It all comes from very little effort

Wow. I have not been putting in the quality time with the Twitter this week. Shame on me! Now who's gonna make your eyes bleed? Well, I'm sure there will be someone. Just head on over to the Twitter Ho-down over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants for your weekly dose of torture reading pleasure.

The one-liners

Sometimes you just need to know when to get out the cattleprod.

"If I'm gonna be in charge, I need a cape. You can't do the job without a cape. Take me to the cape tailor." #sleeptalkingman

Okay, this is just all kinds o' wrong. http://verydemotivational.com/2010/04/02/demotivational-posters-doritos/

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. (RT @VariantVal)

Chickens are rarely amused by disco. (RT @BlazingLily)

I'm out of half and half for my coffee. And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Coffee...cup...empty... Fading... Gaaaaaaaa.....

I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on Pepperidge Farm. And raise Milanos. (RT @funnyoneliners)

With a few dabs of a paper towel on top, I just made this pepperoni pizza healthy & good for me. Time to eat the whole thing. (RT @MattTCoNP)

A little bit longer ones

sarahmsalter @weightwhat It's the championship. Duke needs my mojo.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Because you aren't using it?

The ones that are even longer

CandySteele @Brian_Russell Your stream is slow and backwards. I can't follow it on your blog. #ppwv2

weightwhat @CandySteele Okay, really? "Your stream is slow and backwards" and no one TWSS'd you? Well, better late than never. TWSS.

redclaydiaries @CandySteele A fine way for me to enter this conversation: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Oh, thank goodness. All is right with the world again.



And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

br8kthru @billycoffey Did I forget to tell you? I'm coming to stay at your house for about a week. Hope that's all right. :)

billycoffey @br8kthru Sweet! I'll get the guest bedroom ready.

billycoffey @br8kthru We could do some fishing. I'll even buy you a cowboy hat so you'll fit in.

weightwhat @billycoffey Would it match his sweater vest?

billycoffey @weightwhat Of course it would. Because I'm a fancy redneck.

weightwhat @billycoffey And the king of accessorizing.

billycoffey @weightwhat Well, I'm not one to go around bragging, but yes. You're right.

br8kthru @duane_scott I've often thought about that. Wouldn't be ironic if we got together & no one knew what to say? Nah, don't see that happening.

makeadiff21 @br8kthru Ya. I thought that, too. But I seriously doubt there would be a shortage of words.

duane_scott @br8kthru haha. It would be hilarious! I think it could be quiet with @weightwhat and @katdish around. Trust me on that one.

weightwhat @duane_scott What are you trying to say?

duane_scott @weightwhat that if we had a twitter reunion it wouldn't be very quiet

weightwhat @duane_scott Well I'm quiet. I'm also shy and deep.

And some classic tweets (because I don't want Helen to feel left out)

Helenatrandom#failedwesterns Little Big Boy

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - I can't believe you'd bring up Big Boy in front of me again like that...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You have The Colonel now....You need to move on and make a life with him.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - For the most part, I have. It's just that every time I see a double-decker hamburger or picnic print overalls...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat At least the Colonel is a sharp dresser.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom- Yes he is. I just wish he'd stop dripping mashed potatoes and gravy on his white suits. Do you know how hard it is to clean?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I can only imagine.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - And how many times do I have to tell him that the little black bow around his neck is NOT a napkin?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I never imagined being with a guy who wears more makeup than me--I only wear a little lipstick and nail polish

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - He does wear it a bit on the heavy side, but I wasn't going to say anything...

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Also...Ronald behaves like a clown...IN PUBLIC!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - So what first attracted you to him? Was it his abnormally large feet?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat You know what they say about clowns with big shoes...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom - Big feet?


Okay, nothing more to see here. Move along.

Don't make me turn the hose on you.

Skeedaddle.

Stop reading already!

Sheesh.