Life is Funny - I'd never make it as a nun

It's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival! I know. You're excited. But did you really need to piddle on the floor? You'll get your chance to join in at the end, okay? Mr. Linky is so excited I think he might piddle himself, too.

I'm doing something a little different today. I saw this video this week and almost hurt myself laughing so hard. So without further ado...

I'd so be that nun... Just one more thing to add to the long list of why I'd never make it as a nun.

So, are you ready to join in? Sign up below while I get a rolled up newspaper to smack Mr. Linky's nose.

Christmas shopping: It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

It's Saturday Silliness time! And I've just got to ask, who braved the shopping malls yesterday? Anyone? Anyone? Did you learn your lesson? Online shopping is so much safer...

Did that turkey just tweet at me?

It's Thanksgiving week, so things were a bit slow on the old Twitter for me. Does that mean there won't be a Twitter Ho-down post? Of course not! Why should a lack of content slow me down?

The one-liners

Huh. Is it weird that I was listening to the Clash while driving my minivan?

Gotta run to the bus stop. And in case you're wondering, yes.

Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It's really easy. The correct answer to every question is: 'Because of my mother." (RT @funnyoneliners)

@makeadiff21 In case you didn't notice, I'm ignoring you. Hmph.
If God hadn't meant for us to overeat on Thanksgiving, He wouldn't have invented elastic waist pants.

A little bit longer ones

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Tongue is rather tasty!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Tongues are for tasting other things, not to taste. Blech. Helen, I fear your meat choices.

The ones that are even longer

CandySteele @BridgetChumbley I think they needed the double dong *prayer* - not dare #keepmouthshutnexttime

weightwhat @CandySteele OH MY! TWSS!

CandySteele @BridgetChumbley ummm...that would be double DOG. Oops. Just made the ho-down

weightwhat @CandySteele Oh yes you did.

BridgetChumbley @CandySteele I'm wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard... couldn't even type! LOL

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Time for a new doctor?

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter Yes, probably. I've only seen this 1 3x now. My old doc actually died last year. Hadn't needed to go since then.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Well, you should probably get used to going to the doc more often. You're not getting any younger, you know. *snort*

redclaydiaries @weightwhat OH NO YOU DI'NT! I'll cut you. Sekoority!

Helenatrandom Shhh....It's the cops over there... just stay calm and look innocent~ what I say to any passengers when I spot a police car...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Really? I yell, "Cops! Duck!" Mostly because there are a lot of ducks around here.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Ah, but there is nothing like telling an elderly relative to "try to look innocent..."

weightwhat @Helenatrandom This isn't the Hungarian side, is it? I'd think they'd be used to it. ;o)

weightwhat @br8kthru Okay Jason, I just have to ask... How are your cockles today? Are they warm?

br8kthru @weightwhat Warm & toasty until I go outside again. I was a little concerned cuz they've been lethargic the past few days- all's well now

weightwhat @br8kthru Hey, don't go neglecting your cockles.

br8kthru @weightwhat cockles, indeed, need to be cared for. You forget them at your own peril. Warm them, I say! & warm them well...

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh, I forgot. I do have one Christmas decoration that's up all year. A leg lamp. In my front window. It's fra-gee-lay.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat A "leg" lamp? Like a reindeer leg? Or a Santa leg?

CandySteele @sarahmsalter from "The Christmas Story" with "you'll shoot your eye out Ralphie"

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You're kidding, right? Please tell me you've seen A Christmas Story.

sarahmsalter @CandySteele I know I'm inviting contempt and derision by saying this, but... I've never seen it.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter We can't be friends anymore. Go watch it and I'll consider taking you back.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat LOL! It isn't even playing this early! YOU CAN'T QUIT ME, WENDY!

SallyHogshead When people type "LOL," what percentage of the time do you think they're actually laughing out loud?

br8kthru @MattTCoNP that's why I refuse to type it & don't use winky faces (I thought, when's the last time I actually winked at someone?)

weightwhat @br8kthru Okay, tell the truth now. You can't wink, can you?

br8kthru @weightwhat Yes, I can wink but it makes me feel like a truck stop waitress which, shockingly, is not what I'm going for

weightwhat @br8kthru Well if you'd stop saying, "Kiss my grits!" every time you winked, you probably wouldn't have that problem.

br8kthru @weightwhat so to the whole winky face thing I say, "KISS MY GRITS!" (you got more than you bargained for w/ that question, huh?)

br8kthru @weightwhat wow, that's scary that we were thinking along the same lines... you may need to enter therapy immediately.

