Looks like I've got a tweet or two left in me

I know.  It's been a while.  And no, I'm not dead.  Only mostly dead.  If I was all dead, you'd be going through my clothes looking for loose change.  But true love brought me back.  That, and a nice mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich.   So enjoy! 

The one-liners

weightwhat @duane_scott You will get nothing and like it.

I'm all out of half & half for my coffee. Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth begin.

"Lay down the boogie and play that funky music 'til you die." Words to live by. #WildCherry

mychiapet Okay @weightwhat, sneezing on me is not the same thing as watering me. #stupidallergies

#klout sent me a year's supply of Secret Waterproof Deodorant. Are they trying to tell me something?

Where are the chocolate fairies when you really need them?

DeathStarPR If he says, "I know" when you say you love him, or he's always "encased in Carbonite" when you want to talk, #BreakUp.

jonacuff To be honest, it's been too long since I last participated in a canoe race to save a summer camp from a rich land developer

aMikeFox If asked "Who do you think you are!?" just say "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am Darkwing Duck." there's no comeback to that.

MnLs Ladies, Christmas is coming “@robmcguire: Since I no longer deny that I let myself go, only seems fitting to buy this:

badbanana According to this heraldry website, my family crest is red and gold with a winged lion eating Spaghetti-Os in his underwear.

I never lie. Ok, I do, but not to you. Well maybe to you, but not about this. Trust me. RT @juicymorsel

Sugar cookie creamer? I thought we could have something special together, but I was wrong. It's not me, it's you.

I just ate a gingerbread man that I brought home for my daughter. She knew it was there. She shouldn't have left it unguarded.

The_BMG Totally:

Just checked the keyword activity for my blog. " HoHoHo and I am not talking about you" will land you on my blog. *snort*

I put off doing more things by 9 AM than most people do all day. RT @oinkflap

badbanana Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?

My To Do list: 1. Quit my soul-sucking job. 2. Take over the world with @Helenatrandom. Not necessarily in that order.

I was just thinking it was time for me to take out my leotard again... (@Helenatrandom)

TheRustedChain Haha!! RT @zachbraff: Dear Atheist friends, Happy Nothing.

They say you are what you eat. So I'm gonna start eatin skinny people. RT @SaraESpivey

badbanana My New Year's Resolution, like always, will be to avoid an elk herd attack. I have a good feeling 2012 will be the year.

When I read a really stupid tweet I think “What an idiot. Why did I write that?”RT @BDGarp

badbanana I've already failed miserably today. Anything more is just fail gravy.

The_BMG How Peanut Butter is made... I'm STILL laughing!

The ones that prove I should not be left to my own devices

Should I tell you all about my belly button lint collection? #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Nope. Still can't lick my own elbow. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Asked @CrazyGidgetDog to teach me the scooting my butt on the carpet trick. She's holding out on me. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

We are now the Knights who say... "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm." #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Thinking about giving @mychiapet a mohawk. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Bingo! #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Wendy, Wendy bo-bendy, banana fana fo fendy, me my mo mendy, Wendy!#whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Chuck, Chuck bo-buck, banana fana fo... Uh, nevermind. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

Plucking the hair off your toes hurts. I'm just guessing, of course. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

It wasn't me. It was the dog. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter



The ones that are a little bit longer

SarahBeeC @weightwhat here ya are!

weightwhat @SarahBeeC Not for long! I need to get a move on. Don't ask which move.



SarahBeeC @weightwhat *tsk tsk* You haven't blogged since JULY!? You may need to change your bio, too, young lady.

weightwhat @SarahBeeC I have a blog?!



katdish The government may attempt to force auto manufacturers to build tiny clown cars that plug into a wall, but they won't force me to buy one.

weightwhat @katdish But you'd make a fine clown!



dlrayburn Woot. My car washing brush has shipped.... <--Wow I live an exciting life don't I?

weightwhat @dlrayburn You are a wild man.



WinLiannefield I love my FB friends. I do. But one more picture of a friend or their kids standing next to a dead deer and I'm gonna lose it. #Gross

weightwhat @WinLiannefield What about the one of me with the dead Jackalope? Does that bother you?

katdish Just dropped my son off at band camp. They used his middle name instead of his first on his name tag. So today, my son is Paul.

weightwhat @katdish Is there a "one time at band camp" joke in there somewhere?



