Make yourself comfy - it's the Twitter Ho-down

The one-liners

I quit following my dreams. They weren't following me back. (RT @GeneralGrevious)

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific. - Mitch Hedberg

Chariots of Embers #LessAmbitiousFilms

Texas Chainsaw Woodcarving #LessAmbitiousFilms

Cowardheart #LessAmbitiousFilms

The Good, the Not-So-Good and the Slightly Unattractive #LessAmbitiousFilms

The Bride of Frankenstein's Second Cousin Bernie #LessAmbitiousFilms

To Slightly Injure a Mockingbird #LessAmbitiousFilms

Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV and Rocky V #LessAmbitiousFilms

I'm tellin' ya, the rubber mallet can solve most of the world's problems.

RT @badbanana It's that time of year in Nebraska when the ground is too frozen for shallow graves and your irritating neighbor knows it.

Just read a blog post about how to clean your bedroom in only 28 steps. I have a better solution - shut the door.

Just for grins, I think I'll switch over to one of my alter egos now. Yes, I have more than one. And?

RT @stretchmarkmama Josh Groban sings Kanye West's tweets:

The ones that are a little bit longer

kelybreez @weightwhat Wendy, you better behave.

weightwhat @kelybreez Why should I try something new now?



jewda4 The woman in front of us at Target almost fell down when she turned to look at the candy bars. She seemed to have otherwise perfect balance.

weightwhat @jewda4 Candy bars seem to have that effect on me, too. Got whiplash from a Twix once.



SBeeCreations @dlrayburn @duane_scott Can't say I've ever used a Snuggie for nefarious purposes @weightwhat

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Why are you looking at me like that? (@dlrayburn @duane_scott)



pagan43 @weightwhat Hmmm , seems as tho i have single handedly eradicated several huge roadside attraction giant coffee cups. #ohthepower

weightwhat @pagan43 You know, you really should use your power for good instead of evil.



LaurelsZoo I shall rise, but I refuse to shine.

weightwhat @LaurelsZoo So there.



WritingJoy I am going to attempt sanding all the marker, crusted food, & boogers off our dining table today. #bewarewomanwithpowertools #coffeeclub

weightwhat @WritingJoy And I suppose you'll be blaming the kids for putting those things on the table? Hmmm...?



weightwhat Good morning all.

LostInPortland @weightwhat Morning! (not sure what's good about it! lol)

weightwhat @LostInPortland I was momentarily blinded by my giant cup of coffee. That's my only explanation.





The ones that are even longer

weightwhat Okay, who wants to entertain me?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Dadadaddada....dadadadadada...da da da da da da da daa YEAH!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Should I applaud? Or just throw money?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Whatever floats your boat!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom My boat stopped floating a long time ago...



SBeeCreations Texted this pic to MIL. She thought it was scan of one of DH, lol. So much for the milkman!

The_BMG @SBeeCreations Unless your DH has an identical twin who is a milkman!

weightwhat @The_BMG @SBeeCreations Ooo! The plot thickens!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat @the_bmg da da dunh!!



dlrayburn @SBeeCreations After @br8kthru 's post on being Fearless maybe he will join us in the Speedo Challenge Video

br8kthru @dlrayburn @SBeeCreations say what now?

weightwhat @br8kthru I think it all started with @dlrayburn in a Speedo... Can't confirm or deny that it was a crochet Speedo...

br8kthru @weightwhat that's a double yikes. No offense, @dlrayburn



kelybreez You follow me, and you're in a swimsuit in your profile pic, you're outta here so fast ya gonna bust ya speedometer...

weightwhat @kelybreez So @dlrayburn shouldn't change his avatar to his Speedo pic?

kelybreez @weightwhat Let's see... How can I best answer that question?... No.

weightwhat @kelybreez Because what has been seen cannot be unseen?



LaurelsZoo Okay, the next person to track mud in my house dies. I'm not being mean, just purely practical. Others will then remember to wipe their feet

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo What about dog poop? Can they track in dog poop?

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd *cocking shotgun*

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Wow. Most people only prepare for the zombie apocalypse with that kind of vigor.

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd I will survive the zombie apocalypse. I run faster than my husband. And I'm willing to trip him.



CandySteele @Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations Well you guys are going to have to think of a funky name for me cuz I'm not going w "Granny"

katdish @weightwhat @CandySteele My kids call my mom Ga Ga. And no, she doesn't wear meat as clothing.

