Friday, August 6, 2010

Bruised melons and man tarts and offended shenanigans, oh my!


Yes boys and girls, it's the post you've been waiting for/worrying about! It's the Twitter Ho-down post! Feel free to applaud/cower.

The one-liners

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'll have you know that my horizons are secure and I'm listening to ABBA.

The only thing that separates the twitter user and the crazy homeless guy shouting random things on the corner is an internet connection. (RT @breathe_in)

True & Shocking Tales: She poured her coffee then went to get the cream, only to find it empty. Desperation lead her to the powdered stuff.

I was just talking to @sarahmsalter on the phone. She said something then told me not to tweet it. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Tip of the Day: Don't try to dig something out of your eye after touching pepperoni. Trust me on this one.

Play that funky music white boy! No, really. Play it. We're all waiting.

The roof collapsed at our local community theater. Damn fiddlers. (RT @badbanana)

Okay people, this is your 2 day warning! If you want to be in my ho-down post you'd better start workin' it. I'll have no complaining later!

weightwhat @br8kthru - Warning! There are warming cockles in my comment section now! By the way, how are your cockles doing?

A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Also, have you told @Schnik about the obscene number of times you took his name in vain in today's post? #scandalous

weightwhat @sarahmsalter No, I did not. But I figured @Schnik would feel a disturbance in the force and would know it came from me.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I know when I feel a disturbance in the force, I generally know that it came from you... @Schnik, you've been warned.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Ok. How is it you even considered NOT writing that post? Hilarious.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 I've just been in a bodily functions phase lately and thought it might be too much. Clearly, I'm a 12 year old boy.

br8kthru My eyebrows are apparently in love. All they want is to be together, but I cruelly stop them at every turn...

weightwhat @br8kthru Do you wield the Tweezers of Love Denied?

Lindatweetsalot Another RANDOM for ya : Turtles can breathe through their butts.

weightwhat @Lindatweetsalot Getting quite the visual on that one...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat When you become available, let me know. I have a burning question.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I think they make an ointment for that...

sarahmsalter @duane_scott The 70's were a good decade for me. :)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Because someone else carried you around all the time and you didn't have to wipe your own rear end?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Yeah. And your point?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I have a point?

katdish testing

weightwhat @katdish Did you study first?

weightwhat Some of the people who will be in my ho-down post tomorrow: @muchl8r, @lindatweetsalot, @Helenatrandom... Will you make the cut? Talk to me.

Lindatweetsalot @weightwhat Should I be scared?

weightwhat @Lindatweetsalot Usually. :o)

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @Helenatrandom @br8kthru You know, when you three get together on the twitter, you're a bit frightening. #justsayin'

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You have no idea.

The ones that are even longer

br8kthru OOH! I just remembered I bought some Chips Ahoy for my desk yesterday. This is probably not going to end well...

sarahmsalter @br8kthru How can Chips Ahoy NOT end well?

br8kthru @sarahmsalter If I eat too many... they go straight to my eyebrows. Odd, I know...

weightwhat @br8kthru Maybe you should eat more of them and use your eyebrows for a comb-over.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You do remember it is Cookie Tuesday, don't you? I eat a cookie once a week. Today is the day! #canttakethatawayfromme

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Only one cookie a week? You know that you're making all the other cookies sad, don't you? They feel so left out...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Okay. You talked me into a second cookie.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom It's the right thing to do.

br8kthru @Helenatrandom you do know if U disagree or think I'm unclear, U can always put that in the comments! I welcome it, especially from friends

weightwhat @br8kthru I think you're unclear. And fuzzy. Could you please fix that?

br8kthru @weightwhat did you try adjusting the screen resolution?

weightwhat @br8kthru My screen is fine. Can you adjust your resolution?

br8kthru @weightwhat My resolution is to dismiss your shenanigans... and to eat more cheese.

weightwhat @br8kthru My shenanigans are offended by your careless dismissal of them.

weightwhat Oh, lunch! How I love thee...

br8kthru @weightwhat sounds kind of like that little-known hymn, "my cold cuts, I love thee. I know thou art mine."

