Life is Funny - Everyone needs a crazy friend

Okay people, your lives are funny. Run with it! Join in on the Life is Funny blog carnival below!

My mom has been friends with "V" for a long time. V is creative and artistic. V is also completely nuts. I want to be her when I grow up.

One of V's many talents is that of a floral designer. Not only can she create amazing arrangements, she also has a green thumb at home with an incredible garden to show for it. Mom was always asking her the names of different flowers and V would give her the latin names for them all. So they were at this fancy-schmancy nursery together one day and my mom went to ask the sales guy if they carried a certain type of flower because she really wanted it for her yard. It was at this point that V decided to tell my mom she shouldn't do that... She'd made up all the "latin" names for the flowers because she didn't know what they were. Hey, the names sounded good. Niiiice.

But my all-time favorite V story was when my mom and V were out early one morning driving through a neighborhood. V spotted a woman in front of her house who had come out in a robe, slippers and curlers in her hair. V slowed down, honked and waved at the woman. As she drove off, my mom asked who that was. V's response? "I don't know. I just wanted her to think that someone she knows saw her like that." Classic.

So I've got something to work towards. Crazy is more than a job, it's an adventure!

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.

1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!

2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.

3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.

4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...

5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!

Parenting 101 - The quick fix

As promised, I now bring you the latest edition of Parenting 101. This one's a biggie because it's the answer to so many parenting problems out there. I know, I'm a giver.

Have a child who won't stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off?

Or a child who keeps getting in to things that he/she shouldn't get in to?

A child who just won't stay in bed at bedtime?

An older child who's been sneaking out at night?

Or do you just need some quality "Me Time" during which you don't want to have to worry about what the kids are up to?

Well parents, I have the perfect solution for you:

The Velcro Wall

Yes folks, this is the perfect solution for a multitude of problems. Just suit Junior up and stick him to the wall. Peace of mind is just some hook & loop away. You're welcome.

Now that little Bobby/Betty is taken care of, how about joining in over at the Life is Funny blog carnival? Like the Velcro Wall, it will make your life complete.

Life is Funny - Eavesdropping

Life is funny. Sometimes it's 'funny ha-ha', sometimes it's 'funny strange'. And sometimes it's more of a point and laugh kind of funny. How's your life been lately? Got a story to tell? Then join in the carnival below. We all need a good laugh.

I was sitting in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day waiting to talk to a nurse. I didn't think the wait would be too long, so I didn't bother looking for a magazine to read. Turned out that the entertainment for my wait was just a few seats away from me.

In those seats were two women who looked like they were in their mid- to late 50's. I wasn't paying too much attention until I heard one of them talking about the proper use of a speculum. C'mon ladies, who among you doesn't love a good conversation about the salad tongs of death? So of course I started listening in. Unfortunately, I seemed to come in at the tail-end (*snort*) of that discussion, but here is what came afterward:

'A': You sure are funny.

'B': Yeah, people tell me I should be a stand-up comic a lot.

'A': Oh, you should!

'B': Yeah, but I'd just talk about toilet paper all the time.

'A': Toilet paper?

'B': I hate how toilet paper is always so hard to get off the roller. It really drives me crazy.

'A': Oh, well that's funny.

'B': I remember back in college there was a woman who kept stealing toilet paper rollers. She finally got caught and was arrested.

'A': Arrested for stealing toilet paper?

'B': No, she was pulling the dispensers off the walls.

'A': Huh, I guess that's pretty funny.

'B': Yeah.

At this point I'm wondering just who "all these people" who kept telling her she should be a stand-up comic were. But then...

'A': I wonder what she wanted to do with all those toilet paper dispensers?

'B': I don't know, but it turned out that it wasn't a woman. It was a man dressed up like a woman and he was going around to all the women's restrooms and stealing them.

Apparently they didn't think that last part was comic worthy, but I had to try to stifle my laughing with coughs. A cross-dressing toilet paper dispenser thief? Now that's funny.

I love eavesdropping...

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.


1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!

