Wow. I have not been putting in the quality time with the Twitter this week. Shame on me! Now who's gonna make your eyes bleed? Well, I'm sure there will be someone. Just head on over to the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants for your weekly dose of
torture reading pleasure.
Sometimes you just need to know when to get out the cattleprod.
"If I'm gonna be in charge, I need a cape. You can't do the job without a cape. Take me to the cape tailor." #sleeptalkingman
Okay, this is just all kinds o' wrong. http://verydemotivational.com/2010/04/02/demotivational-posters-doritos/
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. (RT @VariantVal)
Chickens are rarely amused by disco. (RT @BlazingLily)
I'm out of half and half for my coffee. And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Coffee...cup...empty... Fading... Gaaaaaaaa.....
I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on Pepperidge Farm. And raise Milanos. (RT @funnyoneliners)
With a few dabs of a paper towel on top, I just made this pepperoni pizza healthy & good for me. Time to eat the whole thing. (RT @MattTCoNP)
A little bit longer ones
The ones that are even longer
And some classic tweets (because I don't want Helen to feel left out)
Helenatrandom#failedwesterns Little Big Boy
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I can't believe you'd bring up Big Boy in front of me again like that...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat You have The Colonel now....You need to move on and make a life with him.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - For the most part, I have. It's just that every time I see a double-decker hamburger or picnic print overalls...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat At least the Colonel is a sharp dresser.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom- Yes he is. I just wish he'd stop dripping mashed potatoes and gravy on his white suits. Do you know how hard it is to clean?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I can only imagine.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - And how many times do I have to tell him that the little black bow around his neck is NOT a napkin?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat I never imagined being with a guy who wears more makeup than me--I only wear a little lipstick and nail polish
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - He does wear it a bit on the heavy side, but I wasn't going to say anything...
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Also...Ronald behaves like a clown...IN PUBLIC!
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - So what first attracted you to him? Was it his abnormally large feet?
Helenatrandom @weightwhat You know what they say about clowns with big shoes...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Big feet?
Okay, nothing more to see here. Move along.
Don't make me turn the hose on you.
Stop reading already!