Happy Birthday Steph - or - Nuttier Than Squirrel Poop

So, today is Steph's birthday. Yup, she's made it through another year. But what do you give to a person who gives so much to everyone else? After racking my brain for seconds, I finally came up with the answer. She loves poop and she really loves squirrels... So Happy Birthday, Steph! This is all for you...

From the Urban Dictionary:
Squirrel poop - something which does not exist. As the waste travels down the large intestine, it comes to it's end where magic causes it to disappear. While many simply believe that after this stage it no longer exists, many scientists believe that it could actually be teleported to another dimension, or something even further beyond our comprehension.

But wait! There's more! Be warned though, the following video is not for the faint of heart. But I'm sure Steph will love it. Really.

But hey, did you know that Steph has gone into law enforcement? It's true. Here's proof:

I'm sure the "he" part is just a typo.

Many people like to give little tidbits of wisdom or warning to others for their birthday. Since I'm all about that kind of thing... Steph - beware:

It truly does.

Well Steph, I hope you liked your birthday gift. Enjoy your special day and all that kind of thing... Ooo! The party hats are here!

Now why don't you head on over to Steph's blog and wish her a very happy birthday? Oh, and don't forget your party hat!

Life is Funny - You want to put what? Where?

It's time for the Life is Funny blog carnival! C'mon people, you know your life is funny. Blog about it and sign up below! We're all waiting here with bated breath to see what you have to say. Or is it bait breath? Whatever. Sign up below!

I am the Queen of Medical Testing. Yup, it's been one medical test after another around here. Some of you may remember the case of the huge growth on my face. In case you didn't see it on the Twitter, the evil thing was not cancerous. Then there was the test that left me setting off Geiger counters and wondering if poop could glow. But last Monday was the granddaddy of 'em all.

Yup, I got to have a colonoscopy. For those of you who don't know just how a colonoscopy works, I've spent hours searching for a video that explains it perfectly.

Oh yeah, it was fun. You know what else was fun? Doing the prep for it. You don't get to eat anything the day before the procedure. That doesn't seem like it would be that big a deal until you're told that you CAN'T eat. Suddenly, all you can think of is food. But the really good part comes at night. You see, a person needs to be really cleaned out to have a colonoscopy done. So, you have to drink this vile liquid every 15 minutes for an hour, preferrably while hovering near a toilet, to get your colon clean as a whistle.

Well, that's what's supposed to happen anyway.

Yeah.

I guess my nether regions weren't quite as sparkly as they needed to be once they got the camera in there. And really? How is there enough money in the world to entice someone into giving THAT test? Anyway, once I came to again, my doctor gave the the news that I'd have to get it done again in a few months. And this time, I'd have to do three days of prepping for it. Oh yeah, someone needs to pinch me. I have to say, I'm not terribly thrilled about having to get it done all over again. I'm not a Muppet, people! *sigh* If anyone finds my dignity, could you please let me know? Thanks.

Not for young eyes

Happy Saturday! You might want to make sure that there are no young eyes peeking over your shoulder when you watch this video today. Much less 'splaining that way. Yup, mature content there, but no cursing. Why would I post such a video? Because it made me laugh so hard I almost fell off my chair. Enjoy!

Now if you'd like to see more silliness (that you probably won't have to explain to your kids), why not head over to Kathy's blog and see what she's got over there?

Don't blink or you might miss it

Okay, this could be my shortest Twitter Ho-down post ever. Say it isn't so! Really Twitter, it isn't you. It's me. Although... If you were to stop trying to tell me who to follow... Anyway, on to the Ho-down!

The one-liners

I'm reliving my glory days. That's right, I'm eating ramen noodles.

Eating some Boston Baked Beans. The package says "artificially flavored candy coated peanuts." Artificially flavored as what, I wonder?

There was a substitute bus driver today. I don't think he was prepared for the jammies.

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section of a pool. (RT @stacyasmallSFL)

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week. (RT @funnyoneliners)

stylist: So youre a stay at home mom with kids in school. What do you do all day? Me: Sometimes I nap. Sometimes I bemoan my fate. It varies (RT @stacyasmallSFL)

I'm here! I know. You're thrilled.

The ones I may or may not have tweeted in DM's - I admit to nothing

And it burns, burns, burns. The ring of fire. The ring of fire.

You could always stick a cork in your butt.

