When tweets attack

You knew it was coming. It was only a matter of time. It's the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants! Yes, your life is now complete.

The one-liners

Back from the bus stop. And in case you're wondering, yes.

Been feelin' a bit funky, but not in a "Get down with your funky self" kind of way.

7,777 tweets! Doh! Make that 7,778.

Because you haven't shot anything out of your nose all day: http://bit.ly/39mvbd

I'm not that kind of a girl! Oh wait. I am. DMing!

Sorry. I was having a Wizard of Oz moment.

My skillz are legendary.

So hungry I could eat @bryanallain's lunch and his little dog, too. #wendyismuchhungrierthanbryan

It's a start. Feel free to celebrate my presence for the rest of the day.

I don't know... Motivation may be overrated.

Drats. That's just a good day wasted when you have to get dressed, isn't it?

Okay, I wasn't supposed to tell, but they are now all among the undead. It's true. And zombies can't type.

A little bit longer ones

makeadiff21 @Helenatrandom Pff. I'm lucky if I get it once a week!! LOL

makeadiff21 @Helenatrandom Oh, geez. That was a terrible TWSS remark that could easily be taken completely out of reference... good thing no one is here

weightwhat @makeadiff21 A little late, but TWSS!

makeadiff21 And now everyone has left ... fine. I'm feeling the love people! :)

weightwhat @makeadiff21 One word for ya: Deodorant.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Did you get my tweet? My life is funny post tomorrow will be about my mammogram! Yayyyy!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Thank goodness! Been feeling like there was something missing in my life and just realized it's stories about squished boobs.

The ones that are even longer

redclaydiaries Just introduced myself as a "social media director." Almost did it without giggling. Almost.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries At least you didn't snort. That could have made you suspect.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat SNORT. Stop it. I'm in a meeting w the mucky-mucks!

weightwhat @redclaydiaries You know that that's like an open invitation to try to make you laugh, right?

weightwhat Coming up next: @katdish's worst nightmare

weightwhat RT @arjbarker Here is a small business which was almost certainly founded by Satan. http://twitpic.com/bu8xe

katdish @weightwhat I would most certainly need lots of the latter to handle the former.

weightwhat @katdish So clearly, that place gives you both the problem and the solution. I still don't think I want to shop there.

CandySteele @katdish can we see a close u?

CandySteele @katdish I meant close UP. My 'p' gets stuck

katdish @CandySteele Your p gets stuck? TWSS.

weightwhat @CandySteele Don't they have medications for that?

PamperingBeki Make $ From Home - sell on @etsy. ;-)

weightwhat @PamperingBeki Yes, but sell what?

PamperingBeki @weightwhat You could do funny greeting cards. :)

weightwhat @PamperingBeki I think I could make it big with my "Scare the busdriver" greeting cards.

makeadiff21 @katdish Without further ado, I give you: http://pic.gd/30c66c

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Saw the pic. Had to click on "report abuse" under the pic and turn you in. Filthy, filthy, filthy...

katdish RT @makeadiff21: @katdish Without further ado, I give you: http://pic.gd/30c66c //Pretty sure that was @weightwhat 's costume last year.

weightwhat @katdish Mine was totally different than that. Mine had the halter strap top, not long sleeves, and had the metal cone bra upgrade.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

WinLiannefield @weightwhat Hey, Wendy! Got a funny story for you...My son came home from school this week telling me that he attended the 2nd grade play...

weightwhat @WinLiannefield And?

WinLiannefield @weightwhat and they played a song he liked. I asked what the song was. He said "It was the one where they say 'All the Single LEGS."

weightwhat @WinLiannefield *snort* That would make it a bit harder to dance now, wouldn't it? Wouldn't mind seeing THAT video! :o)

WinLiannefield @weightwhat That would have been a much different video if Beyonce was an amputee.

weightwhat @WinLiannefield Much more hoppy.

WinLiannefield @weightwhat Heh heh. "Put your hands up (presumably to balance yourself)..."

weightwhat @WinLiannefield Gives all new meaning to the "Uh oh oh oh" part, doesn't it?

br8kthru @weightwhat thanks! how are you today?

weightwhat @br8kthru Doing pretty good today. And yourself?

br8kthru @weightwhat very good. I 1st read your tweet as "doing pretty today" I thought, sure, why not!

weightwhat @br8kthru I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and bright!

weightwhat @br8kthru So tell me... Do you feel pretty today?

br8kthru @weightwhat Sure, absolutely- it's the burden I bear.

weightwhat @br8kthru Yes, it must be difficult for you to be so fabulous.

weightwhat I get to go to the dentist today! Who's jealous?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That's okay. I had a mammogram yesterday. I can't have everything...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Wow, you're so lucky! Was it your first? I'm overdue for one...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat You say that like it's a trip to the spa or something.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter If by "spa" you mean "a place to go and have your boobs squished in a vice until you cry uncle," then yes, it's like a spa.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Well, see, I know what it is. That's why I was surprised that you were making it sound exciting. Cuz it ain't.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You don't like being groped by some woman named Helga with cold hands then squished mercilously? Really?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yep. It was my first. More fun than a pap smear...with a slogan like that, they should let me write their brochures...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom They totally should let you write their brochures! I'd read 'em. Then frame 'em.

So there you have it. I know, you're sad that it's done. But don't worry, there will be more next week. Go on. Nothing more to see here today. Skedaddle. I mean it now. Don't make me turn the hose on you.