TheRustedChain I have one dog that rolls around in cow patties and one dog that eats them. Remind me again why I have dogs??

weightwhat @TheRustedChain Because you're a glutton for punishment?



muchl8r Driving to work....Naked and Famous #Joy

weightwhat @muchl8r You should at least put some shoes on in case you have car trouble.



duane_scott Two nerds discussing world of Warcraft in the hotel lobby. They're bragging how popular they are.. online. Lol

weightwhat @duane_scott Are you nerd one or nerd two?



duane_scott Have you read my latest post? Hopeful for Grace http://www.dscott.me/ALSo

weightwhat @duane_scott No, but have you read my latest post? Oh yeah, I don't have a latest post.



beckfromfrogandtoad Ho hum.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Why is the ho humming?

beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat I'm not sure I should answer that question.



br8kthru Had a great family dinner with cracker chicken. And no, for those wondering, that doesn't mean 'chicken for white people.' :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Wait. So does that mean you shouldn't have been eating it?



TheRustedChain So me! RT@TheNextMartha: It's not xmas until you're running around looking for that gift you know exists and hid.....somewhere.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain This is the first year that I haven't lost a gift! Clearly it's the end of the world.



WinLiannefield Best part of Christmas being over? Stinking elf is GONE. #SoMuchWork

weightwhat @WinLiannefield What about grumpy elf? Is he gone? Or publicly inappropriate elf? I miss it when he's gone.



saphyreplatypus Truth. ;-) RT @ahockley Merry Christmas. Twitter friends are gifts. Weird gifts at times, but gifts nonetheless.

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus What are you trying to say?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat *innocent whistling* 0:-)



weightwhat FAIR WARNING: The following statement could cause shock and awe: I might just do a twitter ho-down post on Friday. Hey, you were warned.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat *faints from shock and anticipation*



katdish I know I've said this before, but it bears repeating: I love caller ID. Who knew there were so many people I didn't want to talk to?

weightwhat @katdish Stop avoiding my calls!

katdish @weightwhat BUSTED!



weightwhat I love pumpkin spice coffee creamer. And yes, if I wasn't married, I'd marry it. If only it would ask me.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Funny, I was just sipping some & thinking how much I loved it. But you can't marry it. I saw it first.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries I will cut you.

The ones that are even longer

SarahBeeC Seems the (still)drunk drivers of this morning are hangover and cranky on their drive home now.

weightwhat @SarahBeeC You should honk at them. They'd like that.

SarahBeeC @weightwhat Oooh, wish I'd thought of that.

weightwhat @SarahBeeC Perhaps you should constantly be asking yourself, "What would Wendy do?" I am a moral compass, you know.



okiewife @weightwhat And good morning to you too. I've been busier than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs this a.m. as usual for Mon.

weightwhat @okiewife What's up with that? You should sit down and drink some coffee. And maybe have a doughnut.

okiewife weightwhat I'd darn sure eat a Twinkie if there was one in the house. See why I don't buy things like that?

weightwhat @okiewife But sometimes you just need a Twinkie. Or a Ding Dong. Or an entire package of Ho-Ho's.



weightwhat @WritingJoy Well, I'm okay, but my jammies are not happy with me. Something about missing out on quality time. And you?

WritingJoy @weightwhat spending quality time with swimsuit and wishing for more time with a book and less bickery time with kids. Bleck.

weightwhat @WritingJoy Sounds like you need a velcro wall and duct tape.

WritingJoy @weightwhat to think I was content to settle for ear plugs and a Coke. I was dreaming too small.



katdish Advice to my dog on our morning walk: You can't pee on everything.

kelybreez @katdish I heard your dog say, "Oh, yeah? Watch this!"

katdish @kelybreez He certainly tries to pee on everything.

weightwhat @katdish @kelybreez Some things just really need peeing on.



Helenatrandom @weightwhat How is your end of taking over the world coming along?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom It's slow going over here. Why are people resisting me when clearly I'm right?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I've asked myself the same question MANY times....

weightwhat @Helenatrandom If people would just follow us blindly, like they should, things would go much more smoothly.



WritingJoy It's whine o'clock. Which means it's wine o'clock.

weightwhat @WritingJoy I can bring the cheese. Boy, can I.

WritingJoy @weightwhat but do you cut the cheese?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Often. And with gusto.



TheRustedChain There is some really good Christmas music out there. So WHY do radio stations insist on playing the terrible stuff??