Don't you want a sparkly clean bowel?

Was there mass hysteria?

Maybe you should make your own card. Congratulations on carrying your step-brother's baby. Best wishes finding him a good therapist.

Reality is overrated.

There you go again, trying to force reality on me.

Reality schmeality.

Who do you think you are, me?

Would you like to hear about my incredible flatulence?

Thar she blows!

Welcome to my life.

I would, but what would I put on the invitations?

But did that stop me from getting on the twitter...? Nah.



The ones that are a little bit longer

ImAPennyPincher Does anyone else have that one "slightly off" friend on Facebook that makes really random comments about your status or is it just me?

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Hey, I'm a little more than slightly off. Give me some credit, huh?



ImAPennyPincher I have tweeted more today that I have in the last 3 months. Saying random stuff on the web just seems kinda weird to me.

weightwhat @ImAPennyPincher Should I feel insulted?



The_BMG Oops. I thought DG was done w/ her lunch so I ate the rest. Now she's mad at me b/c she wasn't done.

weightwhat @The_BMG Did you tell her "finders keepers"?



beckfromfrogandtoad I made a big batch of gingersnaps tonight, thinking that they would fill the cookie jar for at least 24 hours. No.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh, you were serious about thinking the cookies would last?



weightwhat @The_BMG Inconceivable!

iaminigomontoya @weightwhat You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

TheRustedChain Thank you guys for the huge support of http://therustedchain.bigcartel.com/! I want to kiss you all! Well, most of you. Okay, only a few.

weightwhat @TheRustedChain Okay, but no tongue. Well, maybe a little tongue.

TheRustedChain Bahaha! Made me choke on my coffee!

weightwhat Okay, I'm trying tweetdeck. So far, I'm completely confused.

Schnik That's not entirely out of the normal for you, though, is it?

weightwhat @Schnik What are you trying to say?

weightwhat RT @SBeeCreations It's #CookieTuesday. Don't forget :) @sarahmsalter @br8kthru @melissa_rae @Helenatrandom // AAA!!! MUST GET COOKIE!!!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I did http://twitpic.com/2qowxe

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Oh Sarah... That's a sad little cookie. You might need to eat more cookies to make up for it.

weightwhat I should probably do a Pleasantly Disturbed post, but what to write? Okay people, what am I disturbed about?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Like counting the grains of sand on the Sahara... ;-)

weightwhat @Helenatrandom What are you trying to say, Helen?

The ones that are even longer

beckfromfrogandtoad The Baby wrote "zombies are extinct people" yesterday. With no assistance. She is both smart AND weird.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Where DOES she get it?

beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat I dunno. My guess is her father.

weightwhat @beckfromfrogandtoad Uh, yeah. That's what I was thinking, too.

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

Schnik OH: "who needs friends when you have Fried Pie"

weightwhat @Schnik Okay, I kinda need my friends to show me where the fried pie is. After that? Meh.

Schnik Good point!

sarahmsalter @Schnik @weightwhat BAD! Remember, PEOPLE are more important than PIE.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter @Schnik Because without people, who would make the pie?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat @Schnik That's not what I meant...

weightwhat Okay, I'm awake. Now what?

katdish @weightwhat Make me some breakfast.

weightwhat @katdish POOF! You're some breakfast.

marni71 @weightwhat @katdish Ooh. Will you make me breakfast too? I like stuffed french toast and strong coffee.

weightwhat @marni71 Really making me work this morning, aren'tcha? POOF! You're stuffed french toast and strong coffee.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Entertain us.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Hey, I'm awake. What could be more entertaining?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat How about posting something marvelous on your blog!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Let's not get all crazy now.

WritingJoy @weightwhat coffee. Or go back to bed.

weightwhat @WritingJoy I like the way you think.

Yup, that's all of it. Can you believe it? Hopefully I'll have more for you next week. If not, blame Katdish. She loves that.

Life is Funny - Blog Libs

Okay, want to have some fun? Steph over at Red Clay Diaries did a blog post in which she made up Blog Libs. You know, like Mad Libs, only bloggier. And hilarity ensued. So for today's post, I'm sharing the Blog Libs I came up with. Enjoy!

Wow! It’s been a gazillion days since I last posted! I am such a slacker! No really, THIS time I have a good excuse: I was too busy working on armpit farts to write. And now I have so much to tell you that I don’t know where to start!

