Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hey baby, tweet here much?


It's that time again! Yes, the Twitter Ho-down has come to town. Want to play along? Then head on over to Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants and sign up. Go on. It'll be fun! Now on to my post!

The one-liners

Okay, my bed is calling to me. But for the life of me, I can't figure out why it's speaking Portugese. 'Night Twitter!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Trying to avoid comparing a disturbance in the force to a fart. Not working so well.

weightwhat BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

weightwhat @br8kthru Feel free to come over here and teach my dishes a lesson, too. They're just asking for it.

weightwhat Still hoping the cleaning fairies will show up at my house. For magical creatures, they sure have a poor sense of direction.

weightwhat @CandySteele Who's bud are you wanting to nip?

私は日本語でさえずりたい気がします。 (I feel like tweeting something in Japanese)

私が Twitter の上に1人だけで置き残されるべきではない理由 (Why I should not be left alone on Twitter.)

Asian keyboards must be ginormous. Seriously.

Why am I awake? Oh yeah. Twitter.

I keep hearing the call of the wild doughnut. Why are they so darn elusive?

RT @IndianaJones_ @weightwhat Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes? // Yes, Indiana Jones RT'd me. No autographs please.

weightwhat @PeterPollock Don't make me curse you, Peter.

Sitting at the bus stop. In the car. In my jammies. Don't judge me.

Back from the bus stop. Keep expecting 'V' to drive by and wave so I'll think someone I know saw me like this. Yup. Jammies.

Wow, it sure is drafty in here. Gotta love these special gowns.

Note to self: pay more attention to underwear choices.

I wouldn't trust @Helenatrandom's egg nog if I were you. She loves Jesus, but she drinks a little.

weightwhat @billycoffey Yes, it's really me. No autographs, please.

weightwhat @billycoffey Yes, my awesome humbleness makes all things right in the world.

It appears that I was invisible. Some of my posts have disappeared. That's what I get for traveling at ludicrous speed.

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm sweetness and light.

RT @bryanallain Clicking on "Trending Topics" in Twitter is the online equivalent of going to Wal-Mart.

weightwhat @CandySteele You're going to put something called 'crappie' in your mouth? Really?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Wow, I'm deeply touched... My mother warned me about strangers on the internet trying to touch me.

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Between you and me, Bridget, @Helenatrandom keeps disappearing. I'm afraid she may be googling again.

weightwhat I'm sending myself to bed now. Hopefully that will teach me a lesson and I'll wake up with a better attitude. Not counting on it though.

The T-shirts that will be on my Christmas wish list ( )

Allow me to explain through interpretive dance

Haikus Are Easy, But Sometimes They Don't Make Sense, Refrigerator

If Your Pants Are On Fire, Being A Liar Becomes Less Important.

Rock is dead and paper killed it.

Happily Ever After Is So Once Upon A Time.

My friends aren't imaginary, just invisible and shy

Zombies only want you for your brain

A little bit longer ones

foreverdebilynn Watching Dewey Cox. Kinda funny. Definately could do without the nudity tho.

weightwhat @foreverdebilynn With a name like Dewey Cox, wouldn't you expect the nudity?

weightwhat @foreverdebilynn Just sayin'.

stretchmarkmama Hubs (@crossmark) just used the phrase "slap ya with a giant octopus" in response to the kids getting in and out of bed. #funny #therapy

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Hmmm... Giant octopus used for discipline. I need to get me one of them!

stretchmarkmama @weightwhat A giant octopus is kinda hard to come by. But ya know, I can't deprive the kids.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama You're a good parent.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Want to come over and see my pet squirrel?

weightwhat - @redclaydiaries, this one's for you.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I just want to know why the little squirrel's clutching its little squirrel boobies.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Because you won't?

@katdish You. I forgot to put in @katdish first. Hey, I'm a little distracted here!

GoldFive_@weightwhat Stay on target!

weightwhat @br8kthru Ooo, you are a troublemaker, aren't you?

br8kthru @weightwhat do you not know me at all?

weightwhat @br8kthru Yeah, but I keep praying for you.

CandySteele @billycoffey well google thinks I'm a str!pper or p0le dancer, apparently. At my age??

weightwhat @CandySteele I've heard that about you...

