Wendy can't write her blog post today because she's been mostly dead for a while now. Don't worry. I gave her a miracle pill and she'll be fine. She just needs to wait at least an hour before writing.
When Wendy asked me to do a guest post about love, I thought sure. I mean, who knows more about love than me, right? And it really is true - there's nothing better than true love besides a nice mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich. Or cough drops. Or chocolate. But besides those things, love is right up there.
Don't roll your eyes at me, witch!
Really Max? You're gonna go there again?
Fine. People, this is my wife, Valerie. Valerie, this is people. Happy now?
Overjoyed. So what do you think you can tell these people about love?
Hey, I've been married to you for more than 80 years, I should know something.
Don't make me roll my eyes at you again.
Do ya mind? I'm trying to write a post here.
Don't let me stop you.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, love. You think love happens every day? Hah? Okay, yeah, it does. What? You were expecting something different? Look around. People everywhere are loving each other. Sure, there are other not-so-nice feelings going on out there, too, but love is all over the place.
The real question is why we love.
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret here: We wouldn't be able to love unless we had been loved first. It was a gift that was given us. A miracle if you will. And believe you me, I know miracles.
That was really nice, Max.
Thank you, Valerie. I do what I can.
I love you, Max.
I love you, too, Valerie.
Want to see what other people have to say about love? Then take a look-see at the One Word at a Time blog carnival. There's love all over the place there. Miraculous.
It's the last Life is Funny blog carnival of the year! Are you going to play? Sign up below with Mr. Linky to join the frivolity.
Christmas is a time for families to gather together and enjoy traditions passed down through the years. My family doesn't really have a lot of traditions, and most of the ones we do have are new additions for us. But there is one tradition that has stood the test of time and was upheld, once again, at my house: The losing of the gifts. What? You don't practice this in your family? Well, it goes way back in my family. Gifts are put into hiding places for safe-keeping until Christmas, but then they mysteriously disappear before being recovered. Part of the magic of Christmas, I guess.
I remember my parents losing gifts when I was a kid, only to find them months after Christmas. Some gifts are never found again, even after packing up a house and moving. Perhaps they end up in the land of the lost socks. But every year it happens. I've tried to get around this family tradition by claiming one of the closets in my house as the gift closet, yet the outcome is still the same. Fortunately for me, this year it was only stocking stuffers that fell into the void. I guess it's kind of lucky for my husband this year since the stocking stuffers in question included coal for his stocking. It just baffles me though. I shouldn't be surprised when gifts turn up missing anymore, yet it gets to me every year. Where do these things go? I just don't know. On the upside, by the time I finally find this year's missing gifts, the coal could turn to diamonds...
Merry Christmas!!! I hope that you and your loved ones have a blessed Christmas that is full of hope and joy. This Christmas season was made even more special for me a couple of weeks ago when my precious daughter asked Jesus into her heart. There are no words to fully describe my joy! My cup overflows.
May the reason for the season fill your hearts to overflowing, too!
Once again, it's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival! Woo-hoo! Feel free to join in and sign up with Mr. Linky below. Mr. Linky loves the attention.
Last week I started the tale of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. If you haven't read it, go on back now and take a peek. We'll wait.
Done yet? No?
How about now?
Now?
Finally. So, the covert decorating operation continued. We added bell garland and snowflake ornaments.
We ran into a little trouble when we tried to hang the snowflakes - the hanging loops weren't so much loops as knotted up pieces of glitter-covered string that wasn't about to hang on anything. My daughter was trying to just lay the snowflakes on the branches when I had to stop her by yelling, "AAAAAA!!! Abort mission! Abort mission!" Then there was much running around and craziness comparable to modern day Keystone Cops. Good times.
After adding new loops to the snowflakes, those were put on again. A few days later we added plastic candy canes.
