Happy last day of 2010! Because of this momentous occassion (and because I'm lacking new material), I'll be presenting a "best of 2010" Ho-down today! Can you feel the excitement? Well stop it. Didn't your mother tell you to keep your hands to yourself? Now prepare yourself. This could take a while...
I couldn't find a gift that conveys my general dislike for you, so I got you this fruitcake instead. (RT @thedayhascome)
My daughter asked if she could have a popsicle for breakfast. Requires no effort on my part, so yes, have a popsicle. I'm mom of the year.
When a kid who's crying because he's so sick asks for a hug, you should hug him instead of shouting "UNCLEAN!" Apparently. (RT @superfantastic )
I'm sorry... Did I just roll my eyes out loud? (RT @razorwitted )
When did I eat corn? #thoughtsonthetoilet
I'm following you. Not in a creepy, behind-you-in-the-parking-lot way, but in an excited-to-read-your-random-thoughts way.
Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind. RT @jaysingh
I have no idea what you're trying to say to me, so I'll just smile and nod.
I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers. (RT @marni71)
I have been blessed with the gift of inappropriateness. It's only right that I share it.
It's so quiet that I can actually hear myself think. No good can come of this. RT @gilesmarie
The ones that are a little bit longer
katdish You'd better watch out, he's coming to town! http://twitpic.com/uvzek
katdish And frankly, he's not amused. http://twitpic.com/uvzo9
weightwhat @duane_scott I would, but my mom says if I do that, my eyes will stay that way forever.
weightwhat @gabbysherri AAAAAAA!!!! *crash*
weightwhat @gabbysherri Sorry about that. Just saw that you were on the twitter and fainted dead away.
ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Just read your blog. I now have to clean my laptop screen. You need warning labels. *Do not drink while reading this blog*
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher You're welcome.
pagan43 A universal remote does not in actuality control the whole universe.
weightwhat @pagan43 Drats. There goes that plan.
duane_scott I'm pooped.
weightwhat @duane_scott Nobody wants to hear about your poop. Well, except maybe @redclaydiaries. She's weird that way.
br8kthru I smile @ EVERYONE- really- but I'm thinking I should stop smiling @ them in the bathroom. It's weird. PS guess where I just came from
weightwhat @br8kthru It wouldn't be so weird if you didn't follow up the smiling by telling everyone that you're wearing new Superman underpants.
kelybreez Isn't it amazing how the simplest statements can start the most interesting conversations on here?
weightwhat @kelybreez That never happens when I'm around. Oh, wait...
SBeeCreations I'm trying to smile at people more this week.
weightwhat @SBeeCreations A friendly smile? Or an "I could kill you in your sleep" smile?
The ones that are even longer
Brian_Russell Sometimes... I'm an idiot.
weightwhat @Brian_Russell Aw, you're being too hard on yourself. Sometimes? I think you're much more consistent than that.
Brian_Russell @weightwhat thanks?
weightwhat @Brian_Russell Glad I could be here for you, man.
stretchmarkmama Breaking new records of unproductivity today.
weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Really? Are you dressed?
stretchmarkmama @weightwhat If by "dressed" you mean, "wearing something appropriate for a trip to Wal-Mart," then "yes."
weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Well, that certainly does expand the definition of "dressed" now, doesn't it?
weightwhat "You don't need to walk around naked when we have company here." #thingsitellmy8yearoldthatmakesherrollhereyesatme
saphyreplatypus @weightwhat are you sure it isn't the other way around? #thingsyour8yroldtellsyouthatmakeyourollyoureyes
weightwhat @saphyreplatypus I admit to nothing.
WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Right. Perfectly sane. Or perhaps you are like @weightwhat in that Twitter helps you feel normal?
redclaydiaries @WritingJoy If by "normal" you mean "not alone in my abnormality," then yes.
WritingJoy @redclaydiaries I'm thinking the law of averages figures in somewhere. After all, Wendy is here. #shescewsthebellcurve (cc @weightwhat)
redclaydiaries @WritingJoy Yes, actually knowing WENDY on the Twitter is what makes me feel normal. @weightwhat
weightwhat @WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Joy, what are you trying to say? Steph, thanks. I think.
br8kthru @Helenatrandom you do know if U disagree or think I'm unclear, U can always put that in the comments! I welcome it, especially from friends
weightwhat @br8kthru I think you're unclear. And fuzzy. Could you please fix that?
br8kthru @weightwhat did you try adjusting the screen resolution?
weightwhat @br8kthru My screen is fine. Can you adjust your resolution?
br8kthru @weightwhat My resolution is to dismiss your shenanigans... and to eat more cheese.
weightwhat @br8kthru My shenanigans are offended by your careless dismissal of them.
dlrayburn @weightwhat just favorited your tweet: @duane_scott
weightwhat @dlrayburn Stalking my favorites now, are we?
dlrayburn @weightwhat Don't get TOO excited. It's a new feature of Tweetdeck. It shows who favorites your tweets.
weightwhat @dlrayburn Oh Dusty, you don't need to make up some silly story like that to hide the fact that you're stalking me.
WritingJoy Any veteran parents out there have suggestions for teaching my defiant toddler to respect authority? http://goo.gl/fb/fxPOX
weightwhat @WritingJoy Shock collar?
WritingJoy @weightwhat Let me rephrase that. Any veteran parents who haven't been visited by Child Protective Services...
weightwhat @WritingJoy Oh sure, now you put up parameters.
weightwhat My powers of invisibility are very impressive.
