Monday, May 31, 2010

Life is Funny - Blame Steph


I had planned on writing about a different topic, but once I saw what Steph wrote (she has a penchant for poo), I decided to go in another direction. Feel free to blame her for this post.

When I was a baby, my parents couldn't take me out without having a couple of changes of clothes for me. Shoes, too. Yes, I had a special way of not only filling my diaper, but having it go up my back and all the way down into my shoes. And in case you're wondering, yes, my daughter did pay me back in full for that. With interest. Anyway, I was a pooping machine.

One day, my mom took me into the bedroom to change my diaper and laid me down on the changing table in the corner of the room. In the other room (because my dad never changed a diaper *insert guilt here*), my dad heard a shriek and then laughter. He came into the room to find my mom holding my legs up in the air, mid-change, and a large amount of poop dripping down the wall my rear end was facing. Explosive. That's what it was. It's a good thing babies are cute, huh? And no, that didn't entice my dad into changing any diapers in the future. Go figure.

So, want to join in the carnival? Sign up below! Oh, and a special thank you to those of you who have joined my carnival in the past and remembered to link back to me. And for those of you who don't speak Passive-Agressive, I'll translate: If you sign up, link back to here in your post. That's how this whole blog carnival thing goes. What, were you raised by wolves?

How's your memory?

Memorial Day. Hey, isn't that the day we celebrate the start of summer by having barbeques? Huh? You mean there's more to it?


Yes, there's so much more. Today is the day we honor those who gave their lives to preserve the freedom we have in this country. My heart is full of gratitude for the brave men and women who loved their country enough to give the ultimate gift to defend it. And to the family members who have lost loved ones who were serving our country, thank you. Your sacrifice was great indeed.


I hope you all have a good Memorial Day. The Life is Funny Blog Carnival will return tomorrow.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

One Pizza and One Box

I love the old Little Caesar's commercials. Love. Them. Why, oh why, did they stop making them? I just don't get it. So today on Saturday Silliness, I'm going to share my favorite one with you. Because I'm a giver. Please, no applause. Just throw money.

And because I just can't help myself, I'm throwing this one in as an added bonus. Will miracles never cease?

And remember people, Rir rooor rou.

Now why don't you head over to Kathy's and see what kind of funny she's cooking up?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Life is Funny - The Return of Life is Funny


No, this is not an abandoned blog. I know, I know. I haven't posted in a while. But I'm here now, and that makes it all better, right? Right? Hello?

Yesterday was my daughter's 8th birthday. Where has the time gone? And how is she getting older when I'm not? Anyway, my husband and I decided to buy her her first big girl bike for a present. So we took her to Target yesterday morning (by the way, bikes are on sale there this week) and picked out a bike for her. Since this is her first two-wheeler, we knew she'd need some training wheels, so we grabbed some of those, too. My daughter could hardly wait to get home to try out her new bike.


The bike came pre-assembled, which was really nice, but we had to put together the training wheels. How hard could that be? It says right on the box, "Assembly is a breeze." If by "breeze" they mean "tornado," then yes, assembly is a breeze. While the company that made the training wheels is an American company, the evil things were actually made in China. Apparently, the assembly directions were written in China, too. They had a picture of all the parts and were even kind enough to show parts that weren't even included with the kit. And the written directions made no sense at all. None. My husband and I spent a couple of hours trying to figure the darn things out, but nothing was working. So my husband checked YouTube to see if anyone had made a video about putting together training wheels. He finally got the training wheels attached, but even though the box claims that they fit the size of bike we bought, the wheels float about 3" or more above the ground. In case you were wondering, that doesn't work. It looks like the training wheels need training wheels. Apparently, me rocking in a corner while smacking my head and saying, "Find a happy place! Find a happy place!" wasn't working very well. So we're admitting defeat. My husband is taking the bike to a bike shop today to get some help. After experiencing this training wheel nightmare, I'm guessing the bike shop does a booming business installing training wheels.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Life is Funny - Even if it's a repost


Hello, my name is Wendy and I'm a re-poster. Don't judge me. I'm just so busy with big, important things right now. Huge things. Of global importance. Okay, I just can't come up with anything to write right now. But this is a really old post, so you probably haven't read it yet. So just be happy. And now... Onward!