CandySteele @katdish @weightwhat What do you call one who wears veggies?

weightwhat @CandySteele Salad?




And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

CandySteele Drinking warm ginger ale in front of the fire, ushering in the New Year in yoga pants and a snuggie. #lifeisgood

weightwhat @CandySteele Why is your ginger ale warm?

CandySteele @weightwhat Because it's been sitting here for an hour and the fire is hot.

weightwhat @CandySteele Ah, I see. Think you'll make it a regular thing?

CandySteele @weightwhat Nah. It's flat, too. Trying something different next year. #2buckchuck

weightwhat @CandySteele You don't like flat things, huh? *snort*

CandySteele @weightwhat You trying to bait me? I see you resurrected the infamous hashtag in your post. That seems like years ago.

weightwhat @CandySteele Would I do a thing like that? #goshitshot



katdish We ordered pizza. It was delivered. We paid for it and then we ate pizza.

Helenatrandom @katdish Can't you jazz that story up with an alien or a sparkly vampire or something?

katdish @Helenatrandom All of the ingredients had slid off the pizza.

Helenatrandom @katdish Where's the sparkly alien vampire in all this?

katdish @Helenatrandom Maybe the driver swerved to avoid hitting the shiny alien vampire.

weightwhat @katdish @katdish Actually, he swerved to hit some passing clowns. Clearly @katdish didn't tip him enough.



kelybreez @Helenatrandom @SBeeCreations @weightwhat Can you tweet in tongues?

SBeeCreations @kelybreez @Helenatrandom @weightwhat Sure! :Þ

weightwhat @kelybreez Slielwpspa!

kelybreez That's not tongues. That Finnish. Can't pull that one on me.

weightwhat @kelybreez Drats.

kelybreez @weightwhat When'd you learn Finnish anyway? Was it that time your were in the Fins' Ski Corps & got captured when Germany invaded?

weightwhat @kelybreez Who told you about that?!



LaurelsZoo hmmm...take a shower, freeze, and be socially acceptable...or stay warm and alone for the rest of the day. Decisions decisions.....

LaurelsZoo I decided to go with cold and socially acceptable. You're welcome.

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo You make me sad.

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd Because I caved in to social norm?

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Because you had the chance to stay in jammies and you just threw it away. Have I taught you nothing?!

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd who said I didn't just put on clean jammies?

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Now you're just throwing me a bone, aren't you?

LaurelsZoo @WendyDarlingLtd At top speed. Overhand.

WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo I see how you are.



WendyDarlingLtd @LaurelsZoo Wow. Most people only prepare for the zombie apocalypse with that kind of vigor.

WritingJoy @WendyDarlingLtd Rub it in. :P I was dressed up and out the door at 6am. Counting down the minutes til son's nap. Which means mine too.

WendyDarlingLtd @WritingJoy Why would you do something like that?! It's just wrong!

WritingJoy @WendyDarlingLtd I got paid and fed breakfast. I'm easy.

WendyDarlingLtd @WritingJoy I've heard that about you.

WritingJoy @WendyDarlingLtd From who? Er, I mean, you have?



Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd Your alter ego isn't on any of my lists.... I had to add it now!

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom GAAAAA!!!! What about @crazygidgetdog? Did she make your list? You wouldn't want to hurt her feelings now, would you?

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd @crazygidgetdog She hardly ever tweets..

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom Yeah, because she's not on your lists.

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd She is now. That has been rectified!

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom I think she's cancelling her plan to piddle in your shoes now.

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd That's good. usually don't follow tweeters who piddle in my shoes....

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom I'll have to make a note of that.

Helenatrandom @WendyDarlingLtd Why, were you planning on peeing in my shoes, too?

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom Ummmm...

WendyDarlingLtd @Helenatrandom Look! Something shiny!

katdish @WendyDarlingLtd Thanks, Wendy. Will you be tweeting under this identity today?

Helenatrandom @katdish @WendyDarlingLtd Not only that, but she is planning to piddle in people's shoes. Be warned...

WendyDarlingLtd @katdish Depends on which way the wind is blowing. I've tweeted under all 3 of my personalities today. Stupid wind can't make up it's mind.

katdish @Helenatrandom Different twitter handle, same Wendy.

WendyDarlingLtd @katdish It appears that all of my alter egos are a bubble off.