2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.

3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.

4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...

5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!

Wish my hair would do that

It's back to school time! I know, some of your kids are already back in school (which I just don't understand), but my kiddo has another week and a half until she starts up again. A week and a half before I have to start setting my alarm clock again. Ick. Anyway, this week's Saturday Silliness celebrates the return of school with one of my favorite commercials. Enjoy!

I tweet, therefore I am

Another week, another Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants. Please try to control your excitement.

My post this week is a bit sparse. I wasn't able to get in my last day cram session on Twitter on Thursday like I normally do. My dad went in to the hospital Thursday with a pulmonary embolism (not related to his cancer) so I was over there with my family. Next week I'll try harder to give you eye strain from the sheer length of my post. But for now, I present the best/worst of my week on Twitter...

The one-liners

Anyone know where I can buy a can of 'Skanky Ho Off'? I need to spray Twitter with it.

@PamperingBeki Maybe you should just get Toto now and head to the storm cellar.

@redclaydiaries Big Al's made the Twitter now?!

@stretchmarkmama Um, I'm happy for you?

@emptynestegg The sky, the price of tea in China and at times, my patience. What's up with you?

Okay, I'm here. Talk to me.

@katdish Boom chicka...Oh. Nevermind.

@foreverdebilynn And because you like to see flying cows?

@katdish They should not wake me up like that! They earned my wrath. And my foul morning breath.

@marni71 I'm with you. Some people just NEED a good wedgie.

@katdish Read it. Read the other. People freak me out.

@marni71 Okay, when I first glanced at your tweet I thought you were asking for the recipe for dog yack. Um, eww.

@PuriChristos When you get right down to it, what isn't @katdish's fault?

@br8kthru These are not the droids you're looking for.

@katdish I'm a Twitter Ho extraordinaire. I got skillz.

@katdish Well, isn't that lovely? Now what would happen if that creation and br8kdish mated? Hmmm...?

@br8kthru I know, it will be scary and no good can come of it. All the more reason to do it, don't you think?

@BridgetChumbley Poor Bridget is so sensitive when it comes to scary morphed monstrocities.

@katdish It's @br8kthru that needs to do the morphing - he's the creator of br8kdish and all the horrors associated with it.

@PamperingBeki Yeah, but did you see these? http://bit.ly/16vmRu

Makin' some cookies and doin' the Robot.

Wondering why dinner can't make itself. Do I ask so much?

@br8kthru I know you love your Frankenstein-like creation, but it's freakin' the rest of us out.

@katdish I blame the Belgians. And br8kdish.

@WinLiannefield You lie like a rug.

@Helenatrandom Oh no, Belgium is still on the list. Sneaky little twerps.

@Helenatrandom They may be part of the Twitter/Belgian conspiracy.

@billycoffey I must be blinded by all your glitter. Either that or the sight of you in a bikini.

@PuriChristos "Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." -- Johnny Carson

@WinLiannefield Yes, Finland did hit my blog. They must be in on it with Belgium. Sneaky little countries.

@WinLiannefield And as everyone knows, if you're from Virginia you must be related.

@br8kthru Well, I found out that @WinLiannefield is Phlegmish.

@WinLiannefield Fine. Just be that way about it then. I never knew the Phlegmish were so difficult.

A little bit longer ones

Helenatrandom OK, what does it mean when you hear a cart in the library, and hope it's a drink cart. (It wasn't. It was books to be reshelved.)

weightwhat @Helenatrandom That you love Jesus but you drink a little?

marni71 @br8kthru We're quirky, enigmatic. Butt fat lady was weird, yes. And no filter to determine when and where you ask personal questions.

weightwhat @marni71 And for those who are wondering, it was not me who was asking the butt-lip question.

marni71 I'm pressuring my sister to start Twittering. And by pressure, I mean I'm going old school and pulling her hair and taking her Barbies.

weightwhat @marni71 I find that that's the only way to handle things at times. You should see my Barbie collection now.

br8kthru @weightwhat okay, you're talking about me & I don't know what's going on. I feel like Larry King over here...

weightwhat @br8kthru It was about creating another monster - morphing Peter P and Marilyn Monroe. Up for it?

weightwhat @PeterPollock I'm guessing that you and your love child will be all over the Twitter Ho-down this week.

