Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Childhood 101 - Revenge of the babysat

So I've been doing the Parenting 101 posts for a little while now, but there has been a cry from the desert. More of a whine actually. Kids are feeling underrepresented, as noted in the following email I received:

Dear Wendy, Keeper of All Knowledge,

I'm a kid and I feel underrepresented. Why do you only impart your wisdom to adults? We, the young and disenfranchised, need guidance, too. How are we to live out our childhood to the fullest without your mentoring? Please help us!

Young and In Need of Revenge Guidance

Well, Young and In Need of Revenge Guidance, you've come to the right place. I'll start off with a biggie...

Getting Your Own Way

Crying, whining, throwing yourself on the floor having a tantrum - all of these are common ways kids will try to get their own way. But do you want to be like every other kid in Walmart? Or do you want to up your game?


You need to go for a drag. Lay on the floor and grab the shopping cart, then scream bloody murder while your parent drags you around the store. It takes years for parents to figure out a defense for this one. You'll have years of getting whatever you want using this tactic. But what happens when the magic wears off and your parent starts ignoring this behavior? Keep doing it, because someone is bound to call Child Protective Services on your parents, and as everyone knows, CPS has the best lollipops and hot chocolate. Either way, you win.


Sarah Salter said...

I'm glad I was born when I was... Because if I was coming along nowadays, my Dad would be in jail for child abuse. I don't remember EVER throwing a fit in public because he would TOTALLY have worn my tail out and I knew it. And in those days, nobody would've called CPS on him...

Helen said...

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy...
If we get approved, your blog will be BANNED to the kid! You know that, right?

katdish said...

Ah, yes! The CPS angle. Actual conversation overheard at Walmart:

Father: You'd better put that toy back on the shelf and stop all that whining if you know what's good for you!

Child: Oh, right dad - what are you gonna do? Beat the crap outta me right here in Walmart?

Jewda said...

The only thing throwing a fit got me was one smack at the store, and the crap beat out of me when I got home. I only tried a couple of times before I realized my mistake.

jasonS said...

I think I threatened to call the child abuse hotline once and my mom just laughed at me, which made me mad because she called my bluff. Oh the joys of parenting!

Kristi Fornshell said...

We all heard "I,ll give you something to cry about"
Heck we were already crying..Why did we stop mid splutter instead of unleashing tantrum from H*l#

Because we had R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Aretha understands.
My son tried once. Luckily we were in a small store where they knew me. I threw back my head and shrieked bloody murder.

Poor kid. God created him an imaginative mom. I was young,and winging it. He now uses my playbook.

Thank you for the music. I shall listen whilst my Chef Boyardee pizza bakes.#tastes of teen years

Candace Jean July 16 said...

You know what's really amazing in these photos? Look how clean the floors are! How do they do that?

Free At Last said...

LOL @ Candance!

Okay so for a long time I had one child (of course she was perfect - I was her mom) But God, with his sense of humor and all, blessed me with 3 boys. These 3 have proved to put my mommy skills to the test. Our last trip to the grocery store was seriously so bad - they will all starve if I can not get away by myself to go! Anyway - I pretty sure we not welcome in that store anymore.