Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The rack, thumb screws and an iron maiden


Are you wondering what I did today? I went to physical therapy. Oh sure, they call it therapy, but I know what it really is - torture!

Before this arm thing I've got going on now, I'd never been to physical therapy before. My sister's been through it quite a bit though. I'm not saying that she's clumsy or anything, but how else would you explain 7 knee surgeries on a non-athlete in the same knee? Okay, she's a total klutz. Before I had to go in, she was telling me that physical therapists are always cute so that they can get away with torturing you. She may be on to something there. Well, cute or deceptively nice. It hides the pure evil until it's too late.

Today, my therapist told me that he'd be doing something good. Everyone likes this, he tells me. He then proceeded to start digging into my shoulder with his forearm, his elbow and an ice pick. My screams of agony only brought a smile to his face. Everyone likes this? What color is the sky in his world? When he told me to relax and breathe I wanted to pop him one. I was so happy when he was done...

But he wasn't done...

Next he moved to my elbow. He started there with some ultrasound therapy. For those of you who don't know, "ultrasound" is Latin for burning your flesh from the inside out. Of course, he couldn't just leave it at that. He had to start the digging thing on my elbow, too. And just for good measure, he hooked me up to some electrodes for a little shock treatment and covered my arm in the sleeve of hypothermia. All with a smile on his face. Can you believe he actually sounded happy when he said, "See you on Friday!"?

I think physical therapists enjoy your pain a bit too much.

Now, how about joining in on my blog carnival, Life is Funny? It's much less painful than physical therapy.


Tiffany S said...

Oh, dear. My husband is lying in bed next to me, sleeping peacefully. It was all I could do o not laugh so loud I woke him up! I understand your pain. My physical therapist actually made me cry once. Real tears. And it wasn't from the exercises. It was from the drenching wet ice pack at the end... what is wrong with these people?

Helen said...

I am sorry you are being tortured.
I find exercise in general to be torture.
Same for any massage that isn't directly on the back just below my neck, or my feet (hint, hint, hint).

Stephanie Wetzel said...

My favorite? "the sleeve of hypothermia." Is that like the gauntlet of frostbite?

Sorry for your torture. I feel you, but I wouldn't wanna be you. ;)

Jules said...

Oh NO! :)

I've never had to do PT for anything - thank goodness. Especially after reading this - I hope I never have to in the future! It sounds horrible!

I love your Far Side cartoon, too. Cracks me up! :)

Heather said...

So first, what have you done to yourself to require such torture? Did I miss something?
Second, I have a cousin that's a PT and I ask him to do an very official study for me about some of the points you made.
Like are they all good looking? Yes they are
Do they take pleasure in torturing you? Yes some of them do
So there you have it they go into for the torture and pain they can inflict on others. (He said it with a little smile so he's probably a torturer too!)
So not right. I'm sorry you have to be in more pain!