Friday, February 5, 2010

The Twitter Ho-down in which Sarah doesn't incriminate herself. Much.


I didn't think I'd spent much time on Twitter this week. I guess I was just very productive in my tweeting...

The one-liners

weightwhat @sarahmsalter FEAR ME! Or something like that.

I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker. (RT@funnyoneliners)

Back from the bus stop. I don't think the bus driver recognized me. I've gotta stop falling asleep in my clothes.

You know what would make me happy? Then why aren't you doing it? (RT @obxlaw )

Gotta go put the kiddo down. She hasn't been put down all day and she needs a blow to her self-esteem.

A little bit longer ones

CandySteele Finishing up Sunday morning oceanfront run/walk/sweat. #goshitshotbutimnotcomplaining

weightwhat @CandySteele Had to re-read your hash tag numerous times before I realized you weren't swearing at us. I was almost scandalized.

Nick_theGeek @CandySteele needs Orbit gum to clean up her dirty mouth. Kumquat

katdish @weightwhat You should really shorten your etsy tweet so that others can RT. #justsaying

weightwhat @katdish How's this? Buy my stuff. Help @sarahmsalter.

marni71 Does typing super-fast count as cardio? I need a Body Bug to be sure, I guess.

weightwhat @marni71 According to my 'Fingers of Steel' video, typing is a great workout. And I'm sure they weren't saying that just to sell me a video.

redclaydiaries Hello. I've missed you Twitter, but I've been a whirling cleaning dervish. A DERVISH, I say. In other words, my kids r gonna HATE me.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Wanna come over here and dervish next? My daughter needs a chance to hate you, too.

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter I don't know... Maybe if I cover them with peanut butter...

weightwhat @redclaydiaries What are you covering with peanut butter? Is this a TWSS moment?

sarahmsalter @CandySteele Hangin' like a hair in a biscuit. You?

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter "Hangin' like a hair in a biscuit"???? HAHAHA. I so can't wait till Wendy's back to twist THAT. You're on a roll.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Now, what is this about your hairy biscuits?

The ones that are even longer

redclaydiaries Hello, my name is Stephanie, and I'm a Candy Hearts addict.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Hi Stephanie.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I acknowledge that I am powerless over their sugary goodness.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Or the nudge you need to go get more at the grocery store.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat You never answered my question... Have you called the doctor yet?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Did you know it's impossible to lick your own elbow?

katdish @weightwhat You're just sitting there snickering and imagining @sarahmsalter trying to lick her elbow, aren't you?

weightwhat @katdish Maybe.

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Oh, sorry. I had worn myself out TWSSing. I couldn't think clearly.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You know, you should really be careful - you could also give yourself hairy palms and go blind from all that TWSSing.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Why didn't you tell me that earlier?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Who said that?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Who said what? (Did we wander into a Laurel and Hardy sketch?)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter As in, I can't see... From too much TWSSing... Must I explain everything?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat ROFL! NOW I get it! #ifeelsodumb

sarahmsalter @br8kthru Well, bless yer pea-pickin' heart! (That's how we say it 'round these parts.)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter What? You're not going to call him, what was it now... Honey Pickle?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat You remember how much trouble I got in last time I used that particular endearment, don't you?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Of course I do. *snort*

sarahmsalter @weightwhat If you like that endearment, you may use it. Just don't toss it out willy-nilly. That's just wrong.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Toss out a PICKLE all WILLY-nilly? I would never...

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries I would just like to complain about your live twitter feed. It says I'm from Fuquay Varina. AM NOT! #themsfightinwords

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter Whuuuuu? Did u just insult me? Well fuquay varina YOU!

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries No! Your twitter feed insulted ME by saying I'm from Fuquay Varina! (pronounced FYOO-KWAY VAR-EE-NUH)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I always thought you looked a little Fuquayish, but I wasn't gonna say anything.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I ain't no Fuquay Varina girl!

weightwhat @redclaydiaries She sure throws around those fuquays like they're going out of style, doesn't she?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries And don't even get me started on her varina! Yeah. I said it.

pagan43 @weightwhat Oh my I must cover my eyes, they are bleeding. #didnotseehervarina

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Her varina??? I. Am. On. the. Floor.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I hope you're able to take care of your fuquayish varina problem soon. I hear they sell an over-the-counter cream for that now

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter So... Have you been payin attention to what @weightwhat 's been sayin about your varina? #shestartedit

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I think she's too busy hitting her head and trying to find a happy place.

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Yeah... And I thought I hadn't said anything incriminating that @weightwhat could use against me in the ho-down this week.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Oh ye of little faith.

Okay, so this post is seriously lacking some @Helenatrandom and @br8kthru. How does this happen? I have no idea. But they really need to entertain me more so this won't happen again. So let it be said, so let it be done.


katdish said...

I am SO BUMMED I missed out on the Fuquay Varina conversation, although in all honesty, I'm guessing there are a few folks who are very glad I did...

Kelli said...

Candy - I had to read your hashtag (outloud, i'm afraid)at least 6 times before I realized what it really said. LOL!

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Stop making me laugh! I have a headache!

Thank you for all that positive PR. I know I'm gonna get some quality followers from THIS.

jasonS said...

Candy's hashtag is absolutely hilarious! Nicely done.

Anonymous said...

I MUST be funnier in the future... I don't think I made anyone's list this week!

I did catch the Varina tweets at the very end... and I just laughed all over again, thanks!

Nick the Geek said...

Wow, I missed a lot on twitter this week. Most of it I'm glad I missed. u went from talking about Sarah's varina to her melon's tonight?

Sarah Salter said...

I feel like I've been victimized. Why don't you ever quote me in flattering light? tsk tsk tsk

Candace Jean July 16 said...

My hashtag was horrible and I really apologize. OK, so I don't. But I read it several times before sending because I know how you guys like to twist my tweets. Then when it appeared, I just wanted the internets to swallow it. Glad it gave y'all some Twitter mileage. Or not.

Sarah still wins the prize.

PS - Gosh, it was hot there. Really.