Since I sorely neglected my tweeting and didn't do a Twitter Ho-down post last week, I promised I'd make up for it this week with a post long enough to bring about the bleeding of eyeballs. Just so you know, you've been warned.
RT @emptyn...@harve.. Armageddon chocolate? You know, the stash of chocolate you keep on hand so if civilization collapses you'll die happy.
Does this shameless self-promotion make my butt look big? http://bit.ly/ZCEU4
weightwhat @WinLiannefield Have you been drinking it straight from the bottle again?
Watching my daughter's swim lesson. She's got a lead butt.
weightwhat @br8kthru Yes, it is a shame that you're so evil. You should really work on that.
weightwhat @br8kthru - You just can't be nice to me, can you? See? More proof that you're evil. And I'm always so nice to you...
weightwhat @becca_homefront If I didn't know better, I'd think you were setting @CandySteele up... Good thing, I need the fodder. Go ahead!
weightwhat @becca_homefront Okay, you are just entirely too nice. Do I need to train you in the ways of the snark?
weightwhat @redclaydiaries Sa-kur-a-tee!
weightwhat @CandySteele LALALALALA! I'm not listening!!!
weightwhat @becca_homefront I'm not trying to get you to do my snarky work for me. I'm trying to spread the gift of snarkiness around.
weightwhat @foreverdebilynn Maybe it's a cricket ventriloquist.
weightwhat @br8kthru You know I only call you demon posessed because I love you. And because it's true.
weightwhat @br8kthru Poor Jason. You're just so jealous of my goodness.
weightwhat @br8kthru Always trying to make me out to be Belgian when you don't get your way...
weightwhat @MistiPearl That's odd. I can hear your bed calling you back all they way from here. You shouldn't argue with your bed.
weightwhat @foreverdebilynn Thanks. Now I need to go wash my brain.
weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Of course WE were never difficult though, right Bridget?
weightwhat @br8kthru Why were you whining?
Okay, I'm sending myself to bed. That'll teach me.
weightwhat @br8kthru - Okay Twinkletoes, enough of this working stuff. Get back on Twitter and play. It's calling to you... Oh wait. That's me.
weightwhat @stretchmarkmama I guess black topping the driveway took a long time. http://twitter.com/VaughnHensley
weightwhat @stretchmarkmama I don't know if I can handle all this drama!
Wish I had a brownie in a cup.
weightwhat @BridgetChumbley @katdish is evil that way.
My daughter just doesn't want to go to sleep tonight. Thinking about getting out the velcro sheets.
At a park near Burger King. Must they pump out the smell of charbroiled goodness?
Okay, natives are getting restless. Gotta make dinner. Wouldn't want them going cannibal.
A slice of pizza the size of my head. Man I love Costco. Ooo! Churros!
weightwhat RT @NutTheSquirrel If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Do you really think Peter would be crazy enough to turn us loose on his blog? Muahahaha!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Was Peter lulled into a false sense of security by your pink hat?
My daughter thinks she's starving. I told her she could have a slice of ham. Her response? "Lunchmeat, here I come!!!"
weightwhat @foreverdebilynn Where will you grab it? And will it slap you?
weightwhat @WinLiannefield There's only one thing left to do then. Send me your chocolate and I'll take care of it for you.
weightwhat @foreverdebilynn No!!! Not nature content! If I have to look at one more tree...
Slept through my alarm. And by alarm, I mean my 7 year old poking at me and asking for food.
How you've lived so long without knowing these things about me is unfathomable. http://bit.ly/BcKZa
weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Oh yeah. I was going to start building an ark, but then I realized I didn't know that a cubit was.
Back after a much needed nap. Yup, I was sleepy. And maybe a little grumpy. But not sneezy, dopey or doc.
A little bit longer ones
stretchmarkmama Sometimes I see someone on twitter and think, "That's the spirit." http://twitter.com/Kumho
weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Sshhh... I'm waiting to see if he changes the side he parts his hair on...
stretchmarkmama @weightwhat The mystery! The suspense! Is his hair long or short? Dark or light? Is he STILL combing his hair? I MUST KNOW!
SBeeCreations @weightwhat I just wish your blog posts were longer sometimes.
weightwhat @SBeeCreations Is that because you're a glutton for punishment?
SBeeCreations @weightwhat that I am
br8kthru Training has hit a snag but after these messages (& 45 minutes) we'll be right back... :)
weightwhat @br8kthru I hope it's because you sabotaged it...
br8kthru @weightwhat yep I am an international man of mystery... Nerdy mystery, but mystery nonetheless
weightwhat @br8kthru Isn't the sweater vest the official uniform of an international man of mystery?
weightwhat Costco has the new Snuggie Luxury MicroPlush. My life is complete.
