Friday, March 26, 2010

The return of the TWSS - today, on a very special Twitter Ho-down


You knew the TWSS couldn't be held back forever, right? If you're afraid of the TWSS, feel free to go back and re-read last week's Twitter Ho-down. It's TWSS-free and it's not long enough to make your eyes bleed. This post makes no such promises.

The one-liners

Okay, time to get ready for Girl Scouts. Seems like I should be too old to be saying that. Now where did I put that beret and knee socks?

Padded bras. What God has forgotten, we stuff with cotton. #randomthoughtsfromwendy

"I need a book. A big book. And the loo. Happiness." #sleeptalkingman

Okay, I'm awake. Now what?

Permanent sign on men's room door that's not on women's room door: "Caution - Floors may be wet." Um, ew. #randomthoughtsfromwendy

My 3 yo took a bath w/my 10 yr old. I heard crying. "Mom, she asked Jesus in her heart!" Me: "Why is she crying?" Her: "I baptized her." (RT @WeareTHATfamily )

Why can't designers put shoulder pads where they'd do more good? #randomthoughtsfromwendy

"There's only one thing that comes as close as being as fantastic as me, and that's my reflection. All hail the beautiful mirror. Wow." #sleeptalkingman

Had my free Ben & Jerry's ice cream this evening. And this afternoon. Don't judge me.

Wow. Compared to this, me going to the bus stop in my jammies is getting dressed up.


I want to thank my friend Sherri for sending me this breaking headline: // BWAHAHAHAHA!!! (RT @katdish)


I would argue that 42% of life's problems can be cured by watching a cat wrestle a baby. (RT @prodigaljohn)

So funny! RT @trendytykes haha :

We've all been talking about your paranoia. (RT @aedison)

Brace yourself for a shock: I'm actually writing a blog post right now. I know. I can hardly believe it myself.

Okay, the kiddo just won't stay in bed. Time to get out the velcro sheets.

A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @SBeeCreations I pull for ACC teams and underdogs... And sometimes, those coincide. :-P

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Underdog is good. And that Sweet Polly Purebread is a babe.

beckfromfrogandtoad This red wine tastes like moldy grapejuice strained through a pair of underpants.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Um, how would you know what that tastes like?

@racegearcom88 oh, yes. I see. Not a good problem to have

weightwhat @SBeeCreations TWSS

makeadiff21 @CandySteele Way cool. Thanks so much. Perhaps I'll find something to put on my hands to keep it from getting all over the place.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 TWSS

stretchmarkmama 3YO tried to hypnotize me today. "You aw getting sweepy, vewwy sweepy. You will bark wike a cow..."

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama So, did it work?

stretchmarkmama @weightwhat Well, I'm *eating* like a cow, so part of it must have worked.

katdish Whenever I get a new follower who is following 10 people or less, I feel a great sense of responsibility towards them to guide them.

weightwhat @katdish Yes, you must be very careful when you warp the unwarped.

coffeewithmarty @sarahmsalter TWSS!

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty Look! Marty's TWSSing! It's like it was just yesterday that we were explaining what that meant. Oh, wait. It was.

weightwhat Mornin' folks.

katdish @weightwhat Good Morning princess

weightwhat @katdish Finally, a proper response! *snort*

The ones that are even longer

weightwhat I thought my ears were burning.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hey-ey! I was just looking for you!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom And here I am!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat WOO HOO!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I know, it's thrilling for you to be here with me. *snort*

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Yes and now that I'm done with my magazine article, entertain me.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'd do armpit farts for you, but I never learned how. But it's the thought that counts, right?

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

Helenatrandom @billycoffey Hey Billy! Your post about your undies left me speechless!

katdish @Helenatrandom Yes, Helen. And I'm sure that's what @billycoffey calls them - "undies".

Helenatrandom @katdish Wha? At least I caught myself before typing "panties". (Hubby Bob hates it when I refer universally to all undies as "panties")

katdish @Helenatrandom man panties. Snort!

Helenatrandom @katdish Yeah. Somehow men get insulted when you call their undies panties... Men are so weird...

katdish @Helenatrandom What about mannie-undie-panties?

Helenatrandom @katdish Bob is just glad I remember to call them undies now instead of panties... He however, refers to them as "underwear".

weightwhat @Helenatrandom My husband gets all bent out of shape when I call his underwear 'big boy panties.' Go figure.

sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 Yes, ma'am! :o) Did you notice I have a new cheerleader? (@coffeewithmarty)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Frankly, I don't know that @coffeewithmarty has the knees to pull of a cheerleader skirt.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat And I don't know that he doesn't.... You know... I don't know either way....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yeah, but I'm guessing those legs of his have never seen a razor...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat We don't KNOW that though, do we? We are ASSUMING that he doesn't shave his legs. You know what they say about the word assume

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Should we ask him and solve the mystery?

coffeewithmarty @sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 @weightwhat u better believe it! I have the knees. ;)

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty So you'll be putting on the cheerleader skirt then? And @Helenatrandom and I were wondering about the hairiness factor.

coffeewithmarty @weightwhat @Helenatrandom how about I just be the mascot. I simply refuse to shave my legs.