Isn't my daughter's hat lovely? I put it together for crazy hat day at school. Anyway, back to the tree. We had a good amount of wind here one day, and as I drove by the tree, I saw that some of the decorations had fallen down. Not wanting to stop and fix it in the middle of the day, I drove on by. The next morning when we went to fix it, someone else had beaten us to it! I have no idea who joined us in our little tree caper, but found it funny that someone else has gotten involved now.
It looks like our tree adventures are done for the year now. Why? Because I'm out of ornaments. It's tempting to go out and get more, but I don't know that my wallet or the little tree could handle much more right now. It sure has been fun though! I hope my daughter keeps this as a fun memory. I think she's had a good time being a sneaky little elf.
Okay, as promised, now it's your turn!Go on. You know you want to join in. It'll be fun!
It's Saturday Silliness time here at Weight...What? So for your viewing pleasure, I present you with a clip from Elf. If you haven't seen this movie before (not mentioning any names, Sarah), I highly recommend it.
It's Twitter H0-down time people! Did you know that you can join in on the fun? Head over to Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants and sign up! C'mon, you can do it! And now, let the revelry begin!
The one-liners
@makeadiff21 Sorry, I only use my powers for good. *snort*
@sarahmsalter What would your grandmother say about you watching an R rated movie? Shameful! Next thing you know it'll be colored undies.
@sarahmsalter You never let me punch anyone in the neck anymore.
Okay, time for me to hit the hay, too. That'll teach it.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yeah...You know how many parties I've gone too where they refuse to play that song because they know I'll start spanking myself?
weightwhat @br8kthru Asking people to pull your finger constantly might have been a clue.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Remember when I was lamenting the lack of skanky male ho's on twitter (as a joke). Well....Guess who (or what) is following me
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Oh Helen, you're so lucky! How did you become a skanky man-ho magnet?
The ones that are even longer
marni71 @weightwhat @billycoffey Um, yeah. There is doll furniture on there that cost more than my regular furniture. WTFrak?
And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones
sarahmsalter @BridgetChumbley You could probably finish online, if you place your orders today. Or do what I'm doing. Go to Walmart & get 'em gift cards.
It's that time of year again! Time for the possible onslaught of gifts you never dreamed possible. And by that, I mean the truly tacky and/or thoughtless gifts given to you by people who claim to be your friends or family members. C'mon, we've all gotten them.
One of my all-time favorite tacky gifts came from my grandma. With grandma's gifts, you just learned to put on that fake smile and say thank you. But this year was above and beyond her usual gift giving skills. She got my sister and me polyester mumuus. Oh, they were fanciful. I can't remember if I was in junior high or high school at the time, but clearly they were meant for someone over 70 on their way to a vacation in Boca. Luckily for me, I'm all about the tacky. So I took my mumuus, and those of my sister who was more than happy to be rid of them, and put them into my costume box. And yes, I have worn one. In public. Fear me.
So, what have you gotten for Christmas that's been, um, memorable? I'm inviting my tens of readers to take over my comment section to share/purge/find a happy place and tell the rest of us about the oh-so-special gifts you've gotten over the years. Remember, laughter is theraputic. And we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you. Okay, maybe we're kinda laughing at you...
Okay, I'll fess up right off the bat. This is a repost. There. I feel so much better. But why am I doing a repost? Because I'm too darn lazy to come up with anything new it fits the guidelines for Bridget's One Word at a Time Carnival. The word for this week's carnival? "Church." So without further ado...
Back when we lived in California, we were trying to find a new church home. We went to a few different churches, but none of them seemed to be a fit for us. But we kept on trying.
Until one Sunday anyway.
That particular Sunday we went to a church that one of our neighbor families went to. They seemed pretty normal, so what could go wrong?
Plenty.
The service started out in a normal fashion. There was worship music, announcements and such. But then the pastor came out to give the sermon... The topic? "Prepare to die well."
Um, what?
Yeah. We sat there and wondered what we had gotten ourselves into.
But it didn't end there.
After the sermon, the pastor announced that they would be having communion. My husband and I looked at each other wide-eyed and I said, "Don't drink the Kool Aid!" Let me tell ya, we high-tailed it out of there right away.