PeterPollock @br8kthru PLEASE do a mashup with your face and a truck stop waitress!

weightwhat @PeterPollock Oooo!!! I'd like to see that mashup, too, @br8kthru!

weightwhat @br8kthru C'mon Jason... You know you want to do a mashup. It'll make your head feel better. Bet it'd warm your cockles, too.

weightwhat @br8kthru - Here - I'll give you a hand:

br8kthru @weightwhat just that pic made me laugh.

weightwhat @br8kthru But did it make you LOL?

br8kthru @weightwhat no just SRB (smile really big)

weightwhat @br8kthru You're difficult to please. TWSS

br8kthru @weightwhat leave my cockles out of this- they refuse to be manipulated...

weightwhat @br8kthru But how do you warm your cockles without them being manipulated?

weightwhat Okay, gotta run. And Jason? I'm hoping to see an @br8kthru /Flo mashup when I return. I don't need to see your warmed cockles though.

I'm sad to say that Jason did not do one of his infamous mashups for me. I know, it's a sad story and there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Feel free to complain to him on Twitter at @br8kthru or his blog. He likes complaining.

"Happy" Thanksgiving!

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving, one way or another... And best of luck to those who are going to go out shopping tomorrow. Just one more reason to try the Prozac turkey.

Life is Funny - Another week, another note.

Okay, it's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival. Who's in? Mr. Linky is standing by...

While I'm still not over the loss of last week's note, my daughter has stepped up and given me another one this week. Instead of the usual "I have the meanest mommy in the world" theme she usually goes with, she's moved on to guilt and trying to use it for her own personal gain. Oh yeah, she's good.

Saturday morning I woke up with a horrendous sinus headache. How my head did not explode is beyond me. Anyway, the kiddo had decided that she wanted to go out to see Grandma and PopPop. After discussing it with my sinuses, I decided that it just wasn't going to happen. Something about driving while I could barely open my eyes made that the sensible choice. But did that stop my daughter from asking repeatedly throughout the day if she could go out there? Have I told you about my daughter before? There was no peace to be found that day. Perhaps she thought that in my weakened state I'd forget that I'd told her no a gazillion times. Not so much. So she moved on to a new tactic: The note.

It says, "I want to go to grandma's house today not tomorrow because I don't want to go tomorrow can daddy take me yes or no?" They're still working on punctuation and such in school. Anyway, please notice the many tears running down the face on the picture she drew of herself. Heartwrenching, isn't it? While many parents would cave under this kind of pressure, I stood my ground. Or sofa, as the case may be. Hey, I didn't win the "Meanest Mommy of the Year" award for nothing.

Okay, okay. I'm taking her over there today, God willin' and the creek don't rise. But I still win, right? Right? Hello?

Now it's your turn. What will you be sharing with us this week?

Because sometimes you just need a tweet pick-me-up

Okay, I'll start off with the latest about my daughter: We still know nothing. Ugh. She had an EEG done yesterday, and while we do know that nothing horrendous showed up, the tech hinted that something was there but wouldn't tell me what. Gotta wait for the doctor to fill me in on that one. Oh, and the doctor is leaving the country today for two weeks. Looking for a nice brick wall to hit my head against. She's also wearing a continuous glucose monitor that checks her blood sugar every 5 minutes. We'll have the results on that read next Tuesday. More waiting. Have I mentioned that I hate waiting? Anyway, a little levity is a nice thing right now, which is why I love Twitter so much. Who doesn't love to laugh? So on to the Twitter Ho-down with Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants!

The one-liners

Attn: Substitute bus driver - FEAR THE JAMMIES!

The difference between intelligence and stupidity is--intelligence has a limit. (via @funnyoneliners)

Asked my wife what she would put in the paper if I died. She said, "Boat for sale." RT @northpacific

RT @funnyoneliners Think twice before you speak. This may enable you to say something more insulting than if you had spoke out at once.

@Helenatrandom I'm going to DM you. Yes, I'm that kind of a girl.

My daughter caught my husband watching iCarly earlier. He was by himself. Should I be worried?

RT @funnyoneliners What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo gets before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles.


A little bit longer ones

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Hey, saw our neighborhood 'mommy in jammies at the bus stop' this morning. It's just too funny!

