down - it's not my fault


Okay, I WAS on the Twitter this week. I really was. The problem is, everyone else seemed to have better things to do. Just 'cause it's almost Christmas or something. Sheesh. On the upside, we have some new characters to add to the motley crew. Sorry/ you're welcome, new inductees.

The one-liners

People are like snowflakes. I hate shoveling them off my driveway. (RT @badbanana)

"This place (mailroom) reminds me of Santa's workshop, except it smells like mushrooms & everyone looks like they want to hurt me." - Elf (RT @katdish)

*ring ring* Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?

ImAPennyPincher I want to win this ring ( ) from @wendydarlingltd because it's better than a Red Rider BB gun. And leg lamp.

If anyone sees the cleaning fairies, can you please tell them that they're about 20 years late getting to my house? Thanks.

The ones that are a little bit longer

melissa_rae My children are currently being introduced to Animaniacs, thanks to Uncle Logan...I'm not sure how I feel about this...

weightwhat @melissa_rae I LOVE the Animaniacs! I wouldn't say that I've forced my daughter to watch it... Just ignore the rope on that chair by the tv.

katdish I love a good all occasion card

weightwhat @katdish Nothing good can come from too much animal print and blue eye shadow.

katdish @weightwhat Except maybe a good b*tch slapping.


weightwhat Listening to the Barenaked Ladies version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - LOVE!!! Isn't Christmas music wonderful?

WinLiannefield @weightwhat You could hear me singing all the way from my shower?!? *Blushes*

weightwhat @WinLiannefield Uh, yeah. I'm sure that's what I heard...

The ones that are even longer

buzzbyannies @katdish It's 34 here. Everytime someone mentions global warming I want to punch Al Iinventedtheinternet Gore in the teeth.

weightwhat @buzzbyannies Global warming!

weightwhat @buzzbyannies Did you punch him again?

buzzbyannies @weightwhat Twice.

okiewife The sun is shining, on my 2nd cup of coffee, Bible study done, hmmm...ready for the twitterverse. Bring it on.

weightwhat @okiewife GAAAA!!! I'm still on my first cup of coffee. Of course, it's more of a bucket than a cup...

okiewife @weightwhat Now on my 3rd cup, but not bucket sized! More like pint jar sized. Gettin' a twitch in left eye-lid. Should I quit after this?

weightwhat @okiewife You don't want to be known as a quitter, do you?

weightwhat Good morning!

fishythoughts @weightwhat - Good evening

weightwhat @fishythoughts You're just so ahead of your time!

fishythoughts @weightwhat - Would you like to know what the lottery numbers were?

weightwhat @fishythoughts Of course I do, but then again, I wouldn't want you to use your powers for evil.

SBeeCreations Newest list I've been added to: Vajazzle (heeheeheeeee)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Is it just me, or does that sound naughty?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat totally naughty, lol

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Has someone been busy bedazzling?

The ones about the eclipse

weightwhat Anyone staying up to watch the eclipse tonight?

weightwhat I can't believe the clouds cleared enough to see the moon! The kiddo's report: It's getting towards half!

weightwhat And the clouds are back. Lovely.

weightwhat 5 minutes until the eclipse is total!

weightwhat And now it's raining. So glad I stayed up to not see the eclipse.

vvdenman Lunar eclipse last night anyone? Ain't God cool?

weightwhat @vvdenman Why don't you just give me a papercut and throw some lemon juice on it?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat Is everyone hiding this morning?

kelybreez @weightwhat I haven't figured out how to hide a morning yet. Sometimes I hide my kids' toothbrushes & underwear, just to be so funny.

weightwhat @kelybreez Do you sometimes freeze your kids socks, too?

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Oooo. That sounds fun...

weightwhat @makeadiff21 It confuses them greatly. So I hear.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Ya. I'm sure you wouldn't know anything about it...


And now, for the "Top Ten Politically Correct Christmas Carols" (stolen from MSN greetings)...

10. O Holiday Tree

9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter

8. Frosty the Snowperson

7. Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-friendly, Non-toxic Outdoor Fire (For Which I Have a Permit)

6. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

5. Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-human Perpetrator

4. Deck the Halls With Boughs of Unendangered Foliage (If Office Policy Permits)

3. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings

2. I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection

1. I'll Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful day surrounded by the ones you love!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Life is Funny - the Christmas Edition


Last year, our neighbors decorated a tiny little tree in their yard that's right at the entrance to our street. I wrote about it here and again here. Why not go back and read those posts so you're up to speed? No really. Go on. I'll still be here waiting for you.

