For years, one topic has struck fear in the hearts of parents everywhere: Potty training. It's just not fun. And it's a major source of frustration. Why, oh why, can Jr. not just sit and go? I'll tell you why. Lack of motivation. Oh sure, you've tried bribery. You've tried the sticker chart. You've even tried threats. But they didn't work, did they? No, they did not. Doctors will tell you that you just have to wait for little Tommy or Susie to be ready on their own. Well forget that malarky! I'm about to share the solution with you.
Fear.
Yes, you heard me correctly. Fear will bring about the desired potty use. It's simple really. You just use your child's natural fear of heights to work against them. Something like this:
You tell your precious little darling that since they have not been using the potty, you're now out of diapers. Then take your non-potty using child with you to the store to shop. Once there, tell them that since they're the ones using the diapers that they'll have to be the one to get the diapers. From the top shelf. Which they can't get to unless they are hoisted up there and left for a bit. Just long enough for the panic to set in. "Oooo! It sure is high up! I hope I can get you back down again!" Yes, the fear of diaper shopping will get your potty-avoiding tot sitting on the throne in no time.
"But Wendy," one might ask, "what if my child isn't afraid of heights?" Being the fount of wisdom and all things parenting, I have an answer for that, too. Two words for you: Krazy Glue. You're welcome.
This week I had to go in for some medical testing. For the tests being done, I had to be put into twilight sleep. No, not Twilight sleep - everyone knows vampires don't sleep. But back to my story. So I was in twilight sleep for the procedure and when it was done, I was brought into the recovery room. As I started to wake up, a nurse came in and asked if I wanted anything to drink. She was then kind enough to bring me a bottle of water and prop the bed up a bit for me so I'd be able to drink my water easily. So I took the lid off my bottle and started drinking my water. It was all good.
Until I started dozing off again.
That probably wouldn't have been a problem if I had put the lid back on my water bottle. But no. I was holding the water bottle on my stomach as I slipped back into sleep. And the water bottle tipped over. In the most unfortunate way. Yes, the bottle tipped crotchward and spilled all over my pants. But the bottle was still pretty full, so it continued to spill through my legs and then into a puddle under my rear end. I was still out of it enough that I couldn't seem to move out of the puddle and just got a nice butt-soaking. I let out a yelp then started laughing and the nurse rushed in to see what had happened. I loved my nurse. She started laughing, too. But then she got me some sheets to help me dry myself off. I really enjoyed walking out of there with suspiciously wet pants. Ah, good times.
And now, for a video clip that nearly made me wet my pants spill water on myself...
So, how was your life funny this week? How about sharing with us? Make sure to sign up below with Mr. Linky. He likes a good laugh, too.
Wondering what crazy things I've talked about on Twitter this week? I'll bet you are! Lucky for you, you've come to the right place. There's tweeting all over the place around here. As always: May cause choking, gasping, wheezing, uncontrollable slobbering, bleeding eyeballs and disembowelment. If you are pregnant, or may become pregnant, I'm totally jealous of you. Oh, and you shouldn't read this out loud as the damage may be permanent to your unborn child, even if he/she is, as of now, just a twinkle in the eye. This blog post does not cause a twinkling of the eye and takes no responsibility for such. Other than that, it's perfectly safe.
The one-liners
Just as I cut my finger, I heard that a shark can smell blood for over a mile. So DO NOT answer the doorbell. (RT @linajk)
Good morning! Am I being overly optimistic?
I think that Panera ad just said, "It's amazing how complex this sandwich is." Can you give me a conflicted soup to go with it? (RT@MattTCoNP)
Okay, time for me to scoot off to bed. And by scoot, I mean drag my butt around on the carpet. Hey, I've got an itch, okay?!
Tomorrow, I'd ask that you celebrate a low key Earth Day so as not to make Wind and Fire feel bad.
And now, an homage one of the great movies of the 80's(Better Off Dead)
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.
It's got raisins in it... you like raisins.
I want my two dollars!
Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.
Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.
A little bit longer ones
redclaydiaries I just wrote a post. The creativity dam is broken. Look out.
Well, we've reached the end of the post now.Feel free to move about the cabin. And while you're at it, why don't you see what others tweeted about this week over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants? I'm sure it's safe over there. *crossing my fingers*
Happy Saturday, folks! I'm sure you're all wondering what really happened to the dinosaurs. Well, after extensive research (and a good search on youtube), I've found the answer for you. Please, no applause. Just throw money.
Just can't get enough silliness? Then head on over to Kathy's blog for more. Go ahead. Shoo.
If you follow me on Twitter (And why wouldn't you?), you may have noticed me mentioning that I'm considering doing yet another blog. Why? Because Weight...What? and Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants just aren't enough to contain me and my multiple personalities my creativity. What kind of blog would it be, one might ask. Well, I'll tell one. A blog about making stuff. Whatever kind of stuff that pops into my head. 'Cuz I'm a rebel and can't be limited to just crafts.
But here's the thing: I'm thinking this new blog will be more normal mainstream than this one. So what do I do with my crazy ideas? Post 'em here, of course! Sorry/you're welcome.
So, you know how everyone is all up in the green lately? Yeah, yeah. Recycle, reduce, reuse. Well hey, I can be environmentally friendly. And what better way to go green than with Mother Nature, a.k.a. Aunt Flo? Because besides making me want to dance, that time of the month makes me want to do crafts. Recycled crafts.
Ladies, if you're like me, and I know you are, that time of the month makes me feel musical. And joyful. So what better way to express that than by making a pan flute?
Then you'll want to give a performance, right?
Now I've heard tell, though I can hardly believe it, that there are some gals who aren't excited about the arrival of Aunt Flo. While I may not understand it, I've got you ladies covered, too. How about a nice tampon shooter with matching bandolier?
Just notice the fine craftmanship! It's amazing what you can do with recycled objects and a glue gun, isn't it? And although I make no guarantees, you might just want to have one of these babies available in case of a zombie attack.
Now go get that glue gun and get to crafting! It's good for the planet.
Got something to share here at the Life is Funny blog carnival? I'll bet you do! Link up below with Mr. Linky. He loves a good linking.
Happy Saturday, folks! This week I decided to find something deep and meaningful to share with you. Hey, I can be deep! Okay, maybe not. But this was originally sent to me by Candy a while back, and she's deep. That is when she's not sticking her foot in her mouth. That girl is just a TWSS waiting to happen. Anyway... On to the video!
So, wasn't that something? It was just so deepdrug enduced emotional. Wow.
Looking for more silliness? Head on over to Kathy's blog and see what's going on. I hear she's got a Brownie Husband over there... Oh, and tell her Joe Cocker sent you.
Well, here we are at the end of the post. Still wanting more? Then head on over to the Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants and see if anyone else did a Twitter Ho-down post. Can't guarantee what you'll find there, but that just adds to the entertainment value, doesn't it?
Posts
