What's more epic than epic?

It's time for another Twitter Ho-down! Is the anticipation killing you? Then wait no longer! Read!

The one-liners

My daughter wants me to tell the twitter that she's freaking out our dog with the toy she just got out of a kids meal. Yup, that's my girl.

The horns are only there to keep the halo up.

Sorry. Saw something shiny.

Okay, I'm just gonna need to TWSS my last tweet there.

Oops! I always thought PETA stood for Please Eat This Animal. (RT @StephenAtHome)

Hi morning-where-I-was-about-to-leave-and-then-caught-the-cat-peeing-on-the-bed. He's going to make a fantastic hat. (RT @msamye)

How did THAT get in there?! #VagueTweet

If you can't say something nice, say something vague.

The ones I may or may not have tweeted in DM's - I admit to nothing

You just need to be more persuasive. Wanna borrow my cattle prod?

(cheeky | monkey)

So, where IS the other birthmark?

I'm guessing that a catheter would make sneezing a bit risky...

I guess not everyone can handle being this gorgeous.

Donkey shins to you, too.

Yes, but you have to pay extra for those ones.

Want me to take a nap for you? Because I totally will.

Don't make me get out my soapbox.

Maybe you should pin a note to your shirt.

Well, I have heard things... Is it true that you wear colored undies?



The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish Anyone who has an iPhone and is easily amused should get the Talking Carl app.

weightwhat @katdish I'm easily amused! Darn my lack of technology...

katdish @lainiegallagher I don't gamble anymore. My sisters & mom do all the time.

weightwhat @katdish Except when you read my blog, right? That's always a gamble...

katdish @weightwhat Some risks are worth it, though.

sarahmsalter @rntammyp Hey Tammy! How's your Monday?

rntammyp @sarahmsalter Oh, dandy. Sitting in the gyno's exam room. :p yours?

weightwhat @rntammyp Don't play with the toys you find in there.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat We're having juicy lucy's

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Can you say that in mixed company?

AboveAllFabric Bought the boots. seriously thought about hiding them from luke...but I came clean. yep. that's me being open and honest.

weightwhat @AboveAllFabric Couldn't find a hiding place fast enough, huh?

weightwhat Warning: I'm writing a blog post. Didn't want to catch anyone unaware and give them the fits.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I'm so excited, I have to go rush off to go pee now!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Should I have given you a pre-warning warning so you could use the bathroom first?

Schnik And for the winner of the Best Phrase Contest: @weightwhat - "For the love of Gumby! What IS that thing?!"

weightwhat @Schnik I'd like to thank my Momma and Elvis.

kelli1227 Wow. It's really hard to sit still at work while you're listening to the Mamma Mia soundrack. Dancing Queen..Feel the beat on the tamborine!

weightwhat @kelli1227 I knew I liked you for a reason!

lainiegallagher Activia was a bad choice.

weightwhat @lainiegallagher Super colon blow?

lainiegallagher @weightwhat Let's just say you shouldn't eat it unless you need it.

Schnik Words i didn't need to hear: this wash doesn't cover femine odor. #urp

weightwhat @Schnik Ever get that "not-so-fresh" feeling?

The ones that are even longer

Schnik A must have from a job posting: "Strong computer and internet skillz" - Wow. I can haz thoze?

weightwhat @Schnik No, but you can haz a cheezburger.

Schnik @weightwhat I got your cheezburger: http://twitpic.com/2mt28l

weightwhat @Schnik GAAAA!!! Kitty lookz mad...

kelli1227 UGH! my left foot is swelling! It's too freakin early in my pregnancy for this crap to start :(!

weightwhat @kelli1227 You're pregnant?!

kelli1227 @weightwhat Surprise?!?!?! Yeah - I kept it to myself for awhile, but i posted it on my blog about a month ago. I'm 4 months along!

weightwhat @kelli1227 You did a blog post?!

Helenatrandom I dreamt I was trying to tweet this and couldn't Pearls Before Swine: 2010-09-13: http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/2010-09-13/

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You have odd dreams, don't you?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat It was a NIGHTMARE! I really wanted to share that with you but I couldn't get my "S" key to work when googling the title!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom So all you could get was 'pearl before wine'?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat EXACTLY!!!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I am intimidated. Your arm pit farts blew my M&M catching right out of the water.

redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom Are armpit farts really that powerful?

Helenatrandom @redclaydiaries It seems that @weightwhat's are!

redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom Well, I've heard that @weightwhat IS freakishly strong... So that makes sense.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom Okay, I leave the twitter for a few minutes to do some hula dancing and I come back to this?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat My husband just announced the either he left food in his car or something died in there. He's going to inspect, Febreeze in hand, right now.

weightwhat I'm wondering if he's going to find a headless rooster in there...

weightwhat Latest report: All he's found is the bloody hatchet...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat "The bloody hatchet"? That's just wrong.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter @Helenatrandom I know! Can you imagine if he'd been pulled over and had to explain that one?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat The hatchet fairy?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter The bloody hatchet fairy.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter ...No really officer. There was this rooster, see?...

weightwhat So Wendy, how are you doing today? Me? Oh, I'm just fine and dandy. And yourself? Not bad. Nice weather we're having, huh? Yup, lovely.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Uh, she's talking to herself again. Quick someone run for help. @sarahmsalter ?

