Get comfy. It's the Twitter Ho-down.

Get yourself nice and comfy. You're gonna be here a while.

The one-liners

I have two guys pressure washing my decks, and by "pressure washing my decks" I mean "pressure washing my decks." Sorry to disappoint. (RT @AuntMarvel)

The new Ho-down post is done! It's freakishly short. TWSS.

Cheetos. The breakfast of champions. Champions of what, I'm just not sure.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? (RT @forces2)

There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots. (RT @BIGE8UP)

I just found the present that I'd lost that was supposed to be for my husband's birthday. In July.

The ones I may or may not have tweeted in DM's - I admit to nothing

That was truly disturbing.

Okay, gotta go get my one comfy bra out of the dryer now so I can go shopping for chicken feed. #noreallyiamnotahick

Someone put a giant bag of Cheetos in front of me and I can't stop eating them. I'm not sayin' who that someone is.

I told you it would hurt. If it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right. Strange, but true.

Good to know I haven't completely lost my marbles.

C'mon! Squeeze the Charmin!

Someone's being difficult and it's you.

Doesn't everybody like to get a heavy breathing call close to midnight?

You'd think they'd be used to it by now...

Much easier when you're close enough to slap 'em up side the head.

Can I offer you a wedgie then?

Just so you know, I'm raising an eyebrow at you.

1. Raspberry is really hot pink. 2. It leads to raspberry berets. 3. Which leads to Prince, the little purple freak.

Oh, the humanity!

Then he won't be suspecting it when I smack him upside the head... Excellent.

*facepalm*

They have bumpers. I like bumpers.

Maybe I should start referring to myself in the royal 'we' form. Or perhaps in the third person. Hmmm... We will ponder this.

The ones that are a little bit longer

weightwhat I'm here! I know. You're thrilled.

GretchenSaalbac @weightwhat I had to sit down.

weightwhat @GretchenSaalbac Would you like a paper bag to breathe into?



SBeeCreations @Helenatrandom I could use some teacherly advice. LO is *still* talking in class. Punishment at home isn't working. Any suggestions?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Shock collar.



Helenatrandom Poor telemarketer....she asked for mom... I think I shook her up when I said she's been dead for 7 months, but can talk to me instead...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom That's one way to get yourself on the 'do not call' list.



Schnik Ugh. I can't believe that adults think this is ok to leave for me to clean up.

weightwhat @Schnik When you get done with that, I've got a sink full of dishes with your name on it.



sarahmsalter @weightwhat I had a horrible realization today. I have no cookies. *GASP*

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Clearly it is the end of days.

stretchmarkmama Put a dead spider in the toilet today. Thus providing my boys with some good, wholesome fun.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama *snort*

dlrayburn My only comment would end up on circus...I plead the fifth.

weightwhat @dlrayburn I hate to break it to ya...

marni71 When the Cone of Shame is not enough...http://bit.ly/9AvNPq

weightwhat @marni71 BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Behave!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Why should I start now?



Schnik @sarahmsalter @weightwhat @diam0ndhead94 That's alright Sarah, Wendy is having a "Me Me Me Me Moment" #arewehavingfunyet

weightwhat @Schnik And? Dearest Nick, haven't you learned that it really IS all about me yet?



weightwhat Okay Portland/Vancouver, are you ready for @sarahmsalter and me? Be very afraid...

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat probably good that you warn the masses, wouldn't want anyone caught off guard

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Yes, it's the right thing to do. Gives people a chance to gird their loins.




The ones that are even longer

marni71 Two grasshoppers are mating on the window screen by my desk. They've been at this for AN HOUR. Kudos little grasshoppers. ;-)

weightwhat @marni71 So, have you been watching them for the entire hour? *brown chicken brown cow*

marni71 @weightwhat They won't get a room (despite me yelling that at them 4 times now). I'm about to find a can of Raid and end it ;-)

weightwhat @marni71 Sounds like a blog post waiting to happen...



katdish @CandySteele Oooo! Will you make me some homemade jerky?

CandySteele @katdish OMDB (over my dead body)

Helenatrandom @CandySteele That wouldn't make tasty jerky at all....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom *snort*



CandySteele @Helenatrandom But all you taste is the jerk. You don't taste the meat.

weightwhat @CandySteele TWSS

CandySteele @weightwhat OMgee. I was talking to Helen, you know. Context is king.

weightwhat @CandySteele Context shmontext.



katdish You would think digging up a cow pasture would make the air smell horrible. And you would be correct.

weightwhat @katdish Ooo...What is that new scent you're wearing?

katdish @weightwhat It's called 20 year old cow $#*?.

weightwhat @katdish Nice. Not quite as nice as Apocalypse™, but still fabulous.



weightwhat Happy Birthday Steph! A very, um, special birthday post for @redclaydiaries. http://tinyurl.com/2co8twm

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Always thinkin' of ya!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I know. Could you stop that?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Probably not.

dlrayburn THE idea for #DuanesWeddingGift ... I just found the perfect gift. For real: http://bit.ly/dCSp1g <~~ THIS IS IT!

sarahmsalter @dlrayburn That's udderly disgusting, Dusty!

dlrayburn I can't stop looking at it...What type of person thinks to make this?

weightwhat @dlrayburn Why were you looking at me when you said that?