After that, we decided that our old church wasn't so bad...
It's time for more Life is Funny! Do you have something to share? I think you do! Sign up below with Mr. Linky. C'mon, show the poor guy some love.
Christmas, the time for mischief. No, I'm not confusing it with Halloween. It's the perfect time because you can blame it on the elves. What's making it extra fun this year is getting my daughter involved in the shenanigans. My husband just shakes his head at us. So, just what kind of high jinks are we up to? Let's just say it involves a tree in our neighbor's yard...
Kinda looks like a sad little Charlie Brown tree, doesn't it? It sits right on the edge of the neighbor's property and it's the first thing you see when turning on to our road. They just planted it this year, so it's still on the small side. It was fun to see their pathetic attempt addition of ornaments to the little tree for Christmas. But not being able to leave well enough alone, I decided that the tree needed a bit of sprucing up. Get it? Sprucing? Nevermind. Anyway, I got my daughter involved and she's beside herself with excitement over our stealth mission to add more decorations a little at a time without getting caught.
We went over to the dollar store and picked up a bunch of stuff, then let the tomfoolery begin! We started out with the tree topper. It was a bit heavy for that tiny little top branch, so I had to go back another day and tie a stick on to stabilize it. With red ribbon, of course. The tree also boasts new garland. I'll post more pictures in posts to come. But a little at a time is working out nicely. I wonder what the neighbors think...
Did I mention that we barely know our neighbors? It's true. We live on a cul-de-sac of 7 houses, and no one really knows each other. I've gotten to know one of the neighbors a bit because we used to go to the bus stop together, but the rest? Yeah, no idea. I can't even remember the names of the people whose tree we're decorating. I used to know their names. Maybe it'll come back to me. Anyway, I'm thinking they have no clue who could be doing this to their tree. Which makes it kinda fun. I hope they're enjoying it as much as we are. If not, eh. They have no idea who to blame.
Okay, now it's your turn! What would you like to share?
Never question a woman in the depths of a Midol binge. (RT @thedayhascome)
Despite all the controversy, Tiger just picked up 1 more sponsor. This year on the tour he will be keeping his clubs in a bag by Massengill. (RT @MrBigFists)
sarahmsalter Walking the dog in cold rain... I can think of better things to do on a Fri night. Read in front of a fireplace w/ a mug of hot cider maybe.
So, I climbed into my DeLorean today and went to the future. Not far into the future, I just visited tomorrow. Don't believe me? I brought back proof: My Fingerprint Friday blog post for Pampering Beki's blog. Don't say I never gave you anything.
There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that says: I can see the fingerprints of God When I look at you I can see the fingerprints of God And I know its true You're a masterpiece That all creation quietly applauds And you're covered with the fingerprints of God
Angel kisses.
That's my beautiful girl! Now for an update on what's going on with her.We saw the neurologist and her EEG came back clear - a wonderful thing! The doctor thinks the seizure was probably started because she hit her head. God only knows for sure though. No swimming or baths for 6 months as a precaution, then a follow-up appointment. Hopefully there will be no more seizures and she can go back to all her regular activities. While the not knowing just what caused it is tough, I'm so thankful that they didn't find anything seriously wrong during the tests. Thank you to all who have been praying for my little one! You, too, are the fingerprints of God!
Slowly but surely (yes, I called you Shirley), the Christmas decor is going up around my house. Of course, the tree is important and all, but the first thing to go out is usually the Advent calendar.
Gotta get that Christmas countdown going on December 1st or face the wrath of a 7-year old.