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Did you tell her to stop copying me?

sarahmsalter @BridgetChumbley No... Because I'm still getting further behind. But I'm worn out. I just can't get in the zone tonight.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I don't know... I've heard about girls who dye their hair and wear colored underwear...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Well, I'm only one out of two today. So, I guess I'm only half-wild today. :-P

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Okay, did everyone get that? @sarahmsalter IS NOT wearing (colored) underwear today!


stretchmarkmama Hey, @walgreens sells a great self-inflating whoopee cushion--not that we tested one for 10 min at the store today.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Okay, I just have to ask... What kind of sound does it make when it inflates?

stretchmarkmama @weightwhat Oh, it's a silent sound. Silent but deadly.


The ones that are even longer

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Just so you know you are not alone... there is a lady in our neighborhood who is in her jammies every morning at the bust stop

Helenatrandom @makeadiff21 Okay, I gotta ask.... what is a "bust stop"...

makeadiff21 @Helenatrandom LOL.. Oh geez. That'll come back to me for sure....

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Just how much was your bust moving that it needed to stop?

makeadiff21 How old is it again when you ask for some time alone that they give you more than 20 seconds at a time? :)

weightwhat @makeadiff21 43.

br8kthru @weightwhat 43!?! I'm not that patient...

weightwhat @br8kthru Then can I offer you a rubber mallet?

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones


sarahmsalter I have a headache... Go to bed or take tylenol and stay up to write?

SBeeCreations @sarahmsalter You should sleep. Best not risk the rebound headache in the morning.

sarahmsalter @SBeeCreations "Rebound headache"? Did I miss that day in healthy class?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Kinda like a rebound boyfriend without the making out.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Oh, that sucks.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yup, none of the fun, just the headache.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat So, what about when you end up dating a rebound boyfriend on and off over a couple years? Would that constitute a migraine?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yup. Or maybe a tumor.

sarahmsalter @billycoffey Yeah, I cried over a Barenaked Ladies song on the radio this morning. That's a bit extreme dontcha think?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Was it because they just made you say underwear?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat LOL! No. But funny, Wendy. Very funny.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Maybe you should sing something. I'll start you off: "I like big butts and I cannot lie..."

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Ha ha. You're SO funny.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yes. Yes I am.

weightwhat @br8kthru *Psst!* @sarahmsalter - I think Jason needs some prune brownies.

br8kthru @weightwhat prune brownies!? Why I awtta...

weightwhat @br8kthru Just looking out for your colon health.

br8kthru @weightwhat if ever there were 2 words never to be uttered together it is 'prune' & 'brownies.' You just made Jesus cry.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat They don't call them prunes anymore. Had to get some juice for daughter and they call it "dried plum" to make it more appealing

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Some poor person could be suckered in and won't know what's going on until the colon blow hits.

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Buenas dias y benediciones amiga mia!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Taco burrito enchilada.

billycoffey @katdish @redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter You people need to stop speaking in Spanish. I flunked Spanish. All I know is bueno.

weightwhat @billycoffey Didn't you understand my restaurant Spanish? I'm fluent in that.

billycoffey @weightwhat I need to buy one of those dictionaries. I know taco and burrito.

weightwhat @billycoffey You should really learn enchilada and quesadilla, too. Maybe someday you'll move on to fajitas, but I don't want to rush you.

katdish @weightwhat don de esta casa de pepe

weightwhat @katdish ¿Oye bebé, viene aquí mucho?

JeanneDamoff @weightwhat @katdish What's up with the cheesy Spanish pick-up lines? :)

weightwhat @JeanneDamoff It's important to be obnoxious in as many languages as possible.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Careful, careful. Let's keep it rated-G.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter What? Is my cheesy pick-up line getting you all PG-rated?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I just feared the progression from that cheesy pick-up line to the conversation it could spark.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter My conversations never go down that road. Ever.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Please excuse me while I step away from the computer. I'm allergic to lightning.

weightwhat Gotta go wash all the goop out of my daughter's hair now. Oooo... goopy.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I know I shouldn't do this... But TWSS

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Who could resist?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Thank you. I knew you'd understand.

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries You have no self-control. (TWSS)

br8kthru @weightwhat I'm back- no i'm more into instant gratification- i really wasn't thinking about the other... :)

BridgetChumbley @br8kthru TWSS...

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Go Bridget! Go Bridget!

br8kthru @BridgetChumbley Glad you've still got it- now hold on to it and don't let go- whoa, not that tight! :)

redclaydiaries @br8kthru OMGoogle. So. Tempted. Must. Resist. The. TWSS...

weightwhat @br8kthru Man, you're just a TWSS waiting to happen tonight, aren't you?

