Monday, January 2, 2012

Resolutions? Me?!

Well, it's the new year.  Now what?  Oh, yeah.  Make resolutions.  I'll get right on that.

I've made it a point over the years to not make resolutions.  But is resolving not to make resolutions a contradiction in itself? It makes my brain hurt just thinking about it.

Still, there are some things that I should quit doing.  So after much pondering, and 14 boxes of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, I've come up with the following list of resolutions for 2012.

1.  Stop wearing clown shoes in public.  I'm coming close to an age that a trip and fall could cause a broken hip.

2.  Make my tin foil hats more fashionable.  Function has its place, but we all want to look good, right?

3.  Stop starting tickle fights with badgers.  They're not that cute and cuddly when you get up close.

4.  I will no longer create artwork with my belly button lint.  There's just no more room left on my walls.

5.  I'll stop blaming it on the dog.  Who am I kidding?  That'll never happen.

5.  I'll no longer cause jackalope stampedes.  Easy to start, not so easy to stop.

6.  I won't try to order Snuggies from other companies anymore.  Those Time-Life operators just have no sense of humor.

7.  I will no longer try to get people to look at the end of their noses just to see if their eyes will stay like that forever.  Apparently, my grandma was a big ol' liar.

8.  I will stop carrying around my own personal laugh track.  Turns out that stunned silence is pretty entertaining.  For me.

9.  I will continue to be a moral compass for all those around me.  Now if I could just figure out why that compass keeps getting stuck...

10.  I will constantly endeavor to take over the world with my friend, Helenatrandom.  Oh yes, it will be ours.

So there you have it.  I hope I'm not putting too much pressure on myself by making these resolutions.  I guess time will tell.  Oh, it looks like you've got something on the end of your nose...