Why yes, I do twitter

Time for more twitter action! Go ahead. Be thrilled.

The one-liners

RT @katdish "I asked my mother if I was adopted. She said, Not yet, but we placed an ad." ~ Dana Snow

My daughter just put tiny braids all over my head. I think I need to run down a beach in slow motion now.

Been fighting off my daughter. She doesn't want me to tweet that she just tooted, so I won't.

One of our "chickens" just started crowing this morning. Yup, he's singing his death song.

Okay, the kitchen is clean. No one is allowed to go in there ever again.

I wonder if horses want to eat us when they're hungry. RT @blobert




A little bit longer ones

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I'm waiting with baited breath for your twitter post. #tunaforlunch

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Sorry to hear about your bait breath. I'm working on the post, but keep getting interrupted.



sarahmsalter @br8kthru Can you explain why the word "nipples" is prominently displayed in my twitter feed this morning?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You should stop prominently displaying your nipples all over the twitter. It just ain't right.



saphyreplatypus I really should watch TWSS-ing my 3yr old, he's going to figure it out sooner or later! Lol!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus What? And take away a topic for him and his future therapist?



weightwhat @Helenatrandom Helen, are you talking about sex AGAIN?!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Don't you mean "still"? The word "again" implies that I stopped at some point...



Schnik I forgot how much fun this commercial is. http://youtu.be/sRv9_Q3HOmg #Chipotoplay

weightwhat @Schnik I love that one. Every once in a while I just have to say Chipoodle! really loud. Not sure why I get the odd looks.

SBeeCreations I'm bound in red tape. Anyone have industrial scissors?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations No, but I've got some napalm.



lainiegallagher How is it that I'm getting new followers when I haven't been around in ages? Now I feel all this pressure to say something awesome.

weightwhat @lainiegallagher Maybe they like that you haven't been around? Yup, you've attracted the 'silence is golden' set.



weightwhat I'm melting! Melting!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Here, I'll throw a bucket of water on you! Shoot- just making it worse

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Don't make me send out my flying monkeys.




The ones that are even longer

Schnik Dear Guy in the Bathroom. If you insist on speaking on your phone in the restroom, I insist on repeatedly flushing the urinal.

weightwhat @Schnik Perhaps you should make some constipation grunts just for good measure.

Schnik @weightwhat I was only in there to pee so it would be super weird if I grunted. #justsayin

weightwhat @Schnik Since when do you have a problem with weird?




marni71 Some math person is now following me on Twitter. Boy, aren't they gonna be disappointed about that choice.

weightwhat @marni71 Is that going to give you nightmares? *shudder*

marni71 @weightwhat Maybe...but it sure is gonna freak out Taxidermy Lady ;-)

weightwhat @marni71 AAAAAA!!! Math!!!




duane_scott Hangin with @justalooser I picked his twitter handle.

weightwhat @duane_scott TWSS

duane_scott What? Where?

weightwhat @duane_scott You picked his twitter handle? While kinda disgusting, it's still TWSS-worthy.



And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat @katdish I know it's late, but really? Is it ever too late for birthday cake? http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/08/send-em-in.html

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Oh Wendy... poor @katdish...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Hey, @katdish loves me. And by 'loves,' I mean 'tolerates.'

katdish @weightwhat And how do you say "un-thank you" for the clown cakes? I think I just did.

weightwhat @katdish I'm a giver!

katdish @weightwhat That you are, Wendy. That you are.

billycoffey @weightwhat I'm officially out of jerky now, Wendy. And Skittles.

weightwhat @billycoffey I'm sending in an air drop. Watch the skies.

billycoffey @weightwhat Just don't let it hit me in the head, okay? Skittles probably hurt from a few thousand feet.

weightwhat @billycoffey Don't worry, I've wrapped the whole crate in bubble wrap. Yup, all this and you get bubble wrap. Who's your favorite?

billycoffey @weightwhat YOU!