Yes, it was a busy week on the Twitter. Diversion is a good thing! I really want to thank all of you who have been praying for my kiddo. I truly appreciate it!

Community - It's not a new tv show

It's carnival time again. I hadn't planned on joining in this week because I couldn't come up with anything to write about. Okay, that's not exactly true. I could have come up with something, but it would have been fluff. Not even funny fluff. Just something to fill the space. A word to the wise: Be wary of wishing for writing material.

Sunday morning, I woke to the sound of a crash and then my husband yelling my name in a tone of voice that let me know that it was something horrible. I ran downstairs and into our office to find him on the floor with our daughter who was having a seizure. Shock. Panic. Fear. I grabbed the telephone and dialed 911 and tried to get help while listening to my husband tell my daughter to breathe. The operator told me to calm down as I watched my precious girl start to turn blue. I prayed to God to help her as I saw her color return. Somehow I made it through the phone conversation then dropped to the floor to hold my daughter. My husband ran outside to wait for the paramedics to arrive and I stayed with my girl and watched her look right through me as I talked to her and prayed. She just wasn't really there. Exhausted from her ordeal, she closed her eyes to sleep. I held her chest with one hand to make sure that her heart was still beating and with the other I stroked her sweet little freckled face. It took years for the minutes to pass while we waited for help to arrive. I stayed by her side as the paramedics checked her out and tried to ease her stress when she couldn't figure out what was going on. She was still incoherent, but was in a panic. I held her hand. I talked to her. But it was still too early. The seizure still too fresh. She needed time. I wanted my little girl back now.

My husband went with her in the ambulance so I could get dressed and throw things into a bag that my daughter might need. Clean jammies, clothes, a storybook, a beloved stuffed animal. Things I wanted her to need. Before I ran out the door to catch up to the ambulance, I stopped at the computer. After having a terrible time trying to find the correct keys, I managed to get out an email and a tweet on Twitter asking for prayers for my little girl. I sent out my plea to my little community because I knew that my friends would support my daughter with their petitions to God. What I didn't know is that the community was much larger than I had anticipated. Word spread and people I didn't even know were praying for my daughter. Like ripples on the water, my community was growing and spreading. It's an amazing and wonderful thing to see, and I know that the prayers are still going.

As for my daughter, she's been acting like her old self. There's running, giggling and smiling. There's complaining, whining and asking for more food. The doctors aren't in agreement as to what they think is going on. Some blame her diabetes saying she had low blood sugar. The neurologist says her blood sugar wasn't low enough to have caused the seizure and wants to do an EEG. The endocrinologist wants to do a full workup on her to see what can be found. So the mystery, as well as this mother's worry, goes on. Thankfully, I have a wonderful community around me who is covering my daughter in prayer and for that, I am so very grateful.

If you'd like to read what other carnival participants have to say, please check out the "One Word" blog carnival hosted this week by Bridget Chumbley. Also, there's the "What I Learned This Week" carnival at Musings of a Housewife.

The post that wasn't

Due to circumstances beyond my control, my Life is Funny post will not be appearing today. I had one. It involved another one of my daughter's infamous "mean mommy" notes to me with the added bonus of a picture she drew of me with a line through it. Yup, good times. But the post is just not to be. Perhaps when things get back to normal around here, I'll have her spend more quality time in her room just so I can get more of these lovely notes to share with you. Please don't let my lack of a post deter you from doing your own Life is Funny post though. You'll find Mr. Linky below, as always. Feel free to join in. Entertain me. I need a good laugh.

Return of the Son of the Epic Tweet

Okay, I'm finally getting my post up for the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants. I'm a little behind. Which is better than being a big behind. But that's a whole 'nother post entirely...

The one-liners

Slower than molasses in January. #howslowistwittertoday

Huh. I think it's moving backwards. #howslowistwittertoday

And the snail pulls into the lead! #howslowistwittertoday

Was that a tumbleweed? #howslowistwittertoday

Ever continue to sit in front of the computer even though you really have to pee just because you're afraid of missing something on Twitter?

Yeah, me neither.

I think my teeth are floating. #Ireallyneedtopee

Are my eyes turning yellow? #Ireallyneedtopee

Okay, who turned on the babbling brook soundtrack? #Ireallyneedtopee

Low-lying areas are now no longer under a flood warning. #Ipeed

Could someone just bring me some food and put it in my mouth for me? Thanks.

