Twitter: It's not just a job, it's an adventure

I know, I know. I'm late getting my Twitter post up. These things happen. At least I'm getting a post up now. Don't say I never did anything for you.

The one liners

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Hey, are you talking about me? Carry on.

Gotta get my post up... Ooo! Something shiny!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter So it's to be torture then, huh?

weightwhat @BridgetChumbley I think they may find that fried pies are the cure to all that ails us.

weightwhat @katdish - Okay, you're back now. Stop turning into a bird.

Know what's really fun? Trying to get your daughter to pee in a cup without getting in the line of fire. Yeah, it's great.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I haven't been able to come up with one. Just can't seem to wrap my brain around obedience...

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Did you need some cheese to go with your whine?

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Wow, I've got to watch the way I type. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm sing-songy. That would totally blow my image.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You totally are a rebel. I've always thought that about you.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Has anyone told you that you're very bossy?

weightwhat @HerbieGookins Someone's a stinker and it's you.

RT @NutTheSquirrel How come popcorn isn't a vegetable? // I'd like to know that myself.

RT @badbanana Don't you hate it when time travelers from the future want a photo with you but then refuse to say why they're laughing?

Okay, this picture (titled "Eye Contact") is freaking me out... http://bit.ly/HlYZh Look carefully...

RT @stretchmarkmama Sing us some notes, you're the piano man: http://bit.ly/3AfL7P (via @janakid) #hilarious

A little bit longer ones

marni71 I'm eating lunch and just dropped a bean down into my shirt. And I can't find it. Now I'm disturbed.

weightwhat @marni71 Bra snack!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I knew I felt the earth shift, then crack and tumble into the sea.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Yes, that does seem to signal my return often.

HerbieGookins What's a good encouragement verse? I need one of those for a letter I'm writing...

weightwhat @HerbieGookins "Lo, I have a painful disease in my loins..." No? Going another direction with your letter?

HerbieGookins I just bought New York brand Texas toast. That seems wrong. And funny.

weightwhat @HerbieGookins Did it make you say "Howdy" but in a rude way?

The ones that are even longer

katdish @redclaydiaries @HerbieGookins @weightwhat We should start the #FOTTSP Ad Agency! How's this: Volvo - They're boxy, but safe!

weightwhat @katdish How about: VO5 Gel for Men - Holding down comb-overs for the last 50 years.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Keebler: Oppressing elves for 10 generations.

weightwhat @katdish @redclaydiaries Walmart: Where every day is a mullet convention.

Okay, doctor's appointment in 45 minutes. Guess I should get dressed. Dr. might not take my jammies as well as the bus driver does.

br8kthru @weightwhat Ah, Dr. doesn't care. 1st thing they say is "Wait in there & take off your pants"

weightwhat @br8kthru Yeah, but it's my daughter's doc, not mine. If I took off my pants he'd probably look at me funny.

br8kthru I'm drinking Mango Ceylon hot tea, but it's the manliest Mango Ceylon tea you've ever seen. Makes me want to spit and/or scratch things.

weightwhat @br8kthru Um, I'm happy for you?

br8kthru @weightwhat you should be.

weightwhat @br8kthru So, now that you're done with your manly tea are you going to crochet something?

br8kthru @marni71 well, you can't fix stupid.

weightwhat @br8kthru No, but you can point and laugh at it.

br8kthru @weightwhat yes, but remember that when you point your finger, 4 are pointing back *profound whisper* at you

weightwhat @br8kthru Not the way I point. I use my whole hand to point, otherwise it would be rude. So there.

marni71 @JeanneDamoff I'm in my place, but no shining face. It's more like a stink-eye since I'm dealing with dumb people AGAIN today.

weightwhat @marni71 Yes, but are they dumb people who are afraid of taxedermy?

marni71 @weightwhat yes!! On of them WAS the taxidermy lady. She stole my favorite pen. Wanna cut her for me?

weightwhat @marni71 I will cut her. With my stuffed knife. That'll teach her.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

Good to know that the U of Florida is ready for a zombie attack. http://bit.ly/SdS6p

katdish @weightwhat Thanks for keeping us updated on all the latest zombie news.

br8kthru @weightwhat they took it down- they should have left it up- that's pretty funny.

weightwhat @br8kthru That, and you never really know when a zombie attack will happen. Much like the Spanish Inquisition.

Cardinal_Fang @weightwhat NOOOOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

br8kthru @weightwhat most definitely! You gotta be prepared or face being eaten... This is serious business.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Gooooood moooorning! I'm a zommmmmbie... WoooOOoooo! (It's all @katdish's fault.)

weightwhat @redclaydiaries When isn't it @katdish's fault?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I know. We need a textspeal word for that. Maybe IKF?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat textspeaK. Not textspeal. That would just be weird.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries That would be weird. I mean, would we have to "peal" it before we speak it?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Oh, and IKF.

weightwhat So what's this I see about @billycoffey getting a nickname?

billycoffey @weightwhat It's time to pick a side, Wendy - me or them.

weightwhat @billycoffey Them.

weightwhat @billycoffey I don't do well with ultimatums.

billycoffey @weightwhat You are so mean to me.

weightwhat @billycoffey No I'm not, Snookie Wookums.

Now that was relatively painless, wasn't it? Tune in next week for more Twitter fun!