It's that time of the week again! Yup, time for the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants! You want to play along. You know you do. So go on over and sign up already! And now may I present my own Twitter post...
The one liners
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh, we'll make a wild woman out of you yet Sarah!
weightwhat @billycoffey Better mind the Prince lyrics, Billy. I'd hate to see your beef jerky supply line cut.
weightwhat RT @stretchmarkmama Does anal retentive have a hyphen? (via @forces2)
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Besides, I never promised not to judge. What fun would life be if I couldn't judge people mercilessly?
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Nagging is one of my spiritual gifts, you know.
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Imbrace your inner Twitter Ho, Sarah!
weightwhat @PuriChristos Over 30 AND gray hair? Whoa, isn't that the angel of death following you?
I'm here! Entertain me.
My daughter just responded to something I said to her with, "Awkward!" Yup, it was a proud moment.
weightwhat @makeadiff21 Being a grown up isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
A little bit longer ones
sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 My grandma always said nice girls don't color their hair, paint their nails, or wear colored underwear. Times have changed...
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Except the colored underwear part. Only a hussy would wear colored underwear.
sarahmsalter @weightwhat Oh, yeah. I forgot that you're sweetness and light. (TM)
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yes. Yes I am.
CandySteele @weightwhat @redclaydiaries @katdish send daughter @kates513 some love 4 finishing 20 mi run today.Fueled by cookies.Yes, she's a dietitian.
weightwhat @CandySteele Those must have been some good cookies...
PamperingBeki Mid-day check in. Everyone here good? Good. If you need anything let me know. *fist bump to all of you* Back to work I go.
weightwhat @PamperingBeki I need a giant chocolate bar, a massage and a pony. When can you get back to me with that?
br8kthru I smile @ EVERYONE- really- but I'm thinking I should stop smiling @ them in the bathroom. It's weird. PS guess where I just came from
weightwhat @br8kthru It wouldn't be so weird if you didn't follow up the smiling by telling everyone that you're wearing new Superman underpants.
sarahmsalter @makeadiff21 Yeah, I'm feisty on any/every day that strangers are going to invade my "personal space" with needles & other "pokey" objects.
weightwhat @sarahmsalter TWSS!
weightwhat @br8kthru I don't know that you want to hear 'undies' and 'snappy comebacks' used together in a sentence. Just sayin'.
br8kthru @weightwhat well, I don't want to see 'juicy' on the butt of sweatpants, but that ship has sailed...
The ones that are even longer
CandySteele @redclaydiaries promise me you'll still get a flu shot? K? Thanks.
redclaydiaries @CandySteele I will, Mom. Have I mentioned my needle phobia?
CandySteele @redclaydiaries I'm a lot kinder in person. What's there to be scared of? It's a skinny little prick.
weightwhat @CandySteele TWSS!!!
makeadiff21 @br8kthru I agree. It's Monday. We need happy thoughts today!
weightwhat @makeadiff21 Is underwear happy? Or should we talk about what we've found in our bellybuttons lately?
makeadiff21 @weightwhat LOL! Oh, please, no.
weightwhat @makeadiff21 You hate fun. Why do you hate fun?
br8kthru @weightwhat did I stun you into silence? The world is turned upside down- I'm a little frightened right now.
weightwhat @br8kthru Calm down, I'm back. I was writing my blog post. All is right in the world again.
br8kthru @weightwhat thanks another 30 seconds & I would have had a full-blown panic attack.
weightwhat @br8kthru Just look at my avatar and take deep breaths. You'll be okay, Jason.
