Why yes, I did do a Twitter Ho-down post

Yes, I'm finally getting my Twitter Ho-down post done. No, I didn't do one last week. Hey, I have good excuses reasons. Plenty of them. But I won't list them here because you've got too much reading ahead of you as it is. Now get to it! Read like the wind!

The one-liners

I'm over this whole being awake thing.

Mmm... Matzo ball soup. It only sounds naughty.

Guys, check this out. Look at a package of Keebler cookies. See those elves? Now look closer. Yup. Those photos are faked. (RT @badbanana)

Gotta go feed the kiddo. I don't like the way she's looking at me and holding that fork.

"Harassment in the Workplace seminar postponed until next week, after Bob gets back from vacation." #cruellyspecificofficeposter (RT @badbanana)

Food left in the fridge over the weekend will be thrown away or more likely eaten by that weird cleaning lady. #cruellyspecificofficeposter (RT @badbanana)

A little bit longer ones

BeNicePrenatal Daily pregnancy affirmation: I will stand up for myself.

weightwhat @BeNicePrenatal @SBeeCreations Hey, will someone please come over here and help me up so I can stand up for myself? Stupid low sofa.

weightwhat Okay, what have I missed?

racegearcom88 @weightwhat we missed you I know that. ;).

weightwhat @racegearcom88 Of course you did, dear. Without me around there's just no joy in your world is there? That's why I'm Sweetness and Light™.

stretchmarkmama Several of my friends are doing the Couch to 5K. I'm doing the Couch to Recliner.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama For the love of Gumby, don't strain yourself!



The ones that are even longer

br8kthru @sarahmsalter a family member is getting married & I get to perform the ceremony :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Was the sweater vest the clincher?

br8kthru @weightwhat how'd you know? It is a holy & sanctified sweater vest.

weightwhat @br8kthru I knew it was because when I made my toast this morning, it came out with the shape of a sweater vest on it. O, holy sweater vest!

weightwhat @br8kthru Yeah, I'll be selling the holy sweater vest toast on ebay later.

br8kthru @weightwhat I'm in a bit of a daze this morning for some reason- need to snap out of it...

weightwhat @br8kthru Want me to slap you a few times? I'd do that for you.

br8kthru @weightwhat you are such a good friend. Most would stop short of physical violence, but not you... & that's why you're special.

Helenatrandom @br8kthru That she is... I would merely throw a bucket of cold water in your face, but @weightwhat is willing to go that extra mile...

weightwhat Mornin' folks!

br8kthru @weightwhat Yes it is! And your point would be... :)

weightwhat @br8kthru My point is, it's morning and someone had better bring me some coffee. NOW!

br8kthru @weightwhat I think there's a 9 AM flight but I wouldn't get to you until around noon- might want to make alternate arrangements.

weightwhat @br8kthru Darn your lack of teleportation skills!

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

ela33ine @weightwhat My teeth are clenched doing the baby talk thing and my 10yr old wants to know what the heck I'm doing???

weightwhat @ela33ine Did you give an answer? Or did you say M.Y.O.B. like a proper misfit?

ela33ine @weightwhat I said "Get your buns back to bed"...In my best baby voice.

ela33ine Okay I lied, I may of said butt.

weightwhat @ela33ine I'm shocked and stunned at such language!

weightwhat @ela33ine Okay I lied. It's just not a day unless I've said butt.

ela33ine @weightwhat I may of said ass the other day and my 14yr old heard.

weightwhat @ela33ine But that's okay, because you were clearly talking about your little donkey, Pepe, right?

weightwhat Morning all.

weightwhat Was that a tumbleweed?

marni71 @weightwhat I know, right? They aren't talking to me either. Should we be worried they've been raptured out?

weightwhat @marni71 This group? Nah. ;o)

weightwhat @marni71 Perhaps our powers of invisibility are stronger than we first suspected.

weightwhat Hi Wendy! How are you? Me? Oh, I'm just dandy. And yourself? Peachy keen! Lovely weather we're having isn't it? Oh yes, it's just divine.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Good morning!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh sure. Now you talk to me.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. I'm addressing 875 envelopes. Wanna help?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter By hand? TWSS.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Nah. I'm sticking labels on 'em.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Then what are you bellyachin' about?

marni71 @weightwhat No Wendy, don't go help @sarahmsalter! I'm keying in 2000 names to a database. I need you more than Sarah does.

weightwhat @marni71 What's that? Okay, I'm coming Mom! Oh, sorry Marni. My mom is calling me. Can't help you with that keying. Bummer.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat But I thought you were going to help me renew the insurance policies here...

weightwhat @SBeeCreations What? *khshkshsk* You're breaking up. *skshshkksh* I can't hear you.*kskshshsk*

sarahmsalter @weightwhat LOL! You're in rare form today!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Avoidance is one of my especially useful gifts.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Thanks, Wendy. How are ya today?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Not the best today. Too many things weighing on my mind. I'd like to hibernate until it's over. And I'm a size 8.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat If I hibernated until I was a size 8, my name would be changed to Rip Van Helen...

Helenatrandom @makeadiff21 "Van Helen"... has a vice ring to it though, doesn't it?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes. Yes it does. Can you do some big hair and sing?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat @makeadiff21 Well, I think I can sing. I don't know if anyone else agrees with me....

br8kthru @Helenatrandom RE: Van Helen -you could start a tribute band...

Helenatrandom @br8kthru An all girl tribute band...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'd like to be in your all girl tribute band, but I don't have the big hair and rockin' bod I used to have.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Maybe I could wear a hair piece and a girdle, just like the real band does now, huh?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I think we could both work that look. Can we come up with a fancy French name for a girdle, though?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Okay. How do you say "the hoist, squeeze, pull and groan" in French?

Helenatrandom @br8kthru Oh, and I flubbed Cookie Monster's twitter handle. It's @stcookie (which I keep reading as "Saint Cookie")

br8kthru @Helenatrandom then what does the 'st' stand for?

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom The 'st' stands for Steve Tucker, the guy whose hand is cleverly hidden inside Cookie Monster. #totallymakingitup

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It's really amazing that Steve Tucker can even control Cookie Monster, what with him missing 3 fingers. #stilllying

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom It was a horrible accident at the Oreo bakery that took his fingers. Poor fingerless Steve. #areyoubuyingthis

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom His therapist said it would be good for him to do Cookie Monster as a way to work through it all. #thatstheticket

weightwhat @br8kthru @Helenatrandom Although he's done well being around other cookies, Oreos still give him the sweats. #pilingitonthick

Helenatrandom @weightwhat And yet, he constantly says, and I quote "Me eat cookies. Awwn Nom nom nom."

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I know! He's so strong! *sniff* Truly in inspiration to all of us! #ifitgetsanydeeperiwillneedasnorkel

So, did you make it all the way through? Are you still alive to tell about it? Good job! Now go ahead and leave a comment to show you've been here. After that you can feel free to go scrub your eyeballs. You're welcome.