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I know! I haven't heard "I Farted on Santa's Lap" once this year! *snort*

TheRustedChain @weightwhat You... I... Ummm.. You deserve an award for always leaving me speechless.

RobinMArnold Confession: This morning I prayed the scale in my doctor's office goes on the fritz.

weightwhat @RobinMArnold Let us know how that works out for you. ;o)

RobinMArnold @weightwhat I'm pretty sure a lecture is in order but not looking forward to it at all!

weightwhat @RobinMArnold The scale is going to lecture you?! I'd be praying for it to be on the fritz, too.

saphyreplatypus   ETA +3 days. This kid must really want to be fashionably late. #wheneveryouareready

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Because you'll be induced in 3 days?

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat currently 3 days past due, but doc does want to induce new years day if kid hasn't made own arrangements by then

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Just need to make sure you keep your legs crossed until Friday. You wouldn't want to miss the ho-down. #priorities

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Thanks Wendy! And now is an excellent tine to take over the world~!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I thought it might be.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Do you have time though, what with your new job and all?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I'm very busy and important now, but I will always make time to take over the world with you.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You are such a good friend!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Yes. Yes I am.



saphyreplatypus Woohoo! Down 20lbs, now only *hmrhr* left to go! ;-)

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Congrats!!!

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat it is amazing what walking around with squirrels in my pants has done for my weight loss!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus You should write a book about it. You'd make millions.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat ooh, totally! "Squirrels In My Pants: a platypus' guide to weight loss"

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus You will send me a signed copy, right?

@WritingJoy @weightwhat  I think of you every time I wear pajamas to the bus stop. #EmbarrassinglyFrequent

weightwhat   @WritingJoy How else can one show off their new snowman jammie bottoms?

WritingJoy @weightwhat holy-heck-have-you-been-spying-on-me?!?! #NotBadAtAll #GotTheNeighborsToDoItToo

weightwhat  @WritingJoy I admit to nothing.

WritingJoy  @weightwhat you should be proud of spreading your pjs-to-the-bus-stop ways all the way to Ohio.

weightwhat  @WritingJoy It's a good start. I plan on going worldwide with it. Everybody's gotta have a dream.



katdish Writing a post about less than winning Christmas presents & wondering if the offending parties read my blog...

weightwhat @katdish Are you saying you don't like the stuffed clown I sent you?


katdish @weightwhat check this out

weightwhat @katdish GAAAAAAA!!!!!

weightwhat @katdish Wow. Your family must really hate you.

And now, for an added bonus...

First, head over to @kelybreez's blog to read his lovely post about Christmas lights.  Go on.  Read it and then come back.  Trust me.

Done?  If you took the time to read the comments, too, you'd see that @Helenatrandom and I cannot be contained on twitter alone...

weightwhat - Christmas Icicle Lights - "Now you, too, can learn to talk like a drunken sailor!" Same holds true for me for putting decorations on the Christmas tree. Every year it causes huge arguments and elevated blood pressure. Which is why my tree has been up for a week and hasn't got an ornament on it yet. I think it might look better that way.     

Helenatrandom - Our only lights are on the Christmas tree and Christmas wreath. My husband's sanity is precious to me. :-) We do strategically place both in the window so they can be enjoyed from outside as well, though.

weightwhat - I have a leg lamp strategically placed in my front window. But I never take it down. It's a valuable prize.     

kelybreez - A major award. When it arrived, was it marked with a French word... "Fragile"?     

weightwhat - How did you know? Have you been spying on me again?     

Helenatrandom - We're too poor for a leg lamp. Bob and I take turns with our leg help up to the window with a pant leg pulled up high.     

weightwhat - And a flashlight in your hand?     

Helenatrandom - OOOO! That WOULD add a touch of class, now wouldn't it? Thanks Wendy!     

weightwhat - I do what I can.     

kelybreez - You ladies have definitely lost control, taken over my comment stream, and effused.

I'm honored.

Congratulations!  You made it through!  Maybe you should go take a nap now.  You're not looking so good...   

He did what?!

What could possible bring me out of hiding to post something on my blog? I'm sure that anyone who knows me would know that it must be something really important. Okay, who are we kidding?

The following article from the Corvallis Gazette Times was brought to my attention by my Twitter friend saphyreplatypus. Being that I'm a giver, I just had to pass it along. You're welcome.



MONROE, Ore. -- The thing to do if a squirrel runs up your leg is probably not to aim a .22-caliber rifle at it and pull the trigger.