For example: Today was a crack-up. When we got up, LC discovered that Tess had gotten into her Easter bonnet and flatulated on it. Well, as you can imagine, we all just laughed and laughed and laughed!

Then on the way to Doug’s Fill Dirt and Croissants, we saw a Blue Footed Booby. Whoa. Of course, then Scruff frolicked. And really, what do you expect?

I almost crashed, I was laughing so hard.

Great Gumby goobers! (I crack myself up.)

Besides all the fun of today, I’ve been learning loads of important life lessons over the past 3.14 weeks!

Like it’s all in fun until someone ruptures a spleen.

I KNOW. Isn’t that amazing?! You can quote me if you like.

All this craziness has reminded me of the belly button lint that we had when I was 29. I’ll have to save that for its own post, but here’s a hint: sparkly bra snacks were involved.

I gotta go now! I have so much hula dancing to catch up on!

Love, Me

Now doesn't that make you want to rush on over and do your own Blog Libs? Of course it does! And while you're at it, why don't you join in on the Life is Funny blog carnival? Link up below!

Am I pregnant?

It's Saturday, people! Are you ready for some silliness? I think you are! Enjoy!

Need more silliness? Kathy's got a video for you, too. And if you've got something silly to share, how about linking up to her blog carnival?

What's more epic than epic?

It's time for another Twitter Ho-down! Is the anticipation killing you? Then wait no longer! Read!

The one-liners

My daughter wants me to tell the twitter that she's freaking out our dog with the toy she just got out of a kids meal. Yup, that's my girl.

The horns are only there to keep the halo up.

Sorry. Saw something shiny.

Okay, I'm just gonna need to TWSS my last tweet there.

Oops! I always thought PETA stood for Please Eat This Animal. (RT @StephenAtHome)

Hi morning-where-I-was-about-to-leave-and-then-caught-the-cat-peeing-on-the-bed. He's going to make a fantastic hat. (RT @msamye)

How did THAT get in there?! #VagueTweet

If you can't say something nice, say something vague.

The ones I may or may not have tweeted in DM's - I admit to nothing

You just need to be more persuasive. Wanna borrow my cattle prod?

(cheeky | monkey)

So, where IS the other birthmark?

I'm guessing that a catheter would make sneezing a bit risky...

I guess not everyone can handle being this gorgeous.

Donkey shins to you, too.

Yes, but you have to pay extra for those ones.

Want me to take a nap for you? Because I totally will.

Don't make me get out my soapbox.

Maybe you should pin a note to your shirt.

Well, I have heard things... Is it true that you wear colored undies?



The ones that are a little bit longer

katdish Anyone who has an iPhone and is easily amused should get the Talking Carl app.

weightwhat @katdish I'm easily amused! Darn my lack of technology...

katdish @lainiegallagher I don't gamble anymore. My sisters & mom do all the time.

weightwhat @katdish Except when you read my blog, right? That's always a gamble...

katdish @weightwhat Some risks are worth it, though.

sarahmsalter @rntammyp Hey Tammy! How's your Monday?

rntammyp @sarahmsalter Oh, dandy. Sitting in the gyno's exam room. :p yours?

weightwhat @rntammyp Don't play with the toys you find in there.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat We're having juicy lucy's

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Can you say that in mixed company?

AboveAllFabric Bought the boots. seriously thought about hiding them from luke...but I came clean. yep. that's me being open and honest.

weightwhat @AboveAllFabric Couldn't find a hiding place fast enough, huh?

weightwhat Warning: I'm writing a blog post. Didn't want to catch anyone unaware and give them the fits.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I'm so excited, I have to go rush off to go pee now!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Should I have given you a pre-warning warning so you could use the bathroom first?

Schnik And for the winner of the Best Phrase Contest: @weightwhat - "For the love of Gumby! What IS that thing?!"

weightwhat @Schnik I'd like to thank my Momma and Elvis.

kelli1227 Wow. It's really hard to sit still at work while you're listening to the Mamma Mia soundrack. Dancing Queen..Feel the beat on the tamborine!

weightwhat @kelli1227 I knew I liked you for a reason!

lainiegallagher Activia was a bad choice.

weightwhat @lainiegallagher Super colon blow?

lainiegallagher @weightwhat Let's just say you shouldn't eat it unless you need it.

