To Blave: A guest post by Miracle Max

Wendy can't write her blog post today because she's been mostly dead for a while now. Don't worry. I gave her a miracle pill and she'll be fine. She just needs to wait at least an hour before writing.

When Wendy asked me to do a guest post about love, I thought sure. I mean, who knows more about love than me, right? And it really is true - there's nothing better than true love besides a nice mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich. Or cough drops. Or chocolate. But besides those things, love is right up there.

Don't roll your eyes at me, witch!

Really Max? You're gonna go there again?

Fine. People, this is my wife, Valerie. Valerie, this is people. Happy now?

Overjoyed. So what do you think you can tell these people about love?

Hey, I've been married to you for more than 80 years, I should know something.

Don't make me roll my eyes at you again.

Do ya mind? I'm trying to write a post here.

Don't let me stop you.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, love. You think love happens every day? Hah? Okay, yeah, it does. What? You were expecting something different? Look around. People everywhere are loving each other. Sure, there are other not-so-nice feelings going on out there, too, but love is all over the place.

The real question is why we love.

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret here: We wouldn't be able to love unless we had been loved first. It was a gift that was given us. A miracle if you will. And believe you me, I know miracles.

That was really nice, Max.

Thank you, Valerie. I do what I can.

I love you, Max.

I love you, too, Valerie.

Want to see what other people have to say about love? Then take a look-see at the One Word at a Time blog carnival. There's love all over the place there. Miraculous.

Life is Funny - Family traditions

It's the last Life is Funny blog carnival of the year! Are you going to play? Sign up below with Mr. Linky to join the frivolity.

Christmas is a time for families to gather together and enjoy traditions passed down through the years. My family doesn't really have a lot of traditions, and most of the ones we do have are new additions for us. But there is one tradition that has stood the test of time and was upheld, once again, at my house: The losing of the gifts. What? You don't practice this in your family? Well, it goes way back in my family. Gifts are put into hiding places for safe-keeping until Christmas, but then they mysteriously disappear before being recovered. Part of the magic of Christmas, I guess.

I remember my parents losing gifts when I was a kid, only to find them months after Christmas. Some gifts are never found again, even after packing up a house and moving. Perhaps they end up in the land of the lost socks. But every year it happens. I've tried to get around this family tradition by claiming one of the closets in my house as the gift closet, yet the outcome is still the same. Fortunately for me, this year it was only stocking stuffers that fell into the void. I guess it's kind of lucky for my husband this year since the stocking stuffers in question included coal for his stocking. It just baffles me though. I shouldn't be surprised when gifts turn up missing anymore, yet it gets to me every year. Where do these things go? I just don't know. On the upside, by the time I finally find this year's missing gifts, the coal could turn to diamonds...

For unto us a child is born

Merry Christmas!!! I hope that you and your loved ones have a blessed Christmas that is full of hope and joy. This Christmas season was made even more special for me a couple of weeks ago when my precious daughter asked Jesus into her heart. There are no words to fully describe my joy! My cup overflows.

May the reason for the season fill your hearts to overflowing, too!

Life is Funny - Sneaky little tree elves

Once again, it's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival! Woo-hoo! Feel free to join in and sign up with Mr. Linky below. Mr. Linky loves the attention.

Last week I started the tale of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. If you haven't read it, go on back now and take a peek. We'll wait.

Done yet? No?

How about now?

Now?

Finally. So, the covert decorating operation continued. We added bell garland and snowflake ornaments.

We ran into a little trouble when we tried to hang the snowflakes - the hanging loops weren't so much loops as knotted up pieces of glitter-covered string that wasn't about to hang on anything. My daughter was trying to just lay the snowflakes on the branches when I had to stop her by yelling, "AAAAAA!!! Abort mission! Abort mission!" Then there was much running around and craziness comparable to modern day Keystone Cops. Good times.

After adding new loops to the snowflakes, those were put on again. A few days later we added plastic candy canes.

Isn't my daughter's hat lovely? I put it together for crazy hat day at school. Anyway, back to the tree. We had a good amount of wind here one day, and as I drove by the tree, I saw that some of the decorations had fallen down. Not wanting to stop and fix it in the middle of the day, I drove on by. The next morning when we went to fix it, someone else had beaten us to it! I have no idea who joined us in our little tree caper, but found it funny that someone else has gotten involved now.

It looks like our tree adventures are done for the year now. Why? Because I'm out of ornaments. It's tempting to go out and get more, but I don't know that my wallet or the little tree could handle much more right now. It sure has been fun though! I hope my daughter keeps this as a fun memory. I think she's had a good time being a sneaky little elf.

Okay, as promised, now it's your turn! Go on. You know you want to join in. It'll be fun!

He's an angry elf

It's Saturday Silliness time here at Weight...What? So for your viewing pleasure, I present you with a clip from Elf. If you haven't seen this movie before (not mentioning any names, Sarah), I highly recommend it.

Twitter! Twitter! Twitter!

It's Twitter H0-down time people! Did you know that you can join in on the fun? Head over to Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants and sign up! C'mon, you can do it! And now, let the revelry begin!

The one-liners

@makeadiff21 Sorry, I only use my powers for good. *snort*

@sarahmsalter What would your grandmother say about you watching an R rated movie? Shameful! Next thing you know it'll be colored undies.