A Benton County, Ore., sheriff's officer says a 36-year-old Monroe man told deputies he was startled by a squirrel that ran up his left leg so he fired at it but hit his foot instead.

Sheriff's Capt. Greg Ridler tells the Corvallis Gazette-Times that deputies contacted Ethan Bennett at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center and learned the story of the gunshot wound.

Bennett was treated and released. He declined to comment about the Nov. 23 incident.

He missed the squirrel.

Still in mourning - RIP little Taco Bell Chihuahua

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the death of one beloved by all of us - the Taco Bell Chihuahua. So today, I'm doing a repost of the memorial post I wrote for him/her at the time of his/her death. So drop your chalupa and read on... And could someone please pass the hot sauce?

Strange things happen when I can't come up with a blog topic. This evening I decided to put out a request for topics to my Twitter friends. Yeah, it came down to the Taco Bell Chihuahua. In case you were wondering, I'll be making this up as I go along. I don't know that there's any real way to prepare for something like this...

This just in: The original Taco Bell Chihuahua died today. Looks like this post will be turning into an obituary. Lovely.

Oh Taco Bell Chihuahua, we hardly knew ye. Who knew that you were really a female dog named Gidget? It's an odd coincidence that my dog is named Gidget... Anyway, back to you, you cross-dressing doggie spokesperson. Your presence in television commercials back in the day made us want to run out and buy burritos, tacos and anything else you were pushing at us. Who could resist lines like, "¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!" and "Hey! Drop the chalupa!" Okay, truth be told, I was more likely to hit up Del Taco because I just like them better. But I was totally there for you when Taco Bell put out the talking Chihuahua replicas of you! Try as I might, I was only able to collect 2 of the 4 talking dogs. My life has never been fully complete since then. Sure, I could go on ebay and try to purchase the missing toys, but your sudden and untimely death is sure to put those out of my price range now. I may need to make a shrine out of the 2 dogs I have and the collection of hot sauce packets I've stolen over the years. I'll wipe my tears with the stack of Taco Bell napkins in the glove compartment of my car. I might even make a midnight run for the border. And it's all for you, you taquito-sized mascot of the late night munchies. I'll miss you!

Sources close to me (my 7 year old daughter who is standing right here) tell me that the following was the Taco Bell Chihuahua's favorite joke:

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver and cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?" "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle,"I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says.... "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Short but sweet. Ish.

The one-liners

Playing my first game of Hanging With Friends. I will not become addicted. I will not become addicted. I will not become addicted. Yeah.

For the love of Gumby! Someone play Hanging With Friends with me! (I don't have a problem. I can stop at any time. I just don't wanna.)

'emo' is not acceptable on #wwf. No wonder they're so sad.

RT @funnyoneliners If you're talking about a creature that just wants to gulp down a huge meal and then sleep all day, then yes, I would call myself a cougar.

If hot wheels designed the tracks I'd watch NASCAR. RT @GoferDad

It's a good thing my mirror can't point and laugh. RT @minealone6

RT @DeathStarPR Is turning to the Dark Side easy? YES. Seductive? YES. Fun? YES. Will people get hurt? NO. Okay, probably. But only bad people

Love this video. I mean, who doesn't love to torment their dog?

The ones that are a little longer

weightwhat Good morning! Who wants to entertain me?

kelybreez @weightwhat Don't you generally entertain yourself?

weightwhat @kelybreez Usually. But I've heard all of my jokes now. Darnitall.



SarahBeeC @weightwhat here ya are!

weightwhat @SarahBeeC Not for long! I need to get a move on. Don't ask which move.

The ones that are even longer

kelybreez My favorite are

kelybreez Bluebirds. Those are my favorite.

weightwhat @kelybreez Smiling is my favorite.

kelybreez @weightwhat Singing and smiling.

weightwhat @kelybreez And syrup.



katdish And in the category of Scary things found under my daughter's sink, I present: http://twitpic.com/5f8uu6

weightwhat @katdish Is it alive?

katdish @weightwhat I think it's dead. But only mostly dead.

weightwhat @katdish You should go through its pockets and look for loose change.



RT @br8kthru DO NOT FEAR THE BEARDS! Check out great posts from this week in the Light Friday Hit List: http://su.pr/9WwOIN

<>

weightwhat @br8kthru How did you know that I secretly fear beards?