"Peterlyn Monroe"

weightwhat @br8kthru - What do you think it would look like if br8kdish and Peterlyn Monroe mated?

br8kthru @weightwhat there you go trying to instigate things again. If I had time I'd be all over that... well, that came out wrong...

weightwhat @br8kthru Oh my! How shocking!

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

billycoffey @weightwhat You're an absolute wealth of information, Wendy.

weightwhat @billycoffey You know? I really am.

billycoffey @weightwhat But seriously, it' s your humility that most impresses me.

weightwhat @billycoffey I am many amazing things, and my most impressive quality is the ability to be humble.

billycoffey @weightwhat That contradiction made my head hurt

weightwhat @billycoffey It's because you can't handle the depth of my humility, isn't it?

billycoffey @weightwhat I think you're right. You're deep even in your shallow places!

weightwhat @billycoffey I really am.

So there you have it. The miracle of Twitter. Now for more carnival fun, how about hopping over to the Life is Funny blog carnival? You know you wanna...

The desperate masses have spoken

I was going through the plethora (2) of emails in my inbox when I was struck by the cries for help from my many (3-4 including my parents) loyal (they had nothing better to do) readers. It seems that they are lost in an ever-expanding wasteland of parenting without my oh-so-knowledgeable Parenting 101 tips. Read on as I post an actual (Hey, it could happen) email I received from one of you.


Dear Wendy, Keeper of all Knowledge and Be-all End-all of Parenting Greatness,

I was thrilled when you started doing your Parenting 101 posts. I was dying of thirst in a never-ending desert of parenthood and you, yes you, were the oasis that saved my life and made me whole again. Your wisdom and guidance have changed my life and the life of my children. But it has been a while since you've shared your vast wisdom and experience with us and times are getting desperate. Please, please impart more of your bounty upon us before our children become the latest subject on America's Most Wanted. Help us, Wendy, you're our only hope.

Signed,
A Devoted Fan



Well devoted fan, fear not. There will be more Parenting 101 posts. I will share more of my amazing intellect with you, but I must do it in small portions so as to not overextend the reaches of your piddly understanding. Help will be with you soon. Clearly, my generosity knows no bounds.

Home Depot is now on my list

Blah blah blah. Time for the What I Learned This Week blog carnival over at Musings of a Housewife. Check it out. You may just learn something.

Forget what I learned this week. I'm going to talk about what I learned this morning. Early this morning. At an hour that no one should have to be awake to learn anything.

Let me just get it out there. Home Depot is evil.

My husband went in to the store the other day to buy a ginormous ladder. A ladder so big that it had to be delivered. And sure, his wife (yes, that would be me) would be home on Tuesday to take the delivery. The person at the delivery desk saw that she was talking to a man. How could she not know that she needed to give him all the information possible because there was no way that he'd be asking the necessary questions? Yeah, she didn't give him a time window for the delivery. Not even an am or pm time slot. Thanks for that. My husband said I could call the day of the delivery and find out a time range for the delivery. Yeah, that's helpful. So I cleared my schedule for today.

I need not have bothered.

Why?

Because I got a wake up call at "Why in the H. E. double hockey sticks are you calling me at this time and someone had better be dead" o'clock from the Home Depot delivery driver saying he'd be at my house in about 15 minutes. Seriously? It's still dark outside when he calls AND WAKES ME UP! Do I need a ladder at that ungodly hour of the morning? NO! So to teach the evil delivery driver a lesson, this is how I greeted him when he showed up at my door:

That should teach him a lesson. Maybe you should be checking for his "What I Learned" blog post later. Hey, Home Depot? You're on my list.

I'm going back to bed now.

Life is Funny - Near Death Experience

Howdy folks! It's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival. Got yer funny ready?

