Between the heatwave and the internet being down, it's been a slow week on Twitter. I know, it's a sad story. Twitter has missed me. But worse yet, I'm left with only 500 or so tweets to pull from. Whatever will I do?
@emptynestegg - I am a walking fount of knowledge. Go ahead, be impressed.
@WinLiannefield - Why? Are you planning your next trip? Will it be the mullet extravaganza or the camo/trucker hat adventure?
@WinLiannefield - How sad for you. How long have you suffered from that cleanliness disorder?
@Helenatrandom Don't look Helen! Too late. She looked.
@katdish was wondering how many tweets I do in a week, so I'm keeping track. She's totally jealous of me.
@WinLiannefield - That would be cool... Could we get @billycoffey to walk around the ring in a bikini with a round # sign?
I think my brain must look like something out of a Dali painting right now. It's as good a time as any to start working on a blog post...
Oozing pus conversation. Highly recommended for anyone trying to stick to a diet.
@redclaydiaries - I'll smile and nod because I have no idea what you're talking about. *smiling and nodding*
@WinLiannefield - Awww! Our little girl is growing up! She used TWSS in a tweet! I'm so proud! *sniff*
Oh @Chick_fil_A, why must your closest location to me be 100 miles away? Where's the love? I mean, besides 100 miles away?
I should probably go get dressed. I don't think Krispy Kreme would want me there in my jammies. It's not the dollar store afterall.
RT @billycoffey The spiritual components of fruit salad: http://bit.ly/wuq6b (F-bombing grandma is not one of the components)
@MistiPearl - Why are people always choking on their coffee around me? Is there a rash of bad coffee out there or something?
I just took "What kind of tweeter are you?" and got: addict! Try it: http://bit.ly/SmGM4
@Cara_Jen Two words for you: Velcro sheets.
@kelli1227 - You mean I've corrupted your mind, too?
@emptynestegg - Barbeque ice cream is like an elusive butterfly? Really? I thought it was more like a charging buffalo, but that's just me.
Now watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! #notsaidbyJesusever
@Helenatrandom - I love a good flogging, don't you?
@br8kthru Ooo! I love me some righteous indignation! *HMPH!*
@spiffytiffy3 - Don't put it in the dishwasher! Don't ask how I know this.
@br8kthru Hey, I'm sweetness and light. Don't you forget it.
@Helenatrandom - It really does all come down to cookies, doesn't it?
@HerbieGookins - What with their huge size and wild colors... Beach towels cannot be trusted!
@br8kthru Me? Mock? Never!
@WinLiannefield - Oh, come on... For us? Pretty please with a mullet on top?
The ones about Belgium
Belgium is very sneaky! They try to camoflage their sneakiness with Belgian waffles, but I'm on to them...
No, @Helenatrandom isn't a sneaky Belgian. She's a boisterous Hungarian (on her dad's side).
@WinLiannefield - Have you been captured by sneaky Belgians?
@WinLiannefield - They've got you, don't they? Darn Belgians.
@WinLiannefield - Probably. You never want to turn your back on the Belgians.
@WinLiannefield is here? Why are you invisible to me? Are you turning all Belgian and sneaky?
Men never get it. I blame the Belgians. Again.
Well, I do think that the Belgians were responsible for the internet going out at my folks house.
They're always sneakier than you think. They're Belgian.
Yeah Belgium, bring it!
A little bit longer ones
RT @emptyn...@harve.. Armageddon chocolate? You know, the stash of chocolate you keep on hand so if civilization collapses you'll die happy.
@Helenatrandom - I eat all chocolate like it's armageddon chocolate. It's just my way.
Helenatrandom @br8kthru @weightwhat Time to break out the big guns...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Is that what you're calling them these days?
br8kthru@weightwhat You don't wanna close your eyes. You don't wanna fall asleep cause you'd miss me baby & you don't wanna miss a thing.
br8kthru@weightwhat (I decided I won't fight it, I'm just calling you baby from now on)
@br8kthru - Okay Twinkletoes, how did I miss this earlier? Oh yeah, must have fallen asleep. It's not you. It's me.
And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones
...and now I'm caught up. This is why I should never walk away from the computer.
@weightwhat Oh, I give up on catching up! I count on the Twitter HO Down to let me know if I was out of the loop on something good.