TheRustedChain "Donuts With Mom" day at school. They expected me to be up and dressed by 7:15! That's craziness.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain What, are jammies not good enough for them?

TheRustedChain @weightwhat Apparently not! I even had to wear a bra.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain GAAAA!!!



SBeeCreations @sarahmsalter he's eating animal crackers right now - well, mashing them and swallowing half

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Heads or tails?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Thus far we are at 66% heads first

weightwhat @SBeeCreations A wise choice.



TheRustedChain You know when you make a typo that turns out to be naughty? Yeah. Glad I caught it before I hit send.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain Why do you ruin my fun? ;o)

WritingJoy You are indeed fortunate @TheRustedChain. @weightwhat will never let you live something like that down! #beentheredonethat

weightwhat @WritingJoy I think someone is just jealous because she hasn't been in the Ho-down for a while...



Helenatrandom My newest pot at random musings: Congratulations DS! And Happy Pleasantly Disturbed... http://t.co/cqY7AUL

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You know Helen, I clicked on the link hoping to see your newest pot, but all I saw was your newest post. What's up with that?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I like my typos... They remind me of @gabbysherri....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You're not going to start stealing shoes though, are you?



Lindatweetsalot Can I get a number, please (1-86) ?

weightwhat @Lindatweetsalot 7.834

Lindatweetsalot @weightwhat Stop it! lol

weightwhat @Lindatweetsalot Admit it - I've got mad number picking skillz.

Lindatweetsalot @weightwhat mad skills....The MADDEST!




And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I'm sorry you're awake and sore. Was it those ninja spider monkeys I sent to entertain you before I get there?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Maybe.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I was afraid that the ninja spider monkeys would be a bit much. They're supposed to go visit @Schnik when they're done with you.

Schnik @sarahmsalter Oh no! You keep your spiders to yourself!

sarahmsalter @Schnik No, honey. They're ninja spider monkeys. A totally different animal.

Schnik @sarahmsalter Nope. If they are related to Spiders. I don't want them.

sarahmsalter @Schnik Hey, monkeys are FUN! Don't you like fun?

Schnik @sarahmsalter Monkeys Fling Poo.

weightwhat @Schnik How about if we just send regular spiders then? No, don't answer that. I'll just send them.

Schnik @weightwhat No Monkeys, No Spiders. Send me nothing with fur or 8 legs, or furry legs for that matter.

weightwhat @Schnik Hey, love me, love my furry legs.

dlrayburn @sarahmsalter @Helenatrandom We need to do pleasantly disturbed posts tomorrow and focus on wedding gifts/ideas for @duane_scott

weightwhat @dlrayburn What, am I TOO disturbed to be invited in to this? I see how you are. HMPH!

dlrayburn @weightwhat No this should be right up your alley. Didn't know you were lurking!

weightwhat @dlrayburn Hey, you just keep your hands off my alley, mister.

dlrayburn @weightwhat Speechless. Gonna go call my wife now.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Maybe you could borrow @sarahmsalter's closet so you can rock back and forth in it.

sarahmsalter @duane_scott I'll bet @weightwhat would like to get in on this! @dlrayburn @Helenatrandom #weddinggiftsforthenewlyweds

duane_scott @sarahmsalter That was really mean to bring in @weightwhat. Really mean. I'm dead meat.

weightwhat @duane_scott What? I'm Sweetness and Light™.

dlrayburn @weightwhat lost me on that one

weightwhat @dlrayburn You don't know that I'm Sweetness and Light™? It's true. The crazy thing is just a rumor about me.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat @dlrayburn Unlike me... I truly am out of my gourd... salsa anyone?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I didn't know we were at the grocery store...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat We are not... I am just demonstrating the depth of my reason to @dlrayburn

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Bummer, because I'm almost out of cereal...

saphyreplatypus my #octoberwish is to get back to checking things off my bucket list, one item a month (at least)

mahjerle @saphyreplatypus Whats on the bucket list??

saphyreplatypus @mahjerle there is lots of world travel on there, and a few charitable things, and some crazy stuff I just want to try.

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Do any of these things involve orangutans in hula skirts?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat oh, so you've seen my list then? or was that a good guess? (there were unicycles too, can't forget those)

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus I was wondering if you'd copied MY bucket list. Looks like I've got my answer. *eyeing you suspiciously*

weightwhat @br8kthru So... Are you gonna entertain me this morning?

br8kthru @weightwhat entertain you... Hmmm. Unless you find tired/brain deficient people entertaining you may be out of luck.

weightwhat @br8kthru I kind of do. In a point and laugh kind of way.

br8kthru @weightwhat well, feel free. I can take it. (TWSS)

weightwhat @br8kthru Well, you're going to have to do something entertaining first. My point and laugh comes at a price, you know.

br8kthru @weightwhat and what would you propose I do?

weightwhat @br8kthru Well, you haven't morphed anyone for quite a while...

br8kthru @weightwhat my goodness, that takes a long time! You came out of the gate with the big guns #mixedmetaphors

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm nothing if not demanding.

br8kthru @weightwhat if I were going to morph someone/something, I would need inspiration

weightwhat @br8kthru Must I do everything?!

br8kthru @weightwhat duh.

weightwhat @br8kthru You make my brain hurt.

br8kthru @weightwhat my work here is done. :)

Hey! You made it! And your eyes are only slightly glazed over... Uh... Yeah... You might want to go have that looked at...