weightwhat @br8kthru I love that hymn! Especially the second verse when it talks of everlasting cheese.

br8kthru @weightwhat it shall never mold nor smelleth...

weightwhat @br8kthru And it covereth a multitude of meats...

muchl8r So I ran... and ran.. and continued to run. And it was good. Then I was hot and sweaty and it was very good. #Joy

weightwhat @muchl8r I think you have good and horrific confused again.

muchl8r @weightwhat happens all the time. ;)

weightwhat @muchl8r I'm going to have to eye you suspiciously now.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

sarahmsalter Dear @weightwhat your blog won't let me comment. I'm rejected. Also I don't think there's nearly enough @br8kthru in today's post. Love, Me.

br8kthru @sarahmsalter Amen- you hearing this @weightwhat?

weightwhat @br8kthru If there's not enough of you, then it's your own darn fault. Yeah, that's right. You need to up your game. Man tart.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru I've got your back, Sugar Pie! @weightwhat's ho-down just lacks style, class, and vitality when there's not enough "Jason" in it.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter So, where will you be staying when you come out here in October?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter @br8kthru Oh, and I responded to your 'comments.'

br8kthru @weightwhat Uh yeah, saw that- 'man tart'? Also how can it be a 'comment' -either it is or it isn't... You need to up YOUR game (TWSS)

sarahmsalter @br8kthru Don't feel bad, Jason. She calls me a "cheesy tart." So, you're in good company. (cc: @weightwhat)

weightwhat @br8kthru It was a pathetic excuse for a comment that was more pandering than anything else. And you're still a man tart.

br8kthru @weightwhat I thought the comment was heartfelt & very sincere. Right, @sarahmsalter ? & I guess I should add 'man tart' to my business card

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm wondering why it doesn't already have 'man tart' as your title.

weightwhat RT @muchl8r New post of FOTTSP!!! "Get up, Stand up and Dance, OR How to Start a Cult!" answer the question at the end!

muchl8r @Helenatrandom @weightwhat THANKS!! which were you???

Helenatrandom @muchl8r I'm Helen and @weightwhat is Wendy... (I think that is what you are asking...)

muchl8r @Helenatrandom I know who you two are!!! ;) answer the question at the end of the post :D

weightwhat @muchl8r Do you really have to ask? (@Helenatrandom)

muchl8r @weightwhat I figured you'd start a cult, but @Helenatrandom is too sweet to do that :D

weightwhat @muchl8r Don't let the pink hat fool you! (@Helenatrandom)

Helenatrandom @muchl8r What kind of leader am I? Hmmm... Believe it or not, I don't like to draw attention to myself. The salsa dancing in supermarket

Helenatrandom @muchl8r just can't be helped. Expecting me not to move when music is played is like expecting me to breathe under water. Not likely...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom But how do you explain the fruit hat?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Produce aisle...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You know, most people just use a shopping cart.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat So you want me to ask my dance partner to hold the fruit?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Are you afraid of your dance partner handling your fruit?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I wouldn't want my melons to get bruised...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Oh Helen, none of us wants to see you bruise your melons.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I know... or crack my coconuts...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You could put out an eye if that happened!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I've just not been snarky enough this week, sigh

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You should really work on that.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I had a few moments but woefully, you were absent

weightwhat @SBeeCreations That's just wrong.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat you're telling me! You should get on that.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations TWHS

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Why yes, yes he did.

Well folks, that's it for today. Make sure to tune in next week for more fun/horror. And remember: You won't see if here if you don't talk to me there. I'm just demanding that way.


Helen said...

Thank you. I and my melons don't feel left out now.

jasonS said...

Now that I know the whole melon/coconuts conversation, it's hilarious. And the lunch hymn still cracks me up... :)

Sarah Salter said...

Can you imagine how funny this ho-down could be if you hadn't missed out on two twitter parties? Maybe next time, chick!

Anonymous said...

I love you, Wendy!
Still feeling blessed to find that special "item" yesterday-- sweet memories of yoooooou.
Heather Anne

lifeshighway said...

Dang it, I don't have time to read all of this and I'm going to be late for work. I'll be back.