Friday, July 30, 2010

And you thought you were safe


You thought you were safe since I did a twitter ho-down post earlier in the week, didn't you? HA! You were wrong! Wrong! *insert maniacal laughter here* Now, where was I? Oh, yes. The twitter ho-down post. Onward!

The one-liners

Friend's back is out. How'd she hurt it? Trying on a pull-up Spanx garment. I totally empathize. Still I want to laugh like Phyllis Diller. (RT @Carolcdt)

Should I put the lampshade on my head now or wait until later?

Someone's delusional and it's you.

Yeah, yeah. I've got all kinds of humility. I'm the most humble person I know, and that's saying something.

What? No fanfare? Sheesh.

EEEEEK! A male! Oh wait. It's only Jason. Carry on.

#wookieleaks. Like wikileaks, only more Star Wars-ish

He wasn't going to Toshi Station to pick up power converters #wookieleaks

Those really were the droids you're looking for. #wookieleaks

Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father #wookieleaks

The Death Star has a serious design flaw in one of its exhaust vents. #wookieleaks

Leaked Jedi Council memo indicates there is a Try. Senior Jedi Masters unavailable for comment #wookieleaks

Security footage proves Alliance whitewash over Cantina incident: Han shot first! #wookieleaks

A little bit longer ones

duane_scott I am buying a piece of fitness equipment. Its going to make such a nice piece of decor.

weightwhat @duane_scott Make sure it matches the clothes that you'll be hanging on it.

TheRustedChain Today I will be unique, just like everyone else.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I guess that's better than being a eunich, just like everyone else.

TheRustedChain Some people take books when they go on vacation. I take magazines. I'm so shallow.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain I take fliers. What does that say about me?

weightwhat @katdish Chewing is overrated.

katdish @weightwhat TWSS.

weightwhat @katdish Well if that doesn't make you cringe, nothing will.

TheRustedChain Fact: I can pack for a 10 day trip in 10 minutes, while cooking dinner.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain Going to a nudist camp, are we?

duane_scott Anyone participating in Pleasantly Disturbed Thursday? Here is the button. I finally made it into code. @weightwhat

weightwhat @duane_scott Why am I being singled out as being pleasantly disturbed?

CandySteele @billycoffey I actually get to serve fried turkey legs to the 25,000 bikers coming to town. That's a lot of dead turkeys.

weightwhat @CandySteele Or turkeys in wheelchairs.

CandySteele @weightwhat Now there's a pathetic visual. #flopflop

katdish @marni71 I'm here! Back in the room. I was getting strange looks from people b/c I was laughing at my phone.

weightwhat @katdish Were you rocking back and forth while you were laughing at it?

The ones that are even longer

Nick_theGeek RT @weightwhat: Okay, what have I missed? // I assume @CandySteele had a #TWSS ... #safe-bet

weightwhat @Nick_theGeek She is the Pied Piper of the TWSS's, isn't she?

CandySteele @Nick_theGeek Nope. Nary a one. We've been talking about gardens. Difficult to TWSS a vegetable.

weightwhat @CandySteele TWSS

br8kthru @sarahmsalter Check your inbox :)

weightwhat @br8kthru TWHS

Helenatrandom @weightwhat SNORT!!!

br8kthru @weightwhat What's sad is I was thinking that too, but I thought "only a sicko would TWHS that" -now I know your secret shame.

weightwhat @br8kthru My secret shame in that we share a brain?

marni71 Our first session is "how to walk behind ur husband carrying a casserole" @katdish is SO excited! #echo10

weightwhat @marni71 Does it cover knife concealment and stabbing skills?

marni71 @weightwhat That's right after @katdish 's next session which is called "Submit Woman!"

weightwhat @marni71 Just checking to see if everyone (around @katdish) survived all the sessions today.

WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Right. Perfectly sane. Or perhaps you are like @weightwhat in that Twitter helps you feel normal?

redclaydiaries @WritingJoy If by "normal" you mean "not alone in my abnormality," then yes.

WritingJoy @redclaydiaries I'm thinking the law of averages figures in somewhere. After all, Wendy is here. #shescewsthebellcurve (cc @weightwhat)

redclaydiaries @WritingJoy Yes, actually knowing WENDY on the Twitter is what makes me feel normal. @weightwhat

weightwhat @WritingJoy @redclaydiaries Joy, what are you trying to say? Steph, thanks. I think.

TheRustedChain What are your favorite ways to keep kids entertained on a long road trip? (other than movies)

weightwhat @TheRustedChain Playing the quiet game. ;o)

makeadiff21 Hahaha. Does that actually work??

weightwhat @makeadiff21 It does if you use enough duct tape. (@TheRustedChain)

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

Schnik Why is it when i have nothing planned for the weekend, that's when i feel like i'm swamped?

weightwhat @Schnik I give up. Why?

Schnik @weightwhat I thought you were supposed to have all the answers?

weightwhat @Schnik I do have all the answers, they just don't necessarily match up with the questions.

weightwhat @Schnik The tooth of a Narwhal can reach up to 10' in length while their body can get up to 16' in length. See what I mean? No match.

Schnik @weightwhat Well, why the heck not?

weightwhat @Schnik It's a gift and a curse. It keeps people wondering about me.

weightwhat br8kthru You're welcome. Now entertain me.

br8kthru @weightwhat You want jokes or interpretive dance?

weightwhat @br8kthru Both please.

br8kthru @weightwhat How about a dance joke? Here it is: How do chickens dance? Chick to chick *wha-wha*

weightwhat @br8kthru Wha-wha is right. That was a stinker.

br8kthru @weightwhat I put a lot of effort into typing 'dance joke' into google. Sheesh! My efforts are so unappreciated (TWHS)

weightwhat @br8kthru Your efforts are sad and pitiful. TWSS.

weightwhat I'm back! Let the wild rumpus start!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat RUMPUS RUMPUS RUMPUS! (I'm back too!)