We never really knew what the neighbors thought of the mysterious adding of Christmas ornaments to their tree. I'm guessing they never knew who even did it. So my daughter and I were pretty happy this year when we saw that they had put all the decorations back on the tree that we had added on last year. Of course, we took this as an open invitation to add more this year...


By the time we were done with it, I think I heard that poor little tree begging for mercy under the weight of the ornaments... Good thing the tree is still growing - it'll give us a chance to keep up this sneaky little tradition of ours! I wonder if the neighbors will ever figure out that it's us...

Did I ever tell you that I know Santa? Yup, I do. He comes to my sister's annual gingerbread house party and he's wonderful!


What's not common knowledge about Santa is that he's a church pastor. True. And every year at the party, he tells all the kids about St. Nicholas and then tells them about Jesus being the real reason we celebrate Christmas. Don't you just love Santa?

Not all of you know that I've started another blog called Wendy Darling Ltd. I've done a post over there today about how "Christmas" has become a bad word. Why not hop on over and take a read?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

What NOT to give

Happy Saturday! I've done a couple of posts this season about gift giving, you know, 'cause I'm a giver. Now, especially for the gentlemen out there, I'd like to present a little video about what not to give. Choose wisely, gentlemen. Choose wisely.

Now for more silliness, why not see what's happening over at Kathy's blog?

Friday, December 17, 2010

Is that all there is?


Okay, there's not a whole lot to the Twitter Ho-down today because I just haven't been on the Twitter all that much. But since someone, not mentioning any names (@SBeeCreations), is being pushy, I'm posting it anyway.

The one-liners

I'm one of those people who gain weight if I just eat the whole cake. (RT @WendyLiebman)

LO says: You can't ever count on clowns. (RT @SBeeCreations)

WARNING: I'm writing a blog post. In other news, the sky is falling.

They should make vegetables out of something people want to eat. (RT @badbanana)

The ones that are a little bit longer

SBeeCreations About to do a very silly dance in the office, just to get the blood circulating. Anyone want to join me?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I know this may come as a shock to you, but my whole life is a silly dance.

LostInPortland @ the Tacoma mall. Someone save me!!!!!

weightwhat @LostInPortland Just walk towards Cinnabon and everything will be okay!

SBeeCreations I was thinking this might be a good card for @katdish @goodgosh


SBeeCreations Or maybe this one... @Katdish @weightwhat


weightwhat @SBeeCreations Who would buy a clown that looked like that? You're just askin' for nightmares.

The ones that are even longer

weightwhat My powers of invisibility are very impressive.

The_BMG @weightwhat Wow! I hear this voice, but I don't see annoying speaking...

weightwhat @The_BMG You don't see annoying speaking?!

SBeeCreations @The_BMG You are SO going to be in the Ho-down for that typo, hee hee cc: @weightwhat

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's like you know me.

weightwhat @kelybreez "Next year I'll be good, just wait. I'd start now, but it's too late..." It's like this carol was written about you! ;o)

kelybreez @weightwhat I am NOT on the naughty list with Walter Hobbs.

weightwhat @kelybreez Are you sure? Because I don't hear you singing.

kelybreez @weightwhat I'm singing! You're my dad! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

SBeeCreations @dlrayburn I really love your avatar :)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Are you gonna marry it?

The_BMG @weightwhat What? Who is @SBeeCreations gonna marry? I miss all the fun stuff.

weightwhat @The_BMG She's going to marry @dlrayburn's avatar because she loves it.

dlrayburn @The_BMG Ok @weightwhat dragged me into this,... but just for the record I am Not an it...and I am already married! :)

weightwhat @dlrayburn We weren't talking about you, silly. @SBeeCreations wants to marry your avatar. Sheesh.

dlrayburn @weightwhat I realize that, but where is the fun in leaving it at that?

dlrayburn @weightwhat oh queen of misdirection and unintended entendre's! :)

weightwhat @dlrayburn Yes?

SBeeCreations Featuring sweater-shorts RT “@weightwhat: Why yes, I DID do a Twitter Ho-down post today!


weightwhat @SBeeCreations Everyone will be wearing them in the future.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat what happens if it rains...and they shrink? (I'll let that visual set in)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Crochet Speedo?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Gaaaa!

