Twitter Ho-down - The Thanksgiving Edition

Hello, and welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of the Twitter Ho-down! I'm not saying that a turkey coma would help you through this Ho-down, but...

The one-liners


Don't you just love talking to customer service reps? And hey, how about those root canals? Don'tcha just love those, too?

I just went from "old enough to know better" to "old enough not to remember what I know". (RT @duhism)

Chaos: What erupts when he-who-lives-in-a-glass-house invites he-who-is-without-sin for dinner. (RT @Daffynitions)

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. (RT @LostInPortland)

To get energized for the day I did 300 Crunches. The Nestle kind. (RT @beersuds)

"Don't trust the sweet potatoes. They'll take over the kitchen. You've got to keep an eye on them. Let them out. Don't!" #stm

"You can tell that turkey when it comes back here that it's not welcome. You tell it good." #stm

"Put it down! Step away from the yam. Step away!" #stm

"Butter... nut... squash. I like those words." #stm

"I can't believe you went to pick up a turkey without introducing yourself first. How rude of you. How presumptuous." #stm

"Of course I'm wearing my thunder underpants. It's Thursday. Friday is frilly underpants day. Don't forget!" #stm

Those sweet potatoes really are sneaky...

I'm not getting up at 3 a.m. to trample people at a store. I'll trample people when the time is right for me. (RT @badbanana)

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong. (RT @funnyhumour)

TheRustedChain This made me cry happy. Love it! Flash Mob - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

The ones that are a little bit longer

dlrayburn @weightwhat I left you a comment on the ho-down today. I think u ought to research the answer while I go ahead & preemptively call my wife.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Does your wife ever get tired of all the phone calls?



dlrayburn @weightwhat For some reason when I see you on Twitter, I have a mixture of Barnum & Bailey theme songs and square dancing music feel my head

weightwhat @dlrayburn Huh. What does one say to something like that?



katdish So now Twitter is telling me to switch to the new twitter or else...

weightwhat @katdish Did you tell twitter that it's not the boss of you?

katdish @weightwhat You would think Twitter would know that by now.



weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm stitching monster teeth right now. And yes, I'm wearing granny glasses while stitching. In my jammies. #iamasighttobehold

kelybreez @weightwhat You're a wonderful creation!

weightwhat @kelybreez I am proof that God has a silly sense of humor. :o)



katdish Okay, this made me laugh. http://bit.ly/fLFMk0

weightwhat @katdish *facepalm*

marni71 Chicken Soup for the Soul, Lower Back Pain. Wow, what's next--a Chicken Soup book for the hemmorhoid sufferer?

weightwhat @marni71 I hope so! I've already got it on my Christmas wish list.



The ones that are even longer


redclaydiaries Dear Pandora Radio, the only person allowed to sing The Hanukkah Song is Adam Sandler. #neildiamondFAIL #gonnahavenightmares

weightwhat @redclaydiaries GAAAA!!! There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. #idonotlikehim

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Me neither. Then hear him speak-sing "what a fine lookin' Jew" & you'll want to stick a skewer in ur ear. #idonotlikehim

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Just the thought of possibly hearing it some day makes me consider sticking a skewer in my ear.



duane_scott Has anyone ever invented something to warm your toes in bed besides your spouse?

weightwhat @duane_scott Yes, they're called "socks."

duane_scott @weightwhat I want something like an electric blanket

weightwhat @duane_scott You will get nothing and like it.



weightwhat @kelybreez So did you eat the possum and ferret then?

kelybreez @weightwhat Shoot, can't you wait for the stories? (I eat 'em if they're presented well.)

weightwhat @kelybreez I don't wait well. I thought that was common knowledge.

kelybreez @weightwhat It is. But I like you anyway. Just ministering to your needs.

weightwhat @kelybreez Hey, I never prayed for patience. I know how that turns out...



weightwhat Good morning! Do I smell turkey?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat oh, sorry, that was me #excuseme

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Wow. You should really do something about that.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat I know. Is it too late to blame the dog?

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Yup. That train has left the station.



pagan43 Family tradition is to hang the raw turkey neck on the front door knob...Please do not ask.

weightwhat @pagan43 How can you put a statement like that out there and then say, "Don't ask"? Well, I'm askin'.

pagan43 @weightwhat Kids were out one Thsgv. Eve.We tied raw neck on door knob unscrewed light bulb and hid. Kid touched neck and screamed.

weightwhat @pagan43 Aahhhh... Good times.



And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat @billycoffey Mornin'! How's your little corner of the world today?

billycoffey @weightwhat Quiet. Too quiet...

weightwhat @billycoffey Isn't that about the time that the zombies come out?

billycoffey @weightwhat Stop it!

weightwhat @billycoffey At least I didn't say zombie clowns...

billycoffey @weightwhat You just did!

weightwhat @billycoffey Oops. Sunshine and rainbows! There, did that fix it?



dlrayburn @makeadiff21 Me? Start trouble? Never!

weightwhat @dlrayburn You know, those horns on your head are a dead giveaway...

dlrayburn @weightwhat You ought to see me with a goatee... my wife has forbade me from every growing one again.

weightwhat @dlrayburn How do you keep your pointy tail hidden?

dlrayburn @weightwhat duck tape

weightwhat @dlrayburn Well there's a visual I didn't need...



Well there you have it. You've made it through another Ho-down. Don't you feel like you can tackle anything now? Doesn't it just make you want to go to Walmart and do some Black Friday shopping? Yeah, me neither.