This week I went in the Way Back Machine and pulled out this classic email from back in the day. Well, it's a classic in my book anyway...

Saturday, I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness the Walmart manager came and unplugged it.

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.

1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!

2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.

3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.

4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...

5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!

The appearance of br8kdish. Be afraid.

I can't believe that it's already time for another round of the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants! From the looks of it, I could have used a few more days in the week. Or even better, I need @Helenatrandom to get back on the Twitter. We all miss you, Helen! So for better or for worse, here's my Twitter post for the week. Um... Enjoy?

The one-liners

@PeterPollock Can you believe that they'd actually have conversations without us being here?! Inconceivable!

@br8kthru So what's this about washing your family's underwear inside you? What would the spin cycle look like?

@br8kthru You ate briefs for lunch? Is this part of the whole having your laundry inside of you thing again?

@katdish I noticed. Between you and @Helenatrandom being gone, it's like a ghost town around here. Look! A tumbleweed!!

Waking up to words like 'zing' and 'sassy'... Not really sure I'm awake enough for that yet.

Sometimes a bowl of Froot Loops just makes a morning better.

I can't believe I missed the whole computer licking conversation earlier. Doesn't that just seem like a conversation I'd be involved in?

@br8kthru Isn't it a little early to be so pushy?

@redclaydiaries Look! Flying pigs!

@emptynestegg Froot Loops could change your life.

Okay, no one's allowed to leave Twitter today. I've got a Twitter post to write for tomorrow and I'm seriously lacking material. Funny it up.

I'd like some coffee, but I really don't want to go make it. I guess that makes me both tired and lazy. I need a coffee robot, dagnabbit!

@br8kthru Hey, did I tell you that I'm being followed by @endhemorrhoids now? Some people are just lucky, I guess.

@foreverdebilynn Has your warranty expired and now you're falling apart? Or is that just me?

Because I just couldn't resist... RT @NutTheSquirrel - So if your power goes out, where does it go?

@foreverdebilynn Yes, only 10 here. But still so much to do. And you're messing around with both Facebook and MySpace? Shameless hussy.

@billycoffey You're such a tease.

Hubby is home from chicken class. Gotta go for now. Bok bok!

Trying to do the Twitter Ho-down post for my own blog now. I did some serious underachieving this week.

@BridgetChumbley Again with the low standards Bridget? Really?

@katdish I think someone is just jealous of my awesome power and it's you.

@billycoffey So tell me, Billy, do you like to watch gladiator movies?

@redclaydiaries Are you saying that I pull people down into obscurity with me?! GAAAA!!!

@WinLiannefield You know what else is good with bacon? More bacon.


A little bit longer ones

katdish -Okay, seriously. Cannot get sucked into the twitter. I have to write something!

@katdish Here, I'll do it for you. "Something"



redclaydiaries Attn twitter newbies: Quickest way to get me to click unfollow? Invite me to join ur twitter army, mafia or ninja dojo. Just sayin.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries But will you join my twitter army, mafia or ninja dojo? I'm thinking we need all three. We could have cute uniforms...

@weightwhat Will there be viking hats?

@redclaydiaries Of course. See?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

I'm feeling a rip in the time-space continuum... Twitter is showing that I've only done 771 tweets and we all know that's just not right.

WinLiannefield @weightwhat You hit infinity and went beyond. I am in awe.

weightwhat @WinLiannefield Okay, we'll go with that theory. Because 772 (now) tweets? What, that's like a week's worth for me.

br8kthru @weightwhat so would you say that perhaps the time-space continuum has developed hemorrhoids? Hmmm, just a thought.

weightwhat @br8kthru That could, indeed, be the problem. Good thing I've got so many hemorrhoid followers to fight it off.

HerbieGookins @br8kthru Really, please encourage Wendy to talk about hemorrhoids some more, because that doesn't happen enough.

weightwhat @HerbieGookins Hey! You love me! Just remember that.