The_BMG @weightwhat Wow! I hear this voice, but I don't see annoying speaking...
weightwhat @The_BMG You don't see annoying speaking?!
SBeeCreations @The_BMG You are SO going to be in the Ho-down for that typo, hee hee cc: @weightwhat
weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's like you know me.
And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones
Helenatrandom @br8kthru Oh, and I flubbed Cookie Monster's twitter handle. It's @stcookie (which I keep reading as "Saint Cookie")
br8kthru @Helenatrandom then what does the 'st' stand for?
weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom The 'st' stands for Steve Tucker, the guy whose hand is cleverly hidden inside Cookie Monster. #totallymakingitup
weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It's really amazing that Steve Tucker can even control Cookie Monster, what with him missing 3 fingers. #stilllying
weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It was a horrible accident at the Oreo bakery that took his fingers. Poor fingerless Steve. #areyoubuyingthis
weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom His therapist said it would be good for him to do Cookie Monster as a way to work through it all. #thatstheticket
weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom Although he's done well being around other cookies, Oreos still give him the sweats. #pilingitonthick
Helenatrandom @weightwhat And yet, he constantly says, and I quote "Me eat cookies. Awwn Nom nom nom."
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I know! He's so strong! *sniff* Truly in inspiration to all of us! #ifitgetsanydeeperiwillneedasnorkel
Helenatrandom#failedwesterns Little Big Boy
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I can't believe you'd bring up Big Boy in front of me again like that...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat You have The Colonel now....You need to move on and make a life with him.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - For the most part, I have. It's just that every time I see a double-decker hamburger or picnic print overalls...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat At least the Colonel is a sharp dresser.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom- Yes he is. I just wish he'd stop dripping mashed potatoes and gravy on his white suits. Do you know how hard it is to clean?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I can only imagine.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - And how many times do I have to tell him that the little black bow around his neck is NOT a napkin?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I never imagined being with a guy who wears more makeup than me--I only wear a little lipstick and nail polish
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - He does wear it a bit on the heavy side, but I wasn't going to say anything...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Also...Ronald behaves like a clown...IN PUBLIC!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - So what first attracted you to him? Was it his abnormally large feet?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat You know what they say about clowns with big shoes...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Big feet?
br8kthru @weightwhat she's right- no ganging up. I gave her my cell # last night & I don't want any prank calls at 3 AM...
weightwhat @br8kthru Why not? You usually like those.
br8kthru @weightwhat THAT WAS YOU!?!
weightwhat @br8kthru I admit to nothing.
br8kthru @weightwhat I couldn't sleep for a week after that last one. It was just heavy breathing, but I could tell it was clown breath.
weightwhat @br8kthru Yes, I specialize in the terrifying, yet oddly inticing, middle of the night phone calls.
br8kthru @weightwhat So true- I was scared to death, but kept listening for at least 8 minutes... well done!
katdish Did I mention I have a mild phobia of frogs?
weightwhat @katdish What about frog zombies dressed as clowns? Does that bother you, too?
katdish @weightwhat Thanks. I'll be calling you in about 4 hours for you to talk me thru my nightmares.
weightwhat @katdish Go ahead. You can reach me at 867-5309. I'll be waiting for your call.
katdish @weightwhat You forget I have your REAL PHONE NUMBER Missy!
weightwhat @katdish I'm counting on you not being able to find it in your being chased by frog/zombie/clown state.
katdish @weightwhat I'm putting it on speed dial before I go to bed. And SHUT UP!
SBeeCreations @weightwhat but you aren't Jenny
weightwhat @SBeeCreations How do you know that?
SBeeCreations @weightwhat Last I checked, you were Wendy, but I suppose you could be Jenny, the strange Internet stalker chick
katdish @SBeeCreations As opposed to Wendy, the strange internet stalker chick...
weightwhat @katdish @SBeeCreations Exactly.
redclaydiaries Of 2 sick kids, 1 got MUCH better during day, & 1 got much worse. Abby slept thru dinner & had a fever of 101. AND I think I'm getting sick.
weightwhat @redclaydiaries I told you that you shouldn't lick your kids, but did you listen to me? NoooOOOoooo...
redclaydiaries @weightwhat Don't lick the children. #thingsyouneverexpecttosayasaparent
weightwhat @redclaydiaries Once again, I'm forced to be the voice of reason.
redclaydiaries @weightwhat Clearly, that is the mantle you are destined to carry. Being so reasonable & all.
weightwhat @redclaydiaries It's tough being so gifted. And humble.
kelybreez @katdish Twitter peeps. I love words. What's your favorite word in the English language that's starts w/ 3rd letter of your first name?
kelybreez @kelybreez Mine is "lepidoptera." Or maybe "loquacious." Wait, maybe it's "lettuce."
weightwhat @kelybreez Why are you talking to yourself?
weightwhat @kelybreez Nincompoop.
kelybreez @weightwhat I'm talking to myself to keep my tweet from also going to facebook. @s don't forward to fb. I could always @ you, if you'd like.
kelybreez @weightwhat Favorite word starting w/ the 3rd letter of your first name? Or are u calling me that?
weightwhat @kelybreez Wouldn't you like to know?
TchrEric @kelybreez From some of the conversations around here I'd say that @weightwhat was doing both...
weightwhat @TchrEric It's like you know me...
Did you survive the year in tweets? Don't you feel better? You're now prepared to start the new year. Mostly. Happy New Year!