Friday, January 21, 2011

Gone with the Tweet


The one-liners

Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends. (RT@GeneralGrevious)

I've developed positive feelings towards my captors. Love you, couch and Cheetos. (RT @badbanana)

Did you know that friskie originally meant "to fart silently?" I didn't until Sarah's mom learned it while reading a book. Read to achieve! (RT @jewda4)

What's the purpose of cookie jars? Who has cookies that stick around that long? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Hey! When did I grow hair on my big toes? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

I was thinking I'd like to be eccentric in my old age. Look who's an overachiever. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

My new diet is heavy on local, seasonal foods. Mostly Valentine's Day candy from the Walgreens down the street. (RT @badbanana)

I asked my daughter to bring her books upstairs. This just in: It's the end of the world.

I'm craving a bowl of cereal, but I'm out of milk. Yup, my life's become one of those commercials.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I know something you don't know -- I am not left-handed.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?

Just once I'd like the chip on someone's shoulder to be a Pringle. (RT @juicymorsel)

The ones from my dog

CrazyGidgetDog @ImAPennyPincher I've shed on pretty much everything here at this house. Want me to come do your house next? Like @weightwhat, I'm a giver.

I just realized that I haven't been dragging my hiney on the carpet enough lately. It IS the gift that keeps on giving, you know.

I've heard there's been a complaint (@Helenatrandom) that I never tweet. Hello? Do you know how hard it is to type w/o opposable thumbs?

Shedding - it's what I do. Thinkin' of turning pro next year.

The ones that are a little bit longer

stretchmarkmama Who *did* steal the cookie from the cookie jar?

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.

duane_scott RT @livitluvit: I have a zit *in* my eyebrow. #owwwwwwwwwwww / thanks for the update

weightwhat @duane_scott Hey, it's important. Let's try to be a bit more supportive here, huh? And by the way - I've got a zit on the side of my nose.

duane_scott @livitluvit @weightwhat I'll be supportive. Please keep me updated.

br8kthru Bowling! A special brand of sexy. :)

Owly Images

weightwhat @br8kthru The bowling shoes or the bowed legs? 'Cause I'm thinkin' both.

kelybreez Tonight, for added spice, I'm wearing the leopard print Snuggie. Watching football. Manly.

weightwhat @kelybreez I thought you might be a wild man.

duane_scott I'm home from work. I'm just exhausted and borderline grumpy. Cheer me up? Do not send clowns.

weightwhat @duane_scott Too late. They're on their way.

Psycho clown Pictures, Images and Photos

weightwhat @makeadiff21 How's your morning so far?

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Very good. No whining yet!!!! The kids are doing well, too. Haha! And you?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 I'm waiting for my family to wake up so I can start whining. Yes, my whining needs an audience.

SBeeCreations Sadly, I have just realized that I've been wearing my DH's dress pants all day. At work. Yeah.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's okay. It's National Wear Your Husband's Pants Day.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Phew!

The ones that are even longer

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Talking to the hubster.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Tell him hi for me. But don't explain who I am. Keeps 'em guessing.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat He knows of you. lol

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher You mean I'm not that crazy friend you don't mention in mixed company? I need to up my game.

SBeeCreations Not cool. Pretty sure I've got a fever now. I can haz break? Going to have to decline football at the uncle's. Was looking forward to food.

SBeeCreations And I'm done whining now. I'm sorry.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Really? That's all the whining you've got? Frankly, I expected more from you.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat What? You saying I'm a whiner?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm saying your whining lacks zest and vigor.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Good evening!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm not sure why, but when I read your tweet in my head, you had a Dracula voice.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That's good, because I was typing it in my Dracula voice. You are very perceptive!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom It must be that twins separated at birth thing we've got going.

WritingJoy I started a discussion forum on my blog. Will you stop by & contribute to the conversation?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Would I do that to you?

WritingJoy @weightwhat Oooooo.... Why don't you just show me?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Okay, I'm sitting here staring at it and have no idea what to do with it.

weightwhat @WritingJoy And doesn't that sound like something that should be TWSS'd?

ImAPennyPincher Ever sit on the floor so long that you can't get up? Yeah me either.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher For me that only takes about a tenth of a second. Yeah. Can't get up.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat My rear end is killing me! Oh geez... just let me do it. TWSS

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher *snort*

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

duane_scott Come to "Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays Vol. 15" Thursday, January 20 from 12:00 am to 3:00 am. EVERYONE IS INVITED!

weightwhat @duane_scott Why is it from 12 - 3 AM?

duane_scott @weightwhat Pleasantly Disturbed? Does it say that? It's that whole day!

weightwhat @duane_scott That's what it says. It appears our disturbance must be limited to those hours only. Not sure how I'm gonna work that one...

duane_scott @weightwhat LOL. It is now updated to 12:30 AM to 11:30 PM. Can you maintain all your disturbdness in that time frame or should I extend it?

weightwhat @duane_scott My disturbedness knows no bounds.

duane_scott I know. Hold me.

kelybreez @duane_scott @weightwhat Oh come on. Her disturbitude is full time. She was saying there's no way to crowd it into just 3 hours.

CandySteele Oats with flax & chia, sunflower butter, dollop of raspberry jam, toasted almonds & agave. #starving

weightwhat @CandySteele You're having a chia pet for breakfast? Is it the chia sheep? Or the chia clown?

CandySteele @weightwhat It's seeds, before they grow into clowns or sheep. When life was less... chia petty.

weightwhat @CandySteele Such humble beginnings. And now they'll never live out their dream of becoming a chia turtle, will they?