@Helenatrandom My overwhelming fear of being left out does not let me do that. I must know what's going on. & if people are talking about me
@weightwhat There is a button to let you know that on the sidebar you know. I check that out every time I come back. Yours says @weightwhat
@Helenatrandom - I know that, but sometimes people get sneaky and use my actual name. Why can't I be omniscient?
@weightwhat Ah....I see.... Well then...
@emptynestegg Are we playing the game again? Or did you miss out on the whole sweet tea debate/love fest?
Helenatrandom@emptynestegg Billy says sweet tea should have lots of sugar. Candy says sugar icky. I say tea icky. Wendy rub hands together and laugh.
Helenatrandom@emptynestegg If this were a high school, Wendy would be voted most likely to rub hands together and laugh.
weightwhat@Helenatrandom - Don't forget the throwing my head back part of the laugh. That's very important.
Helenatrandom@weightwhat I'm sorry. I did forget. Actually, I think I pictured you leaning forward.
weightwhat@Helenatrandom - That's so odd. I don't think I've ever leaned forward when laughing and rubbing my hands together. Too Snidely Whiplash.
weightwhat@Helenatrandom - You've got to remember that I don't have a handlebar mustache.
JeanneDamoff @weightwhat Fun and exciting: http://tinyurl.com/6mr6a4 (<~ Okay, you really need to watch that clip. Trust me.)
weightwhat @JeanneDamoff - Okay, that was funny... Can't get songs like that from clean living, can you?
JeanneDamoff @weightwhat True. But the interpreter had to be coherent. (Is it wrong that the severed leg totally cracks me up? And Jesus' turban! Wow.)
weightwhat @JeanneDamoff - Hey, nothing brings about a good belly laugh better than a bloody severed leg. It's just comedy waiting to happen.
weightwhat Mornin' folks.
mylestones @weightwhat I so wish it still was. (morning, that is).
weightwhat @mylestones - Are you one of those "morning people" I've heard about?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Don't ask her that! She has a right not to incriminate herself!
mylestones @weightwhat @helenatrandom does this mean you won't be my friend anymore? morning person discrimination??
weightwhat @mylestones - We might make an exception for you. But it could cost you some cookies.
Helenatrandom @mylestones I will still be your friend. I acknowledge having no right to information about such personal transgressions.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - C'mon Helen, hold out for cookies with me!
Helenatrandom Cookies are not a transgression....They are purveyors of virtue. http://bit.ly/h5uwt
mylestones @Helenatrandom @weightwhat So my love of cookies (purveyors of virtue indeed!) might get me a pass on the morning person transgression? Cewl
Helenatrandom @mylestones Especially if you send some to us.... Help keep us virtuous ;-)
weightwhat @mylestones - I think I need some virtue. About a dozen or two worth.
Helenatrandom @mylestones I think I'll only take two cookies of virtue. I don't want to be TOO virtuous that it becomes obnoxious...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Yeah, I'm obnoxious either way, so I'll take more cookies.
weightwhat @mylestones - But no raisins in mine, okay? Raisins is fightin' words here.
weightwhat @br8kthru - Okay, I give. What's your other job?
br8kthru @weightwhat I maintain the web pages and edit documents/manuals for a state division
br8kthru @weightwhat it's very exciting.
weightwhat @br8kthru - I'm smiling and nodding.
br8kthru @weightwhat only if exciting means you want to meditatively ponder constantly... :)
br8kthru @weightwhat or we're you trying to tell me that I'm boring you?
weightwhat @br8kthru - No, not boring. You just have the gift of enducing deep meditative pondering.
WinLiannefield Yuck. If you are an open-mouth chewer/smacker, PLEASE DO NOT sit next to me in a waiting room.
WinLiannefield Now he's licking his fingers. I die.
WinLiannefield I'm just waiting on him to hock a loogie.
WinLiannefield AND...the wait is over. Loogie has been hocked.
weightwhat @WinLiannefield - Too bad you're not single...
WinLiannefield A woman with a mullet keeps trying to talk to me. Run away!!!
weightwhat @WinLiannefield - Once again, too bad you're not single, huh?
So there you have it. The best of my tweets for the week. I know, you're gobsmacked. But get yourself pulled back together because there's more to see at the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants. Go ahead and take a peek. You know you wanna...