Monday, September 27, 2010

Life is Funny - You want to put what? Where?


It's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival! C'mon people, you know your life is funny. Blog about it and sign up below! We're all waiting here with bated breath to see what you have to say. Or is it bait breath? Whatever. Sign up below!

I am the Queen of Medical Testing. Yup, it's been one medical test after another around here. Some of you may remember the case of the huge growth on my face. In case you didn't see it on the Twitter, the evil thing was not cancerous. Then there was the test that left me setting off Geiger counters and wondering if poop could glow. But last Monday was the granddaddy of 'em all.


Yup, I got to have a colonoscopy. For those of you who don't know just how a colonoscopy works, I've spent hours searching for a video that explains it perfectly.

Oh yeah, it was fun. You know what else was fun? Doing the prep for it. You don't get to eat anything the day before the procedure. That doesn't seem like it would be that big a deal until you're told that you CAN'T eat. Suddenly, all you can think of is food. But the really good part comes at night. You see, a person needs to be really cleaned out to have a colonoscopy done. So, you have to drink this vile liquid every 15 minutes for an hour, preferrably while hovering near a toilet, to get your colon clean as a whistle.

Well, that's what's supposed to happen anyway.


I guess my nether regions weren't quite as sparkly as they needed to be once they got the camera in there. And really? How is there enough money in the world to entice someone into giving THAT test? Anyway, once I came to again, my doctor gave the the news that I'd have to get it done again in a few months. And this time, I'd have to do three days of prepping for it. Oh yeah, someone needs to pinch me. I have to say, I'm not terribly thrilled about having to get it done all over again. I'm not a Muppet, people! *sigh* If anyone finds my dignity, could you please let me know? Thanks.


♥ Kathy said...

I should know better than to come visit you while I'm eating. Gooky looking enchiladas at that. It was just a little too close to the mental picture you provided for comfort! ha!

jasonS said...

Oh my... yeah, you do have to wonder about people who become technicians in that field. I would assume they are paid very well. Either that, or there are a lot of sickos out there.

On a serious side note, I really am sorry you have to do it again. Once sounds awful enough. Blech.

Helen said...

My uncle had the same thing happen to him. I blame the stuff they recommended. My doc used to recommend this green citrusy thing that tasted like lime and was mixed with water. You drink 3/4 of it at once, and then the other 1/4 in the morning to "make sure". Yes. It was supposed to come out like water by then, and it did! But nooo-ooooh, doctors are trying new things now instead of sticking to old stuff that works.

Oh, and just so you know, my word verification is phert.

lifeshighway said...

I also had one this year and nothing beats waking up in intense pain because your doctor blew your inside up like a Macy's day float so that a nurse has to put a tube up your butt to let some of the air out.

Bedside conversation: Hey you might not remember me but I went to high school with you son, tell him I said hello. My dignity will not return until sometime next year.

Wendy said...

Helen - Phert, huh? I think I was making that sound after my procedure...

Lifeshighway - Ah yes, the colon full of air. Why did I forget to add that to my post? My 8 year old daughter is still tramatized by what was coming out of my later that day. Phert.

katdish said...

Okay, so I've never had one myself, but when dh had one, I waited in the recovery room with him. At this particular place, no one was allowed to leave until they passed the air trapped in their colon. Did I laugh every time and embarrass my husband. Of course I did!

And you get to to this AGAIN? Bummer.