This week's twitter ho-down. Now your life can go on.

*insert witty introduction here* Now that that's out of the way...

The one-liners

My doctor thinks I'm paranoid. He didn't say it, but I knew that's what he was thinking. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Going to go shower now. You're welcome.

It really is all about the cheese, isn't it?

No, that's not a 3rd eyeball sprouting in the middle of my forehead. #auntfloscallingcard

Alright, who ate the last of the %#$^! chocolate?! #auntfloscallingcard

No, Costco DIDN'T have a bigger bag of chocolate bars than this one. #auntfloscallingcard

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "CALM DOWN!"? #auntfloscallingcard




A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat If it's wrong, I don't want to be right.

rntammyp @sarahmsalter @weightwhat Eww!! Bad country song lyrics!! :p

weightwhat @rntammyp You say that as if there are good country song lyrics.




sarahmsalter @markeze I've never heard of it, never had it, & it looks really disgusting. #justbeinghonest

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS




CandySteele Just sent a text to a female colleague & told her I loved her. It was supposed to go to my traveling hubs. #oops #womance

weightwhat @CandySteele Just how long HAS your husband been gone?




The ones that are even longer

Schnik @weightwhat Well, it's about time you showed up.

weightwhat @Schnik I'm an incredibly busy and important person.

Schnik @weightwhat That underwater basket-weaving class takes up lots of time, does it?

weightwhat @Schnik It really does.




weightwhat @katdish Were you looking for a Halloween costume for Buddy Love? http://twitpic.com/2gmwg1

katdish @weightwhat I must have that costume.

weightwhat @katdish I thought you might like that.

CandySteele Sweet Abby, best DIL ever, feeds @RonSteele7 gummi bears & lemonade. http://twitpic.com/2gx3dy

weightwhat @CandySteele Is she sugaring him up before sending him home?

CandySteele @weightwhat Yup. #stuffhedoesntgetathome

weightwhat @CandySteele Oh, Candy. That looks like another unfortunate hashtag...

CandySteele @weightwhat Dang. Don't tell Nick




SBeeCreations Hungry, but all I want is junk food.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I just popped a piece of Hershey Bar in my mouth as I read your tweet.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat snack tease

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Mmmmm... Melty...




And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat YO MAMA!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yo-yo.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Wuttup, G?!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Hangin' with my posse, yo.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I thought your peeps had flown the crib.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Nah, dog! We're just chillin' and listening to ABBA. Uh, I mean DJ Homey Z. Yeah. Like that.

redclaydiaries Of 2 sick kids, 1 got MUCH better during day, & 1 got much worse. Abby slept thru dinner & had a fever of 101. AND I think I'm getting sick.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I told you that you shouldn't lick your kids, but did you listen to me? NoooOOOoooo...

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Don't lick the children. #thingsyouneverexpecttosayasaparent

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Once again, I'm forced to be the voice of reason.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Clearly, that is the mantle you are destined to carry. Being so reasonable & all.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries It's tough being so gifted. And humble.

weightwhat It's a Classic Twitter Ho-down post! (yeah, it's a repost) The return of @sarahmsalter's underwear! http://tinyurl.com/22wf9km

sarahmsalter @weightwhat GAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter What? *looking innocent*

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I see that @br8kthru is also prominently featured. Why didn't you throw him under the bus in your tweet?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Fine, I'll do another tweet and throw @br8kthru under the bus, just for you.

weightwhat Does @br8kthru REALLY wear Superman underpants? You decide. http://tinyurl.com/22wf9km

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Oh, man. Now I'm going to have to apologize to @br8kthru... (Sorry, dude.)

br8kthru @weightwhat @sarahmsalter wow, when you guys throw someone under the bus, you mean business. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru It could have been worse. I could have brought back br8kdish.

sarahmsalter @br8kthru Dude, I so apologize. But then, I am thankful to not be recovering from @weightwhat's special version of road rash by myself.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter @br8kthru I'm a giver!

WritingJoy @weightwhat Good afternoon! I've sent 2 kids to school, washed/dried 1 1/2 loads of laundry, and been to Costco. How 'bout you? :D

weightwhat @WritingJoy Still in my jammies, watched some DVR'd tv, gave my daughter a PopTart. It's been a busy morning.

WritingJoy @weightwhat You're a role model for stay-at-home moms everywhere.

weightwhat @WritingJoy I really am! And it's not even 9:30 yet!

WritingJoy @weightwhat I'm scribbling notes madly as I strive to imitate your SAHM excellence.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Hey, motherly perfection isn't all glitz and glam. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pose for my monument.

katdish Snort! I just deleted a spam comment from "naked gymnast". Now there's a niche market.

weightwhat @katdish Wow, that brings up a lot of unpleasant mental pictures.

katdish @weightwhat Yes. The balance beam event alone makes me shudder.

weightwhat @katdish And don't even get me started on the uneven bars.

Helenatrandom @katdish pommel horse.

katdish @weightwhat Ewh! Or the pommel horse! Gaaa!

katdish @Helenatrandom Great minds...

weightwhat @katdish @Helenatrandom Great minds/sick minds. Potato/potahto.

katdish @Helenatrandom And the person using the pommel horse next.

weightwhat @katdish GAAAAAA!!!!

katdish @duane_scott @billycoffey says I'm a bad mom for not putting school stickers on my car, but he's just being disagreeable.

weightwhat @katdish I think you should put school stickers on @billycoffey's car. He's clearly not supportive enough of your kids.

katdish @weightwhat Cyber fist bump

billycoffey @weightwhat There's no room on mine. It's covered with Wendy stickers.

weightwhat @billycoffey If that's really the case, then you'll just have to change your car horn over so it'll play @katdish's kid's school fight song.

katdish @billycoffey Oh, stop trying to flatter your way into @weightwhat taking your side.

billycoffey @katdish I don't have to. I know @weightwhat likes me best.

Blah, blah, blah. *insert seemingly heartfelt but actually snarky message here* See you next week.