Candy Corn and Balloon Animals and Ceramic Clowns, Oh My!

If it's Friday, it must be the Twitter Ho-down! Ummm, except for the weeks that it's not. But this week, it is! Aren't you thrilled? Go on, be thrilled.

The one-liners

I have a sneaking suspicion that absurd warning labels were written for me. (RT @YeahImAshley)

Are you trying to confuse me? Because it's working.

Don't sugar coat it, how do you really feel?

I'm sure that means something...?



The ones that are a little bit longer

stretchmarkmama Would someone cross stitch me a plaque that says "Clutter Begets Clutter?" Because apparently that's the life verse I follow.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama I totally would, but what would you do with it? I wouldn't want to be an enabler or anything...



dlrayburn Weight...What?: The tweet of great price http://bit.ly/azbDfS //Phew, I was not mentioned. I tweeted under the radar this week.

weightwhat @dlrayburn I was going to put you in there, but decided you needed a bit more recovery time. Plus your wife is getting tired of you calling.



dlrayburn RT @Janell57159: @dlrayburn VICTORIA SECRET is having a PROMO & gving away $70 GIFT CARDS! CHECK IT!//oh my I mention bra and get this t'ed

weightwhat @dlrayburn Yeah, that's why. *insert eye roll here*



dlrayburn @kelybreez @MichaelDPerkins We once had a discussion about underwear in our singles Bible study class...was hilarious.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Who did you call after that conversation?

dlrayburn @weightwhat Well I was single...so I just looked at Julie(fiance at time, wife now) and grinned stupidly.



marni71 @katdish @billycoffey Okay, I'm off to spread my sunshine about my office. Tell everyone I said hi (after you remind them who I am)

weightwhat @marni71 Will you be spreading that sunshine with a knife? Or will you just use a hose?



weightwhat Okay, so what have I missed today?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I don't know. I have been cleaning my living room. (Or should I say straightening the living room since I didn't polish)

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes, but did you Polish?





The ones that are even longer

kelybreez @SBeeCreations @weightwhat: Gah! Do yall have to pay to make it onto the ho-down or what?! http://bit.ly/ajsvUk”

weightwhat @kelybreez Although you're always free to send cash, it just takes mad tweeting skills to make the ho-down. Oh, and you have to talk to me.

kelybreez @weightwhat Does this count as talking to you?

weightwhat @kelybreez Did you say something?

kelybreez @weightwhat About underwear? No, that's @dlrayburn and @MichaelDPerkins and their potty mouth ways. I'm telling their wives, too.



SBeeCreations FudgeBot!

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Please! There are children here!

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Oh wait. @duane_scott isn't around. Nevermind.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat That was rather insensitive of me. I do apologize. Should I DM about the CheeseFudgeBot?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations For the love of Gumby! Have you been hanging out at the shipyards or something? Do you kiss your mama with that mouth?




And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat Drats.

duane_scott @weightwhat my internet filter blocks your last post. Did you use vulgar language or nekkid toes? #notkidding

weightwhat @duane_scott My blog post? Or twitter post?

duane_scott @weightwhat yes... ;)

weightwhat @duane_scott Well, the last tweet was "Drats." I can see how that would raise a few eyebrows.

weightwhat @duane_scott My blog post doesn't contain any cursing, but there is a picture of @redclaydiaries in it. Oh, and the Viagra Labs.

kelybreez @weightwhat Drats. Double drats. Triple drats. (Sorry, needed to get those off my chest & thought you'd understand.) #fakepreachercusswords

weightwhat @kelybreez AAAAAA!!!! My virgin ears!!!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I'd just like to say, for the record, that my picture & the Viagra Labs have NOTHING in common.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Of course they don't. *smiling and nodding*

duane_scott @weightwhat I doubt its the viagra, probably the picture of @redclaydiaries

weightwhat @duane_scott Yup, @redclaydiaries is just too hot to get by your filters.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Does that make me a Toastabag? @duane_scott

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Maybe. Does cheese melt as soon as you touch it?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Why yes, now that you mention it. I'm quite scorching too.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I thought you might be.



kelybreez I love candy corn. A weakness. I love Jesus. Not a weakness.