@sarahmsalter You never let me punch anyone in the neck anymore.

Okay, time for me to hit the hay, too. That'll teach it.

RT @Brian_Russell Someone's excited about Christmas! http://flic.kr/p/7oxLLE // Oh. My. Google.

The Twitter Ho-down Mr. Linky is up! TWSS. http://tinyurl.com/yg7r5ag

Merry Christmas, twitter. From my family to yours. http://flic.kr/p/7oxbHh (RT @thedayhascome)

A little bit longer ones

weightwhat I'm here. No, no. Don't applaud. Just throw money.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat You don't ask for much, do you?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter No, I don't. I'm very humble that way.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Why weren't we invited to join in on this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLj5zphusLw

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yeah...You know how many parties I've gone too where they refuse to play that song because they know I'll start spanking myself?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Was someone being a shameless hussy again?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat What's the definition of shameless hussy again?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter A girl who wears colored underwear, of course. And dyes her hair.

SBeeCreations Good morning. Dropped the kiddo off to school. Hands are freezing. About to trek off to work.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations If only they made something to keep your hands warm... If they came up with something, they could call them gloves.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat A new gift idea :) http://tinyurl.com/lasg8k

weightwhat @makeadiff21 That would make my life complete. TWSS.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru Don't make assumptions. You know what happens when you assume...

br8kthru @sarahmsalter I get very gassy, but how did you know that?

weightwhat @br8kthru Asking people to pull your finger constantly might have been a clue.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Remember when I was lamenting the lack of skanky male ho's on twitter (as a joke). Well....Guess who (or what) is following me

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Oh Helen, you're so lucky! How did you become a skanky man-ho magnet?

The ones that are even longer

marni71 @weightwhat @billycoffey Um, yeah. There is doll furniture on there that cost more than my regular furniture. WTFrak?

billycoffey @marni71 You get extra points for saying frack.

marni71 @billycoffey It's a @PuriChristos -ism. I hope I don't have to pay him royalties for that.

weightwhat @marni71 But he clearly stole it from Battlestar Galactica. Crap. I wasn't going to admit to knowing that...

beckfromfrogandtoad Just one of the reasons I'm glad the Baby is taking a pass on Pre-K this year - kid gets stuck in the bathroom 10 times a day.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Well, there's one way to get some mommy time in.

beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat I have to run to the bathroom multiple times a day to let her out.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Eh, run/walk slowly after taking a nap - potato/potahto.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

sarahmsalter @BridgetChumbley You could probably finish online, if you place your orders today. Or do what I'm doing. Go to Walmart & get 'em gift cards.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Do you hate them?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter But Walmart? Wouldn't it just be easier to slap him?

billycoffey @weightwhat Don't be hatin' on Walmart, Wendy.

weightwhat @billycoffey Walmart is the devil, Billy.

billycoffey @weightwhat Maybe, but where do you think I got most of my blog posts and half of a book?

weightwhat @billycoffey I didn't know your book was in the horror category...

weightwhat Okay, who's up? TWSS

BridgetChumbley @weightwhat It is awesome that you even TWS* yourself, Wendy. How are you feeling?

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley And I have to TWSS myself. What if no one else showed up to do it? That would be tragic.

BridgetChumbley @weightwhat Breathing is about all I'm doing... feel awful! And yes it would be tragic if we all missed the opportunity... hehe

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley If a TWSS falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it...

weightwhat Okay, could someone please entertain me now? And peel me a grape while you're at it?

br8kthru @weightwhat ok, I'm late to the entertaining request, but I'm doing a dance under my desk. No need to thank me!

weightwhat @br8kthru Why under your desk? Afraid people might start sticking dollar bills in your pants if you're on top of the desk?

SBeeCreations @br8kthru in a dancing mood today? there are some folks around here who could use some amusement/ cheering up

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Yeah @br8kthru! Take it off! Take it off! AAAAA!!! Put it back on!!!

br8kthru @SBeeCreations @weightwhat Hey, I'll have you know that in a dimly lit room, I have been told I am very attractive. So there!

weightwhat @br8kthru It was so nice of your mother to tell you that!

So there you have it. Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Guest commenters wanted

It's that time of year again! Time for the possible onslaught of gifts you never dreamed possible. And by that, I mean the truly tacky and/or thoughtless gifts given to you by people who claim to be your friends or family members. C'mon, we've all gotten them.

One of my all-time favorite tacky gifts came from my grandma. With grandma's gifts, you just learned to put on that fake smile and say thank you. But this year was above and beyond her usual gift giving skills. She got my sister and me polyester mumuus. Oh, they were fanciful. I can't remember if I was in junior high or high school at the time, but clearly they were meant for someone over 70 on their way to a vacation in Boca. Luckily for me, I'm all about the tacky. So I took my mumuus, and those of my sister who was more than happy to be rid of them, and put them into my costume box. And yes, I have worn one. In public. Fear me.

So, what have you gotten for Christmas that's been, um, memorable? I'm inviting my tens of readers to take over my comment section to share/purge/find a happy place and tell the rest of us about the oh-so-special gifts you've gotten over the years. Remember, laughter is theraputic. And we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you. Okay, maybe we're kinda laughing at you...