That's it. I'm taking my Barbies and going home.

I'm here, but not really. Gotta get to bed. Just wanted to say hi and goodnight beforehand. I'm not addicted to Twitter. I can stop anytime.

A little bit longer ones

br8kthru @weightwhat I live to serve. God has a plan for my life, you know.

weightwhat @br8kthru You mean more than to promote the welfare of sweater vests everywhere?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @redclaydiaries I used to have a teddy bear named Waffles. Until my then-boyfriend's rottweiller ate Waffles. *sniff*

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I guess buying a maple syrup scented teddy bear wasn't a good idea afterall, huh?

BridgetChumbley @katdish It was a bit creepy... but nothing really surprises me on the Twitter. Esp in certain 'groups'.

katdish @BridgetChumbley Yes. "Some people" will talk about anything...

weightwhat @katdish Hey, are you talking about me?

katdish @weightwhat Oh man! Tomorrow's Friday isn't it? Sigh...

weightwhat @katdish Yes. Yes it is. Tweet like the wind!

The ones that are even longer

Helenatrandom @weightwhat SHOCKING! I googled "Helen's frontsetts" and my blog did not pop up!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Really? When I googled it, it did. Uh, I mean, if I had googled it I'm sure it would have...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I probably don't have as much practice Googling as you do, being that I'm Catholic and all...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I don't know about that... I've heard that there's a lot of Googling Catholics around. Confessionals have been very busy.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I meant we don't Google OURSELVES! That's a no-no...

.redclaydiaries Either a) The Twitter is cranky b) Tweetdeck is sabotaging me again, or c) Everyone's gone & left me alone. [crickets] Anybody there?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I vote for sabotage!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat You're not supposed to vote for what you WANT to happen.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries You never let me have any fun anymore.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Oh, you love me. Just admit it.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat hmmmmm. ooo-k. I admit it.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 See? And admitting it is the first step to recovery. Uh. Wait a minute...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I knew you'd want to see the touched-up red. I did it all for you. So, yes, it's all about you. ;-)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh Sarah. When isn't it all about me?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I ask myself that, too. I say, "It's about Wendy. When isn't it about Wendy?" ;-)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You are wise for one so young.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat LOL! Yes and no. I live way out in the country in a county well-known for 1 thing: its active Ku Klux Klan back in the day.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Not something to be proud of. But it's their claim to fame.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Wow. Do they have a post card for that?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat No. Nor do we advertise our moonshiners, meth dealers, and puppy farms. It's my own personal mission field.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Darn. That would have made a great addition to my tacky postcard collection.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I can find you some of half-nekkid people when I go down to the beach for Thxgiving...

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Nah, I collect tacky, not skanky.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Tacky. Skanky. It really can be a fine line...

weightwhat @sarahmsalter That's true. Good thing I'm an excellent judge of all things tacky.

billycoffey @BridgetChumbley It's still a little iffy, but at least I'm conscious!

weightwhat @billycoffey Maybe you need some extra hot jerky to pull you the rest of the way out of it.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Ummm.. TWSS ??

weightwhat @makeadiff21 YESH!!!

makeadiff21 @sarahmsalter Currently laughing at what @weightwhat just said to @billycoffey I am SO not going to let that one pass w/o pointing it out!

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Oh, that'll be going into the Ho-down. No doubt about it.

br8kthru Today

weightwhat @br8kthru Are you sure?

br8kthru @weightwhat was a premature e-tweetulation (am I allowed to say that? I think I just did)

weightwhat @br8kthru I think someone's trying to make the Ho-down...

sarahmsalter @br8kthru That was just wrong! What's gotten into you today?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Lord, have mercy. I didn't see that one coming. (TWSS)

BridgetChumbley I need a Fun Friday idea... I'm feeling very boring today!

Helenatrandom @BridgetChumbley TWITTER HO DOWN, GIRL!

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley I vote for the Twitter Ho-down for you, too. You should listen to Helen and me. We're the voices of reason.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Uh, yeah...when reason has a sore throat and is drinking for medicinal purposes then, yes, we are the voice of reason...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Exactly.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Voices of reason?!! BWAHAHAHAHA! U didn't type that w a straight face, did you?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Wha...? You don't believe me? I'm shocked.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Do u ever say anything reasonable? Cuz I haven't followed a thing you've tweeted today...

