Friday, December 10, 2010

Visions of Twitter Ho-downs Danced in Their Heads

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Who's ready for a Twitter Ho-down? Well, just for fun, I'm throwing in a video clip first. Why? Because I love Elf. And it's my blog. And you're not the boss of me. So there.




The one-liners


Sorry to hear about the whole "losing your mind thing." But I know you pretty well and I don't think you'll miss it. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has obviously never seen me doing nothing. (RT @funnyoneliners)

Me, snuggling The Baby:"Today is special. It's your last day to be 3. Tomorrow you'll turn 4! Are you excited?" Baby:"I need to pee, mom." (RT @TheRustedChain)

You might be a Redneck if all your matching salad bowls have "Cool Whip" written on the side. (RT @MidnightViews)

Okay, I'm here and waiting for someone to entertain me. Aaaaaaand go.

7 y/o daughter's joke 'o the day: "Why was the snowman in the vegetable garden? ... Because he was picking his nose!" (RT @KimMance)

I'm sinngggging! I'm in a store and I'm siiiiinngggging! (RT @beckfromfrogandtoad)


The ones that are a little bit longer


katdish Yikes! http://plixi.com/p/60932668

weightwhat @katdish Merry Christmas. I AM WATCHING YOU!

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pagan43 Still waiting for Z to bring up rest of the decorations . 'specially the Lady Leg Lamp. Should I shoot his eye out or just nag ?

weightwhat @pagan43 I just keep my leg lamp up all year to avoid this kind of situation. And yes, it's in my front window.

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kelybreez @weightwhat Crossing Death Valley as we speak. Exactly where am I headed?

weightwhat @kelybreez Wait, why did you get off the yellow brick road? Weren't the instructions clear enough? Follow the yellow brick road.



makeadiff21 So. Any advice on how to keep kids from whining and arguing with each other on Christmas morning?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Duct tape.



The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations @weightwhat How are you doing today, munchkin?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I'm a munchkin?! When did that happen?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Tuesday. You really should pay closer attention.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Come to think of it, I did notice my voice getting a little squeakier...



saphyreplatypus @weightwhat busy day here, I'll be running around like I've got squirrels in my pants today. How about you m'lady?

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus What I really want to know is, DO you have squirrels in your pants?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat S to the I to the M to the P, squirrels in my pants!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Wow. She had actual squirrels in her pants. We just got served.




SBeeCreations Sick to death of excuses #vaugetweet

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How do you really feel?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat purely sweetness and light! (can't you tell?)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You're not trying to infringe on my trademark now, are you?



weightwhat @redclaydiaries Does someone need a Snuggie?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat YES. My daughter STOLE my Snuggie, if you can believe that. I might have to punish her with a dead squirrel in her bed.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Do you keep dead squirrels on hand for just such an occassion?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat As a matter of fact I do. Did u read Hannah's guest post on my blog yesterday? http://tinyurl.com/2ckk37b



And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones


dlrayburn @duane_scott A Speedos for Christ campaign? money raised to go towards Pure Water. If a certain amount is donated, we post Speedo pics.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Are you trying to not raise money?

dlrayburn @weightwhat No that's why they change to if not enough donations we post pics.

dlrayburn @weightwhat My wife will be first in line to write the check to keep the pics from going live.

weightwhat @dlrayburn I'm going to go rifle through my sofa cushions looking for loose change now.

kelybreez @weightwhat I was rifling thru my sofa cushions one time & found a rifle I had lost.

weightwhat @kelybreez Those things just turn up in the strangest places, don't they? I found mine in the refrigerator once. No idea how that happened.



br8kthru At my wife's work party. About to start the ugly Christmas sweater contest. This should be fun. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Did you wear a Christmas sweater vest?

CandySteele @weightwhat @br8kthru Silly girl, Wendy. He wore his sweater shorts. With a bow. http://bit.ly/i0LsXC

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br8kthru @weightwhat nope, I'm not, but my wife is http://ow.ly/i/64oi it's more disturbing in person.

Owly Images

weightwhat @br8kthru Ummm... Is that, uh, flourish thing actually attached?

br8kthru @weightwhat yes, her nickname is Harry Boob. It's Santa's beard. Santa's a perv.




ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat How are ya today?

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Doing okay. You?

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Not too shabby. Tired. Headed to the walmarts in a bit. Attempting to build a new light box.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Good luck with that. The walmarts part, I mean.

ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Oh yes. I'm hoping everyone will be at work when I go and it will not be busy. HA! Wishful thinking right?

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher What color is the sky in your world?




Your weekend may now begin. You're welcome.

7 comments:

katdish said...

Um...er...wow...

I have to shut down my computer now. The sweater shorts! Ugh! What has been seen cannot be unseen!

saphyreplatypus said...

Wow, looking at that sweater all I've got is a WOW! lol! and I can only imagine what fun the squirrels would have in sweater pants!

Casey said...

I have GOT to get my hands on some of those sweater shorts. I shall call them sworts.

I see you saved the *best* for last. Not that I am biased or anything.

SarahBeeCreations said...

I missed the Sweater shorts! Sworts, *snort*
S to the I to the M to the P!
Now it's stuck in my head.

Ahhh, finally time to start the weekend. So glad you posted a Ho-down and without any nagging...thoughtful reminders... this time ;P

SarahBeeCreations said...

And I missed Harry Boob!
I hope she won

Kristi Fornshell pagan43 on the twitter said...

Lady Leg Lamp is still in basement, however, I cannot be bothered with that right now.
Rushing Z to ER as it seems as though he " fell " on his BB gun while he was sleeping ( or in the shower )
or while or while he was pouring coffee.
The details are rather hazy , I of course was MILES from home !!! He may or may not be sporting an eye patch for a few weeks.
Do they make ugly sweater eye patches ?
Yes Shirley I jest.

jasonS said...

Okay, how did I miss this last week. Totally epic! :)