Friday, January 21, 2011
Gone with the Tweet
Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends. (RT@GeneralGrevious)
I've developed positive feelings towards my captors. Love you, couch and Cheetos. (RT @badbanana)
Did you know that friskie originally meant "to fart silently?" I didn't until Sarah's mom learned it while reading a book. Read to achieve! (RT @jewda4)
What's the purpose of cookie jars? Who has cookies that stick around that long? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter
Hey! When did I grow hair on my big toes? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter
I was thinking I'd like to be eccentric in my old age. Look who's an overachiever. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter
My new diet is heavy on local, seasonal foods. Mostly Valentine's Day candy from the Walgreens down the street. (RT @badbanana)
I asked my daughter to bring her books upstairs. This just in: It's the end of the world.
I'm craving a bowl of cereal, but I'm out of milk. Yup, my life's become one of those commercials.
iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.
iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I know something you don't know -- I am not left-handed.
iaminigomontoya @weightwhat You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
iaminigomontoya @weightwhat You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
iaminigomontoya @weightwhat Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
iaminigomontoya @weightwhat Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Just once I'd like the chip on someone's shoulder to be a Pringle. (RT @juicymorsel)
The ones from my dog
CrazyGidgetDog @ImAPennyPincher I've shed on pretty much everything here at this house. Want me to come do your house next? Like @weightwhat, I'm a giver.
I just realized that I haven't been dragging my hiney on the carpet enough lately. It IS the gift that keeps on giving, you know.
I've heard there's been a complaint (@Helenatrandom) that I never tweet. Hello? Do you know how hard it is to type w/o opposable thumbs?
Shedding - it's what I do. Thinkin' of turning pro next year.
The ones that are a little bit longer
stretchmarkmama Who *did* steal the cookie from the cookie jar?
weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.
duane_scott RT @livitluvit: I have a zit *in* my eyebrow. #owwwwwwwwwwww / thanks for the update
weightwhat @duane_scott Hey, it's important. Let's try to be a bit more supportive here, huh? And by the way - I've got a zit on the side of my nose.
duane_scott @livitluvit @weightwhat I'll be supportive. Please keep me updated.
br8kthru Bowling! A special brand of sexy. :) http://ow.ly/i/7grl
kelybreez Tonight, for added spice, I'm wearing the leopard print Snuggie. Watching football. Manly.
weightwhat @kelybreez I thought you might be a wild man.
duane_scott I'm home from work. I'm just exhausted and borderline grumpy. Cheer me up? Do not send clowns.
weightwhat @duane_scott Too late. They're on their way. http://tinyurl.com/4fphtlh
weightwhat @makeadiff21 How's your morning so far?
makeadiff21 @weightwhat Very good. No whining yet!!!! The kids are doing well, too. Haha! And you?
weightwhat @makeadiff21 I'm waiting for my family to wake up so I can start whining. Yes, my whining needs an audience.
SBeeCreations Sadly, I have just realized that I've been wearing my DH's dress pants all day. At work. Yeah.
weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's okay. It's National Wear Your Husband's Pants Day.
SBeeCreations @weightwhat Phew!
The ones that are even longer
ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Talking to the hubster.
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Tell him hi for me. But don't explain who I am. Keeps 'em guessing.
ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat He knows of you. lol
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher You mean I'm not that crazy friend you don't mention in mixed company? I need to up my game.
SBeeCreations Not cool. Pretty sure I've got a fever now. I can haz break? Going to have to decline football at the uncle's. Was looking forward to food.
SBeeCreations And I'm done whining now. I'm sorry.
weightwhat @SBeeCreations Really? That's all the whining you've got? Frankly, I expected more from you.
SBeeCreations @weightwhat What? You saying I'm a whiner?
weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm saying your whining lacks zest and vigor.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Good evening!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm not sure why, but when I read your tweet in my head, you had a Dracula voice.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat That's good, because I was typing it in my Dracula voice. You are very perceptive!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom It must be that twins separated at birth thing we've got going.
WritingJoy I started a discussion forum on my blog. Will you stop by & contribute to the conversation? http://ow.ly/3FQP7
weightwhat @WritingJoy Would I do that to you?
WritingJoy @weightwhat Oooooo.... Why don't you just show me?
weightwhat @WritingJoy Okay, I'm sitting here staring at it and have no idea what to do with it.
weightwhat @WritingJoy And doesn't that sound like something that should be TWSS'd?
ImAPennyPincher Ever sit on the floor so long that you can't get up? Yeah me either.
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher For me that only takes about a tenth of a second. Yeah. Can't get up.
ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat My rear end is killing me! Oh geez... just let me do it. TWSS
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher *snort*
And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones
duane_scott Come to "Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays Vol. 15" Thursday, January 20 from 12:00 am to 3:00 am. EVERYONE IS INVITED!
weightwhat @duane_scott Why is it from 12 - 3 AM?
duane_scott @weightwhat Pleasantly Disturbed? Does it say that? It's that whole day!
weightwhat @duane_scott That's what it says. It appears our disturbance must be limited to those hours only. Not sure how I'm gonna work that one...
duane_scott @weightwhat LOL. It is now updated to 12:30 AM to 11:30 PM. Can you maintain all your disturbdness in that time frame or should I extend it?
weightwhat @duane_scott My disturbedness knows no bounds.
duane_scott I know. Hold me.
kelybreez @duane_scott @weightwhat Oh come on. Her disturbitude is full time. She was saying there's no way to crowd it into just 3 hours.
CandySteele Oats with flax & chia, sunflower butter, dollop of raspberry jam, toasted almonds & agave. #starving
weightwhat @CandySteele You're having a chia pet for breakfast? Is it the chia sheep? Or the chia clown?
CandySteele @weightwhat It's seeds, before they grow into clowns or sheep. When life was less... chia petty.
weightwhat @CandySteele Such humble beginnings. And now they'll never live out their dream of becoming a chia turtle, will they?
CandySteele @weightwhat Never. Never will become garage sale fodder. That's a good thing, Wendy.
weightwhat @CandySteele Yes, but now you could have chia poop. Which is worse?
CandySteele @weightwhat The chia pet. Definitely.
weightwhat @CandySteele Not really feelin' the chia pet love here, Candy.
SBeeCreations @diam0ndhead94 ((jugs))
SBeeCreations @diam0ndhead94 crap. I meant ((hugs)). I'm so sorry
makeadiff21 @SBeeCreations Ok. I'm rolling on the floor now. My hubby is like, what is going on...
SBeeCreations @makeadiff21 I don't know. That was quite a typo. Dare I say it was worthy of @candysteele?
makeadiff21 @SBeeCreations I don't know, but obviously Wendy and Kathy and other snarky lurkers are not around to see it.
weightwhat @makeadiff21 Oh, I saw @SBeeCreations trying to hoist her jugs upon unsuspecting victims.
five_monkies Military School suggestions anyone?
WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies No, but have you considered a velcro wall? ;o)
five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd LMAO! Okay, now I need to know where to buy bulk velcro!
WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies If there's no one selling it already, we should go into business! And the moms of the world would rejoice...
five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd Definitely. That and bulk duct tape.
WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies I find that a rubber mallet is good to have, too. A good whack to your forehead and you won't care what the kids are doing.
five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd ROFLMAO! At first I thought you were going to say to whack the kids with it.
WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies Oddly, child protective services frowns upon that. They clearly don't have kids if that thought never crossed their minds.
SBeeCreations The Sarah Bee Daily is out! http://bit.ly/gsKH57
Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Hi Sarah!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm pretty sure that was an auto tweet. :o(
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Her car is tweeting?
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yup. She has one of those future cars, I think.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I used to love watching Knightrider when I was a kid...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I was thinkin' more Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
weightwhat Ever have a fart that keeps going and going? Uh, yeah. Me neither.
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher #itslikeyoudontevenknowme
saphyreplatypus @weightwhat no, but my dog does #that'smystoryandI'mstickintoit
weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Oh, I totally believe you. #iwouldbelieveyoumoreifyouhadadog
fart_robot RT @weightwhat Ever have a fart that keeps going and going? Uh, yeah. Me neither. FART ROBOT APPROVES.
weightwhat Good morning folks!
kelybreez @weightwhat I don't know how "folk" I am, but good morning anyway.
weightwhat @kelybreez Someone's being difficult and it's you.
kelybreez @weightwhat I'm not listening to you whine, young lady.
weightwhat @kelybreez Are you going to put your fingers in your ears and say, "LALALALA! I'm not listening!"?
kelybreez @weightwhat ... No actually I can't hear you b/c I've got my fingers in my eyes so I can't hear your tweets.
weightwhat @kelybreez Like I said, difficult.
kelybreez @weightwhat Ppppppttttttttt!
weightwhat @kelybreez Troublemaker.
kelybreez @weightwhat Pppppppttttttttt even more vociferously!
weightwhat @kelybreez Oh yeah?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl8H-rm6kt4
kelybreez @weightwhat Ok. You win. I have nothing with which to defeat a defender on the castle wall, spouting such effective vituperations.
weightwhat @kelybreez You should never test me, never get involved in a land war in Asia and never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
weightwhat I just woke up from a nap. You needed to know that.
kelybreez @weightwhat Why did I need to know that? So you could start in with the land wars and the castle wall storming and stuff again?
weightwhat @kelybreez I'm just trying to give you a fighting chance, Kely.
kelybreez @weightwhat How so? U defeated me soundly, & threw a holocaust cloak over me.
weightwhat @kelybreez I just want you to feel like you're doing well.
kelybreez @weightwhat Ooh... Extremely nice. That's the first time ever -- EVER -- I've heard someone quote that line. I've got to alert @katdish.
kelybreez @weightwhat @katdish Have you EVER heard anyone quote this one? That's going deep into the insides of Princess Bride, right there. Well played, Wendy!!!
weightwhat @kelybreez Why thank you. I love me some Fezzik.