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Pear pimples on hairy fishnuts.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru I'd do it for you. But, um, well... :-P

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I'd tell you what I think of that, but you'd TWSS that, too.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Chicken.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Bite me!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Happy now?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS. And yes, I truly am happy.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat LOL! Wendy, I don't know if you complete me or corrupt me.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oddly enough, I am a giver of both gifts simultaneously. I'm particularly blessed that way.

katdish @sarahmsalter I would say she completely corrupts you.

weightwhat @katdish Hey, there's no half-way in my book.

So there you go. I know. It's just not a weekend until you've read my Twitter post. But now your life is complete. You're welcome.

Like your freedom?

Like your freedom?

Appreciate worshiping God without fear?

Like being able to choose the path for your life?

Then thank a Veteran.

Because your freedom wasn't free.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Guess what? I've got a guest poster today! Yup, there's a first time for everything. Wondering who I could sucker into would graciously accept the honor of writing on my blog? Wonder no more! It's my dad, Bob. So without further ado...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hi! Wendy asked me to write as a guest on her blog. I’m not sure whether to be flattered or used. I am leaning toward the latter because when I asked what she wanted me to address she said, “I don’t know.” Sounds like writers block to me.

Wendy was a blessing to us when she was born and somewhat of a surprise. We knew there was a chance she would be a redhead, but were taken aback when it arrived with her. I was not present at the time because I didn’t think I could withstand the pain, but her mother says that everyone in the delivery room started laughing as soon as her head popped out. Her hair attracted a lot of attention not only because of its color, but because Sandra would always tape a bow on her head whenever we took her out. People would inevitably ask how we got the bow to stay on and we would tell them that we used a thumb tack and stuck on the soft spot on the top of her head. Some people were horrified and you must remember that this was pre-Walmart days.

She was our little angel. She was so good we thought we were the best parents in the world. That’s why were quite surprised when we brought her new baby sister home from the hospital, placed her in her lap, and she immediately grabbed her by the throat and began trying to choke her. We kept a close eye on her for quite some time.

Traditions are born in every family some endearing; others live to haunt you for life. Wendy complains the she never got to eat the curl off the top of her softy ice cream. It became standard that Sandra or I would eat it before handing it to her. Yea, her sister had to suffer the same inhumane treatment. They are both kinder to their children.
(Wendy here. My daughter has no idea what a swirl tastes like. I need to make up for all the swirls I missed out on. Hmph.)

An example of the endearing type of tradition was started when Sandra and I celebrated or first Christmas together in 1963. We were so broke that we could not afford an angel for the top of our tree. One of the presents we received had a little toy elf sitting on top of the box. It was so cute I took it and slipped it on top of the tree. This Christmas, like all Christmas’ before that, little elfy will be perched high atop our tree for the 46th year. This act will be mirrored in our daughters’ homes. It just might be passed down to the next generation.

We were never perfect parents, but both of our daughters grew up to love the Lord and are bringing up their kids to do the same. What greater tradition is there to pass on to the generations to come?

Have fun storming the castle!

Life is Funny when you look at it the right way. You know, tilt your head and cross your eyes a bit. Now what do you see? How about joining in on the carnival and telling us about it? Sign up below!

We moved up here to Washington almost 4 years ago now so there are still a lot of things around here that are new to us. We'll drive by different places and want to check them out and we've done quite a bit of exploring. But there was one place that just really had us baffled. We'd drive by it on the freeway and always wonder what it was. It was a big, industrial size building with no windows in it. According to the sign, it was called "The Castle." It had an outline of a castle on the sign and under the name it said "Knights and Damsels Welcome." But there was nothing else. We were stumped. It became a thing with us to drive by and wonder about it. Was it a big indoor playground (they have those here in the Pacific Northwest)? Or maybe something like Medieval Times (a dinner and tournament place)? Some big place for reenactments? Yup, it was a mystery.

One afternoon, we were out and about and were in the area of The Castle. We had no pressing engagements, so we decided to solve the big mystery and actually get off the freeway and go see exactly what it is that we were missing. We pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. I held my daughter's hand as we walked toward the front door and she started asking what the place was. As we got closer to the doors, we saw signs posted... "No one under 18 allowed" and the like. Oh, lovely. We just brought our daughter to an adult store. Not exactly the best idea for a family outing. She couldn't understand why we were leaving before we even went in. I told her I'd explain it to her when she was 40.

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The odd couple

Don't you just love a little Saturday Silliness? Me too! I found this video a while back and thought it was pretty neat. I hope you enjoy it!