SarahBeeC @weightwhat @br8kthru what about bearded clowns?

weightwhat @SarahBeeC AAAAAAAA!!!!!



melissa_rae My Princess Pootie Pants turns 5yo today! It will be a day full of pink & sparkles! #fb

weightwhat @melissa_rae But what will SHE be wearing?

melissa_rae How'd you know I was talking about my hubs?

weightwhat @melissa_rae I had an inkling.



Helenatrandom @weightwhat Knock knock

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Who's there?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat the

weightwhat @Helenatrandom The who?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twitter Ho-down anyone?

Let's just get right to it, shall we?

The one-liners

I'm not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are. #funnyoneliners

We are all connected and we are all the same. Except for you. RT @evrythingmustgo

This is awesome. Stolen from a friend's facebook. #Rapture http://twitpic.com/517bru @Schnik

Cool Whip container in the fridge. Could contain Cool Whip. Could contain five week old taco meat. Life is an adventure. @badbanana

Oprah said viewer tweeted to her, "I never knew I had a light in me, until you told me." If you have a light in you, go to the hospital. @MattTCoNP

Scared Cat Playing with Terrifying Tennis Ball http://t.co/1dagtpr via @drkarenbecker How about a laugh to start the day? @okiewife

No one ever answers my questions, but they always question my answers. RT @clarkekant

Only the good die young. Therefore, Darth Vader was good, Obi Wan was bad and Yoda was a hobgoblin of pure evil. #Logic #StarWars @DeathStarPR

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. And clowns. And spiders. And clown spiders. Okay, so lots of stuff actually. @DeathStarPR



The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish Moral dilemma: I can score a triple word score on #WWF, but I'll have to drop the F bomb to do so.

weightwhat @katdish Drop it like it's hot, drop it like it's hot...

katdish @weightwhat You are my moral center, Wendy.



weightwhat @duane_scott I suddenly feel the urge to slap you silly.

duane_scott @weightwhat refer to previous tweets. I'm not responsible for what I write this evening :)

weightwhat @duane_scott It has nothing to do with your tweets. I often feel the urge to slap you silly. I'm just announcing it this time.



duane_scott I wrote a poem about Fruit-Loops. I'm considering sharing it if you all promise not to laugh.

weightwhat @duane_scott Will the Cheetos be jealous?




The ones that are even longer

Yeah, I've got nothing for this section. Instead, feel free to watch the following video.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat @billycoffey Yea for your summer vacation! Are you sitting on the porch with sweet tea as we speak?

billycoffey @weightwhat Actually I'm still at work.

weightwhat @billycoffey Why?! Did they chain you to a desk or lock you in? Do we need to plan a prison break?

billycoffey @weightwhat No, I have to work all year. But it's nice and quiet.

weightwhat @billycoffey Does that mean you can wear your pajama jeans to work?

HeatherSunseri @billycoffey @weightwhat I'm sorry... Pajama jeans? Surely, you meant to DM that...

weightwhat @HeatherSunseri Nope. ;o)

billycoffey @weightwhat @HeatherSunseri I'm proud to say I do not have one pair of pajama jeans.

weightwhat @billycoffey You have three?

Silly Parents

I love this commercial. LOVE! There's actually a series of them, but I can only find one on youtube. Darnitall. At least I can share this one with you! Enjoy!

Yea! It's a Ho-down!

Hooray! It's a twitter ho-down! Feel free to do your happy dance.

Okay, maybe you should keep your happy dance to yourself...

The one-liners

I'm convinced that people change their avatars just to confuse me. And yes, it IS all about me.

Does this "but" make my excuse look big? (RT @MrBigFists)

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help. (RT @TrolleyCat) It's National Napping Day! I could learn to love this holiday.

Can you guys keep it down? I can barely hear myself suffering in silence. (RT @evrythingmustgo)

Wow. It's my 24,000th tweet. You'd think by now I'd come up with something interesting to say. Well, you'd be wrong.

Tweet. That is all.

Somewhere out there is a racehorse saying that they have to pee like me. Gotta go!

Life Tip: It's always a good idea to get a second set of fingerprints on your weapon of choice. RT @LIFECOACHERS

The people who invented the Internet never would have got around to doing it if they'd had the Internet. RT @mattkirshen

Just found out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck: Two pounds. Consider it settled. RT @StephenAtHome

When you flirt with someone in real life, how long are you supposed to hold the sideways wink face? RT @badbanana

I may or may not be eating a giant spoonful of peanut butter right now. Okay, I totally am.

