Yes, it's been a long time. But I now present you with the Epic Twitter Ho-down. Yeah, I've been saving 'em up. So get your popcorn and your hip waders and read on at your own peril.
I'm here - let the wild rumpus start!
Blah blah blah.
My daughter is exploding out of both ends simultaneously. I love being a mom. I love being a mom. I love being a mom...
I really wish my gym would install outdoor trash receptacles. Taking my Mcdonalds garbage inside to throw it away is getting embarassing. (RT @ruthakers)
If you're looking for trouble, I can offer you a wide selection. (@funnyoneliners)
These are not the droids you are looking for.
I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers. (RT @marni71)
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-OW! That's the noise my daughter keeps making as she slides down the stairs in her sleeping bag.
I wonder if cannibal children are told not to play with their food... (RT @funnyoneliners)
Nap hard or get off the couch.
My kiddo doesn't understand why I won't let her wear a hospital gown to VBS tomorrow. Doesn't she know we only dress like that at Walmart?
I have been blessed with the gift of inappropriateness. It's only right that I share it.
A little bit longer ones
katdish I really need to narrow down my categories list for my new site. I think I can eliminate "My big fat head" & "oreo cakesters"
sarahmsalter Guns 'n Roses just came on my John Denver station on Pandora. What's wrong with this picture?
TheRustedChain It's 8:15 and I'm having iced coffee. Livin' on the edge!
Nick_theGeek Finished the plugin. I'm very happy.
pagan43 A universal remote does not in actuality control the whole universe.
The ones that are even longer
weightwhat @CandySteele Hey, "funny" is anything you can point and laugh at in my book.
sarahmsalter @duane_scott @Helenatrandom @weightwhat @PrairieLady I think I need to go to bed before this conversation gets any weirder.
weightwhat @sarahmsalter What you need is a trampoline in your bedroom. Hey! That might even help you to reach your ceiling fan!
duane_scott @sarahmsalter @Schnik If either of you ever call me "hoss", our friendship will be severed. Maybe. Not really. You don't want to risk it.
duane_scott This thing with you and I? Ya... It's not working out.
sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries @weightwhat If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sit in the closet and bang my head against the wall for a while.
sarahmsalter @billycoffey B, you know what a pig-pickin' is, don't you? @weightwhat & @SBeeCreations had never heard of it. #educatingthenonsoutherners
duane_scott I've got a question. (May be used In blog) what is one thing that makes you worry?
SBeeCreations Phone service back. Just in time for bed (& finally the ice cream) -playing Scrabble with Dante. I'm losing.
Hey! You made it through! Congratulations! Some aspirin and a nice long nap may be what you need to recover about now. Sorry/you're welcome.