CandySteele @kelybreez Here you go - the best of both worlds: http://bit.ly/c3NS01

Harvest Seeds Scripture Candy™ Corn. Each pkg. includes approx. 9 pcs. in a Bible verse wrapper.

kelybreez @CandySteele That is... amazing? Somehow that seems to be perhaps more like the worst of both worlds?

weightwhat @kelybreez Could have been worse. Could have been candy corn shaped like Jesus.

CandySteele @weightwhat @kelybreez I looked for that on ebay. That was the best I could do.

weightwhat @CandySteele It would be a bit scary if you found it. And it might make Skillet Jesus jealous.

CandySteele @weightwhat Yeah we wouldn't want anybody putting Skillet Jesus in a corner.

WritingJoy @weightwhat Morning. Pajama day again?

weightwhat @WritingJoy That is yet to be seen.

WritingJoy @weightwhat Um. Does that mean you aren't even wearing pajamas?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Are you askin' if I'm all nekkid? Nope. It scares the dog when I am.

WritingJoy @weightwhat You are very fortunate. My dog is much too curious when anyone in the family gets all nekkid.

weightwhat @WritingJoy EEEK! That could be bad...

WritingJoy @weightwhat Especially when certain kids aren't very good wipers. You know dogs and butts. And poop. (There I go again tweeting about poop).

weightwhat @WritingJoy You're just all about the poop, aren't you?

WritingJoy @weightwhat Crap. I am. Must launch de-crapification pronto.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Need a shovel?

weightwhat Mornin'!

kelybreez @weightwhat Mornin' from the Atlantic side.

weightwhat @kelybreez What's it like living in the future?

kelybreez @weightwhat Well, it's 3 hours, at least, more informed than living in the past where you are.

weightwhat @kelybreez So tell me, do they have flying cars there yet?

kelybreez @weightwhat We did, but those are so last week now.

kelybreez @weightwhat Or perhaps they're last tweet.

fishythoughts @kelybreez @weightwhat Well I am so far ahead of my time, that it's hometime where I is.

weightwhat @fishythoughts What does that even mean? Is this some odd new future language?

kelybreez @weightwhat The thing I don't like about flying cars is that I have no where to hide my keys.

weightwhat @kelybreez Why would you need to hide your keys?

kelybreez @weightwhat Hide my keys? 'Cause I don't have pockets, of course?

weightwhat @kelybreez Are you all nekkid in the future?!

fishythoughts RT @weightwhat: @kelybreez Are you all nekkid in the future?!// Don't know about him, but look at my profile pic. :-)

weightwhat @fishythoughts Scandalous!

weightwhat @br8kthru So, are you gonna entertain me, or what?

br8kthru @weightwhat of course! This is my purpose & destiny. How about a balloon animal?

weightwhat @br8kthru Not another worm or snake!

br8kthru @weightwhat dang it! Then how about a Wiener dog w/out legs? (lost them in a tragic grease fire)

weightwhat @br8kthru Fine, but only because of the fabulous back story.

br8kthru @weightwhat did I mention the dog has no ears or neck either? Poor thing.

weightwhat @br8kthru Must have been some grease fire. Unless he lost those in another tragedy?

br8kthru @weightwhat he really is a triumph of the canine spirit. Rolls around from place to place, happy as can be. Just beautiful.

br8kthru @weightwhat sadly, he ran into a balloon lion who viciously mauled him. Lucky (that's what we call him) defended courageously but lost

weightwhat @br8kthru Is that why you don't make balloon lions anymore?

br8kthru @weightwhat no, I didn't make the lion. Who did? Who else! An evil clown (sorry guess that's sorta redundant)

fishythoughts @weightwhat He used to make weasels, but they all went pop.

weightwhat @fishythoughts *snort*

katdish My entire neighborhood is having a garage sale. I'm in second hand crap hell.

weightwhat @katdish Got your fanny pack and small bills ready?

katdish @weightwhat No, but I've got my pressure washer set up in case any of them try to come up my driveway.

weightwhat @katdish Where is your neighborhood again? I was thinking about getting you some ceramic clowns for Christmas & I'm sure someone's sellin'.

katdish @weightwhat I live in Nebraska.

weightwhat @katdish Riiiiight.

Well there ya go. You can start your weekend now. Plus, you have a whole week to recover get ready for the next H0-down! Good luck to you.