Don't you just love Fridays? No, not because it's the start of the weekend. It's the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants! And if you tweet, you can join in, too! Yes, good things come to those who tweet.
So here's the Best of Wendy on Twitter for the week. You may want to sit down for this.
@ImAPennyPincher - Have I told you my motto? I may be cheap, but I'm not free.
@Helenatrandom - You're so today? Does that mean you're hip, happening and with it?
#failedwesterns The Good, The Bad And The Surgically Enhanced
#failedwesterns Billy The Cross-Dressing Kid
#failedwesterns Salsa Dances With Wolves
#failedwesterns How The West Was Lost In Overtime
#failedwesterns Does This Saddle Make My Butt Look Bigger?
@katdish - I'm a lemming. Now where is that cliff?
I'm going to hit the hay now. Hey, it hit me first!
Slow day on twitter, huh? Must be because I spent most of the day sleeping. I think I may have caused their stock to drop because of it.
@HeatherGill - Your life is probably funnier than you think. It's all a matter of how you look at it.
@HeatherGill - Okay, here's your warning. Don't have anything in your mouth when reading my blog. It won't go well for you.
Howdy folks! I should be looking for a shop to take my car to, but I was afraid that Twitter might go through withdrawls without me.
All I have to say is thank goodness for exhaust fans.
RT @tsholo_m RT @justinhartman: Brilliant: When you feel bored after eating KFC - http://gatorurl.com/i768dl
Fine. I'll just take my Barbies and go home. Oh, wait. I am home.
My dad saw Kenny Loggin's man parts when in a public restroom. #lameclaimtofame
Steve Perry cracked jokes with me for a while. #lameclaimtofame
My feet are bigger than most of the stars whose feet are implanted at Gromann's Chinese Theater. Including John Wayne's. #lameclaimtofame
My mom rode in an elevator with McDreamy. #lameclaimtofame
I was walking behind Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in Hollywood. What was she doing with my boyfriend? #lameclaimtofame
br8kthru@weightwhat wow, you are full of great stories! You're like the real-life Forrest Gump (without the decreased mental capacity)
katdishMy sister lost on Wheel of Fortune, but got a year's supply of yeast #lameclaimtofame
weightwhat@katdish - Um, how unfortunate on both accounts? Oh! You mean the yeast you cook with. Nevermind.
@WinLiannefield One should never underestimate the importance of pants. Trust me on this one.
@Helenatrandom - We should go on a food world tour. Of course, we'll have to bring various sizes of pants with us...
@Helenatrandom - Really? My theme is whatever tickles my fancy. And who keeps tickling my fancy anyway? I'm not that kind of girl! Usually.
@Helenatrandom - Spreading the message of the glitter crotch to all who will listen. It's her calling.
I think I'll have a staring contest with @crazygidgetdog. #WhyIShouldNotBeLeftAloneOnTwitter
I win. Again. #WhyIShouldNotBeLeftAloneOnTwitter
And for my next trick... #WhyIShouldNotBeLeftAloneOnTwitter
Mmm... Frogurt... #WhyIShouldNotBeLeftAloneOnTwitter
I keep trying to tell myself jokes, but I never laugh. Must be because I already know the punchline. #WhyIShouldNotBeLeftAloneOnTwitter
A little bit longer ones
emptynestegg@weightwhat There is nothing at that hash tag. Guess you were alone.
weightwhat@emptynestegg - Yes. I wasn't kidding when I said it was my hash tag. I made it up a couple of weeks ago. It's all about me, you know.
emptynestegg@weightwhat well and the 57 other people in your head.
weightwhat@emptynestegg - Hey, that's not right! At least a dozen of them are on vacation right now.
Okay, really. Who is it in Dion-le-Mont, Brabant, Belgium that's following me? I know you're out there! Introduce yourself, huh?
It appears that Belgium isn't stepping forward. Oh Belgium, why must you torment me so?!
Again, Belgium? Really?