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You didn't need that mental picture?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Wasn't quite ready for that one right as I was getting the hot dogs & buns

weightwhat Things are not looking good for the Twitter Ho-down this week. Looks like someone hasn't been on the twitter enough and it's me.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat and who's fault is that you're trying to ruin our week?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I blame @katdish.

katdish @weightwhat what'd I do now?

weightwhat @katdish Somehow kept me from the twitter this week. The ways of @katdish are mysterious.

kelybreez @weightwhat Always blame @katdish. The buck stops there.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat you're a Twitter shirker

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Look! Something shiny!

Have a good weekend everyone! And hey, let's talk more next week, huh?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

What your kids REALLY need under the tree

Okay parents, it's time to step up your Christmas gift buying game here. Enough of the easy gifts like Barbies and Legos. You need to go for something different. Something unique. Something that will earn the envy of all of your kid's classmates when they get back to school after the Christmas break. Yeah, I'm talkin' special gifts. "But Wendy," one may ask, "where do I find such gifts?" As you all know by now, I'm a giver, so I've done the difficult part for you. I've found the perfect gifts. It wasn't easy, because if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. So all the way from Germany, I present to you... the gifts that every child needs to find under the tree this year.

Snotty Snotter - because kids don't have enough snot as it is. And really? Aren't you always looking for new and exciting ways to play with the things that come out of your nose?

Schweine Schwarte - a good way to teach your kids about healthy eating habits by showing them that their stomachs may indeed explode if they eat too many hamburgers. Another benefit? Getting to explain that hamburgers are, in fact, not made of ham at all and therefore, our piggy friend here is not really a cannibal. Good thing the pig isn't eating hot dogs. No one needs to have that conversation.

Kackel Dackel - because your kids keep asking for a puppy for Christmas, but all you keep thinking is, "Who's gonna clean up the poop?" With this toy, your kids will! Then they'll re-feed it back to the toy dog, which of course, will be just like having real live puppies with they're penchant for eating poop. Now don't tell Katdish this, but I'm thinking of sending her one of these for Christmas. Buddy Love just isn't supplying her with enough poop on his own.

So there you go. You can now successfully finish your Christmas shopping. Merry and bright people. Merry and bright.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Wanna play patty-cake?

Happy Saturday to you! I saw the following clip on my friend Ginny's blog the other day, so I just had to steal it. Makes me giggle every time I see it...

Want to have even more laughs? Why not see what's going on over at Kathy's blog?

Friday, December 10, 2010

Visions of Twitter Ho-downs Danced in Their Heads


Who's ready for a Twitter Ho-down? Well, just for fun, I'm throwing in a video clip first. Why? Because I love Elf. And it's my blog. And you're not the boss of me. So there.

The one-liners

Sorry to hear about the whole "losing your mind thing." But I know you pretty well and I don't think you'll miss it. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has obviously never seen me doing nothing. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Me, snuggling The Baby:"Today is special. It's your last day to be 3. Tomorrow you'll turn 4! Are you excited?" Baby:"I need to pee, mom." (RT @TheRustedChain)

You might be a Redneck if all your matching salad bowls have "Cool Whip" written on the side. (RT @MidnightViews)

Okay, I'm here and waiting for someone to entertain me. Aaaaaaand go.

7 y/o daughter's joke 'o the day: "Why was the snowman in the vegetable garden? ... Because he was picking his nose!" (RT @KimMance)

I'm sinngggging! I'm in a store and I'm siiiiinngggging! (RT @beckfromfrogandtoad)

The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish Yikes!

weightwhat @katdish Merry Christmas. I AM WATCHING YOU!


pagan43 Still waiting for Z to bring up rest of the decorations . 'specially the Lady Leg Lamp. Should I shoot his eye out or just nag ?

weightwhat @pagan43 I just keep my leg lamp up all year to avoid this kind of situation. And yes, it's in my front window.


kelybreez @weightwhat Crossing Death Valley as we speak. Exactly where am I headed?

weightwhat @kelybreez Wait, why did you get off the yellow brick road? Weren't the instructions clear enough? Follow the yellow brick road.

makeadiff21 So. Any advice on how to keep kids from whining and arguing with each other on Christmas morning?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Duct tape.

The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations @weightwhat How are you doing today, munchkin?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm a munchkin?! When did that happen?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Tuesday. You really should pay closer attention.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Come to think of it, I did notice my voice getting a little squeakier...

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat busy day here, I'll be running around like I've got squirrels in my pants today. How about you m'lady?

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus What I really want to know is, DO you have squirrels in your pants?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat S to the I to the M to the P, squirrels in my pants!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Wow. She had actual squirrels in her pants. We just got served.