When tweets attack

You knew it was coming. It was only a matter of time. It's the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants! Yes, your life is now complete.

The one-liners

Back from the bus stop. And in case you're wondering, yes.

Been feelin' a bit funky, but not in a "Get down with your funky self" kind of way.

7,777 tweets! Doh! Make that 7,778.

Because you haven't shot anything out of your nose all day: http://bit.ly/39mvbd

I'm not that kind of a girl! Oh wait. I am. DMing!

Sorry. I was having a Wizard of Oz moment.

My skillz are legendary.

So hungry I could eat @bryanallain's lunch and his little dog, too. #wendyismuchhungrierthanbryan

It's a start. Feel free to celebrate my presence for the rest of the day.

I don't know... Motivation may be overrated.

Drats. That's just a good day wasted when you have to get dressed, isn't it?

Okay, I wasn't supposed to tell, but they are now all among the undead. It's true. And zombies can't type.

A little bit longer ones

makeadiff21 @Helenatrandom Pff. I'm lucky if I get it once a week!! LOL

makeadiff21 @Helenatrandom Oh, geez. That was a terrible TWSS remark that could easily be taken completely out of reference... good thing no one is here

weightwhat @makeadiff21 A little late, but TWSS!

makeadiff21 And now everyone has left ... fine. I'm feeling the love people! :)

weightwhat @makeadiff21 One word for ya: Deodorant.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Did you get my tweet? My life is funny post tomorrow will be about my mammogram! Yayyyy!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Thank goodness! Been feeling like there was something missing in my life and just realized it's stories about squished boobs.

The ones that are even longer

redclaydiaries Just introduced myself as a "social media director." Almost did it without giggling. Almost.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries At least you didn't snort. That could have made you suspect.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat SNORT. Stop it. I'm in a meeting w the mucky-mucks!

weightwhat @redclaydiaries You know that that's like an open invitation to try to make you laugh, right?

weightwhat Coming up next: @katdish's worst nightmare

weightwhat RT @arjbarker Here is a small business which was almost certainly founded by Satan. http://twitpic.com/bu8xe

katdish @weightwhat I would most certainly need lots of the latter to handle the former.

weightwhat @katdish So clearly, that place gives you both the problem and the solution. I still don't think I want to shop there.

CandySteele @katdish can we see a close u?

CandySteele @katdish I meant close UP. My 'p' gets stuck

katdish @CandySteele Your p gets stuck? TWSS.

weightwhat @CandySteele Don't they have medications for that?

PamperingBeki Make $ From Home - sell on @etsy. ;-)

weightwhat @PamperingBeki Yes, but sell what?

PamperingBeki @weightwhat You could do funny greeting cards. :)

weightwhat @PamperingBeki I think I could make it big with my "Scare the busdriver" greeting cards.

makeadiff21 @katdish Without further ado, I give you: http://pic.gd/30c66c

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Saw the pic. Had to click on "report abuse" under the pic and turn you in. Filthy, filthy, filthy...

katdish RT @makeadiff21: @katdish Without further ado, I give you: http://pic.gd/30c66c //Pretty sure that was @weightwhat 's costume last year.

weightwhat @katdish Mine was totally different than that. Mine had the halter strap top, not long sleeves, and had the metal cone bra upgrade.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

WinLiannefield @weightwhat Hey, Wendy! Got a funny story for you...My son came home from school this week telling me that he attended the 2nd grade play...

weightwhat @WinLiannefield And?

WinLiannefield @weightwhat and they played a song he liked. I asked what the song was. He said "It was the one where they say 'All the Single LEGS."

weightwhat @WinLiannefield *snort* That would make it a bit harder to dance now, wouldn't it? Wouldn't mind seeing THAT video! :o)

WinLiannefield @weightwhat That would have been a much different video if Beyonce was an amputee.

weightwhat @WinLiannefield Much more hoppy.