You know, you'd think that a child would be thrilled to get little presents every day leading up to Christmas, but that's not always the case. There was the Year of the Play-Doh that came with much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Yup, I bought the multi-pack of the tiny Play-Doh containers that were just the right size to fit in the little Advent boxes. What kid doesn't like Play-Doh, right? Apparently, my kid. It got to the point that she was afraid to open the doors for fear of finding another can of mushy evil behind it. Yet one more reason that I've had a Play-Doh gift pack hidden in the gift closet for years - I wouldn't want to cause any more Play-Doh trauma. *Insert eye-roll here*
December 1st kind of snuck up on me this year. I woke up that morning and realized that I'd forgotten to fill the calendar. Since my daughter would be awake any minute, I only put something in the first box figuring I could do the rest later when she was at school. When my daughter came downstairs and opened the first box in the Advent calendar, I was in the office (probably on Twitter). She came in to show me the new Christmas socks that she just pulled out of the box, then she proceeded to ask me why all the other boxes were empty. "Um, why were you looking in the other boxes, child of mine?"
DOH!
Yup, totally busted. She's still working on the art of sneakiness. So close...
Well, there you have it - a Doh two-fer. Okay, to tell you the truth, I didn't even notice it was a two-fer until I was more than halfway through the post. Maybe I should have typed out Play-Doh a few more times... Anyway, now it's your turn! C'mon, I know you've got something to share with the rest of the class!
It's Saturday Silliness time! Now if you're like me, you've spent many a sleepless night wondering just how monks who have taken a vow of silence make a joyful noise to the Lord. What? That hasn't kept you up at night? Why is it that only I think of these things? Anyway, question answered:
So I've been doing the Parenting 101 posts for a little while now, but there has been a cry from the desert. More of a whine actually. Kids are feeling underrepresented, as noted in the following email I received:
Dear Wendy, Keeper of All Knowledge,
I'm a kid and I feel underrepresented. Why do you only impart your wisdom to adults? We, the young and disenfranchised, need guidance, too. How are we to live out our childhood to the fullest without your mentoring? Please help us!
Signed, Young and In Need of Revenge Guidance
Well, Young and In Need of Revenge Guidance, you've come to the right place. I'll start off with a biggie...
Getting Your Own Way
Crying, whining, throwing yourself on the floor having a tantrum - all of these are common ways kids will try to get their own way. But do you want to be like every other kid in Walmart? Or do you want to up your game?
You need to go for a drag. Lay on the floor and grab the shopping cart, then scream bloody murder while your parent drags you around the store. It takes years for parents to figure out a defense for this one. You'll have years of getting whatever you want using this tactic. But what happens when the magic wears off and your parent starts ignoring this behavior? Keep doing it, because someone is bound to call Child Protective Services on your parents, and as everyone knows, CPS has the best lollipops and hot chocolate. Either way, you win.
It's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival! I know. You're excited. But did you really need to piddle on the floor? You'll get your chance to join in at the end, okay? Mr. Linky is so excited I think he might piddle himself, too.
I'm doing something a little different today. I saw this video this week and almost hurt myself laughing so hard. So without further ado...
I'd so be that nun... Just one more thing to add to the long list of why I'd never make it as a nun.
So, are you ready to join in? Sign up below while I get a rolled up newspaper to smack Mr. Linky's nose.
It's Saturday Silliness time! And I've just got to ask, who braved the shopping malls yesterday? Anyone? Anyone? Did you learn your lesson? Online shopping is so much safer...
It's Thanksgiving week, so things were a bit slow on the old Twitter for me. Does that mean there won't be a Twitter Ho-down post? Of course not! Why should a lack of content slow me down?
The one-liners
Huh. Is it weird that I was listening to the Clash while driving my minivan?
Gotta run to the bus stop. And in case you're wondering, yes.
Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It's really easy. The correct answer to every question is: 'Because of my mother." (RT @funnyoneliners)
@makeadiff21 In case you didn't notice, I'm ignoring you. Hmph. If God hadn't meant for us to overeat on Thanksgiving, He wouldn't have invented elastic waist pants.
br8kthru @weightwhat leave my cockles out of this- they refuse to be manipulated...
weightwhat @br8kthru But how do you warm your cockles without them being manipulated?
weightwhat Okay, gotta run. And Jason? I'm hoping to see an @br8kthru /Flo mashup when I return. I don't need to see your warmed cockles though.