It's that time of year again... The time when parents are embarrassed by the things that come out at parent/teacher conferences. Isn't it mortifying cute how children perceive things?

So my husband and I went to our conference today and got to hear about how lovely our daughter is. Things were going well until the reading journal came out. In this journal, they are to take a story that they've just heard and relate the situation in it to something in their own lives. Good for comprehension, huh? Anyway, one of the stories was about a character who was very sad because he was always left out of the fun things that everyone else was doing. How, one might ask, did my daughter relate this to her own life? Was it by telling about the time that her friends wouldn't let her play with them? No. She wrote about how it made her so sad that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't let her play the dice game with them. And to make things more interesting, she drew a picture to go with it:

Notice the big smiles on Mommy and Daddy's faces, and the big boo-boo face my daughter is wearing. All she needs to do now is to draw horns on us and add a soundtrack of evil, maniacal laughter. Yes, we are just mean parents who won't let our daughter do anything that resembles fun.

I guess it could be worse. When my parents went to back to school night, they were greeted by a picture of my creation 0n the wall describing what I help my mommy and daddy to do at home. There, in all its glory, was a picture of my dad and me with big smiles on our faces while my dad pointed a gun at a cat's head. It said, "I help my daddy shoot cats." Ah, good times...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango?

It's Saturday, and you know what that means! Yup, Saturday Silliness! I love the following video. Love. It. Who can resist the combination of Queen and the Muppets? Not this gal! I think my friend, Helen, showed it to me the first time I saw it. And if it's from Helen, it must be good, right? So, without further ado...

Thursday, May 6, 2010



I wasn't going to do a twitter post this week. I only had a handful or so of tweets, and that's clearly not enough for a twitter post. But then it happened. Twitterrhea. And most of it in one conversation. And for that, I say to you sorry/you're welcome.

The one-liners

Facebook is for people you went to school with. Twitter is for people you wished you went to school with. (RT @valdiskrebs)

Okay, gotta run already. Gotta go teach some Girl Scouts some manners. No really, there's a badge for that.

Wow. There's a whole lot of not funny going on around here.

A little bit longer ones

duane_scott Our car broke down. We are in the most redneck service station I've ever been in.

duane_scott It is truly a different culture down here in the South.

weightwhat @duane_scott You're not hearing "Dueling Banjos" playing off in the distance somewhere, are you?

weightwhat Holy moly! I just realized I have almost nothing for a Twitter Ho-down post this week! AAAAAAA!!! Someone say something funny, quick!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat "something funny, quick!"

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Smart arse.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru Well, maybe I just needed to get in touch with MY sweet side today. Of course, I'm sweet ALL of the time.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Wait, what are you touching? *looking shocked*

TheRustedChain It's perfectly fine to lick the plate clean when you're home alone. #JustSoYouKnow

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I have to be home alone? Oops.

The ones that are even longer

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hi Wendy! Now that we are both here, what kind of trouble can we cause together? #longingfortheolddays

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Surely there must be someone's underwear we can run up the flagpole!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat With them removed from it, or still neatly tucked into the undies?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Tough call...

And the 'Why don't you just post the whole conversation?' ones

duane_scott In the next couple hours, I will be limiting my twitter presence. It is time to nip this addiction in the butt.

weightwhat @duane_scott Wait. Who's butt are you nipping?

br8kthru @weightwhat wow I had to go back & see what he wrote. Thanks @duane_scott I can't stop laughing now!

duane_scott @br8kthru your welcome. Im glad someone finds my incredibly stupid talent funny. #wantedtobeadoctor

br8kthru @duane_scott hey you could still be a doctor if you want- maybe a plastic surgeon if you want to nip butts.

weightwhat @br8kthru Better be careful - your butt may be next on his list. *eyeing @duane_scott suspiciously*

br8kthru @weightwhat he would have a long travel to get to me. I'd be ready!

weightwhat @br8kthru Oh Twinkletoes, I'm sure your butt is worth the long journey.

duane_scott @weightwhat Weirdest tweet ever made. "Under no circumstance, will I touch @br8kthru 's butt."

weightwhat @duane_scott Methinks he doth protest too much.