And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones
I was on People's Court. Jealous much? #lameclaimtofame
br8kthru@weightwhat were you really? Which judge was it?
weightwhat@br8kthru - The one, the only... Judge Wapner. Cranky old guy.
br8kthru@weightwhat nice- he was the best anyway!
weightwhat@br8kthru - That would be true. The bailiff was a kick! He kept cracking jokes during the breaks.
br8kthru@weightwhat so why were you there? (sorry I'm fascinated)
weightwhat@br8kthru - I was a witness on the "Hit and Run at the High School" trial. Yup, I was the good citizen that took down a license plate #.
br8kthru@weightwhat very cool. This whole time I've been hearing the music & the typewriter. What a good person you are!
weightwhat@br8kthru - The funny thing was that every time it re-aired, I'd get recognized when I was out. Freaky.
br8kthru@weightwhat I don't know- I think that's an awesome claim to fame- you should have it printed on business cards.
weightwhat@br8kthru - I thought about the cards, but then everyone would start asking for my autograph, mobs would form, papparazzi stalking, etc.
br8kthru@weightwhat that's true- you could try to go on a speaking tour, open some malls, etc. Capitalize on your fame...
weightwhat@br8kthru - That is true... Maybe I could hit the boat show circuit, too. Ooo! And some state fairs! Maybe I should re-think my position...
br8kthru@weightwhat I say milk it, baby, milk it for all it's worth!
br8kthru@weightwhat just so you know, I feel awkward now that I've called you "baby"...
weightwhat@br8kthru Want me to call you Twinkletoes to even it out?
I sold lemonade to Tom Hanks. #lameclaimtofame
WinLiannefield@weightwhat Explain the Tom Hanks lemonade thing, please. And you do have a lot of these claims!
weightwhat@WinLiannefield - I was working at Disneyland and it was just after "Splash" came out. He got in my lemonade line... Our eyes met...
weightwhat@WinLiannefield - It was a short but torrid affair. In the end, he took my lemonade, but I took his money.
WinLiannefield@weightwhat I am surprised he has not made that into a movie. That is drama I would pay to see again and again. ::Wiping tears::
emptynestegg@weightwhat what happened to the Colonel ?
weightwhat@emptynestegg - This was before the Colonel. Although the Colonel to this day won't go see Tom Hanks movies...
Helenatrandom#failedwesterns Little Big Boy
@Helenatrandom - I can't believe you'd bring up Big Boy in front of me again like that...
@weightwhat You have The Colonel now....You need to move on and make a life with him.
@Helenatrandom - For the most part, I have. It's just that every time I see a double-decker hamburger or picnic print overalls...
@weightwhat At least the Colonel is a sharp dresser.
@Helenatrandom- Yes he is. I just wish he'd stop dripping mashed potatoes and gravy on his white suits. Do you know how hard it is to clean?
@weightwhat I can only imagine.
@Helenatrandom - And how many times do I have to tell him that the little black bow around his neck is NOT a napkin?
@weightwhat I never imagined being with a guy who wears more makeup than me--I only wear a little lipstick and nail polish
@Helenatrandom - He does wear it a bit on the heavy side, but I wasn't going to say anything...
@weightwhat Also...Ronald behaves like a clown...IN PUBLIC!
@Helenatrandom - So what first attracted you to him? Was it his abnormally large feet?
@weightwhat You know what they say about clowns with big shoes...
@Helenatrandom - Big feet?
PuriChristos - @CandySteele but if you hit a dead horse right it probably still moans
CandySteele@PuriChristos not if the hore is REALLY dead
CandySteele@PuriChristos HORSE, I MEANT HORSE
weightwhat@CandySteele - Did you just kill a hore?
PuriChristos@CandySteele how dead does the whore have to be b4 she stops moaning and how do you know this?
weightwhatAm I the only one that noticed @CandySteele killing a hore?
CandySteele@weightwhat um, Wendy, that was a HORSE but my S got stuck
weightwhat@CandySteele - You went to kill a hore but your ass got stuck?
PuriChristos@CandySteele oh I thought the w wasn't working
PuriChristos@weightwhat OMGoogle that was the funniest thing. @CandySteele I think you are making everyone twitter update again
PuriChristos@CandySteele Wow they are right when they say these kind of things escalate, a little hospital exhibitionism and now a mess of dead hores.
All good things must come to an end. Even the mediocre things must come to an end. So what I'm trying to say is that I'm done with the Twitter blog post for the week. Come back tomorrow for something completely different. Well, different than this post anyway. Thanks for coming!
Are you still here? I told you, I'm done. There's nothing left to see here. Move along.