I have pretty toenails now. Jealous?

billycoffey @weightwhat Yes, but don't tell anyone.

weightwhat @billycoffey I thought you might be.

billycoffey @weightwhat Shhh!

weightwhat @billycoffey You know, if you're going to wear a bikini and carry around the round # sign, you shouldn't neglect your toenails. Be pretty!

billycoffey @weightwhat Wait, I'm not wearing cowboy boots? That's a deal breaker.

weightwhat @billycoffey Hey, you can wear the cowboy hat. How's that?

billycoffey @weightwhat Hi, Wendy. And sadly, 'night Wendy. Would pretty toenails help me stay up later?

weightwhat @billycoffey Yes, they really would. You should probably go take care of that tomorrow then. So goodnight for now. Cover those toenails.

billycoffey @weightwhat Okay. But I'm still a man, right?

weightwhat @billycoffey Of course. To think otherwise would be silly. Don't forget to air dry that bikini, huh? The dryer does horrible things to it.




weightwhat @br8kthru Okay, okay. Pushy was fine in that instance. Just don't turn into @katdish though, huh? :o)

br8kthru @weightwhat wow, just had a strange image of like the old Conan bit, "if they mated" where he merges 2 people's photos-

br8kthru @weightwhat br8kdish- the world ain't ready for that...

weightwhat @br8kthru {{{shudder}}}

br8kthru @weightwhat per our conversation, I'm a weirdo & couldn't resist- behold, br8kdish

weightwhat @br8kthru Wow, that's just so wrong... So wrong...

HerbieGookins @br8kthru Oh my goodness, br8kdish is going to give me nightmares!! :)

br8kthru @HerbieGookins isn't that disturbing!?

SBeeCreations @br8kthru This is disturbing. (br8kdish)

br8kthru @SBeeCreations yes. yes, it is. And you can't unsee it.

WinLiannefield @br8kthru Ummm. What? By the way, br8kdish was disturbing in a similar life-altering way.

br8kthru @WinLiannefield I'll take that as a compliment...

WinLiannefield @br8kthru Yes, you should. Has @Katdish seen that monstrosity?

br8kthru @WinLiannefield I'm sure I would have heard about it if she had. It's @weightwhat 's fault anyway

weightwhat @br8kthru Okay, hold on here. What's my fault?

br8kthru @weightwhat you got my twisted brain going. After that, i can't be held responsible for pictures that get morphed

weightwhat @br8kthru Oh sure, just try to blame it on me. I'm not the one morphing pictures. But only because I don't know how.

br8kthru @weightwhat and hey, at least it's smiling, right?

WinLiannefield @br8kthru I think the smiling makes it worse.

br8kthru @WinLiannefield yeah it's a little serial killer-ish

weightwhat @br8kthru Really? You'd call that a smile? Is it because teeth are being barred?

weightwhat @br8kthru Nice try, but I'm still not taking the fall on this one.

br8kthru @WinLiannefield @weightwhat @herbieGookins seriously you guys will probably need to protect me when @katdish sees this

weightwhat @br8kthru By 'protect you' you do mean 'feed him to the lions', right?

br8kthru @weightwhat wow, I guess I know who my friends are. sheesh!

weightwhat @br8kthru What do you expect when you tried to blame it on me first? Silly boy.

So there you have it. You're stunned and amazed, aren't you? I have that effect on people. Now go do some tweeting, huh?

Life is Funny - Ode to Bellybutton Lint

It's time for another round of the Life is Funny blog carnival! Have you got your blog post ready? Then go ahead and sign up below on Mr. Linky. He likes that.

I'm sorry. Yes, I'm getting that out in advance. Today's post is a clear example of why I should never be left alone for very long. It's also an example of why no one is beating down my door to try to get me to write a book of poems. I wrote the following poem 12 years ago. I was warped even back then. So without further ado...