I've got Poker Face playing right now. So my daughter came in and started poking my face. Nice.

Fair warning: I'm planning on doing a twitter ho-down post this week. Who wants to be (in)famous?

weightwhat @duane_scott @SBeeCreations You should always listen to me. I'm the voice of reason.



The ones I may or may not have said in a DM

And do you have rings on your fingers and bells on your toes?

I'll be sure to bedazzle the peg leg, of course.

I also enjoy not having gaping and oozing wounds.

Cerebral fornicator?

Going for the shock and awe, huh?

With a lop lop here and a lop lop there...



The ones that are a little bit longer

okiewife I bought a mini bamboo plant for myself today. Go ahead.. say I'm weird. Everyone else has.

weightwhat @okiewife I could tell you that you are weird, but I really don't think we can blame the bamboo for that.

weightwhat @okiewife Then again, I have a mini bamboo plant. If that causes weirdness, it would explain a lot.



five_monkies Okay tweeps. I am seriously missing my nightly forays with @weightwhat (or @WendyDarlingLtd depending on her mood that night).

weightwhat @five_monkies We're like ships that pass in the night. Or some other Barry Manilow song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgnHEyeMECc

TheRustedChain It's hammer time.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I'll get my gold parachute pants!



Helenatrandom @weightwhat How is it that you, @duane_scott, and so many others have more alter egos than me? When did I become the sane one?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Probably around the same time that I became the voice of reason.



MPdaCNA Lovely discussion about farts and poop. Gotta love life w boys.

weightwhat @MPdaCNA Um... Yeah... Only boys would talk about things like that... *whistling innocently*



br8kthru @weightwhat are you actually here? I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you. :)

weightwhat @br8kthru Feel free to faint dead away. I am here.



RedClayDiaries My nose itches. On the inside. #ihateallergies

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Sure. You're "scratching." We believe you.



WritingJoy wow. This would indeed be an epic story. "guy poops and throws up epic story" #searcheslandingonmyblog #searchbomb?

weightwhat @WritingJoy What? Isn't that how all the good writers do it?



weightwhat Okay, I may be a little disturbed. http://tinyurl.com/3wufur9

marni71 @weightwhat only a LITTLE?

weightwhat @marni71 What are you trying to say?



mommytweetsalot Why won't my kids go to bed and STAY there? Bedtime is the most stressful part of my day.....ugh

weightwhat @mommytweetsalot Clearly you're not using enough duct tape.



katdish Flower stems or creepy green hands? http://plixi.com/p/94816286

weightwhat @katdish I think the Grinch is trying to steal Easter.

katdish @weightwhat HA! Awesome.

weightwhat Free wi-fi? I may sit drinking sweet tea at McD's all day. #wwf

weightwhat Wow. That sweet tea is kickin' in... #pottydance

weightwhat So much for the free wi-fi... #iPadsarenotpottyfriendly



RobinMArnold I just called someone a whippersnapper. Don't be one. Not good.

weightwhat @RobinMArnold If only your warning had come earlier. I'm afraid it's too late for the likes of me.



weightwhat My daughter was sitting in the bathtub the other night singing "Video Killed the Radio Star." It was a very proud moment for me.

elizabethesther @weightwhat my twins sing in the bathtub, too. Except their favorite song is: Old McDonald Had A Poo-Poo Farm. #notsoproud

weightwhat @elizabethesther With a poo-poo here and a poo-poo there?



melissa_rae I think I'm getting a fever... #fb

mychiapet @melissa_rae And the only cure is more cowbell?



mychiapet @dlrayburn You know, we looked a lot alike before I got my seeds all grown in. Except I don't have thumbs. Showoff.

dlrayburn @mychiapet Actually I am a chia in remission... I started out with hair...

mychiapet @dlrayburn Do you need more seeds?

The ones that are even longer

SBeeCreations Saw a guy Wearing Crocs while riding a motorcycle *blink* *blink*

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I know he's saying something, I just don't know what that something is.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I think it's some like "Chicks dig mangled extremities"

weightwhat @SBeeCreations That could be it!



weightwhat Thinking of doing a dot-to-dot using the freckles on my arms. This could take a while. #whyishouldnotbeleftaloneontwitter

SBeeCreations @weightwhat you aren't alone

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I was. And now it's too late.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat What did you do?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I look kind of like this now:

elizabethesther I get to go to the dentist today! YIPEEEEE! not.

weightwhat @elizabethesther You're a wild woman! Maybe next you can go to the podiatrist to have an ingrown toenail removed!