SBeeCreations Sick to death of excuses #vaugetweet

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How do you really feel?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat purely sweetness and light! (can't you tell?)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You're not trying to infringe on my trademark now, are you?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Does someone need a Snuggie?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat YES. My daughter STOLE my Snuggie, if you can believe that. I might have to punish her with a dead squirrel in her bed.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Do you keep dead squirrels on hand for just such an occassion?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat As a matter of fact I do. Did u read Hannah's guest post on my blog yesterday?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

dlrayburn @duane_scott A Speedos for Christ campaign? money raised to go towards Pure Water. If a certain amount is donated, we post Speedo pics.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Are you trying to not raise money?

dlrayburn @weightwhat No that's why they change to if not enough donations we post pics.

dlrayburn @weightwhat My wife will be first in line to write the check to keep the pics from going live.

weightwhat @dlrayburn I'm going to go rifle through my sofa cushions looking for loose change now.

kelybreez @weightwhat I was rifling thru my sofa cushions one time & found a rifle I had lost.

weightwhat @kelybreez Those things just turn up in the strangest places, don't they? I found mine in the refrigerator once. No idea how that happened.

br8kthru At my wife's work party. About to start the ugly Christmas sweater contest. This should be fun. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Did you wear a Christmas sweater vest?

CandySteele @weightwhat @br8kthru Silly girl, Wendy. He wore his sweater shorts. With a bow.


br8kthru @weightwhat nope, I'm not, but my wife is it's more disturbing in person.

Owly Images

weightwhat @br8kthru Ummm... Is that, uh, flourish thing actually attached?

br8kthru @weightwhat yes, her nickname is Harry Boob. It's Santa's beard. Santa's a perv.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat How are ya today?

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Doing okay. You?

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Not too shabby. Tired. Headed to the walmarts in a bit. Attempting to build a new light box.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Good luck with that. The walmarts part, I mean.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Oh yes. I'm hoping everyone will be at work when I go and it will not be busy. HA! Wishful thinking right?

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher What color is the sky in your world?

Your weekend may now begin. You're welcome.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

My Lite-Brite doesn't do that

Happy Saturday all! Okay, today's Saturday Silliness video isn't so much silly as it is totally cool! I've put it below, but you can't actually watch it on my site (legal stuff, I guess), but if you click the YouTube logo in the bottom right corner, you can watch it on YouTube. And you want to watch it on YouTube. When you're done, you can even watch the videos about the making of this video, which are also really worth watching. You'll find those links to the right when you're at the YouTube site. I should warn you first that the video has an "Up" kind of moment in it. So go ahead. I'll wait here for ya.

Don't you just love the David Crowder Band now? You're welcome.

Now for even more excitement to add to your Saturday, why not see what's going on over at Kathy's blog?

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Twitter Ho Ho Ho-down


Welcome to the Twitter Ho-down! Why not wrap up in your Snuggie and sit a spell?

The one-liners

I have only one more Christmas gift to purchase. Go ahead, be jealous. Now, if I can just remember where I hid everything...

I'm not mooning you. I'm turning the other cheek. (RT @funnyoneliners)

It isn't that I'm not a people person. It's just that I'm not a stupid people person. (RT @funnyoneliners)

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen - "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

Guess what? It's talk like a ninja day! So just....shut up. (RT @apodixis)

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. (RT @vvdenman)

I keep dropping tiny little seed beads on the floor. It'll be fun finding those over the next couple of weeks with my bare feet. Yeah.

Me: Since you snuck one tonight you can't have a cookie tomorrow. Toddler: Can I have one yesterday? (RT @WritingJoy)

My daughter just woke up and came to sit on my lap for our morning snuggle time. Best time of the day.

Haiku for Swagbucks? / Would I jump through hoops for that? / Hand over that hoop. #ttptp

RT @vvdenman RT @susanisaacs: Thomas Kinkade toilet paper: Stick the painter of light where the sun never shines.


Someone googled "gagging fart" to get to my blog. What did they find?

Did everyone hear my exciting announcement earlier today? I ordered a Veggie Tales Nativity set. And there was much rejoicing.

The ones that are a little bit longer

weightwhat @katdish Are you feeling all rested after your long trip back?

katdish @weightwhat Yesh. Now if I could get motivated to decorate for Christmas. Bah, humbug.

weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should just have the kids do it this year? If they're not there for slave labor, then why would we have kids?

The_BMG I wish places other than pizza and Chinese delivered.

