Thursday, August 19, 2010

Medical tests make me disturbed

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Am I disturbed? You betcha! Is it pleasant? Meh, I'm used to it.

I had to go in and get a medical test done yesterday. Yes, yes. My life is very exciting. Anyway, I had to eat an egg salad sandwich (blech.) that contained a radioactive liquid so that they could watch it move through my system. I got to watch it on the MRI screen and boy was it glow-y! And radioactive-y. Yeah.

Did you know that many police officers now carry Gieger counters to measure for radioactivity out there? Yep, apparently they do. So the hospitals around here are now required to give you a note explaining that you've had a medical test that includes radioactive material and that's why you're setting off their Gieger counters. People actually get pulled over for setting off Gieger counters. So I had my note to prove that no, I'm not a terrorist, just a person with a strange stomach disorder.

Of course, the story doesn't end here. My mind wanders...

So this radioactivity is still running through me. And what goes in, must come out. See where I'm heading with this? Anyway, I'm not sure what exactly caused the gaseousness, but visions of mushroom cloud flatulence came to me with every eruption.

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And I began to wonder if radioactive poop would glow. Would my toilet now be considered a toxic waste dump? These are the things that make me think...

So if you hear any weird news stories about terrorists digging up septic tanks, now you'll know why. You're welcome.

11 comments:

saphyreplatypus said...

ROFLMAO! you had me at "mushroom cloud flatulence". Although it does make you wonder, what if a large enough group per capita took this test at the same time? I hope they keep track of things like that so as to not overload the system! :)

Helen said...

Talk about weapons of mass destruction...

jasonS said...

Wow, this post really has it all! Yes, I'm proud to be an American. :)

I do have a question, why did it have to be egg salad? Does that help carry the radioactive material better for some reason? I'm with you though- blech.

JC Dude said...

I can see the "glow" from here...very funny post!

Wendy said...

Well Jason, it's because it had to go in with a specific amount of protein, fat and carbohydrates. Plus 7 ounces of water. So that's what they put it in. I think they also like to do it to inflict pain and suffering, but that's just me.

katdish said...

Radioactive egg salad sammich? Who'd of thought? I would think egg salad would make you more gassy. My experience, anyway.

Duane Scott said...

You won.

You are the most disturbed person this Thursday.

I am just roaring. I mean, who doesn't love a good fart joke.

~Brenda said...

I've had that test many times!! Only I can't eat the sandwich (gluten), so they just feed me the most disgusting hard boiled egg EVERRRRRR. Makes me gag just thinking about it.

WHat is your stomach condition?? I have a stomach condition too!! We are two peas in a pod!!

Ok, I'm done.

Wait, did your poop glow? Mine didn't. LOL

HisFireFly said...

This is disturbing indeed. I may never be able to eat another egg salad sandwich again.

Mansi said...

There is no outdoing this! I hope, since I am almost as disturbed, that you'll take pictures of the glowing poop and they'll become the most rapidly shared internet meme :D

Kelli said...

LOL!!! That is really disturbed and hilariously funny! I can't believe you left us hanging like that! You owe us an update!