Helenatrandom @coffeewithmarty Knowing the both of us as you do... Who do you REALLY think is tweeting about your legs, me or @weightwhat....

coffeewithmarty @Helenatrandom and if I had to call it on who was talking about my legs, it would be @weightwhat

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty Hey now!

coffeewithmarty Today, I will be changing my profile picture to a mugshot. "Smart glasses, sunglasses, or no glasses" is the question.

coffeewithmarty @katdish Here's the deal. I'm going to be trying a variety of different ones today. We could go with a risque one.

Helenatrandom @coffeewithmarty Don't be a manho. My husband won't be happy with me following manhos. Not even on the twitter....

katdish @Helenatrandom Or a male bimbo, or a mimbo

coffeewithmarty @Helenatrandom oh, I wouldn't... trust me. It was a joke. I refuse to fall to the levels of manho, bimbo, or mimbo @katdish

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Oh c'mon, Helen! It's been such a long time since we've had a manho around. Can't we have just a little manho-ing?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Don't you think @coffeewithmarty is a little young for us to be manpimping....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Train 'em young. That's what I always say. Except for when I'm saying TWSS, but that's a different story.

coffeewithmarty @Helenatrandom I'm gonna be good, regardless what @weightwhat wants me to be. :)

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty Oh, c'mon Marty. You were doing so well yesteday when you started showing some leg. Even if is was in a cheerleading skirt.

coffeewithmarty @weightwhat cheerleading is good. whoring is bad. Do I really need to explain this?

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty Oh, please do. I'm anxiously awaiting your explanation!

coffeewithmarty @weightwhat Although BOTH make people happy, one is carnal happiness and one is simply, "Aren't those knees beautiful."

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty Yeah. You really need to watch out for those cheerleaders. They're goin' straight to hell with those carnal ways of theirs.

coffeewithmarty Right now, I want a hug from Big Mike.

SBeeCreations @coffeewithmarty You need a hug in general, or will only one from Big Mike do?

coffeewithmarty @makeadiff21 Haha... no, I don't love hugs but that guy is just hilariously big!

Helenatrandom @coffeewithmarty If I admitted that so am I, would you want a hug from me?

coffeewithmarty @SBeeCreations only big Mike. Sorry.

SBeeCreations @coffeewithmarty Fine. I was going to offer you one, but since you don't need it, I'll save it for someone else

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty Oh, sure. Way to hurt a pregnant woman's feelings Marty. Poor @SBeeCreations was just trying to be nice to you and all...

Helenatrandom @coffeewithmarty That's really not fair! I'm enormous, too!

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty And now you've gone and hurt @Helenatrandom's feelings, too. Way to go, Marty. Why don't you just go kick a puppy now?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat This is true. Thanks for standing up for me. And after I supported him in the whole Blocking @katdish scandal...

weightwhat @SBeeCreations No problem. Perhaps @coffeewithmarty needs a good public shunning to get him to change his evil ways. SHUN! SHUN! SHUN!

coffeewithmarty @weightwhat what?! I told @SBeeCreations that I wanted a hug from her. Why am I being shunned?

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty No, you said, "@SBeeCreations only big Mike. Sorry." SHUN! SHUN! SHUN!

coffeewithmarty OK. Here's the new deal. Due to popular demand, I will be hugging all my tweeps except @weightwhat. :D

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty Oh, like they'd want your cooties now. Hmph!

coffeewithmarty @weightwhat @makeadiff21 this is about my profile pic still? Blame @katdish!

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty No, the cooties are all your own doing. The whole sweat thing just adds insult to injury.

coffeewithmarty @weightwhat @sarahmsalter I don't have cooties. I'm the guy that brushes his teeth during the day and takes multiple showers

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty So you're obsessive-compulsive then?

coffeewithmarty @weightwhat ya... just a bit. Although I haven't combed my hair yet today... hmmm.. tell me, Dr. What am I?

weightwhat @coffeewithmarty An obsessive-compulsive with really short arms?

Okay, you can blink now. But if this wasn't enough twittering for you, head on over to Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants and see what else you can find. Has anyone ever told you you're a glutton for punishment?


Marty Duane said...

Oh. You didn't. I am gonna stop tweeting.

Before it becomes an even bigger mess.


♥ Kathy said...

That was so great! I loved the 10 yo baptizing the 3 yo :)

Helen said...

I'm glad I made it on this week! TWSS!

Loved the office / portopottie and cat hugging baby.

Poor @coffeewithmarty. He is a good sport! (Don't you DARE TWSS that! He's a little young for that!)