br8kthru @duane_scott Bet you never thought you'd have to say that, right? Twitter is a crazy place...

duane_scott @br8kthru correction: Twitter is a crazy place with @weightwhat around.

br8kthru @weightwhat my wife does say it's my best feature. Who am I to discount its merits?

weightwhat @br8kthru So it wasn't your sparkling personality that won her over? It was your butt?

br8kthru @weightwhat First it was my eyes then later came the gluteal fascination

sarahmsalter @br8kthru OVERSHARE!

br8kthru @sarahmsalter @duane_scott What? My wife finds my rump well-proportioned & enticing- how is this an overshare?

sarahmsalter @br8kthru You have now scarred me for life. You must be dead to me. That is all.

br8kthru @sarahmsalter so do all butts scar you or just mine?

sarahmsalter @br8kthru I just prefer not knowing. That way, I won't 4ever think of you as, "The pastor with the nice butt." It's just disturbing for me.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Ooo! I think @br8kthru should put that on his business cards! "Pastor With a Nice Butt" #goodjobtitle

makeadiff21 @sarahmsalter Dare I ask why y'all are talking about hind parts?

sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 @duane_scott made a comment that got taken WAY out of context by a certain unnamed person (@weightwhat).

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Hey, when did I turn into @katdish? I'm not to blame for everything, you know. Okay, maybe I am.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru @makeadiff21 So, in other news, I put up cute baby pictures on my blog today. (How's that for a subject change?)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Babies have cute butts too, you know.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat You're just determined to keep the trouble stirred up aren't ya?

br8kthru @weightwhat when they're not covered in crap, that is...

weightwhat @br8kthru @sarahmsalter Of course, this is pretty cute...

br8kthru @weightwhat cute or disturbing? & was that was the mom was coaxing the baby to do? If so, very disturbing parlor trick.

weightwhat @br8kthru I think someone's just jealous of that baby's mad tootin' skillz.

weightwhat Who wants to come out and play?

weightwhat Fine. I'm gonna take my Barbies and go home.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I'm late, but I'm here! Waiting for me?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Helen, I'm always waiting for you!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Whew!!! I was afraid you went home because I wasn't here yet! Have we decided whose underwear to run up a flag pole, and manner.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Surely there must be someone who needs a trip up the flagpole... Oh @Nick_theGeek! Helen and I want to talk to you...

Nick_theGeek @Helenatrandom @weightwhat I hear that is the priviledge of the youngest camper

Helenatrandom @Nick_theGeek I'd say then we should all consider ourselves lucky that you aren't the youngest amongst us. Anymore.

Nick_theGeek @weightwhat It is important to remember I am not the youngest camper anymore.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Right now he is. *smirk*

weightwhat Someone took a pic of @Nick_theGeek. If those undies don't need a run up the flagpole, I don't know which ones do.


Phew! It's over! Or is it...? Feel free to head on over to Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants if you haven't had your fill yet. You're a glutton for punishment, right?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Life is Funny - How Southern Baptists time contractions


Welcome to another round of the Life is Funny blog carnival! Feel free to join in below - the more the merrier!

For today's post, we're going to go back in time. That's right. So kindly step into the WABAC Machine so we can get started.


We now find ourselves in a hospital room back in 19*cough cough*. My mom is being told she's in labor, but she's not believing it. She said she wasn't feeling any pain and just wasn't convinced. But they were keeping her there anyway.

While she was there, she got a visit from their Southern Baptist preacher. To hear tell, my mom wasn't too thrilled about the visit in the first place. But then he started lecturing her on the evils of dancing. Yup, evil alright. And he kept talking. After a while, a nurse came in and asked her how far apart her contractions were. My mom told her that she wasn't having any contractions, but the preacher told the nurse that the contractions were 3 minutes apart. It seems that during his lecture, he was watching my mom and taking note of when she looked uncomfortable. Turns out she was in labor. Apparently, my mom couldn't tell the difference between the pain of labor and the pain of being admonished about dancing. I wonder if that timing trick is something they teach in seminary...

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Cuteness overload

It's Saturday Silliness time! I had originally planned to post a different video today, but after checking out Kathy's blog post for today, I've made a change. It just seems to fit. WARNING: This video is so sweet you may just get some new cavities.

