The Pursuit of Weight Loss

My family has been pestering me to start writing on my blog again.  Can you believe that my family would do that to me? I mean, sure, my blog has been all sad and lonely. Again. But I've been busy! You know, doing... stuff.  Important stuff.  Stuff that I'm trying to remember doing.

And if that's not enough, they're trying to tell me what I should write about. They're very demanding. The complaint is that my blog tagline is "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Weight Loss," but there's very little "pursuit" being pursued on my blog. In my real life, you know, the one where I'm doing all this important stuff that I can't seem to remember, there's been plenty of pursuing going on. I've actually dropped a lot of weight. And I'm still dropping. After taking a long break, that is.  Anyway, more about that another time.

Today I'm going to share about how my life has imitated a Progresso Soup commercial.

Not too long ago, I jumped back on the weightloss wagon and I've been doing well.  I called my husband at work to brag about my accomplishments and it went something like this:

Me: I've lost 20 lbs. in the last 4 weeks!
Him: Uh, is that good?
Me: YES! That's good!
Him: Ummmm...
Me: Is there a woman there I can talk to?

 

 

See? Life imitates art.  My life, anyway.  Men.  Hmph.

Life is Funny - Look! A Pirate!

I know.  It's been a long time since I've written a Life is Funny post.  I guess my life just hasn't been all that entertaining lately.  But this weekend, I had a "why doesn't this happen to anyone else" kind of experience.


I became a pirate for a day.

Okay, that's not what brings up the whole "why" question.  I'm sure lots of people become pirates for a day.  My story starts at how it happened. 

The offender 

Oh sure.  It looks all innocent.  And no, I'm not allergic to peanuts.  I was just sitting there, minding my own business, shelling and eating peanuts.  That's when it happened.  The peanut attacked.  As I cracked a shell, a piece of it came flying at me and went straight for my eye.  Who knew peanut shells had such good aim?  But it managed to lodge itself in my eye nicely.  Try as I might, it didn't seem to want to come out.  So off to the urgent care I went.

Apparently, peanut shell attacks are not all that common.  No one at the urgent care had ever heard of it.  And my telling of the story brought stunned silence followed by giggles.  And yes, even the doctor, who looked to be in his mid-70's, was not immune to the giggling. Yeah.  I'm a medical oddity.

Turns out I scratched the heck out of my eye.  And that, dear friends, is what led me to piracy.  I got to wear a giant eye patch until this morning. 

My ever supportive family felt the need to point and laugh at me all day.  There were mentions of me needing a hat and a parrot.  I should have made them walk the plank. 

Will this stop me from eating peanuts in the future?  Nope.  But next time, I'll be more prepared...

You like winter, right?

Happy Groundhog's Day! Sorry anti-winter folks, but Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning - 6 more weeks of winter! But isn't winter supposed to be around 6 more weeks anyway? At least, that's what my calendar says.

While I love winter, I know a lot of you out there don't. Some people, not to mention any names (my mom), threaten to head south at the site of the first snowflake.  So for those of you who are anti-winterites, I give you the following post...

Groundhog Revenge

Oh sure, Mr. Groundhog.  You look all cute poking your head out of your little hole in the ground.  You harbinger of evil!!!  Uh, I mean, come here little guy...  No, we're not gonna hurt you...

Yup.  Groundhogs make lovely slippers.

And hats.

Running low on food for your pet snake?

Or maybe you just need a good home-cooked meal to help get over the winter blues.  So, from the ushotstuff.com website, may I suggest a gastronomic delight?

 

Waco Groundhog in Sour Cream

Recipe By: "Indian Cookin'", compiled by Herb Walker, 1977

1 Groundhog, skinned & cleaned
1/2 cup Vinegar
1 tablespoon Salt
2 quarts Water
2 teaspoons Soda
1/2 cup Flour
1 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Allspice
1/2 cup Bacon fat
3 small Wild onions
1/2 cup Water
1 cup Sour cream

Skin and clean the groundhog. Wash and dry and put in an earthen crock. Cover with water and a half cup of vinegar and 1 T. of salt. Let stand in a cool place overnight. In the morning, remove from
brine, wash and pat dry with a damp cloth. In a large soup kettle combine 2 qt. of water and 2 T. of soda. Bring to a boil, lower the heat and simmer for 15 minutes, removing the scum as it rises to the
surface. Drain and rinse the groundhog meat and cut into serving pieces. Combine the flour, salt and allspice and dredge the pieces of meat in the mixture. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Melt the bacon
fat in a heavy iron frying pan until smoking. Brown meat on all sides. Transfer the browned meat into a greased 4 qt. casserole. Arrange sliced onions on top, add water, cover and bake in a
preheated oven for 2 hours or until the meat is tender. Transfer the meat to a heated platter to keep warm. Put the casserole on top of the stove over medium heat and spoon in the sour cream stirring
constantly. Do not let the sauce come to a boil. Put the meat back into the casserole and simmer for about 15 minutes. Delicious served with creamed dandelion leaves.

Now didn't that just brighten your day?  As always, I'm a giver. You're welcome.

Resolutions? Me?!

Well, it's the new year.  Now what?  Oh, yeah.  Make resolutions.  I'll get right on that.

I've made it a point over the years to not make resolutions.  But is resolving not to make resolutions a contradiction in itself? It makes my brain hurt just thinking about it.

Still, there are some things that I should quit doing.  So after much pondering, and 14 boxes of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, I've come up with the following list of resolutions for 2012.

1.  Stop wearing clown shoes in public.  I'm coming close to an age that a trip and fall could cause a broken hip.

2.  Make my tin foil hats more fashionable.  Function has its place, but we all want to look good, right?

3.  Stop starting tickle fights with badgers.  They're not that cute and cuddly when you get up close.

4.  I will no longer create artwork with my belly button lint.  There's just no more room left on my walls.

5.  I'll stop blaming it on the dog.  Who am I kidding?  That'll never happen.

5.  I'll no longer cause jackalope stampedes.  Easy to start, not so easy to stop.

6.  I won't try to order Snuggies from other companies anymore.  Those Time-Life operators just have no sense of humor.

7.  I will no longer try to get people to look at the end of their noses just to see if their eyes will stay like that forever.  Apparently, my grandma was a big ol' liar.

8.  I will stop carrying around my own personal laugh track.  Turns out that stunned silence is pretty entertaining.  For me.

9.  I will continue to be a moral compass for all those around me.  Now if I could just figure out why that compass keeps getting stuck...

10.  I will constantly endeavor to take over the world with my friend, Helenatrandom.  Oh yes, it will be ours.


So there you have it.  I hope I'm not putting too much pressure on myself by making these resolutions.  I guess time will tell.  Oh, it looks like you've got something on the end of your nose...