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I am the Queen of Medical Testing. Yup, it's been one medical test after another around here. Some of you may remember the case of the huge growth on my face. In case you didn't see it on the Twitter, the evil thing was not cancerous. Then there was the test that left me setting off Geiger counters and wondering if poop could glow. But last Monday was the granddaddy of 'em all.
Yup, I got to have a colonoscopy. For those of you who don't know just how a colonoscopy works, I've spent hours searching for a video that explains it perfectly.
Oh yeah, it was fun. You know what else was fun? Doing the prep for it. You don't get to eat anything the day before the procedure. That doesn't seem like it would be that big a deal until you're told that you CAN'T eat. Suddenly, all you can think of is food. But the really good part comes at night. You see, a person needs to be really cleaned out to have a colonoscopy done. So, you have to drink this vile liquid every 15 minutes for an hour, preferrably while hovering near a toilet, to get your colon clean as a whistle.
Well, that's what's supposed to happen anyway.
I guess my nether regions weren't quite as sparkly as they needed to be once they got the camera in there. And really? How is there enough money in the world to entice someone into giving THAT test? Anyway, once I came to again, my doctor gave the the news that I'd have to get it done again in a few months. And this time, I'd have to do three days of prepping for it. Oh yeah, someone needs to pinch me. I have to say, I'm not terribly thrilled about having to get it done all over again. I'm not a Muppet, people! *sigh* If anyone finds my dignity, could you please let me know? Thanks.