I tweet, therefore I am

Another week, another Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants. Please try to control your excitement.

My post this week is a bit sparse. I wasn't able to get in my last day cram session on Twitter on Thursday like I normally do. My dad went in to the hospital Thursday with a pulmonary embolism (not related to his cancer) so I was over there with my family. Next week I'll try harder to give you eye strain from the sheer length of my post. But for now, I present the best/worst of my week on Twitter...

The one-liners

Anyone know where I can buy a can of 'Skanky Ho Off'? I need to spray Twitter with it.

@PamperingBeki Maybe you should just get Toto now and head to the storm cellar.

@redclaydiaries Big Al's made the Twitter now?!

@stretchmarkmama Um, I'm happy for you?

@emptynestegg The sky, the price of tea in China and at times, my patience. What's up with you?

Okay, I'm here. Talk to me.

@katdish Boom chicka...Oh. Nevermind.

@foreverdebilynn And because you like to see flying cows?

@katdish They should not wake me up like that! They earned my wrath. And my foul morning breath.

@marni71 I'm with you. Some people just NEED a good wedgie.

@katdish Read it. Read the other. People freak me out.

@marni71 Okay, when I first glanced at your tweet I thought you were asking for the recipe for dog yack. Um, eww.

@PuriChristos When you get right down to it, what isn't @katdish's fault?

@br8kthru These are not the droids you're looking for.

@katdish I'm a Twitter Ho extraordinaire. I got skillz.

@katdish Well, isn't that lovely? Now what would happen if that creation and br8kdish mated? Hmmm...?

@br8kthru I know, it will be scary and no good can come of it. All the more reason to do it, don't you think?

@BridgetChumbley Poor Bridget is so sensitive when it comes to scary morphed monstrocities.

@katdish It's @br8kthru that needs to do the morphing - he's the creator of br8kdish and all the horrors associated with it.

@PamperingBeki Yeah, but did you see these? http://bit.ly/16vmRu

Makin' some cookies and doin' the Robot.

Wondering why dinner can't make itself. Do I ask so much?

@br8kthru I know you love your Frankenstein-like creation, but it's freakin' the rest of us out.

@katdish I blame the Belgians. And br8kdish.

@WinLiannefield You lie like a rug.

@Helenatrandom Oh no, Belgium is still on the list. Sneaky little twerps.

@Helenatrandom They may be part of the Twitter/Belgian conspiracy.

@billycoffey I must be blinded by all your glitter. Either that or the sight of you in a bikini.

@PuriChristos "Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." -- Johnny Carson

@WinLiannefield Yes, Finland did hit my blog. They must be in on it with Belgium. Sneaky little countries.

@WinLiannefield And as everyone knows, if you're from Virginia you must be related.

@br8kthru Well, I found out that @WinLiannefield is Phlegmish.

@WinLiannefield Fine. Just be that way about it then. I never knew the Phlegmish were so difficult.

A little bit longer ones

Helenatrandom OK, what does it mean when you hear a cart in the library, and hope it's a drink cart. (It wasn't. It was books to be reshelved.)

weightwhat @Helenatrandom That you love Jesus but you drink a little?

marni71 @br8kthru We're quirky, enigmatic. Butt fat lady was weird, yes. And no filter to determine when and where you ask personal questions.

weightwhat @marni71 And for those who are wondering, it was not me who was asking the butt-lip question.

marni71 I'm pressuring my sister to start Twittering. And by pressure, I mean I'm going old school and pulling her hair and taking her Barbies.

weightwhat @marni71 I find that that's the only way to handle things at times. You should see my Barbie collection now.

br8kthru @weightwhat okay, you're talking about me & I don't know what's going on. I feel like Larry King over here...

weightwhat @br8kthru It was about creating another monster - morphing Peter P and Marilyn Monroe. Up for it?

weightwhat @PeterPollock I'm guessing that you and your love child will be all over the Twitter Ho-down this week.

"Peterlyn Monroe"

weightwhat @br8kthru - What do you think it would look like if br8kdish and Peterlyn Monroe mated?

br8kthru @weightwhat there you go trying to instigate things again. If I had time I'd be all over that... well, that came out wrong...

weightwhat @br8kthru Oh my! How shocking!

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

billycoffey @weightwhat You're an absolute wealth of information, Wendy.

weightwhat @billycoffey You know? I really am.

billycoffey @weightwhat But seriously, it' s your humility that most impresses me.

weightwhat @billycoffey I am many amazing things, and my most impressive quality is the ability to be humble.

billycoffey @weightwhat That contradiction made my head hurt

weightwhat @billycoffey It's because you can't handle the depth of my humility, isn't it?

billycoffey @weightwhat I think you're right. You're deep even in your shallow places!

weightwhat @billycoffey I really am.

So there you have it. The miracle of Twitter. Now for more carnival fun, how about hopping over to the Life is Funny blog carnival? You know you wanna...