And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones
weightwhat @br8kthru Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help. Jive turkey.
br8kthru@weightwhat have you been drinking again?
weightwhat @br8kthru Nope. But you started it with 'cut me some slack.' Airplane!? Oh stewardess, I speak jive... Must I explain everything to you?
redclaydiaries @weightwhat This is why I love you: You are actually MORE random than I am.
weightwhat @redclaydiaries It's one of my spiritual gifts.
redclaydiaries @weightwhat RANDOM is a spiritual gift?! I've finally found my place in this world! My top 2 must be RANDOMNESS & SARCASM.
weightwhat @redclaydiaries Yes, it is. Now go out and make disciples of all men.
redclaydiaries @weightwhat Go ye and do likewise.
sarahmsalter @weightwhat Did you shock the bus driver again?
weightwhat @sarahmsalter No, she's used to it now.
sarahmsalter @weightwhat You're probably not the only parent that does that.
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Are you saying I need to step up my game? Maybe go for some curlers or a nice mud mask?
br8kthru @weightwhat how about some panty hose sliding to your ankles causing you to shuffle?
weightwhat @br8kthru I was thinking about saving that until the end of the year. You know, like a grand finale.
br8kthru @weightwhat Just make sure there's some toilet paper hanging from your slipper...
br8kthru @weightwhat and by 'slipper' I do mean your shoes. :)
weightwhat @sarahmsalter I'm not a hater. How could you think such a thing?
sarahmsalter @weightwhat Well, in my experience, only haters call other people hussies. Just sayin'.
weightwhat @sarahmsalter You say 'hussy' like it's a bad thing. Perhaps you're the hater.
sarahmsalter @weightwhat I don't think I've ever heard anyone called that out of love. But I suppose I could be wrong...
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yes, you would be wrong. The only thing better would be getting called a 'shameless hussy.' Then you know you're really cool.
weightwhat @sarahmsalter Of course, the be-all-end-all would be getting called a 'cheesy tart.' But that is reserved for extra special occassions.
Helenatrandom @weightwhat Ahhh...so then you think I'm a hussy? I know, I know...If the underwear fits...
weightwhat @Helenatrandom 'Hussy' is good, 'shameless hussy' is even better, and 'cheesy tart' is the be-all-end-all in my world.
weightwhat @Helenatrandom And Helen, you'll always be a cheesy tart in my book!
makeadiff21 It's never a good thing when a friend of your child runs up 2 U after school and whispers to you that your daughter got sent to the office.
weightwhat @makeadiff21 I smell a blog post...
makeadiff21 @weightwhat whyyyyy?
weightwhat @makeadiff21 Are you kidding me? Any time your child's friend comes running up to whisper a gem like that, there's gotta be a good story!
BridgetChumbley Son just text me: Need to get deodorant after school. Odd... ;-)
weightwhat @BridgetChumbley Wow, sounds like a story there, too!
weightwhat I sure hope my daughter does something odd today so I'll have something to blog about.
Well, thanks for stopping by! And remember to mind your underwear, huh? You never know when you may be in an accident and you don't want to be an embarrassment to your mother.
Posts
6 comments:
Poor Candy. She's always setting herself up for a TWSS moment on the twitter.
Thank you for this wonderful public service. I got to laugh at all those conversations TWICE. Altho oddly I don't really remember saying half of what you say I did. Must've been the fever talking...
About underwear and car accidents....Is whether or not the patient's underwear is fresh really the first thing they check? Always wondered..
You'll always be a cheesy tart to me, too.
I still can't believe you are so mean to my dear, departed, sweet grandma. Have you no decency?! Have you no shame?! What am I talking about, I know the answers to those questions.
I will say, we had some humorous convos this week.
And I will NOT mind my underwear. Last time I listened to them I ended up in a Barcelona jail cell next to Howie Mandel. After 6 hours, that dude ain't funny anymore...
Ok. Again... I do not hate fun. It was Monday. I wasn't really myself that day. But the belly button thing did make me laugh. Can we do toe lint next?
Don't be "poor Candying" me. I thought I showed tremendous restraint this week. I paused every time before I hit "enter." Sometimes just not quite long enough.
And the clean underwear thing? Not only do you prevent embarrassment to Joe Mama, but the nurses won't talk about you when you're gone.
And yes Helen, it's the first thing they check - if you're breathing. Trust me on this one.
Jason, it took you 6 hours to realize Howie ain't funny? Did you get a fist bump?
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