Ode to Bellybutton Lint

I think that I shall never catch a glimpse
Of anything as lovely as belly-button lint

Be it sweaty and smelly due to hot weather
Or warm and fuzzy like my new red sweater

Be it hot and scratchy like my wool jacket
Or overflowing so much that I have to bag it

Be it slight and sparse, not much to it
Or so very much, I'm forced to bale it

I think that I shall never catch a glimpse
Of anything as lovely as belly-button lint

This is why I should not be left to my own devices. Let's not let this happen again people. Feel free to start slapping your forehead in an attempt to find your happy place now. I've noticed that people tend to do that a lot when they've read my poetry...

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.

1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!

2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.

3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.

4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...

5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!

Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...

The 80's... Best time for music, best time for movies. As most of you have already heard, John Hughes, THE writer/director of the greatest teen movies ever, has passed away. So for today's Saturday Silliness, I give you some clips from of few of my favorite movies that he made. Enjoy!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Sixteen Candles

Breakfast Club

(Sorry, not the best clip because the good one was disabled. See the good one here.)

Yeah, I went there

Be ye warned, oh faint of heart! This weeks entry for the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants may offend your delicate sensibilities. Everyone else, read on...if you dare...

The one-liners

RT @rabirami Give me a fish and I eat for a day. Teach me to fish and I have to get a license and drive to a lake... Just give me the fish

@HerbieGookins Fish are friends, not food. Now cows, they're food.

Drats. Why am I always the cheese?

I like to tie maraschino cherry stems into a knot using my mouth only. Yeah, I got skillz.

@ImAPennyPincher I was gonna say... You should at least buy me dinner before you ask me to look at your buns.

@marklamberti - You secretly wish that you could be a gymnast and that Mr. T could be your coach?

Where are the laundry fairies when you really need them?

@ImAPennyPincher Why are people always telling me I need *WARNING* signs on my posts?

@WinLiannefield Honey, you're totally hot. And sweaty. You should really do something about that.

Somewhere there's a dessert calling my name. I must find it and make it my own.

@WinLiannefield You should always consider me to be your lowest common denominator when it comes to cheeky remarks. Huh-huh, I said cheeky.

weightwhat @br8kthru Lord, please let Costco have pretzels so Jason doesn't go all cuckoo today. He's so close to the edge already...

RT @MiltonRWaddams @weightwhat excuse me...I believe you have my stapler http://tinyurl.com/35kwp

@WinLiannefield You may call me "Your Royal Highness" or "One Whose Bellybutton is the Center of the Universe." And stop that laughing.

Who's up past their bedtime?

Twitter still seems to be acting up over here. This does not please me.

@WinLiannefield Much better than boring buns. No one likes boring buns. *snort*

@WinLiannefield So you got a visit from sneaky Belgium, huh? See? They still love you enough to stalk you.

@PamperingBeki- I'm sorry. If only I could have fixed all the problems this morning. But my cape and tights are at the cleaners

@WinLiannefield Shocking. Just shocking. My daughter asked my husband about his "big boy panties" once...

@WinLiannefield - The odd ones just love me for some reason. Maybe one day, they'll love you, too.

Sshh! I wrote a post on @katdish's blog when she wasn't looking! http://bit.ly/caaYB

I'm back. Is anyone still around? Or are they all eating at the Chinese place next to the vet?

Back in CA there was a sushi restaurant right next to a tropical fish store. Does that sound better?

@PuriChristos Sherri is disqualified because she's not on Twitter. We have to maintain our standards.

A little bit longer ones

billycoffey @katdish @weightwhat I know, I know. I really need to elevate you two to a higher position in my life.

weightwhat @billycoffey So let it be said, so let it be done.



katdish @weightwhat You're welcome. Where do you get a Jesus beach bucket anyway?

weightwhat @katdish I don't know, but I totally need one! Just imagine building a sandcastle and seeing Jesus' face appear in it...

HerbieGookins @weightwhat I just imagined the bucket was kind of like the Jesus frying pan.

weightwhat @HerbieGookins Me, too. But not like that cross necklace thingy, because that would just be tacky.