CandySteele @weightwhat Never. Never will become garage sale fodder. That's a good thing, Wendy.

weightwhat @CandySteele Yes, but now you could have chia poop. Which is worse?

CandySteele @weightwhat The chia pet. Definitely.

weightwhat @CandySteele Not really feelin' the chia pet love here, Candy.

SBeeCreations @diam0ndhead94 ((jugs))

SBeeCreations @diam0ndhead94 crap. I meant ((hugs)). I'm so sorry

makeadiff21 @SBeeCreations Ok. I'm rolling on the floor now. My hubby is like, what is going on...

SBeeCreations @makeadiff21 I don't know. That was quite a typo. Dare I say it was worthy of @candysteele?

makeadiff21 @SBeeCreations I don't know, but obviously Wendy and Kathy and other snarky lurkers are not around to see it.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Oh, I saw @SBeeCreations trying to hoist her jugs upon unsuspecting victims.

five_monkies Military School suggestions anyone?

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies No, but have you considered a velcro wall? ;o)

five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd LMAO! Okay, now I need to know where to buy bulk velcro!

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies If there's no one selling it already, we should go into business! And the moms of the world would rejoice...

five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd Definitely. That and bulk duct tape.

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies I find that a rubber mallet is good to have, too. A good whack to your forehead and you won't care what the kids are doing.

five_monkies @WendyDarlingLtd ROFLMAO! At first I thought you were going to say to whack the kids with it.

WendyDarlingLtd @five_monkies Oddly, child protective services frowns upon that. They clearly don't have kids if that thought never crossed their minds.

SBeeCreations The Sarah Bee Daily is out!

Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Hi Sarah!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm pretty sure that was an auto tweet. :o(

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Her car is tweeting?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yup. She has one of those future cars, I think.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I used to love watching Knightrider when I was a kid...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I was thinkin' more Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

weightwhat Ever have a fart that keeps going and going? Uh, yeah. Me neither.

ImAPennyPincher #Didyoureallyjusttweetthat

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher #itslikeyoudontevenknowme

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat no, but my dog does #that'smystoryandI'mstickintoit

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Oh, I totally believe you. #iwouldbelieveyoumoreifyouhadadog

fart_robot RT @weightwhat Ever have a fart that keeps going and going? Uh, yeah. Me neither. FART ROBOT APPROVES.

weightwhat Good morning folks!

kelybreez @weightwhat I don't know how "folk" I am, but good morning anyway.

weightwhat @kelybreez Someone's being difficult and it's you.

kelybreez @weightwhat I'm not listening to you whine, young lady.

weightwhat @kelybreez Are you going to put your fingers in your ears and say, "LALALALA! I'm not listening!"?

kelybreez @weightwhat ... No actually I can't hear you b/c I've got my fingers in my eyes so I can't hear your tweets.

weightwhat @kelybreez Like I said, difficult.

kelybreez @weightwhat Ppppppttttttttt!

weightwhat @kelybreez Troublemaker.

kelybreez @weightwhat Pppppppttttttttt even more vociferously!

weightwhat @kelybreez Oh yeah?!

kelybreez @weightwhat Ok. You win. I have nothing with which to defeat a defender on the castle wall, spouting such effective vituperations.

weightwhat @kelybreez You should never test me, never get involved in a land war in Asia and never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

weightwhat I just woke up from a nap. You needed to know that.

kelybreez @weightwhat Why did I need to know that? So you could start in with the land wars and the castle wall storming and stuff again?

weightwhat @kelybreez I'm just trying to give you a fighting chance, Kely.

kelybreez @weightwhat How so? U defeated me soundly, & threw a holocaust cloak over me.

weightwhat @kelybreez I just want you to feel like you're doing well.

kelybreez @weightwhat Ooh... Extremely nice. That's the first time ever -- EVER -- I've heard someone quote that line. I've got to alert @katdish.

kelybreez @weightwhat @katdish Have you EVER heard anyone quote this one? That's going deep into the insides of Princess Bride, right there. Well played, Wendy!!!

weightwhat @kelybreez Why thank you. I love me some Fezzik.


Lianne said...

I've got to get on Twitter more often. This was hysterical! I think that the Fart Robot would approve.

Anonymous said...

I sincerely promise to watch The Princess Bride again, for the 17th time, and this time without the distraction of teen-ager comments.

Helen said...

Ummm.... "That's going deep into the insides of Princess Bride, right there." Why no TWSS or TWHS or SOMETHING? Must I do ALL the TWSSing from now on? Gee...

Anonymous said...

Wow- epic! My son walked in as the disturbing clown was on screen and said, "who is that?" Yikes.

Also thanks for including my bowling picture shot from the patented crotch cam (I think the technology was first developed on Jersey Shore).

Thanks for the memories, Wendy!

Casey said...

LOVE this one! So funny. FART ROBOT APPROVES! Best. Bot. Ever.

Hmm and I see some Princess Diaries references. I mam really out of the loop with those.

kelybreez said...

I feel a quite certain Braswell movie night with Princess Bride as the feature. All the little @kelybreez-es love it.

And after the epic battle reflected above, how could I not watch it tonight? I obviously need more sparring paraphernalia.

Brandi said...

Well thank you so much for the love! Sadly we missed out on the bulk velcro thing. I did find a company though that specializes in velcro for all your needs! LOL

And just so you know, that clown was freaking scary! SO glad he isn't part of the circus I go to.

Beki - TheRustedChain said...