Schnik Words i didn't need to hear: this wash doesn't cover femine odor. #urp

weightwhat @Schnik Ever get that "not-so-fresh" feeling?

The ones that are even longer

Schnik A must have from a job posting: "Strong computer and internet skillz" - Wow. I can haz thoze?

weightwhat @Schnik No, but you can haz a cheezburger.

Schnik @weightwhat I got your cheezburger: http://twitpic.com/2mt28l

weightwhat @Schnik GAAAA!!! Kitty lookz mad...

kelli1227 UGH! my left foot is swelling! It's too freakin early in my pregnancy for this crap to start :(!

weightwhat @kelli1227 You're pregnant?!

kelli1227 @weightwhat Surprise?!?!?! Yeah - I kept it to myself for awhile, but i posted it on my blog about a month ago. I'm 4 months along!

weightwhat @kelli1227 You did a blog post?!

Helenatrandom I dreamt I was trying to tweet this and couldn't Pearls Before Swine: 2010-09-13: http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/2010-09-13/

weightwhat @Helenatrandom You have odd dreams, don't you?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat It was a NIGHTMARE! I really wanted to share that with you but I couldn't get my "S" key to work when googling the title!

weightwhat @Helenatrandom So all you could get was 'pearl before wine'?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat EXACTLY!!!

Helenatrandom @weightwhat I am intimidated. Your arm pit farts blew my M&M catching right out of the water.

redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom Are armpit farts really that powerful?

Helenatrandom @redclaydiaries It seems that @weightwhat's are!

redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom Well, I've heard that @weightwhat IS freakishly strong... So that makes sense.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries @Helenatrandom Okay, I leave the twitter for a few minutes to do some hula dancing and I come back to this?

And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

weightwhat My husband just announced the either he left food in his car or something died in there. He's going to inspect, Febreeze in hand, right now.

weightwhat I'm wondering if he's going to find a headless rooster in there...

weightwhat Latest report: All he's found is the bloody hatchet...

sarahmsalter @weightwhat "The bloody hatchet"? That's just wrong.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter @Helenatrandom I know! Can you imagine if he'd been pulled over and had to explain that one?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat The hatchet fairy?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter The bloody hatchet fairy.

weightwhat @Helenatrandom @sarahmsalter ...No really officer. There was this rooster, see?...

weightwhat So Wendy, how are you doing today? Me? Oh, I'm just fine and dandy. And yourself? Not bad. Nice weather we're having, huh? Yup, lovely.

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Uh, she's talking to herself again. Quick someone run for help. @sarahmsalter ?

The_BMG @weightwhat My grandmother always told people that she talked to herself b/c she was the only intelligent person in the room. ;o)

weightwhat @The_BMG I like your grandma.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 Are you saying that that's a problem?

makeadiff21 @weightwhat What, that you're talking to yourself? That part is okay. We begin to worry when you start answering yourself...

weightwhat @makeadiff21 What am I supposed to do? Ignore myself? That would just be rude.



weightwhat I'm back! My morning duties sure get in the way of twitter.

marni71 @weightwhat That's how I feel about my job.

weightwhat @marni71 Maybe we should both just quit and do Twitter full time.

br8kthru @weightwhat: "I'm back! My morning duties sure get in the way of twitter." I know 'morning duties' is code for *whispers* bathroom.

weightwhat @br8kthru No, that would be morning doodies. They get in the way of the twitter, too. Darn my lack of a smartphone!

br8kthru @weightwhat No, you'd only drop it in the toilet. You don't want it to stick it to your face after something like that.

weightwhat @br8kthru That gives me an idea for a million dollar invention: Smartphone lanyard. Wear your phone around your neck - avoid poo phone.

br8kthru @weightwhat Ooh, it could be a case that slips over your phone that has the lanyard attached. It should also dispense hand sanitizer.

weightwhat @br8kthru Fabulous!



redclaydiaries RT @katdish: check out this website I found via SCL (Awesome): http://bit.ly/dw65S //The mystery solved! My wrestler name: Seargeant Ninja.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Did you check out your female wrestling name? I'm Bella Apples. Nice.

marni71 @redclaydiaries I'm Dark Justice. Or my diva name is Wild Blossom. But I think Dark Justice is more in tune with my personality.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat I'm Seargeant Ninja. Fierce. @marni71, Diva name? I want a diva name!

redclaydiaries @marni71 Oooooo! I'm a Sultry Princess. Yeah, that sounds JUST like me. #divaname

marni71 @weightwhat @redclaydiaries My husband's name is Ringo Jackhammer. That. Epitomizes. Awesome.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Ooh ooh!!!! MY husband is Grizzly Star. This is great fun!

redclaydiaries @marni71 So wait a minute; together Charlie & I are Seargeant Grizzly Ninja Star. I need to change our business cards...

weightwhat @redclaydiaries @marni71 My husband is Cerebral Pirate. If he was a gal, he'd be Pretty Frost. I'm sure he'd appreciate that.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Certainly. I think you need to text it to him at work. Immediately.