HeatherGill @weightwhat Thats quite a find! Did they have the designer colors? 'Cause if so I'm headed down to get one!
weightwhat @HeatherGill They had a few lovely colors. You need them all.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Excellent! And thanks for throwing me under the bus! It adds to the excitement!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom You know I'm all up in the excitement!
Helenatrandom @weightwhat HAH! TWSS!
Helenatrandom @emptynestegg I felt good today. And mischevious....Momma says that's a sign that I'm healthy...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I thought a cold, wet nose was a sign of being healthy. Oh wait. That's with dogs. Nevermind.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Sherri's post with the answer to our questions for Big Al goes up in an hour and 13 minutes. I hope I make it...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that my questions won't be answered? *snort*
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Oh, I don't know...I think she'll have fun with our bit of mischief..I wonder which poem he'll choose...*There once was a man...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'd skip all protocol and go right for the triple dog dare to get her to post THAT little ditty!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom And yes, I said G string. Let's just get it out there now.
mylestones @weightwhat heheh you just laid that one out there with a nice bow for @helenatrandom maybe b/c it's her birthday?
weightwhat @mylestones Yes, and because I dare to go where no underwear should ever go.
weightwhat Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hurricane Wendy and Monsoon Helen colliding to form a what?
weightwhat @Helenatrandom The Perfect Storm!
The ones that are even longer
br8kthru@weightwhat I've been told I'm mildly amusing, I hope you know.
Helenatrandom@br8kthru How mildly?
weightwhat@br8kthru Such high praise! I hope it didn't go to your head.
br8kthru@Helenatrandom Hmmm, think salsa without the onions or peppers or... well, think diced tomatoes.
br8kthru@weightwhat nope, praise goes straight to my hips so I avoid it by either meeting or just going under expectations.
weightwhat@br8kthru At least it doesn't make your butt look big.
weightwhat Happy Birthday @Helenatrandom! I'm doin' a birthday dance over here for you! But not in my birthday suit. That would just be wrong.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Don't worry. That would require more dancers....
weightwhat @Helenatrandom In 'costume'?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Well yes...That particular costume just SCREAMS for more dancers, don't you think?
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes, it does. We should work on that.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I thought about doing a FOTTSP post for you, but no one else would understand it: http://bit.ly/197YAW
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I know. I often regret that Sherri doesn't tweet. She has no clue about what she missed yesterday about her own blog...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I wish Sherri was on here, too. How does it not drive her crazy missing this stuff?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I think her corporal life is getting in the way of her cyber life....
weightwhat @Helenatrandom She's clearly got a problem. Should we have an intervention?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat How? She isn't on her computer long enough to get through it in one sitting. Then again, we could promise to wear stilettos...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Even the guys...but the rest of their costumes must comform to time travel...
weightwhat BWAHAHAHAHA!!! http://bit.ly/vWlFY
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I don't get it...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Pin the tail on the... (look at the background to the right)
Helenatrandom @weightwhat The dancing doggies?
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Those are donkeys and they're not exactly dancing...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat What...no dinner and dancing first? How rude!
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I suppose they will have to search for my old interviews. I once interviewed myself on my thoughts on Blagojevich.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I remember that one. You should really learn not to sugar-coat things, Helen.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I know...Sometimes I am too gentle...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Maybe a new hat would help you. Next time go for the hot pink one - it's much tougher.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat How about a pink cowboy hat! Would that be tough enough?
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I guess that depends on how you wear it. No cocky side tilts or back on the forehead. Gotta be down like you mean business.
weightwhat I made butter! I feel so domestic all of a sudden.
ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat Don't you LOVE that feeling... lol
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher I don't know. I wouldn't want to raise my family's expectations.
ImAPennyPincher @weightwhat aww... come on now... hey i can even make ya an apron!
weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Let's not go getting all crazy now.
And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones
Helenatrandom @billycoffey Good evening! How was your day? Did you take our advice and create any mischief?
billycoffey @Helenatrandom Sadly, no. But there's always tomorrow...
Helenatrandom @billycoffey Do you need @weightwhat and I to give you more suggestions? Because we count pranks like some count sheep at night...
weightwhat @billycoffey Billy, @Helenatrandom and I have set high standards for you and we expect you to meet them. Don't let us down again tomorrow.
billycoffey @Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yes, please. I'd hate to fall beneath your standards.
Helenatrandom @billycoffey Okay, start with talking to people you don't know on your route, and telling them to give your best to their parents....
Helenatrandom @billycoffey That's right... "Word to your mother...."
billycoffey @Helenatrandom You know, I'm gonna try that.