Tales from the Nether Regions

weightwhat @JeanneDamoff - Wait, who has refreshing hemorrhoids?

br8kthru @weightwhat - Bob, but not @Helenatrandom's Bob.

weightwhat @br8kthru - Well, I'm glad Bob is refreshed by them. They're like a cool breeze... Or breaking wind. Whatever.

weightwhat @br8kthru - So you've got hemorrhoids now, too? But are they refreshing?

br8kthru @weightwhat - No, not currently. But I try to see the butt as half-full. I'm an optimist (can't believe I just said that)

weightwhat @br8kthru - Wow, you're just a twitter post waiting to happen, aren't you?



Hey, is anyone being followed by hemorrhoid cream yet? Or maybe a proctologist?

@br8kthru @WinLiannefield @redclaydiaries - Maybe it was the hemorrhoid talk, but I'm now being followed by Going Within (TheInnerJourney).

I guess it was only a matter of time before I got followed by someone named @hemorrhoidsdude. I just wonder what took so long.

Well that's something you don't see every day... I'm being followed by @constipatedtwee. Then again, it is me we're talking about.

RT @constipatedtwee - Thanks for following me. Hopefully I will be able to bring you answers in regards to constipation and health.

@WinLiannefield, this 1's 4 u: RT @constipatedtwee Dried peach blossoms, in a cup of boiling milk, will have your bowels blossom in no time!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Bob's butt! Bob's butt! Bob's butt!

becca_homefront @weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I just read the backstory on Bob's butt...why, I'll never know, but thank goodness I'm not drinking or eating!

weightwhat @becca_homefront - @Helenatrandom likes to talk about Bob's butt. And put it in other people's hands. She's funny that way.

becca_homefront @weightwhat - Hahahaha...then she should definitely make Bob's butt her twitter post topic next week! @Helenatrandom We want Bob's butt!

weightwhat @becca_homefront - Yup, I'm voting for that, too. We love Bob's butt. But we don't "love" Bob's butt. That would just be wrong.




br8kthru @becca_homefront - well, it sort of the pot calling the kettle brown...

weightwhat @br8kthru - And lumpy?

br8kthru @weightwhat - uhhh, lumpy? not sure I follow...

weightwhat @br8kthru - Brown and lumpy? Like a Baby Ruth? You know, dookie?

br8kthru @weightwhat - thank you for inexplicably knowing what was missing from my day- seeing the word "dookie" printed in front of me

becca_homefront @br8kthru - Now that we've seen the word "dookie," I think pot and kettle are worse than brown...

weightwhat @br8kthru - You're welcome. I do what I can.

br8kthru @weightwhat - if you didn't do what you could, you'd be constipated... word.

weightwhat @br8kthru - Ain't that the truth. And you know what can come from constipation, right? Yup. Hemorrhoids.

br8kthru @weightwhat - full circle. beautiful.

weightwhat @br8kthru - It's a talent.

See? You were warned. Feel free to go wash your eyeballs now.

Cletus the Wayward Flamingo

Over on Katdish's blog, Hey Look, a Chicken!, she's been having some great writers do guest posts for her. Well, it appears she's run out of great writers so she asked me to do a guest post. She really must not want to write her own post today. So how about heading over to her blog and checking out my post, Cletus the Wayward Flamingo? Let's spread the love around, people!

Hope giggles.

Once again it's time for the What I Learned This Week blog carnival over at Musings of a Housewife. Feel free to hop on over there and join in!

It's been a few weeks since I've done a What I Learned post. I've been a bit of a blog slacker lately. But I'm back with a post now and I've got some sharing to do. While this is not something I learned this week, it is something that I keep learning more about whether I want to or not. My dad has stage 3 Lymphoma. On the upside, the type he has is pretty treatable. On the downside, this type likes to come back repeatedly. He just started his first round of chemo (Monday) and he'll have two more days of it in this round. The thought of all the chemo and radiation treatments he'll have to go through is pretty scary. Why does the treatment seem to make a person feel worse than the cancer? It just seems crazy to have to pump a body full of poison in order to make it better.