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Wow. It's uncanny. I'm evidently "Bubbly Redhead."

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I saw that when I looked your name up earlier. More proof that you were supposed to be a redhead.

saphyreplatypus @weightwhat hmmm, my diva name is Chesty Nurse (I guess I know what I'm going back to school for now) lol!

weightwhat @saphyreplatypus Sounds sensible to me.

beckfromfrogandtoad @redclaydiaries @weightwhat My Diva name is "Sensual Tigress." It's like they KNOW me.

beckfromfrogandtoad @redclaydiaries @weightwhat And my husband is "Bobcat Cannon." Again, it's like they've captured HIS SOUL.

redclaydiaries @beckfromfrogandtoad Uncanny, right?

weightwhat Okay, I entered my diva name, Bella Apples, into it and it becomes Fusion Bessy. Just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

Schnik @weightwhat I don't think any diva should be called "Bessie" #justsayin.

weightwhat @Schnik Well if I put Fusion Bessy back in, I become Nasty Sue. Better?

Schnik @weightwhat Oddly enough, yes.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Have you looked up @Schnik's name yet... I gotta know...

weightwhat @Schnik If you were a wrestling diva, you'd be Wild Coconuts. That seems fitting for some reason.

Schnik Wait, did you look up my past as a stripper?

weightwhat @Schnik BWAHAHAHAHA! Your male wrestler name is Full Metal Python! *wiping away the tears from laughter*

redclaydiaries I am having the Best. Wrestler Name/Diva Name. Conversation. Ever. EVER. @beckfromfrogandtoad @weightwhat @sarahmsalter @marni71

weightwhat Okay, why can't I open @redclaydiaries' blog now?

redclaydiaries @weightwhat GAA! My blog is down! It must be the HUGE spike in traffic from the Blog Libs.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Must be. One blog can hardly handle so much hilarity.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat You know what I've realized? I say "hilarity" too much. I need a new word.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries But I love that word!

redclaydiaries @weightwhat Do you? Not overdone? It IS one of my favorites.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries You should keep it. And possibly have it bronzed.



Congratulations! You've made it through another Ho-down! Now if you'll just make your way to your closet, you'll find ample room in there to sit down and rock back and forth.

Space aliens have stolen my brain

Last night, while on the twitter, I saw that Duane was (finally) bringing back Pleasantly Disturbed Thursday. Okay, really Duane? A horrible car accident is no reason to not be Pleasantly Disturbed. Anyway, I was thinking I should probably write a post for it.

By this morning, I'd forgotten about it.

Because space aliens have stolen my brain. I should have never taken off my tin foil hat. And yes, I have written a tin foil hat post. You can read it here. But it goes over the line from Pleasantly Disturbed to Clearly Disturbed. Read with caution. And no eating or drinking while reading please. It's for your own good.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, a post.

Here's the problem. I forget things. Often. My husband says I should write things down so I won't forget them. And I try. I really do. But I've usually forgotten them by the time I find a piece of paper and a writing instrument. And then I wonder what I'm doing with a pencil in my hand. In the kitchen. And did I really pick out this outfit today?

After many episodes of remembering and then forgetting about trying to figure out a post, I took a much needed nap. It was lovely, thank you. And wouldn't you know it? I had a dream about doing a Pleasantly Disturbed post! I even wrote down the topic on a piece of paper in my dream, just so I could remember what it was. I was doing really well.

And then I woke up.

Yeah, I can't remember what I wrote on that paper in my dream.

I am so Pleasantly Disturbed.

What is that THING on your face?!

If you follow me on Twitter (And why wouldn't you?), you might have seen me tweeting about the thing on my face yesterday. For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (Shame on you!), you're probably wondering, what thing? Well, I'll tell ya. Those who are faint of heart may want to look away.

