Better late than never?

Wondering what crazy things I've talked about on Twitter this week? I'll bet you are! Lucky for you, you've come to the right place. There's tweeting all over the place around here. As always: May cause choking, gasping, wheezing, uncontrollable slobbering, bleeding eyeballs and disembowelment. If you are pregnant, or may become pregnant, I'm totally jealous of you. Oh, and you shouldn't read this out loud as the damage may be permanent to your unborn child, even if he/she is, as of now, just a twinkle in the eye. This blog post does not cause a twinkling of the eye and takes no responsibility for such. Other than that, it's perfectly safe.

The one-liners

Just as I cut my finger, I heard that a shark can smell blood for over a mile. So DO NOT answer the doorbell. (RT @linajk)

Good morning! Am I being overly optimistic?

I think that Panera ad just said, "It's amazing how complex this sandwich is." Can you give me a conflicted soup to go with it? (RT@MattTCoNP)

Okay, time for me to scoot off to bed. And by scoot, I mean drag my butt around on the carpet. Hey, I've got an itch, okay?!

Tomorrow, I'd ask that you celebrate a low key Earth Day so as not to make Wind and Fire feel bad.

And now, an homage one of the great movies of the 80's (Better Off Dead)

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

It's got raisins in it... you like raisins.

I want my two dollars!

Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.

Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.

A little bit longer ones

redclaydiaries I just wrote a post. The creativity dam is broken. Look out.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Should we run around in circles, screaming and panicking, now?

sarahmsalter @Nick_theGeek Fine. Go ahead. Give it to me again.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I mean, really? You just make it way too easy. TWSS.

weightwhat Potato chips count as a vegetable, right? I just finished off a can of vegetables.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat For an extra healthy serving of veggies, I like to dip potato chips in ketchup.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You always were an overachiever.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat It's good that we have these talks... I usually just fly by the seat of my pants...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You've got butt wings?!

duane_scott @weightwhat well, whatever you prefer. You can look at me however you want. :)

weightwhat @duane_scott I would, but my mom says if I do that, my eyes will stay that way forever.

br8kthru RT @weightwhat: The Life is Funny post that left @br8kthru speechless. http://tinyurl.com/y7h5btp

weightwhat @br8kthru I'm just helping the baby polar bears, Jason. You want to help baby polar bears, don't you?

The ones that are even longer

katdish @sarahmsalter It's all a conspiracy. Where's my tin foil hat?

weightwhat @katdish Better watch out - someone might be offended by the use of 'tin foil hat.'

katdish @weightwhat I'll just send them in your direction. You seem to have a larger audience of tin foil wearing readers.

weightwhat @katdish Try not to be too jealous, okay?



PeterPollock The Hoover dam has the best urinals in the world. Ever.

Helenatrandom @PeterPollock OK. Thank you for letting us know... I'll, uh, be sure to, uh, tell Bob if we ever go there...

weightwhat @PeterPollock You should cross stitch that onto a pillow.

Helenatrandom @PeterPollock "Bob, be sure to use the urinal at the Hoover Dam... Peter Pollock says they are the best EVER!" Yes. That'll seem normal.



redclaydiaries @weightwhat Apparently. But in good news, I'm the MAYOR of this Starbucks in @foursquare.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries What does that mean?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I'm not sure. I think I've checked in here on @foursquare more than anyone else. Who is playing @foursquare.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat It's like being the geekiest geek.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Wow. Do I bow to your geekiness? Or just point and laugh?

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones


BabySpeedyBee Here he is! http://twitpic.com/1gryea

weightwhat @BabySpeedyBee Sarah, he's beautiful!!!

weightwhat Oh great. Now I've got a uterusache.

billycoffey @weightwhat That's not catchy, is it?

sarahmsalter @billycoffey Billy, it IS catching, but you must first HAVE a uterus.

billycoffey @sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 Whew.

weightwhat @billycoffey If you do catch it, make sure to contact the media.

katdish I think what went wrong w/Christianity is exactly what happens when you try to get a dog to look at something on television...

katdish Jesus pointed to God, and everyone just stares at his finger ~ Frank Miles

redclaydiaries @katdish Whiplash warning. Kathy just got deep.

katdish @redclaydiaries It goes in waves.

katdish @redclaydiaries I think I'm over it now.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries You know, @katdish should really come with a warning tag.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat She did. @helenatrandom cut it off.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries DOH! What was @helenatrandom thinking?!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat She flouted federal regulations. She's a flouter, that @helenatrandom.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I've always had my suspicions. I think it's the pink hat.

duane_scott I almost feel guilty, bimut youre hawt! RT @CandySteele: @duane_scott Here it is! I found it!

weightwhat @duane_scott What's a bimut? And why does it just sound wrong?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat BIMUT: My fixed male dog who likes to - um - fellowship with a male neighbor dog whenever he enters our yard.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Yeah, that's what I thought it meant.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I think I need to scrub my brain now to get out that mental picture.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Imagine what's like to try to erase the ACTUAL mental picture.

billycoffey @katdish He's a big 'un, that's for sure.

sarahmsalter @billycoffey TWSS, Billy. :o)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'm so proud! *sniff*

billycoffey @sarahmsalter Hey, I'm TIRED.

billycoffey @weightwhat @Helenatrandom @katdish @sarahmsalter I'm glad I could bring a smile to your faces this afternoon, ladies.

sarahmsalter @billycoffey TWSS again, Billy. :o)

katdish @billycoffey TWHS

billycoffey @sarahmsalter @katdish @diam0ndhead94 I should shut up now.

WritingJoy Can any good come of letting three four-year-old boys wield plastic shovels at a playground? I didn't think so. #waitingtoseeblood

weightwhat @WritingJoy It's all in fun until someone ruptures a spleen.

WritingJoy @weightwhat Or a cranium. Ok, plastic shovel... maybe not a cranium. Eyeball?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Nah. The eyeball is overdone. That's why I always go for the spleen. No one ever expects the spleen.

WritingJoy Note to self: don protective spleenwear when engaging @weightwhat in battle.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Better safe than spleenless!

Well, we've reached the end of the post now. Feel free to move about the cabin. And while you're at it, why don't you see what others tweeted about this week over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants? I'm sure it's safe over there. *crossing my fingers*