So, who's ready for the Twitter Ho-down? Don't worry. I'm sure the hairy palms thing is just a rumor...
I think the bus driver missed my jammies over the long weekend.
@Prodigaljohn - MY DRUM! MY DRUM! (Little Drummer Boy à la Animal/Muppets)
I always need more fodder. TWSS
My youngest asked if he was my favorite. It's like he forgot we even had a dog. (RT @MrBigFists)
Cough hack wheeze... Look! My lung!
Just tell the boss that Snuggies are "part of your culture". (RT @NerdSalad)
I'm writing my post. Is it wrong that I'm cracking myself up?
My abs are so firm, you could bounce a Quarter Pounder with Cheese off of them. (RT @thedayhascome)
@katdish they should never give a license to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves
For me, a day without complaining is like a day without talking at all. (RT @funnyoneliners)
I have bugalooaphobia http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWu13GyNSbg
The ones from my dog, Gidget (@CrazyGidgetDog)
Okay, you got me out of a good sniff and I'm here. Now what?
@makeadiff21 First you ignore my person and now me? What am I supposed... SQUIRREL!!!
What slippers? Uh, no, um... I haven't seen your slippers anywhere...
@spiffytiffy3 New boots? Can I chew, uh, I mean see them?
Look at this face. Can you believe that @makeadiff21 hates me? Where's the love, Ginny?! And where are your favorite shoes?
I'm a dog. How should I know that? Isn't it enough that I've learned to type?
wag wag wag
@BridgetChumbley DON'T SAY FIXED!
If you'll excuse me now, I've got to scoot. And by scoot, I mean drag my butt around the living room carpet.
A little bit longer ones
redclaydiaries "No one touches the Shaqtus." WHY do I find that so funny?
The ones that are even longer
What happens when you mix Viagra with Mr. Clean? Rise and Shine. (RT @funnyoneliners)
Okay, maybe Twitter will make your palms a little hairy...