I had a growth above my right eyebrow. And by "growth," I mean that plate tectonics have been at work on my forehead, pushing up a mountainous mass for all the world to see. It's true. Mountain climbers have been staring at my growth and charting their courses.

I had the odd feeling that I was being followed by satellites, only to find that indeed, I was trending on Google Earth. Yes, the thing was huge. (It was the size of the end of a pencil eraser.) And it was all scaly and disgusting. Japanese people would point at it, screaming, "Godzirra!" and run away. Young children would cower in fear. It was just bad.

So I made a call and set up an appointment at the dermatologist.

I went in for that appointment yesterday. I think I scared the nurses, because I kept hearing, "For the love of Gumby! What IS that thing?!" Anyway, the nurse who drew the short straw finally came in, trying to avert her eyes, and set up a tray of assorted needles, knives, hammers, chisels and dynamite for the doctor to use on my procedure. When the doctor came in, I bravely watched as she took the giant square needle and came at my face with it. (I totally closed my eyes. That needle really was huge.) I struggled to remain conscious during the hours she toiled, trying with all her might to remove the offending growth. (It took about a minute and a half. I did feel pretty dizzy though.) The crater that was left was at least the size of 12 city blocks.

After being heavily bandaged (one of those little round bandaids), I was sent on my way. I thought I heard something about sending the growth to Area 51 for testing while I was walking out, but I can't really be sure. (It's being sent to a lab for testing. I don't know when I'll get the results.) Later that night, my eye was swollen so much I looked like I'd been in a fight. I kept yelling, "Adrian!", but no one came running. Go figure. (It really did swell up. I slept sitting up so it wouldn't swell shut overnight.) Clearly, I was ready for the Mrs. America pageant. So pretty...

Well, there you have it. All the sordid details. If I hear anything back from Area 51, or if I notice black helicopters in whisper mode flying over my house, I'll let you know. I'm sure you'll be waiting with bated breath.

Everything in this post is completely true. Except for the parts that aren't.

Life is Funny - Now with more reposts!

Hold on to your hats, folks! I'm doing a repost! But not just any repost, this is a combination of two old posts in one! I know, you're thrilled. Try to contain yourself though, huh? Why am I doing this repost? Because we went to Great Wolf Lodge again and it fried my brain the joy of it all just bears repeating. And now, on to the repost!

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I was away for a few days. And since I know that you are overcome with curiousity, I'll tell you where I went. Great Wolf Lodge. If you haven't heard of it before, it's a big hotel that has an indoor waterpark just for hotel guests. Cool, huh? There are actually quite a few of them around the country, but we went to the one here in Washington. Let me tell you, this place is a kids' paradise. Magic wands, talking animals, arcades, sweet shop... Oh yeah, and the indoor waterpark.

Waterparks mean bathing suits.

Yes, the poor unsuspecting public had to see me in a bathing suit. Fortunately/unfortunately, when they looked at me they were blinded by the brilliant flash of white that is my skin. Hey, they should have taken the potential danger into consideration when they made their vacation plans.

Anyway, in the middle of the park, way up high, is a 1000 gallon bucket that fills with water. When full, the bucket tips and spills all those gallons of water onto anyone who happens to be below it.

If you're standing under the bucket at the wrong time, your blissful ignorance turns to shock and awe very quickly. Ask me how I know this. Yup. I got clobbered. I have to say, that video hardly does it justice. It's much worse when you're standing under it. And people are pointing and laughing. Yeah. Good times.

My daughter is a big ol' chicken. She doesn't like to try new things and even gets scared of things she's already done before. I had to force her to go down one of the smaller waterslides while on our trip. I'm sure she'll be in therapy for years over that one. I'm such a mean mommy.

If you watched the video, you saw that under the giant bucket of death was a play area with a big contraption you could climb around in. It was so cool! It had water cannons that you could shoot at people below you, small buckets that you could fill and tip, and all kinds of other fun features. It also had a little bridge. It would take about 4 kid-sized steps to get across it. Well, guess who was afraid to cross it? Yup, my daughter. She refused to cross it without me helping her. I refused to go help her. So there she stood, unmoving. I called to her to come across, but she just wouldn't budge.

Well, at least for a while she wouldn't.