WritingJoy @weightwhat Wow, Wendy -- forget about living on the edge -- just bungee-jump off the side why doncha?

weightwhat @WritingJoy @elizabethesther Hey, I'm all about the edge. As long as it can be done in jammies.



weightwhat You really should go read and comment on @mychiapet's guest blog post on @SBeeCreations new blog. You wouldn't want to see @mychiapet angry.

weightwhat What are you still doing here? Go read @mychiapet's guest post at @SBeeCreations blog already. http://t.co/HCEeMlb

katdish @weightwhat You're so bossy when you're.....awake.

weightwhat @katdish And?



marni71 Sometimes, I need people to have a mute button. In absence of that technology, I'm having extra coffee today. #tc

weightwhat @marni71 Are you talking about me again?

marni71 @weightwhat Uhhhhh, sorry Wendy. Didn't see you there. #awkward

weightwhat @marni71 Yeah.



muchl8r Today's one of those days where you start realizing how much you love & appreciate people then kick yourself for being so sappy. #Gross

weightwhat @muchl8r Can I kick you, too?

muchl8r @weightwhat please do

weightwhat @muchl8r So happy to help! :o)



weightwhat Am I disturbed? You decide. http://tinyurl.com/3wufur9

jewda4 @weightwhat I think I know the answer, and I haven't even read the post yet.

weightwhat @jewda4 What are you trying to say?

jewda4 @weightwhat um, to protect the safety of the innocent and myself...I was just saying that I can tell you are not disturbed in the slightest.



katdish My son is on the local news. Students protesting teacher layoffs.

weightwhat @katdish Is he carrying a pitchfork and a torch? Please say yes...

katdish @weightwhat Not that I can see. The HS is next to the JH. They interviewed some teens who are protesting by going to Starbucks across street

katdish @weightwhat Because nothing says Save our school like purchasing an iced frappachino

weightwhat @katdish Throw in a scone and you could start a war.



dlrayburn @weightwhat Been missing you round here!

weightwhat @dlrayburn But is your aim getting better?

dlrayburn @weightwhat wow ur snarky is out of practice

weightwhat @dlrayburn I suppose I should dust it off once in a while.



And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

RedClayDiaries Big storm on its way. Hoping it arrives AFTER we're home from evening activities.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Is everything black and white where you live?

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Um, what?

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries You know, like the beginning of The Wizard of Oz.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat Ohhhhhh. I had no clue what you meant. But no, we do still have technicolor. However, a witch just rode by on a bicycle.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Better hide the dogs.

RedClayDiaries @weightwhat I'm putting on my red shoes just in case.

Nick_theGeek @RedClayDiaries u want a house to land on you?

RedClayDiaries @Nick_theGeek Oh yeah. OK scratch that. I'll go put on my blue gingham.

weightwhat @RedClayDiaries Don't forget to braid your hair. And sing.

Do they tweet in Heaven? Remembering Kristi

Earlier this week, my twitter friend, Kristi (@pagan43), passed away. I can only imagine the party in Heaven when she arrived. I'm guessing there were lampshade hats involved, but I just can't be sure. While it breaks my heart that I won't be able to catch up with her on twitter anymore, I'm so happy that her joy in now complete. To celebrate the short period of her life when I got to know her, I put together some of her tweets from my past twitter ho-downs. I hope you enjoy this little glimpse of Kristi...


pagan43 @weightwhat Hmmm , seems as tho i have single handedly eradicated several huge roadside attraction giant coffee cups. #ohthepower

weightwhat @pagan43 You know, you really should use your power for good instead of evil.



pagan43 A universal remote does not in actuality control the whole universe.

weightwhat @pagan43 Drats. There goes that plan.



pagan43 Still waiting for Z to bring up rest of the decorations . 'specially the Lady Leg Lamp. Should I shoot his eye out or just nag ?

weightwhat @pagan43 I just keep my leg lamp up all year to avoid this kind of situation. And yes, it's in my front window.

pagan43 Family tradition is to hang the raw turkey neck on the front door knob...Please do not ask.

weightwhat @pagan43 How can you put a statement like that out there and then say, "Don't ask"? Well, I'm askin'.

