What your kids REALLY need under the tree

Okay parents, it's time to step up your Christmas gift buying game here. Enough of the easy gifts like Barbies and Legos. You need to go for something different. Something unique. Something that will earn the envy of all of your kid's classmates when they get back to school after the Christmas break. Yeah, I'm talkin' special gifts. "But Wendy," one may ask, "where do I find such gifts?" As you all know by now, I'm a giver, so I've done the difficult part for you. I've found the perfect gifts. It wasn't easy, because if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. So all the way from Germany, I present to you... the gifts that every child needs to find under the tree this year.

Snotty Snotter - because kids don't have enough snot as it is. And really? Aren't you always looking for new and exciting ways to play with the things that come out of your nose?

Schweine Schwarte - a good way to teach your kids about healthy eating habits by showing them that their stomachs may indeed explode if they eat too many hamburgers. Another benefit? Getting to explain that hamburgers are, in fact, not made of ham at all and therefore, our piggy friend here is not really a cannibal. Good thing the pig isn't eating hot dogs. No one needs to have that conversation.

Kackel Dackel - because your kids keep asking for a puppy for Christmas, but all you keep thinking is, "Who's gonna clean up the poop?" With this toy, your kids will! Then they'll re-feed it back to the toy dog, which of course, will be just like having real live puppies with they're penchant for eating poop. Now don't tell Katdish this, but I'm thinking of sending her one of these for Christmas. Buddy Love just isn't supplying her with enough poop on his own.

So there you go. You can now successfully finish your Christmas shopping. Merry and bright people. Merry and bright.