You see, while she stood there refusing to move, the giant bucket of water was filling up above her. And while I was safely under a covered roof, she was not. You guessed it. She got pummeled by 1000 gallons of falling water. Being the kind, considerate mom that I am, I stood there and laughed at her. She wasn't too happy with me about that one. But you know what? She came over the bridge on her own after that one. Sometimes it pays to listen to your mother so you don't become blog fodder. Muahahaha!

So, do you have something that makes your life funny? Then how about blogging about it and linking up below? C'mon, you know your life is funny. Don't keep the funny to yourself!

The Twitter Ho-down - Now With Even More Ho!

So, you've come back for your dose of torture twitter folly, have you? Well you're in luck, because I've actually put together a post this week. More proof that miracles still happen today. Go ahead, be thrilled.

The one-liners

"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer." (RT @Principled)

I am the life of the party at parties I've never even been to.

Sharks watch 'Weightwhat Week' on TV.

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

Hubby's turn to use the computer. Wonder if he'll use it for good or for evil. Again.

LA LA LA! I'M NOT LISTENING!

Your opinion is noted. And now I shall taunt you a second time! PFFFFTTTT!!!! *said with an outrrrrageous accent!*

Guess what? I'm not listening to ABBA! Yup, I'm listening to the Bay City Rollers.



A little bit longer ones

weightwhat @marni71 What did you used to be before you turned into a raisin?

marni71 @weightwhat What kind of fruit resembles skinny, stacked and tan? That was me...;-)

weightwhat @marni71 How do you balance watermelons on a toothpick, anyway?



sarahmsalter @weightwhat Woman, I'm too tired for semantics tonight.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter But you're not too tired to use the word 'semantics'?



dlrayburn @sarahmsalter blog phoooie...hoooie

weightwhat @dlrayburn You kiss your mama with that mouth?



mahjerle I am suddenly quite b!*chy and this time I have no steroids to blame.

weightwhat @mahjerle Admitting it is the first step to taking out a 2x4 and pummeling the next jerk who needs it.



The ones that are even longer

weightwhat @Schnik Why am I not surprised?

Schnik @weightwhat Because you're a calm, rational person?

weightwhat @Schnik That does describe me completely...

Schnik @weightwhat As does: Wild and Wooly.

weightwhat @Schnik Who told you about my leg hair?



weightwhat @SBeeCreations Cute! And don't you just love toys that make noise? Yeah.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat My favorite! Better than noisy toys w/batteries, though. They usually end up sounding possessed in a closet somewhere

weightwhat @SBeeCreations I like it when the battery operated toys mysteriously disappear.

dlrayburn @weightwhat TWSS .. and WTMI :-P

weightwhat @dlrayburn BWAHAHAHAHAHA!



katdish So...trying to check off a bunch of stuff from my To-Do list this morning. Think I need to take a short breather. Hello, #AngryBirds!

weightwhat @katdish Maybe you should add more things to your list that you've already done just so you can check them off. Wake up: check. Eat: check.

katdish @weightwhat You, my friend, are a GENIUS! I love that idea! Cleared another level of #AngryBirds..CHECK!

weightwhat @katdish I do what I can.



br8kthru @sarahmsalter We had two really nice days on Monday/Tuesday but now we're back to cloudy. Getting colder too!

sarahmsalter @br8kthru How cold is "colder"?

weightwhat @sarahmsalter A little warmer than 'coldest.'

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Woman, don't mess with me today. I'm in a good mood & I'd like to stay that way. :-P

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Mess, mess, mess.



sarahmsalter @weightwhat You ain't the judge of me!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Clearly you haven't noticed my robe and gavel.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat A bathrobe and rubber mallet don't count.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Says you.



And the 'why don't you just post the whole conversation' ones

stretchmarkmama My dentist refers to hubs and me as "the clean teeth couple." Does this mean we've arrived?

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Does this mean you don't have a plaque to put the honor on?

stretchmarkmama @weightwhat We keep the plaque on our bathroom mirror.