pagan43 @weightwhat Kids were out one Thsgv. Eve.We tied raw neck on door knob unscrewed light bulb and hid. Kid touched neck and screamed.

weightwhat @pagan43 Aahhhh... Good times.



duane_scott I just learned that titilating is a word. I just became titilated.

pagan43 @duane_scott We are to presume you know the meaning of your new word . Hint...it has nothing to do with udders. #titilating

weightwhat @duane_scott In public?!

duane_scott @weightwhat @marni71 it's not a bad word!

weightwhat @duane_scott *snort*

pagan43 @duane_scott You keep confusing me with @marni71. I am Kristi, The one with the Water Shack getaway place.

weightwhat @pagan43 That's what happens when one over titilates. (@duane_scott)



weightwhat Okay, somebody entertain me, quick! You don't want me left to my own devices.

pagan43 @weightwhat Dancing as fast as I can... Your devices scare me.

weightwhat @pagan43 You've got some serious moves! And yes, my devices scare most people.



pagan43 @weightwhat I am going to put on my tin foil hat & pajamas and go to bed. will work the same as "I have a headache?" #nottonite

weightwhat @pagan43 My guess is yes. Maybe even better than a headache. And for a longer period of time.



pagan43 Pancakes and bacon for dinner. Snowed in.

weightwhat @pagan43 Pancakes and bacon? I wanna be snowed in.

pagan43 More than 8 additional inches to come.

weightwhat @pagan43 TWSS

weightwhat @pagan43 No one is safe around me.




Please keep Kristi's husband, Bill, and her family in your prayers. She was a wonderful woman and having a Kristi-sized hole in your life has got to be horrible. I miss you, Kristi!

Cones of eccentricity

I had a birthday this week. It was lovely, thanks. But it got me to wondering... At what age, exactly, can one be called "eccentric"? 'Cause that's what I'm going for. I'm 44 now. How much longer do I need to wait? You can get away with so much more when people think you're eccentric.

The other day, I went to Costco with my family. As we were walking in from the parking lot, I spotted an elderly woman pushing her full cart out to her car. But wait, there's more. When she left the store, she ran into one of those giant orange cones that they have in the front to try to keep people from driving into the store. And yes, the cone led they way out to her car. No, she didn't seem to realize that she was pushing an orange cone with her cart. At least, not until she got to her car. Of course, she left the cone out there in the parking lot. In back of someone else's car. Probably made that person wonder when they got to their car... But do you see? That can be chalked up to eccentricity.

I want to push a giant orange cone around in front of my shopping cart.

Maybe even carry a cone around with me as a warning to others. "Caution: You don't know what this person will do next."

It's not like I'm asking to be able to shuffle around with my knee high hose bunched up around my ankles. Not unless they're paired with slippers, anyway.

So really? How long do I have to wait? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller...? Bueller...?

Life is Funny - Ben & Jerry's loves me

I love a good bargain. I really do. But nothing thrills me to the core like free stuff. And free ice cream?! What, have I died and gone to Heaven? Oh yeah. And tomorrow is Ben & Jerry's annual Free Cone Day. They're doing it for my birthday because they love me. They don't actually know me, but they love me. And they show their love with free ice cream.

Anyway.

So I'll be having my free scoop in the afternoon. And again in the evening. Possibly a few times in between. Don't judge me. It's ice cream. If there was more than one Ben & Jerry's around here I'd make the rounds and have more free ice cream. Like that one time...

Back in the day, I used to live in Southern California. My best friend "R" lived nearby and she's all about the free stuff, just like me. Baskin Robbins usually does some kind of free thing once a year, too, and one year they were doing free Cappuccino Blasts. Mmmm... Coffee and ice cream... And the best part? There were Baskin Robbins all over the place down there!

So R and I hatched a plan.

We mapped out all the Baskin Robbins parlors in the area. There was a 3 hour time window in which they were giving out the free Blasts. We hit those parlors and hit 'em hard! Then we went and made the rounds again. Oh yeah, we were good.

But did you know that they put real coffee in the Cappuccino Blasts? Strong coffee. With lots of caffeine.

I think it was a few days later before I was able to sleep again. There's something to be said for bouncing off the walls, you know. And yes, I'd do it again. Because cheap is good and free is even better.

So go on out and get your free scoop. Maybe even make the rounds. Who could ask for a better birthday celebration? Mmmmm... Ice cream...