For more silliness, head on over to Kathy's blog. Don't worry, she doesn't bite. Much.

If it's random, it must be the Twitter Ho-down


Another week, another Twitter Ho-down. Blah, blah, blah. Let the games begin!

The one-liners

"Ninjas in stilettos. Fashion assassins! Not so stealthy, but oh so stylish!" #sleeptalkinman

"You tap-dancing hamsters. You rock my world, with your little blurry feet." #sleeptalkinman

Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane.

Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind. RT @jaysingh

WendyDarlingLtd My new blog is almost ready! Now all I need to do is write something. Uhhhhh...

I'm a little bit CDO. It's like OCD, but I like the letters to be in alphabetical order. RT @TheRustedChain

@racegearcom88 I have no idea what you're trying to say to me, so I'll just smile and nod.

A little bit longer ones

Helenatrandom @weightwhat My jammies are velour. SHINY velour, not the tasteful velour I wear during the day...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom *snort*

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Are you okay? You usually only snort at me when I say something funny....

VariantVal who stole my purple pen?? THIS... IS.... SOOOooOOOOo WRONG!!

weightwhat @VariantVal Was it the same person who stole your red stapler?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'm brilliant. Why do I need to keep explaining that to you?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Sorry. I've been a little preoccupied. I forgot that you're the font of all earthly wisdom.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Maybe I should have business cards made so people will remember that.

SBeeCreations RT @SuperFarm: Chickens blowin' in the wind

weightwhat @SBeeCreations @SuperFarm - Bob Dylan says "The answer is blowing in the wind." Does this mean chickens are the answer?

The even longer ones

sarahmsalter @duane_scott @makeadiff21 @weightwhat I'm home, y'all. What'd I miss?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You missed me napping on the sofa. But if you'd like, I'll nap again for you so you won't miss it.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I think that's lovely. I'm glad you got to experience that.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yup, not everyone gets to have that kind of experience. But I'm just livin' on the edge that way.

weightwhat So who wants to entertain me now?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I think it's @br8kthru's turn. Or, maybe @PeterPollock will. He's listening to music. He can dance for you.

PeterPollock @weightwhat I'd love to, but I can't. Sorry.

weightwhat Okay @br8kthru, looks like you're the winner by default. Entertain me.

br8kthru @weightwhat I asked first but you ignored me! Fine. Since you like crafts, I made you something special:


And the 'Why don't you just post the whole conversation?' ones

marni71 I love sitting in the sunshine...until the bright light reveals the 1\2" wide and 4" long strip of leg hair I missed while shaving. Nice.

weightwhat @marni71 You're like my long lost, hairy twin.

marni71 @weightwhat our husbands are lucky to have a couple of hawties like us. Just sayin'.

weightwhat @marni71 Yes, they really are.

marni71 Seriously, this little strip of hair on my legs is killing my OCD!!! Sigh. At least my toes look nice...

weightwhat @marni71 Did you shave those?

duane_scott TMI.

weightwhat @duane_scott Oh, you're so young. And single.

buzzbyannies @sarahmsalter Yo Sarah! How's it going tonight?

sarahmsalter @buzzbyannies Slow and easy. You?

buzzbyannies @sarahmsalter Busy, busy! (And I'm not even going to TWSS your comment. Nope. Will. Not. TWSS.)

weightwhat @buzzbyannies @sarahmsalter Well I will! TWSS!

CandySteele @buzzbyannies @sarahmsalter @marni71 @weightwhat How do you guys keep up with all these convos? OMGee, I'm on overload!

buzzbyannies @CandySteele It's like a 3 way. Conversation.

buzzbyannies @weightwhat @sarahmsalter @marni71 Must be the 5-hour energy drink I had.

sarahmsalter @buzzbyannies Oh, my. Are you going to be able to sleep?

buzzbyannies @sarahmsalter Oh yeah. Nothing keeps me from sleeping!

sarahmsalter @buzzbyannies That's a good thing. :o)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter What, a three way? Conversation?

sarahmsalter @CandySteele It takes LOTS of practice. :o)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter What, a three way? Conversation? (Are you going to say anything else that I can respond to with that?)

There you go. My week on the Twitter. And your life is now complete. You're welcome.