Be ye warned, oh faint of heart! This weeks entry for the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants may offend your delicate sensibilities. Everyone else, read on...if you dare...
RT @rabirami Give me a fish and I eat for a day. Teach me to fish and I have to get a license and drive to a lake... Just give me the fish
@HerbieGookins Fish are friends, not food. Now cows, they're food.
Drats. Why am I always the cheese?
I like to tie maraschino cherry stems into a knot using my mouth only. Yeah, I got skillz.
@ImAPennyPincher I was gonna say... You should at least buy me dinner before you ask me to look at your buns.
@marklamberti - You secretly wish that you could be a gymnast and that Mr. T could be your coach?
Where are the laundry fairies when you really need them?
@ImAPennyPincher Why are people always telling me I need *WARNING* signs on my posts?
@WinLiannefield Honey, you're totally hot. And sweaty. You should really do something about that.
Somewhere there's a dessert calling my name. I must find it and make it my own.
@WinLiannefield You should always consider me to be your lowest common denominator when it comes to cheeky remarks. Huh-huh, I said cheeky.
weightwhat @br8kthru Lord, please let Costco have pretzels so Jason doesn't go all cuckoo today. He's so close to the edge already...
RT @MiltonRWaddams @weightwhat excuse me...I believe you have my stapler http://tinyurl.com/35kwp
@WinLiannefield You may call me "Your Royal Highness" or "One Whose Bellybutton is the Center of the Universe." And stop that laughing.
Who's up past their bedtime?
Twitter still seems to be acting up over here. This does not please me.
@WinLiannefield Much better than boring buns. No one likes boring buns. *snort*
@WinLiannefield So you got a visit from sneaky Belgium, huh? See? They still love you enough to stalk you.
@PamperingBeki- I'm sorry. If only I could have fixed all the problems this morning. But my cape and tights are at the cleaners
@WinLiannefield Shocking. Just shocking. My daughter asked my husband about his "big boy panties" once...
@WinLiannefield - The odd ones just love me for some reason. Maybe one day, they'll love you, too.
Sshh! I wrote a post on @katdish's blog when she wasn't looking! http://bit.ly/caaYB
I'm back. Is anyone still around? Or are they all eating at the Chinese place next to the vet?
Back in CA there was a sushi restaurant right next to a tropical fish store. Does that sound better?
@PuriChristos Sherri is disqualified because she's not on Twitter. We have to maintain our standards.
A little bit longer ones
billycoffey @katdish @weightwhat I know, I know. I really need to elevate you two to a higher position in my life.
weightwhat @billycoffey So let it be said, so let it be done.
katdish @weightwhat You're welcome. Where do you get a Jesus beach bucket anyway?
weightwhat @katdish I don't know, but I totally need one! Just imagine building a sandcastle and seeing Jesus' face appear in it...
HerbieGookins @weightwhat I just imagined the bucket was kind of like the Jesus frying pan.
weightwhat @HerbieGookins Me, too. But not like that cross necklace thingy, because that would just be tacky.
Tales from the Nether Regions
weightwhat @JeanneDamoff - Wait, who has refreshing hemorrhoids?
br8kthru @weightwhat - Bob, but not @Helenatrandom's Bob.
weightwhat @br8kthru - Well, I'm glad Bob is refreshed by them. They're like a cool breeze... Or breaking wind. Whatever.
weightwhat @br8kthru - So you've got hemorrhoids now, too? But are they refreshing?
br8kthru @weightwhat - No, not currently. But I try to see the butt as half-full. I'm an optimist (can't believe I just said that)
weightwhat @br8kthru - Wow, you're just a twitter post waiting to happen, aren't you?
Hey, is anyone being followed by hemorrhoid cream yet? Or maybe a proctologist?
@br8kthru @WinLiannefield @redclaydiaries - Maybe it was the hemorrhoid talk, but I'm now being followed by Going Within (TheInnerJourney).
I guess it was only a matter of time before I got followed by someone named @hemorrhoidsdude. I just wonder what took so long.
Well that's something you don't see every day... I'm being followed by @constipatedtwee. Then again, it is me we're talking about.
RT @constipatedtwee - Thanks for following me. Hopefully I will be able to bring you answers in regards to constipation and health.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Bob's butt! Bob's butt! Bob's butt!
becca_homefront @weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I just read the backstory on Bob's butt...why, I'll never know, but thank goodness I'm not drinking or eating!
weightwhat @becca_homefront - @Helenatrandom likes to talk about Bob's butt. And put it in other people's hands. She's funny that way.
becca_homefront @weightwhat - Hahahaha...then she should definitely make Bob's butt her twitter post topic next week! @Helenatrandom We want Bob's butt!
weightwhat @becca_homefront - Yup, I'm voting for that, too. We love Bob's butt. But we don't "love" Bob's butt. That would just be wrong.
br8kthru @becca_homefront - well, it sort of the pot calling the kettle brown...
weightwhat @br8kthru - And lumpy?
br8kthru @weightwhat - uhhh, lumpy? not sure I follow...
weightwhat @br8kthru - Brown and lumpy? Like a Baby Ruth? You know, dookie?
br8kthru @weightwhat - thank you for inexplicably knowing what was missing from my day- seeing the word "dookie" printed in front of me
becca_homefront @br8kthru - Now that we've seen the word "dookie," I think pot and kettle are worse than brown...
weightwhat @br8kthru - You're welcome. I do what I can.
br8kthru @weightwhat - if you didn't do what you could, you'd be constipated... word.
weightwhat @br8kthru - Ain't that the truth. And you know what can come from constipation, right? Yup. Hemorrhoids.
br8kthru @weightwhat - full circle. beautiful.
weightwhat @br8kthru - It's a talent.
See? You were warned. Feel free to go wash your eyeballs now.