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama You mean after it goes flying off your floss?

stretchmarkmama @weightwhat We call those "dental floss home runs."

weightwhat @stretchmarkmama Congratulations. You just grossed out my husband. :o)



diam0ndhead94 I love Tillamook Mudslide ice cream. I got my chocolate!!!

weightwhat @diam0ndhead94 I'm sitting here with a pile of fun size chocolate bars in front of me. Not as many as there used to be though.

diam0ndhead94 @weightwhat So cruel, you are.

weightwhat @diam0ndhead94 What's that I hear? Yes! It's the call of the wild Reese's Peanut Butter Cup! Oh yes, it will be mine.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat Are they too busy having fun?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Yes, at the party in my tummy. Yummy yummy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Os-CACRwM8

weightwhat @dlrayburn Has anyone warned you about my Twitter Ho-down? Well, now you're warned. And you're in it.

dlrayburn @weightwhat Oh my...Twitter Ho-down sounds scary. And no, they did not warn me.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Muahahahaha! *rubbing hands together all sinister-like*

dlrayburn @weightwhat stepping up my prayer life in preparation!

weightwhat @dlrayburn You might want to consider bathing in holy water while you're at it.

dlrayburn @weightwhat Oh my. DO I need to eat garlic too?

weightwhat @dlrayburn Possibly.




Helenatrandom @br8kthru @weightwhat @sarahmsalter Did you all participate in Cookie Day yesterday? I did, but I was late. #hadtobuythecookiesfirst

weightwhat @Helenatrandom I did have some cookies yesterday. They weren't good cookies, but they were cookies.

marni71 @weightwhat @Helenatrandom There's no such thing as a bad cookie. Just sayin...

weightwhat @marni71 If they have raisins in them they are bad cookies. Evil cookies, even.

marni71 @weightwhat What? Raisins are fruit and if a cookie has fruit in it, then it has no calories. Didn't you know that?

weightwhat @marni71 No, raisins are an abomination. God gave us grapes, then evil was done to them to make them raisins.

marni71 @weightwhat I'll pray for your hard heart. And then make you some oatmeal raisin cookies. Snort!

weightwhat @marni71 And you'll probably make them while listening to Prince, won't you? ABOMINATION!

marni71 @weightwhat Oooh! Good idea.

weightwhat @marni71 You're goin' straight to h!#^ in a handbasket, ain'tcha?

marni71 @weightwhat Because who DOESN'T like to gyrate as they bake?

weightwhat @marni71 I'm averting my eyes! And looking for earplugs.

Helenatrandom @marni71 Nudists? Oh wait... They don't like to gyrate and deep fry... Baking is okay...



weightwhat I'm back! And I have pretty toenails!

SBeeCreations @weightwhat picture?

weightwhat @SBeeCreations Nope, no toe pictures. I wouldn't want to cause anyone to stumble after beholding my toes.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat True. May be overwhelmed with beauty upon the beholding.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations And I just couldn't make everyone jealous like that.

SBeeCreations @weightwhat You're so thoughtful

weightwhat @SBeeCreations You know? I really am.



SBeeCreations I didn't realize pickles have zero calories. Tons of sodium but no calories. Hmm

weightwhat @SBeeCreations How is that possible?

SBeeCreations @weightwhat I don't know. Cucumbers, vinegar, salt, sodium chloride - no calories

katdish @SBeeCreations That's good to know. I wonder if deep-fried pickles have calories.

weightwhat @katdish That sounds like fair food, and fair food has no calories. Especially if eaten while wearing open-toed shoes.

katdish @weightwhat Or on a stick. If you eat fair food on a stick whilst wearing open toed shoes, you actually lose weight.

weightwhat @katdish I think I might try that diet. It sounds sensible.



sarahmsalter @dlrayburn @br8kthru Daggone it, I WILL!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Someone needs their mouth washed out with soap and it's you. Such language! My virgin eyes!

sarahmsalter @weightwhat Well, a lot of times I say, "Dog Bite It!" instead of "Daggone it!" But I didn't want to confuse @dlrayburn with my vernacular.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter You're just tryin' to get struck by lightning, aren't you?

dlrayburn @weightwhat I think she is.

weightwhat @dlrayburn Hey, you're not far behind Mr. Pottymouth.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat What? (she says innocently)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Libertine!



SBeeCreations Time for a glass of water!

sarahmsalter @SBeeCreations I just got one to take my nighttime meds with! :)

SBeeCreations @sarahmsalter good!

sarahmsalter @SBeeCreations We can drink our water together. :)

SBeeCreations @sarahmsalter It's so romantic ;)

weightwhat @SBeeCreations @sarahmsalter No, it's "rotic." Romantic without the man.

Congratulations! You've made it to the end! What are ya, a glutton for punishment?