SBeeCreations @The_BMG We have a burrito place that delivers but only very recently (it's also located in a gas station)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How very appropriate... *snort*

The_BMG Our Barney that plays songs has a glitch so he gets stuck at the same spot in the same song. It's weird. And creepy.

weightwhat @The_BMG It's Barney. What did you expect?

katdish And as my mother would say, "This traffic is THE SUCKS!"

weightwhat @katdish Your mother has a way of putting things into perspective, doesn't she?

heartcures First dose of steroids done. In a few hours I'll feel like lifting houses & operating heavy machinery. Praying they resolve this back pain.

weightwhat @heartcures Will you start talking like Hans and Franz?

Hans & Franz Pictures, Images and Photos

katdish Technical question: What are those floaty things called on fishing nets and crab pots?

weightwhat @katdish You mean they're not called 'floaty things'? Huh.

katdish Weather stripping needs to be replaced on the back door. The wind is blowing thru it. Sounds like a giant kazoo.

weightwhat @katdish On the upside, you have a musical house! On the downside? It's kazoo music.

katdish Tomorrow, I'll be posting a story of 2 blue herons & the political ramifications of said birds. Yeah, perhaps I need to get back on my meds

weightwhat @katdish Please don't. It's much better entertainment for us this way.

duane_scott I simply don't have the energy to explain myself and my weird antics sometimes. Am I the only one?

weightwhat @duane_scott Have you met me?

katdish I wonder if this involves mirrors and large binder clips.


weightwhat @katdish Or the suggestion of hanging out with more blind people.

katdish @weightwhat that works too.

weightwhat @kelybreez Kely Kely bo bely, banana fana fo fely, fe fi mo mely - Kely!

kelybreez @weightwhat Wendy Wendy bo bendy, tialigo tendy, tie legged, toe legged, bow legged Wendy!

weightwhat @kelybreez Hey! I'm not bow legged! Mostly.

The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Listed my butt

SBeeCreations @weightwhat dang it, BabyBee hit the computer. Listed my butters. BUTTERS! sigh

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You might have gotten more business the other way... *snort*

SBeeCreations @weightwhat *snort* maybe, especially at those prices

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You may be cheap, but you're not free.

katdish Is there any lower form of reality television than televising small claims court?

weightwhat @katdish Have I mentioned that I was on People's Court? Yeah.

katdish @weightwhat NOOOOO! Really?

weightwhat @katdish Yup. With Judge Wapner. No autographs, please.

WritingJoy Any veteran parents out there have suggestions for teaching my defiant toddler to respect authority?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Shock collar?

WritingJoy @weightwhat Let me rephrase that. Any veteran parents who haven't been visited by Child Protective Services...

weightwhat @WritingJoy Oh sure, now you put up parameters.

redclaydiaries Charlie just got home from picking up CSA meat. He's making headcheese again. GAAA.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I thought he loved you. What's up with that?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Clearly I was mistaken.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Should we all pray for a power outage out your way?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

WinLiannefield @weightwhat I got leftover turkey, yes I do, I got leftover turkey, how 'bout you?!?

weightwhat @WinLiannefield I do! But not enough. Next year, I'm lookin' for a 50 lb. bird.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Would that fit in your oven?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Where there's a will, there's a way.

WinLiannefield @weightwhat Ours was 22 lbs. It is/was obscene. I imagine it tootling around its barnyard on a power scooter before its demise.

weightwhat @WinLiannefield With flags on the back?

WinLiannefield @weightwhat No, more like Yosemite Sam "Back Off" mud flaps.

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm suffering from serious Twinkletoes withdrawls. You should be on the twitter more so you can fix that.

br8kthru @weightwhat I'm so limited w/ my phone. I miss you too! So sad. We should throw a pity party.

weightwhat @br8kthru I'll bring the black balloons of mourning.

br8kthru @weightwhat we need a poster of eeyore & some sad movies too.

weightwhat @br8kthru And I'm thinkin' we should drop some ice cream cones on the floor, just for good measure.

br8kthru @weightwhat totally. This pity party is really cheering me up. That almost never happens!

weightwhat @br8kthru Are we supposed to be cheering you up? I'm confused now...

br8kthru @weightwhat I'm a whirling tornado of emotions. I don't know what's going on.

weightwhat @br8kthru Welcome to my world.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat are you planning a Ho-down this week?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Yes, there will be a ho-down this week. You're even in it. Happy?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Yes, yes I am

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Why do you ask?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Wanted to know if I should look forward to it this week or if my hopes were going to be dashed against the cliffs of despair

weightwhat @SBeeCreations No, just the Cliffs of Insanity.

There ya go. Your weekend can start now that you've read the Ho-down. Doesn't that make you feel better?