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Hooray! And nice rumpusing, by the way.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I'm an excellent rumpuser.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I always suspected as much.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I try not to hide my light under a bushel basket.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries TWHS

WritingJoy @duane_scott I'm a dork. Borders doesn't have an e-reader app for Nook OR Kindle. Of course. They are competitors' products. #duh

weightwhat @WritingJoy Admitting it is the first step to recovery, you know. #goodluckundorkifying

WritingJoy @weightwhat Takes one to know one, doofus. #mustbethewinetalking

weightwhat @WritingJoy I'm making faces at you. #ireallyam

WritingJoy @weightwhat Do you have any advice for undorkifying, O Great One?

weightwhat @WritingJoy Yes, but it will require a monkey, a tutu, 20' of rubber hosing, duct tape and a spatula. Do you have those things on hand?

WritingJoy @weightwhat I have a stuffed monkey, a princess costume size 4T or a fairy costume size 2T, a garden hose, duct tape, and a spatula.

weightwhat @WritingJoy I'm sorry, but that won't work. The process of undorkification is an exact science that mustn't be tampered with.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Disagree! Open up your horizons, Wendy! Woman can't live on ABBA alone!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I don't live on ABBA alone (but I totally could). And you keep your hands off my horizons. TWSS.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Hey, I let @Schnik open my horizons today. Let us take a crack at yours!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Darlin', I don't think @Schnik is really all that interested in your horizons. #justsayin'

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter @weightwhat GAAAAAAAA! Sarah, did u just tweet that? I guess this goes w/o saying: TWSS.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I think @sarahmsalter is blissfully unaware of what she's saying. I think she'll be rocking back & forth in her closet soon.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat I'm talkin' about MUSIC, Wendy. Music. That's all. (@Schnik)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Riiiiight. I'll just be keeping my horizons closed, thankyouverymuch. I'm being lady-like.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat My grandma just told me that ladies keep their ankles crossed. She didn't say I had to keep my horizons closed, too. (@Schnik)

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Yeah, well I'm CROSSING my horizons, just in case.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Okay, I'm skating too close to the edge today. I think I'll go sit in the closet and rock a little now...

weightwhat @sarahmsalter See what wearing colored undies has done to you?!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat But I'm not, today! Oh, wait...

redclaydiaries The. Drum. Kit. Is. Here. Happy migraine to me...

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Clearly your life has been too quiet up until this point.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Is that my problem? So these drums were sent by God as a gift for my quality of life?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Yes. God's gifts are sometimes mysterious. And loud.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Do God's gifts normally make ears bleed? #justchecking

weightwhat @redclaydiaries That's not blood. That's joy leaking out of your brain. You can't handle the joy!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Are you sure it's not spinal fluid? Now I can't feel my arms...

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Perhaps you're being slain in the Spirit.

weightwhat @katdish I found a clown fail blog today and thought of you. Go figure.

katdish @weightwhat Do you actively seek out clown blogs?

weightwhat @katdish No, they just have a way of finding me. I think they're trying to get to you through me.

katdish @weightwhat So you're like some kind of evil middle man?

weightwhat @katdish Could be. Think I could add that to my resume?

katdish @weightwhat It's certainly impressive.

weightwhat @katdish Yes, and it's just one of the many gifts I bear.

marni71 @weightwhat I found that blog today too! It's like we were seperated at birth...

weightwhat @marni71 I thought we might be!

marni71 @weightwhat did you see the one with the huge carnival clown and the little goth girl? I cried at the nightmares THAT'S gonna cause.

weightwhat @marni71 Someone's parents must be so proud!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat How exactly do clowns fail? By NOT falling down or getting hit with the pie?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Well, I'm thinking it's by not freaking out @katdish.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat That does make sense. That would be an epic clown fail.

katdish @weightwhat You know what would be really scary? A Mary Kay Clown Conference.

weightwhat @katdish Would they drive in in little pink clown cars?

Okay, now you're safe. There couldn't possibly be another twitter ho-down post again this week. Or can there...? *insert even more maniacal laughter here*


jasonS said...

Overall, very entertaining. Just not enough 'me' in there for my taste. You need to give the people what they want, Wendy (TWSS if she is a major slut). :)

Wendy said...

Jason - you're probably hoping so, aren't you? Man tart.

Sarah Salter said...

Oh, yay! It works now! So, let me say this again: WE WANT MORE @BR8KTHRU TWEETS IN OUR HO-DOWNS!

I love you, Wendy!

Wendy said...

Oh, Sarah... Don't enable like that. If Jason wants more of a showing in the ho-down, he'll just have to up his game. He's just been getting by because of the sweater vest for too long.

K8 said...

Thanks again for the laughs...again, lol! I truly enjoy the ho-downs, they warm the cockles of my heart! :)

And I learned today an important thing to remember: when you are being slain in the spirit by a bunch of crazed Mary Kay clowns, always keep your horizons closed!

(let's see if it likes me enough to post this time!) ;)

Gattina said...

Poor man without pants, lol he must get a cold ! hahahaha !
Very funny post ! Just right to start my day !

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Wow! I must've brought my A game this week. I'm all over this ho-down!

Jason, I hope you can step it up next week.