Helenatrandom @billycoffey Did you see the movie "The Time Traveler's Wife"? You could dress for your route like you time traveled.. *snort*
weightwhat @Helenatrandom BWAHAHAHAHA!
billycoffey @Helenatrandom Baby steps, Helen. Baby steps. But for now, the bed is calling. See you and @weightwhat tomorrow!
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Wendy, please tell me you saw "The Time Traveler's Wife" and got that last suggestion for Billy...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Didn't you see my hysterical laughter?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Which only makes sense if you saw the movie, right? Dang, I can't say I'd mind being there for that prank....
weightwhat @Helenatrandom With a video camera, of course...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Bowchickabowbow,....
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I wonder if Billy saw the movie... I kinda hope not... I'm usually not THAT bold....
weightwhat @Helenatrandom It must be the chocolate chips talking.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Or my bad influence on you is now complete.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Oh no...I still have so much more trouble I can cause with you... We are sooo not done being a bad influence on eachother...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm sorry, I just can't get the visual of a white butt running across campus out of my head...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Yeah...Good thing it wasn't the chocolate bunny.... Who knows who else'd be time traveling...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom There could be naked white butts all over the place!
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Some whiter and buttier than others...
Helenatrandom I wonder where Snickerdoodle is....
weightwhat @Helenatrandom Maybe he's afraid you'll wish the Time Traveler's Wife costume on him, too.
weightwhat Oh @br8kthru! Come out and play with @Helenatrandom and me! It's perfectly safe! *snort*
weightwhat @br8kthru Are you morphing people again?
br8kthru @weightwhat there you are. I've had to do all the instigating around here & I'm not as good at it.
br8kthru @weightwhat oh and yes.
weightwhat @br8kthru Oh, don't go playing down your evil side. You're plenty evil.
weightwhat @br8kthru C'mon Jason, embrace your evil side. You're already workin' the evil beard so it's only a short step away now.
br8kthru @weightwhat you and my wife- always trying to convince me I'm evil... what's up with that?
weightwhat @br8kthru Redheaded boys are demon posessed. Your wife is smart. (Redheaded girls are perfect, in case you were wondering.)
weightwhat @br8kthru Convenient but true.
weightwhat I picked up a bag of Snickers Mini's. Thought I could just have 1 or 2 at a time and be happy. Nope. It's just a tease.
weightwhat Now I need a place to hide the evidence...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I know. Snickers are my absolute favorite. I don't buy them for Halloween candy anymore. They'll never make it to the kids.
weightwhat Oh @Snickers! Why do you taunt me with your chocolatey peanut goodness?
foreverdebilynn @weightwhat because @Snickers is a tease. And a ho. LOL
weightwhat @foreverdebilynn Could be true. Next thing you know, @Snickers will change its avatar to a seductively opened wrapper. Chocolate ho!
emptynestegg @weightwhat did you know there was a @Snickers??
weightwhat @emptynestegg Yup. They exist to tempt me. I'm on to them.
weightwhat If I stop tweeting, can someone come check on me? I may be in a chocolate coma on the floor surrounded by empty Snickers wrappers.
foreverdebilynn I would slap someone for a @Snickers right now.
weightwhat @foreverdebilynn How do you think I got my bag of @Snickers?
redclaydiaries CANNOT stop humming 'If u like it u shoulda put a ring on it'. No thanks to @weightwhat & @helenatrandom. GAAA
Helenatrandom @redclaydiaries You started it.
weightwhat @redclaydiaries You're welcome for that!
Helenatrandom @weightwhat She started it, didn't she?
weightwhat@Helenatrandom Yes, she totally did. Silly goth kids.
redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom I know. But now the image of Joe Jonas in a body stocking is burned onto my eyeballs. Have you no mercy?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Shake it to this... http://bit.ly/OA7p0 It's for the fans...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Wendy, please tweet the one you tweeted to me to @redclaydiaries. Please please please...purty please....oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh..
weightwhat @redclaydiaries - Steph, this one's goes out to you... http://bit.ly/vVPZn
Helenatrandom Do you have "Single Ladies" stuck in your head because of twitter? Blame her... http://bit.ly/jgQt8
weightwhat @Helenatrandom I think I may have to add that song to my playlist now.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Good idea! If I add it to my playlist, I'll hear it more often with out even trying! Oh oh oh!
redclaydiaries @weightwhat That. Was. Whack. And you deserve this: http://bit.ly/AVPFX
weightwhat @redclaydiaries Right back atcha! http://bit.ly/16jvWO
Okay, you can breathe now. It's all over. For this week anyway. Now aren't you glad you came? Oh, and you might want to think about investing in an eye patch or two while your eyes heal. You're welcome.