There's a heaviness in my family right now. Not a lot is being said about it. We've gone through cancer before with my niece and it was horrible. We're trying to make light of it by joking about hair loss. You see, my dad has big, bushy eyebrows. He could use them for a comb-over they're so big. When my niece was little, she used to draw pictures of him that looked something like this:

Yes, the big line is his eyebrow. Must have been before the plucking of the unibrow. We're all taking bets as to whether he'll lose the eyebrows or not, and if he does, how long they'll hold out. His doctor gives them 3 weeks. I'm thinking they might hold on longer than that. The guessing game gives us something on the lighter side of cancer to look at. Something to focus on other than the painful thoughts that come with a cancer diagnosis.

Prayer is a big deal at times like this. We are fortunate to have good friends who are sending up prayers along with us in our time of need. God is the Great Healer and He'll never leave us. Through Him we have Hope. Hope is what keeps us fighting when others have given up. It's what reminds us that this pain is not all there is. I bought a wonderful book many years back written by Erma Bombeck called I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise - Children Surviving Cancer. In it, a group of kids who had cancer were asked to describe 'hope' as if it were an animal. Here are a few of the responses:

"Hope is about two and an half feet tall."

"He is covered with fur and it's fluffy."

"Hope giggles."

"When it talks, you're the only one who can hear it."

"Hope raises its voice sometimes. It has to talk louder than fear."

"Occasionally, Hope is shy and likes to hide."

"If you don't take good care of it...it can die."

"It will come to you only when you need it."

"Hope has offsprings like any other animal. They're called 'Hopelets.' You don't keep them. You share them with other people who need one."

Kids just have a way of explaining things, don't they? So I'll be holding on to hope and watching for good things to come. Afterall, who am I to place a limit on God?

Life is Funny - The Never-ending Argument

Has life been funny for you this week? Or any time in the past? Anything? C'mon, you know you've got something to share. How about sharing it at the Life is Funny blog carnival? You know you want to...

Back when my husband and I got married, we lived in Southern California. We planned a lovely honeymoon trip that included stays in both Washington and Vancouver Island, B.C. It was a lovely trip and things were going quite nicely until we drove from Victoria up to Tofino. Or should I say, our trip back down from Tofino...

My husband did the driving on the way up there. It's a long drive, about 5 hours, and it goes through rain forests, mountains and finally you end up at the beach. Lovely and scenic, but long. Since he did the drive up there, I did the drive back down.

This is when the argument started.

It took me a couple of hours less to drive back than it took him to drive up. He said we took a different route to get back and I said that I just drive faster. We consulted the map. There's only one highway that goes through that way. My husband has decided that there must be roads not being shown on the map. I decided that he needs to wear a hat while driving. (Old men wear hats when driving as a warning to other drivers that they will be driving a minimum of 15 miles per hour under the speed limit at all times.) He said we didn't pass through the mountains or the rainforest on the way back like we did on the way up. I said that my blinding speed just made it a blur. I checked the online map again tonight and there's still no other road showing up. This argument has been going on for more than 10 years now and I don't think we'll ever resolve it.

But I totally drive faster.

Now it's your turn. Ready to play? Here's what you do.

1. Anytime this week, blog about what in life you find funny. It could be something that happened during the week, your general impression about why life is funny, or even just your favorite joke. Be creative!

2. Please put a link to my blog in your post. And I'd appreciate it if you'd add my carnival button (made for me by Andie - thanks so much Andie!) to your post. To make this easy, I've put the code to do so under my blog button on my sidebar to the right.

3. After you've posted, come back here and sign up on Mr. Linky below. For the first box, put your name and your blog (example: Wendy @ Weight...What?), then your URL in the second box. Make sure you link directly to your "Life is Funny" post (not to your main page) so we can all read what you have to say.

4. Visit all the other participants and see what they have to say, even if you don't have a blog of your own. And very important: Comment, comment, comment! Oh, how we love getting comments...

5. If you Twitter, please tweet about this - the more participants, the merrier! So go out and spread the laughter! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say!