CandySteele @weightwhat you have heard nothing. Put fingers in ears. Shake head. Buy bacon.

weightwhat @CandySteele Yeah, still can't get the picture of you pole dancing out of my head. You'd think bacon would be more powerful than that.

The ones that are even longer

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley - Are we ever going to get a Twitter Ho-down post out of you?

BridgetChumbley @weightwhat Hmmm...I need to look into that...but tomorrows Fun Friday post will have to do for now...LOL

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley So we'll have to work harder to corrupt you then?

BridgetChumbley @weightwhat I really don't think it will take much...I'm 'easy'. :O)

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Oh, you cheesy little tart, you!

weightwhat Ssshhh... Eating waffles.

br8kthru @weightwhat is it like the Wimbledon of waffle eating or something?

weightwhat @br8kthru Yes, it is. Now be quiet. I'm getting ready to serve a bite.

br8kthru @weightwhat *whisper* so what's the score?

weightwhat @br8kthru 30-love. It's not looking good for the waffles.

br8kthru @weightwhat it's okay- they needed to be taken down a notch... so arrogant.

weightwhat @br8kthru They really are. And just because they have Belgian cousins. Yeah, I'll take them down, too! Where's my fork?!

br8kthru@marni71 I'm anal (wow, bad choice of word) so I looked it up, "What's comin' out of your speedo" is the real one

weightwhat@br8kthru Wow, um, I'm glad you can admit it. Here on Twitter. Where I'm sure it won't make it onto next week's Ho-down. (Cut & paste.)

br8kthru@weightwhat saying "anal" is a little misleading since Freud's theories were for 2 types, anal retentive & anal expulsive -you're welcome

weightwhat@br8kthru Wow, you're all up in the anal, aren't you?

weightwhat@br8kthru TWSS

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Getting an STD from a tree? Reminds me of an old joke... Making sure to check for bees first...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I can't even imagine what I'd have to google to find that joke! TWSS

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You'd better watch out. Googling can make you crazy. TWSS

Helenatrandom@weightwhat Really? I just thought it caused blindness...

weightwhat@Helenatrandom And hairy palms.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat No, no. "Salty" refers to my vocabulary. But me and Jesus are working on it.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Sarah, are you a potty mouth?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat It sounds so ugly when you say it that way! Seriously, not really. But my frontier name 4 boys' ministries is Lil' Cussin' Woman.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Well, they couldn't say it if it wasn't true, right?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat It was all so innocent. We were working on restoring the dam @ our lake. And they took that little 3-letter word out of context.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh, so now you're going to throw around your foul language here?! My virgin ears!!!

HerbieGookins Sliced open my toe on the front door this morning. Was returning from a donut run. Is God trying to tell me he hates transfats??

weightwhat @HerbieGookins How could you even think a thing like that? All good things come from God. Donuts are good. Donuts come from God. See?

HerbieGookins @weightwhat Maybe the loss of blood got to my head. What WAS I thinking?? It's a good thing you set me straight...

weightwhat @HerbieGookins I do what I can. Another donut crisis averted.

HerbieGookins @weightwhat You need a super hero title...may I suggest...the Pastry Protector?

weightwhat @HerbieGookins Ooo! I like it! Can I have a cape and tights? Well, maybe not tights. Too many donuts to pull that off.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Why would you want to pull the tights off?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Nobody needs to see me in tights. Cruel and unusual punishment, burning retinas or something like that.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat By the way, you DON'T need tights to be a superhero. You just gotta have a cool mask!

HerbieGookins @weightwhat I can find some smartypants for you, I'm sure... :)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I could go for that...

weightwhat @HerbieGookins You know that would make my life complete.

Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter And a cool slogan. "Would you like coffee with that pastry?"

weightwhat @Helenatrandom And maybe a battlecry. "Unhand that pastry, evil doer!"