WinLiannefield @weightwhat Heh heh. "Put your hands up (presumably to balance yourself)..."

weightwhat @WinLiannefield Gives all new meaning to the "Uh oh oh oh" part, doesn't it?

br8kthru @weightwhat thanks! how are you today?

weightwhat @br8kthru Doing pretty good today. And yourself?

br8kthru @weightwhat very good. I 1st read your tweet as "doing pretty today" I thought, sure, why not!

weightwhat @br8kthru I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and bright!

weightwhat @br8kthru So tell me... Do you feel pretty today?

br8kthru @weightwhat Sure, absolutely- it's the burden I bear.

weightwhat @br8kthru Yes, it must be difficult for you to be so fabulous.

weightwhat I get to go to the dentist today! Who's jealous?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That's okay. I had a mammogram yesterday. I can't have everything...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Wow, you're so lucky! Was it your first? I'm overdue for one...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat You say that like it's a trip to the spa or something.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter If by "spa" you mean "a place to go and have your boobs squished in a vice until you cry uncle," then yes, it's like a spa.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Well, see, I know what it is. That's why I was surprised that you were making it sound exciting. Cuz it ain't.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You don't like being groped by some woman named Helga with cold hands then squished mercilously? Really?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yep. It was my first. More fun than a pap smear...with a slogan like that, they should let me write their brochures...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom They totally should let you write their brochures! I'd read 'em. Then frame 'em.

So there you have it. I know, you're sad that it's done. But don't worry, there will be more next week. Go on. Nothing more to see here today. Skedaddle. I mean it now. Don't make me turn the hose on you.

At least she's housebroken

Okay, yes. The only real reason for this post is to put up pictures of my daughter in her Halloween costume. At least I admit it upfront. Here you go:

In case you haven't guessed, she was a pink poodle this year. She's all about dogs. And yes, that is a real dog collar she's wearing. She'd wear it to school if I let her. At least she's not asking to wear a spiked one...

Today, on a very special Weight...What?...

Today's post is a two-fer of sorts. No, you're not going to get two different posts. I'm just linking one post to two different blog carnivals. Yes, I'm tricky that way. The first is "Remember" at the One Word at a Time carnival and the second is the What I Learned This Week carnival. How in the world can these two things go together? Read on...

It was a sad week here at the Weight...What? household. I learned that it was time to say goodbye to an old friend. A dear friend. A friend who had been with me more than 20 years. I remember the start of this friendship like it was yesterday...

It was my freshman year in college, the time when most people realize that they need a friend like this in their lives. We'd pull all-nighters together as well as get together first thing in the morning to start our day. Sometimes I was very demanding, but my friend just continued to give and give without a single complaint. My friend really pulled me through the hard times in college.

After college, my friend and I were as close as ever. Years have passed and I've moved a handful of times, but my friend was always there for me. After all this time, I have to admit that I took my friend for granted. I just always thought my friend would be there for me. Sadly, it's just not to be. I said goodbye to my friend this week and now I feel lost. It's like I can't even get out of bed in the morning anymore, because what's the use? I guess there's only one thing left to do...

I need to go shopping for a new coffee maker. Man, I'll really miss the old one.

Life is Funny - The real reason

Ready for another round of the Life is Funny blog carnival? 'Cause it's ready for you! How about joining in below? And remember, we're laughing with you, not at you. Mostly.

My husband and I were getting ready to watch Amazing Race this evening when they showed a re-cap from last week's show. One of the pairs was eliminated because the woman on the team refused to go down a waterslide. In my most non-judgemental tone possible, I expressed my disbelief that anyone would quit the race over a waterslide. Who can't go down a waterslide?!

And then a memory came back to me...

Many years back, I worked a summer as a daycamp counselor at the YMCA. I spent the summer with a group of 7-year olds (mostly boys) and had a great time. One day, our entire group went to a waterslide park. I'd always loved waterslide parks and the one that we were going to was the biggest one I'd ever been to. So I took my kids around the park and we went on all kinds of slides when they decided that they wanted to go on some of the bigger slides. Cool! Up we went to our first big slide. But this waterslide had some instructions I hadn't seen before - you had to keep your arms and legs crossed while you slid down. They guy at the top explained that it was to keep your arms and legs safe while you rode the slide.

Big, fat liar.

Anyway, I sent my kids down first and then it was my turn. Down I went at super-speed and was having a great time. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way my legs came uncrossed. I hit that bottom pool at high speed with uncrossed legs. You see, the real reason that they say to keep your legs crossed is to avoid the whitewater enema that you will receive at the end of your ride otherwise. In between my screams, I managed to yell to the kids to wait right there as I ran at breakneck speed for the nearest bathroom. Barely made it, too. And can I just say that that was the last time I went on a waterslide that required the crossing of legs?

So the next time you're feeling, um, blocked, why not head over to your local waterpark? It'll all work out in the end.

Now's your turn! Got something funny to share? Blog about it then come back here and sign up with Mr. Linky. You don't even need to keep your legs crossed to do it.