The_BMG @weightwhat My grandmother always told people that she talked to herself b/c she was the only intelligent person in the room. ;o)

weightwhat @The_BMG I like your grandma.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Are you saying that that's a problem?

makeadiff21 @weightwhat What, that you're talking to yourself? That part is okay. We begin to worry when you start answering yourself...

weightwhat @makeadiff21 What am I supposed to do? Ignore myself? That would just be rude.



weightwhat I'm back! My morning duties sure get in the way of twitter.

marni71 @weightwhat That's how I feel about my job.

weightwhat @marni71 Maybe we should both just quit and do Twitter full time.

br8kthru @weightwhat: "I'm back! My morning duties sure get in the way of twitter." I know 'morning duties' is code for *whispers* bathroom.

weightwhat @br8kthru No, that would be morning doodies. They get in the way of the twitter, too. Darn my lack of a smartphone!

br8kthru @weightwhat No, you'd only drop it in the toilet. You don't want it to stick it to your face after something like that.

weightwhat @br8kthru That gives me an idea for a million dollar invention: Smartphone lanyard. Wear your phone around your neck - avoid poo phone.

br8kthru @weightwhat Ooh, it could be a case that slips over your phone that has the lanyard attached. It should also dispense hand sanitizer.

weightwhat @br8kthru Fabulous!



redclaydiaries RT @katdish: check out this website I found via SCL (Awesome): http://bit.ly/dw65S //The mystery solved! My wrestler name: Seargeant Ninja.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Did you check out your female wrestling name? I'm Bella Apples. Nice.

marni71 @redclaydiaries I'm Dark Justice. Or my diva name is Wild Blossom. But I think Dark Justice is more in tune with my personality.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I'm Seargeant Ninja. Fierce. @marni71, Diva name? I want a diva name!

redclaydiaries @marni71 Oooooo! I'm a Sultry Princess. Yeah, that sounds JUST like me. #divaname

marni71 @weightwhat @redclaydiaries My husband's name is Ringo Jackhammer. That. Epitomizes. Awesome.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Ooh ooh!!!! MY husband is Grizzly Star. This is great fun!

redclaydiaries @marni71 So wait a minute; together Charlie & I are Seargeant Grizzly Ninja Star. I need to change our business cards...

weightwhat @redclaydiaries @marni71 My husband is Cerebral Pirate. If he was a gal, he'd be Pretty Frost. I'm sure he'd appreciate that.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Certainly. I think you need to text it to him at work. Immediately.

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Wow. It's uncanny. I'm evidently "Bubbly Redhead."

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I saw that when I looked your name up earlier. More proof that you were supposed to be a redhead.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat hmmm, my diva name is Chesty Nurse (I guess I know what I'm going back to school for now) lol!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Sounds sensible to me.

beckfromfrogandtoad @redclaydiaries @weightwhat My Diva name is "Sensual Tigress." It's like they KNOW me.

beckfromfrogandtoad @redclaydiaries @weightwhat And my husband is "Bobcat Cannon." Again, it's like they've captured HIS SOUL.

redclaydiaries @beckfromfrogandtoad Uncanny, right?

weightwhat Okay, I entered my diva name, Bella Apples, into it and it becomes Fusion Bessy. Just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

Schnik @weightwhat I don't think any diva should be called "Bessie" #justsayin.

weightwhat @Schnik Well if I put Fusion Bessy back in, I become Nasty Sue. Better?

Schnik @weightwhat Oddly enough, yes.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Have you looked up @Schnik's name yet... I gotta know...

weightwhat @Schnik If you were a wrestling diva, you'd be Wild Coconuts. That seems fitting for some reason.

Schnik Wait, did you look up my past as a stripper?

weightwhat @Schnik BWAHAHAHAHA! Your male wrestler name is Full Metal Python! *wiping away the tears from laughter*

redclaydiaries I am having the Best. Wrestler Name/Diva Name. Conversation. Ever. EVER. @beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat @sarahmsalter @marni71

weightwhat Okay, why can't I open @redclaydiaries' blog now?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat GAA! My blog is down! It must be the HUGE spike in traffic from the Blog Libs.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Must be. One blog can hardly handle so much hilarity.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat You know what I've realized? I say "hilarity" too much. I need a new word.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries But I love that word!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Do you? Not overdone? It IS one of my favorites.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries You should keep it. And possibly have it bronzed.



Congratulations! You've made it through another Ho-down! Now if you'll just make your way to your closet, you'll find ample room in there to sit down and rock back and forth.