Helenatrandom @billycoffey So, no it comes out.. @weightwhat is your favorite. I'm so hurt I'm going to go snitch to @katdish right now!!

billycoffey @Helenatrandom I said she was my favorite, but not necessarily my number one. There's a difference. Subtle, but there.

weightwhat @billycoffey I might have to pick out the red Skittles now.

redclaydiaries RT @GbrilliantQ: Eye Lashes Made From Flies' Legs (VIDEO) - http://huff.to/9IQzAN //GAAAAAAAAA!!!!

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I just threw up in my mouth.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Sorry/you're welcome.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat EWW!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Hey, @redclaydiaries made me do it!

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter Sorry/you're welcome. I keep finding freaky stuff that BEGS to be retweeted. @weightwhat

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Did you just call @redclaydiaries "the devil"? Cuz isn't that how it goes? "The devil made me do it!"

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I admit to nothing. But if the horns fit...

redclaydiaries RT @mental_floss: Male Acarophenax tribolii mite hatches while still inside its mother, then impregnates its sisters & dies before birth.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Okay, you've gotta find different people to follow on the twitter...

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter @weightwhat Strangely, I'm okay with being called the devil. But what does horniness have to do with it?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Nice girls don't talk about horniness on the twitter. But ask @sarahmsalter. She wears colored underwear.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @redclaydiaries I can't deny that.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat So you're saying that @sarahmsalter isn't a nice girl? Wouldn't that be pantyism?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Actually, it's @sarahmsalter's grandma who would say that, because nice girls don't wear colored undies.

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries @weightwhat Okay, I dare say that I'm not the only female among our group that is colorful. So, why am I being singled out?

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter Okay, I'll fly the freaky panty flag too. I'm colorful & not afraid to admit it! Feel better?

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Thank you! I don't feel so much like the lone ranger now. Take THAT @weightwhat! :-P

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You shouldn't feel like the Lone Ranger - he wore white.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat GAAAAA!

weightwhat @rntammyp Yeah.

rntammyp @weightwhat yeah??

weightwhat @rntammyp I have no idea.

rntammyp @weightwhat You sent me a tweet saying "yeah" & you have no idea why?!?! Ha!

weightwhat @rntammyp Pretty much.

weightwhat @rntammyp Welcome to my world.

rntammyp @weightwhat Part of your charm, m'dear. Part of your charm...

weightwhat @rntammyp I'm entirely too charming.

weightwhat My twitter post is looking pretty sad for tomorrow. And do you know that @br8kthru isn't even in it yet? I can hear the whining already.

br8kthru @weightwhat You have barely been here! I can't be held responsible for that! It's like you were 'busy' or something. #idontwhine :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Well other people have made it in... And yes, you whine.

br8kthru @weightwhat I just state facts... in a high-pitched, slightly childish tone. If that means I whine then so be it! :)

WritingJoy @weightwhat have you been offline this week? I haven't seen you to harrass you!

weightwhat @WritingJoy I've got a house-full of company this week so my computer time has been sadly hurt by it.

WritingJoy @weightwhat well then. Why are you complaining again?

weightwhat @WritingJoy I'm not complaining. That would be @br8kthru.

br8kthru @weightwhat Complaining? now you've really lost it. I've never complained in my life! Next you'll be calling me a liar!

weightwhat @br8kthru Well, if the pants on fire fit...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hi Wendy! I just reread a post about the diabolical nature of the book "Green Eggs and Ham"

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Are you going to have nightmares again?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Well... now that I know the MEANING of the story, I'm disturbed. Not pleasantly, either...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Weren't you always a bit disturbed anyway?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yes. But I used to be PLEASANT! Don't you remember?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Was that before or after our plans for world domination?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I was planning on dominating pleasantly! Weren't you?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Well, I was hoping for some torture... At least the soft cushions. You know how I love to torture.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat So I guess we were planning on playing good dictator / bad dictator? Or did you prefer benevolent dictator / evil dictator?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Eh, whatever works for you. As long as I get to torture.

Okay, you're done for now. You can go on for another week now. You're welcome.