In which Helen and I plan our revenge upon prosperity gospel preachers then move on to world domination.

weightwhat @billycoffey's new post is up on @katdish's blog!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I was commenting on @katdish 's blog. Mom will watch the girls while they watch cartoons while we're busy...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Someone sure needs a whooping.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Momma can sing songs to the girls to drown out Preacher Man's crying...The girls will sing louder to drown her out...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Sounds like a plan!

weightwhat I've gotta say, I'm still pretty ticked.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I know. It's bad enough that troubled adults have to hear that, but precious little ones... PM has more than us to be scared of (PM=Preacher Man)

Helenatrandom @weightwhat As you know @Helenatrandom always has a plan. They aren't always very good, but she always has a plan. #LucyImHome

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Without a plan, there's no attack. Without an attack, there's no victory! - One Crazy Summer

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Maybe we could force PM to dance in a video to Single Ladies while wearing a leotard. #LucyImHome

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I like that plan. And he should have to wear extra painful stilettos while doing it.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat We could taunt him with the comfy chair... #LucyImHome

weightwhat @Helenatrandom How about if we sit in the comfy chair while we taunt him? PM deserves no comfort, even from the Spanish Inquisition.

weightwhat RT @Cardinal_Fang @weightwhat NOOOOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Will we all fit? #LucyImHome

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes, because it's both large and comfy.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat We could dress him in Time Traveler Costume, and mail PM to a Men's Prison. #LucyImHome

weightwhat @Helenatrandom That could be your best plan yet!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat That's the plan I was leaning toward myself.

BridgetChumbley @Helenatrandom @weightwhat I am positive that if you two wanted to take over the could do it!!

Helenatrandom @BridgetChumbley Maybe...but we'd have to do it before our husbands came home....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes, because I don't think they'd approve. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. ;o)

BridgetChumbley @Helenatrandom You'd figure a way around it...I have no doubt!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat "Don't worry dear....we're only in charge of the world. You're still head of this house...."

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Make sure to bat the eyelashes at the same time.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Of course. And tilt my head demurly to one side...

Helenatrandom @BridgetChumbley "So, what did you do today, Helen?" "Same thing I do everyday Bob! Tried to take over the world!" Can't say he wasn't warned

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Could we be like Pinky and the Brain? "What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?"

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I just tweeted that!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom See how brilliant we are together? The world wouldn't stand a chance!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat True, true.We could make the being in different time zones thing work for us...Gives us an extra two hours on each side of day.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yeeesssss... *rubbing my hands together*

Helenatrandom @weightwhat It is 1:21 am here. I better go to bed. I'll sleep on our plans. Then I'll iron them out. #LucyImHome

BridgetChumbley @Helenatrandom Now tell the truth...would the husbands really be surprised? Just sayin...

Helenatrandom @BridgetChumbley @weightwhat Good night. Sweet dreams. @BridgetChumbley, start thinking about your cabinet position....

Helenatrandom @BridgetChumbley That depends....Did I still have time to put a roast on in the crock pot. Priorities.... Dinner before World Domination.

BridgetChumbley @Helenatrandom Good night & diabolical dreams! I'll start giving it some thought...

Helenatrandom @BridgetChumbley After you decide where to put your cabinets, let us know what job you want in the Wendy / Helen administration...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Okay. Sleep well. You need your sleep if you're going to take over the world, you know.

BridgetChumbley @Helenatrandom I was thinking in the corner of the room is always nice...but only if they are empty...the full ones are hard to move!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Before I go to bed, I think we ought to offer @katdish a position in the adminstration. Perhaps "Vice Dictator" ?

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Ba dum bump.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Let's hone it to "Vice Dictator of Making People Cry" - I think she'd like that.

BridgetChumbley @Helenatrandom I think @katdish would fill that position nicely! I think we're onto something here!!!

weightwhat GAAA! I didn't realize it was this late! World domination plans do tend to run long.

BridgetChumbley @weightwhat Time flies when you're planning to take over the world.

So there you have it. Aren't you glad you came? And aren't you happy that your eyes have a whole week to recover before the next Twitter Ho-down?


Anonymous said...

Even funnier the second time around! We crack me up! :-)

Helen said...

I'm with Bridget. That conversation is even funnier when I see it all together like that.

Jeanne Damoff said...

Very entertaining! I missed Twitter most of this week, so it's nice to be able to tune in for the reruns. I love the way you think. :)

jasonS said...

Two things: that was really long but funny, and the power of my whimsy knows no bounds. Hmmm, I'll 'TWSS' to both those...

Melissa from the Blue House said...

Hilarious. I like reading it better on your blog.... on twitter its all backwards. ;)

katdish said...

I really need to get on the twitter more (TWSS).

Cursed sleep and personal hygiene!

Tiffany said...

I need to make the interpretive dance t-shirt! That's hilarious. I used to have a website bookmarked for making your own t-shirts. Maybe I should look it up! :)