I'm sad to say that Jason did not do one of his infamous mashups for me. I know, it's a sad story and there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Feel free to complain to him on Twitter at @br8kthru or his blog. He likes complaining.
I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving, one way or another... And best of luck to those who are going to go out shopping tomorrow. Just one more reason to try the Prozac turkey.
Okay, it's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival. Who's in? Mr. Linky is standing by...
While I'm still not over the loss of last week's note, my daughter has stepped up and given me another one this week. Instead of the usual "I have the meanest mommy in the world" theme she usually goes with, she's moved on to guilt and trying to use it for her own personal gain. Oh yeah, she's good.
Saturday morning I woke up with a horrendous sinus headache. How my head did not explode is beyond me. Anyway, the kiddo had decided that she wanted to go out to see Grandma and PopPop. After discussing it with my sinuses, I decided that it just wasn't going to happen. Something about driving while I could barely open my eyes made that the sensible choice. But did that stop my daughter from asking repeatedly throughout the day if she could go out there? Have I told you about my daughter before? There was no peace to be found that day. Perhaps she thought that in my weakened state I'd forget that I'd told her no a gazillion times. Not so much. So she moved on to a new tactic: The note.
It says, "I want to go to grandma's house today not tomorrow because I don't want to go tomorrow can daddy take me yes or no?" They're still working on punctuation and such in school. Anyway, please notice the many tears running down the face on the picture she drew of herself. Heartwrenching, isn't it? While many parents would cave under this kind of pressure, I stood my ground. Or sofa, as the case may be. Hey, I didn't win the "Meanest Mommy of the Year" award for nothing.
Okay, okay. I'm taking her over there today, God willin' and the creek don't rise. But I still win, right? Right? Hello?
Now it's your turn. What will you be sharing with us this week?
Okay, I'll start off with the latest about my daughter: We still know nothing. Ugh. She had an EEG done yesterday, and while we do know that nothing horrendous showed up, the tech hinted that something was there but wouldn't tell me what. Gotta wait for the doctor to fill me in on that one. Oh, and the doctor is leaving the country today for two weeks. Looking for a nice brick wall to hit my head against. She's also wearing a continuous glucose monitor that checks her blood sugar every 5 minutes. We'll have the results on that read next Tuesday. More waiting. Have I mentioned that I hate waiting? Anyway, a little levity is a nice thing right now, which is why I love Twitter so much. Who doesn't love to laugh? So on to the Twitter Ho-down with Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants!
The one-liners
Attn: Substitute bus driver - FEAR THE JAMMIES!
The difference between intelligence and stupidity is--intelligence has a limit. (via @funnyoneliners)
Asked my wife what she would put in the paper if I died. She said, "Boat for sale." RT @northpacific
RT @funnyoneliners Think twice before you speak. This may enable you to say something more insulting than if you had spoke out at once.
@Helenatrandom I'm going to DM you. Yes, I'm that kind of a girl.
My daughter caught my husband watching iCarly earlier. He was by himself. Should I be worried?
RT @funnyoneliners What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo gets before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles.
A little bit longer ones
makeadiff21 @weightwhat Hey, saw our neighborhood 'mommy in jammies at the bus stop' this morning. It's just too funny!
br8kthru @weightwhat if ever there were 2 words never to be uttered together it is 'prune' & 'brownies.' You just made Jesus cry.
SBeeCreations @weightwhat They don't call them prunes anymore. Had to get some juice for daughter and they call it "dried plum" to make it more appealing
weightwhat @SBeeCreations Some poor person could be suckered in and won't know what's going on until the colon blow hits.
weightwhat @br8kthru Man, you're just a TWSS waiting to happen tonight, aren't you?
Yes, it was a busy week on the Twitter. Diversion is a good thing! I really want to thank all of you who have been praying for my kiddo. I truly appreciate it!
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